June 8, 2009 · 10:01 am

Hooking up less difficult than admitting love?


Listened this am to NPR’s Morning edition and a story on “hooking up.” Definitely worth your listening for the 8 minute story. Here’s a couple of amazing thoughts (not quotes) from female interviewees:

1. The hook-up is all about the tension, build-up, and the sex.

2. Dating actually costs too much money; hook-ups are much cheaper

3. Talking about being in love is more embarrassing than talking about one’s sex life (hooking up) on the radio.

4. Dating a guy means bringing him into your circle of close friends and the preference is to have the hook-up but do nothing that could harm real friendships

5. It is vulnerable to be needy of love. Not so of sex.

Scary stuff here. Think about it. Taking your clothes off and sharing genital sexual activity with an acquaintance puts you in a less vulnerable position than asking someone out for a formal date?  Can someone explain that one to me?

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Filed under Cultural Anthropology, news, Psychology, Relationships, Sex, sexuality

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June 4, 2009 · 10:18 am

Biblical Seminary Summer Offerings


Every summer we have a summer counseling institute where we offer electives for current students, alum, and other interested parties (graduate counseling credit counts for required CEUs!). This summer we have three fabulous offerings!

1. **ON-LINE** Models of Counseling(2 credits) by Dr. Bryan Maier. From 7/6 to 8/31. This class has NO on-site time. If you have ever wanted to study the historic models of counseling from a Christian perspective this class is for you. Bryan really understands the basics of these models, offers great insights and careful thinking. Plus, Bryan’s material includes narrated PowerPoints and short videos made to stimulate your thinking. 

2.  Theology of Suffering & Disability(2 credits) by Jerry Borton and Kevin Kain. Class meets two weekends (7/10-11, 7/24-25). Jerry works for Joni & Friends and both Jerry and Kevin have intimate understanding of Cerebral Palsy. This is not, per se, a counseling course but open to all who want to think biblically about suffering and disability and apply that to their counseling or ministry practices.

3. Counseling Victims in the Criminal Justice System(1 credit) by Jenn Zuck. Class meets one weekend (August 7-8). Jenn has tremendous experiences working with victims of abuse and crimes in the justice system. Sadly, the church has not supported these individuals as it could have (I have heard several Christian prosecutors tell me that they have yet to see a pastor come in support of the victim, but many times observed the pastor supporting the alleged perpetrator). If you don’t live in the area, consider a visit. Class meets Friday night and Saturday. Philadelphia is a great town to visit!

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Filed under Abuse, biblical counseling, Biblical Seminary, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling, counseling and the law, counseling skills, education, seminary, suffering, teaching counseling

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June 4, 2009 · 5:54 am

Yesterday’s quote on freedom


Here’s the info on yesterday’s quote about the enslaving possibilities when fighting for freedom: T.E. Lawrence.

Found on p. 29 of Seven Pillars of Wisdom: A triumph, by TE Lawrence. 1935 NY: DoubleDay.

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June 3, 2009 · 5:21 am

Enslaved to freedom?


Check out this quote (emphases mine). Will post the author of this tomorrow but I would love your reflections. Can the thirst for freedom become an overlord? A greed? Is it present in American culture today?

“We were a self-centered army without parade or gesture, devoted to freedom, the second of man’s creeds, a purpose so ravenous that it devoured all our strength, a hope so transcendent that our earlier ambitions faded in its glare.

As time went by our need to fight for the ideal increased to an unquestioning possession, riding with spur and rein over our doubts. Willy-nilly it became a faith. We had sold ourselves into its slavery, manacled ourselves together in its chain-gang, bowed ourselves to serve its holiness with all our good and ill content….we had surrendered, not body alone, but soul to the overmastering greed of victory. by our own act we were drained of morality, of volition, of responsibility, like dead leaves in the wind. “

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Filed under Cultural Anthropology, Great Quotes, Psychology

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June 2, 2009 · 11:15 am

Why texting is hazardous to your life


We already know that texting while driving endangers lives. No surprise there. But have you considered the danger of texting while angry? Texting while avoiding?

Consider the following situation. You have a set-to with a loved one while each are at work. Finding yourself hurt and angry, the thought crosses your mind to text that person to say something mature like,

“fine. u go rite ahed and do it. c if i care.”

Of course, you don’t really mean “fine.” Nor do you  want them to “go ahead”. You do care, otherwise you wouldn’t be texting while angry.

Notice the dangers here:

1. Texting give us the illusion of connection. We can send a message to communicate with another but don’t really call it a connection.
2. Texting provides an opportunity to jab each other when angry but avoid (for a few moments anyway) seeing the impact of that jab. Sure, we could say these silly and immature things to the other’s face, but with the advent of texting we don’t have to admit to ourselves that our words have impact.
3. Texting allows another to keep a record of our wrongs; to read it again and again and maintain the hurts. Yes, we can remember words spoken in anger, but keeping a copy would be tempting and very dangerous.

For those of you who text, maybe a few rules should apply.

  • If you are tempted to text someone so you can avoid them, don’t.
  • Don’t text or email when angry.
  • Ask yourself about impact: Does it truly meet the constructive requirement of Ephesians? And if it does, why not say it face to face?

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Filed under anger, christian psychology, Christianity, conflicts, Relationships

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May 29, 2009 · 5:51 am

I’m not worthy…


…to be on the same page as David Powlison and Mike Emlet! Check out CCEF’s home page. They have the audacity to put my mug up there (advertising next year’s annual conference) right next to David. That should never be!

Fun.

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Filed under "phil monroe", biblical counseling, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling, counseling skills, Sex, teaching counseling

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May 28, 2009 · 5:33 am

DIY Pictures by request


Since Amy asked, I’m posting a couple pictures of our wall DIY project

The trench
The trench
The delivery of stone
The delivery of stone
All done but the cleanup
All done but the cleanup

Now all I need are some capstones and replanting of the garden…

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May 27, 2009 · 5:43 am

What does it take to be a blessing?


On Sunday, Dr. Frans Leonard Schalkwijk gave a brief but gripping sermonette on the topic of being a blessing. Dr. Schalkwijk has served the church in Brazil as a missionary for nearly 60 years. For those of you in the Philadelphia area, he happens to be “Timmy D’s” (of WZZD DJ fame) father-in-law.

Using one of this grandsons as a visual prop he told the congregation of 4 things they needed to do to “be a blessing.” He based this on a portion of Leviticus 8 and the ordination of Aaron as priest.

1. Purification. To be a blessing we must be purified from our uncleanness. Moses signifies this by putting blood on Aaron’s right ear, right thumb, right big toe. Dr. Schalkwijk suggests this meant to purify what we take in (hear/see), what we do, and where we go.

2. Dedication. Into Aaron’s raised, empty hands, Moses places several items to be dedicated to the Lord. We dedicate our lives by recognizing that God places a gift into our hands to be used for his glory. We ought not, he said, be focused on who gets what gift but that all gifts are for the Lord.

3. Perfumation. Moses sprinkles Aaron with a mixture of blood/oil. While not our concept of a pretty scent, it would allow others to see and smell the difference. Even though we get used to certain things that are different about us, others will still notice the differences. 

4. Meditation. The first three acts cleanses and prepares one to be a blessing to others. And yet, without meditating on God’s word, how can one have something to say to others? In order to have something to say, one has to meditate on the Word.

Dr. Schalkwijk concluded this very short study by saying something like this (my memory): “We are called to be a blessing. We won’t necessarily “see” a blessing. That is what we often want–to see a blessing. But we weren’t promised that we would see it but have the gift of being one nonetheless.

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May 26, 2009 · 11:42 am

Thoughts on DIY Projects


Why is it that do-it-yourself projects are always depicted in beautiful pictures? Why isn’t Home Depot’s motto: You can do it yourself. It will be wrong. Then you can come back and spend more money to do it again and again?

I did a DIY this holiday weekend. I built a “dry laid wall” out of Pennsylvania Bluestone on my front lawn. The book I bought showed a very clean man easily removing sod (on a very level piece of property). Then it showed him stacking his rocks in similar sized pieces. The next picture had the wall half built–and perfectly level. Also, his various rock sizes fit as perfectly as puzzle pieces. In just three pictures, he was done.

I, on the other hand, needed half of Friday, most of Saturday, and all of Monday to get close to finished. I was dirtier than I had been in a long time. I was immensely sore from lifting rocks. But, I did learn glean some positive elements.

1. I have a new appreciation for Nehemiah 4 and the challenges of turning rubble into something that will stand up to gravity. And I didn’t have a Sanballat trying to kill me while I was building my 12 food wall that couldn’t protect me from spitballs.
2. My wife and I worked together, despite neither ever having a masonry class, without fighting.
3. I have a greater appreciation for those in the trades. AND I’m very glad to have a job where exercising my mind is my “heavy lifting.” I am reminded of the days when I worked a summer job building lobster traps. Never more was I glad to go the extra mile in my courses than in the fall when I was just done my manual labor job.
4. One should never say, “how hard can it be?” before starting a DIY. There is a negative correlation between the ease of that statement and that actual difficulty with the job.
5. That cracking and breaking ceramic tile floor in our downstairs bathroom has a few more years in it before I forget my learnings here and think, “how hard can it be?”
6. Those DIY jobs on TV should be permenantly banned.

The funny thing? I actually enjoyed it despite the hard work and not knowing how it would turn out.

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May 22, 2009 · 8:49 am

Physiology Phriday: Side Effects of Meds


In a perfect world, our medicines would fix our problems and not create additional ones. Sadly, we don’t live in that world. Antidepressants may induce weight gain, foggy-headedness, flatness, impotence–things that wouldn’t necessarily make one feel better. Stimulants create problems with weight loss, rebound agitation, even tics in some individuals. Pain meds may create dependency.

Some encounter the side effects of psychotropic drugs and decide to tough it out. Others play around with dosages (on their own). Still others keep trying to find that right compound. All of it creates work. As a counselor, it is wise to monitor med compliance, dosage changes (doctor approved or otherwise) and side effects. Given that most clients see their medical doctor or psychiatrist only once every 6-8 weeks, do not assume they’ve talked to anyone or are still on their medications. Make sure to also ask how they feel about the meds as this may change. Even though the counselor isn’t in charge of medications, counseling issues related to the medication and the feelings about it surely are our domain. One clear benefit to our “med checks” is that we can help them get the most out of their 15 minutes with the psychiatrist by zeroing in on what they should talk to the doc about.

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Filed under christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling, counseling skills, Psychiatric Medications