last March Biblical Seminary ran a daylong seminar for ministry leaders and their spouses. Podcasts of the plenary and break-out sessions are now available here for a very low price: http://www.biblical.edu/pages/connect/hazardoustoyourhealt0309podcasts.htm
Consider buying some and giving to your pastor and spouse. Other leaders like missionaries, elders, deacons, parachurch workers, etc. would likely benefit.
I’m not talking about space junk or the old star wars politics of the Reagan era. Rather, I’m thinking about how particular actions violate our sense of space and normalcy. One person’s actions may not actually harm our personhood and yet we feel harmed by it, changed by it. For example, a break-in at a neighbor’s house violates our sense of safety and protection. Crime happens here and not at some other location.
My 9 year old came home this week talking about the big news at his school. Some kids found used condoms on the playground. In discussing what was found and what it meant, it was clear they were bothered by the fact that someone had been having sex on their ball field. The very idea grossed them out.
We can hurt for the individuals who chose to have sex in a public setting. Likely it was not something that was wise or meaningful or right. But, sin has a way of impacting others and causing harm that wasn’t imagined by the perpetrators. Let us remember that as we are tempted to engage in secret self-indulgences (gossip, petty thefts, bitter words said in private, etc.)
Filed under sin
Yesterday Robert Kelleman made a comment on an old blog post of mine about my model of counseling. In that comment he said the following:
Your readers might find of interest my summary of last week’s symposium on biblical counseling where Eric Johnsons (SCP), myself (BCSFN), David Powlison (CCEF), and Steve Viars (NANC, FBCM) discussed with Jeremy Lelek (ABC) the state of biblical counseling/Christian psychology:
To me, true biblical counseling and true Christian psychology should be the same thing. They use biblical psychology (understanding people, diagnosing problems, and prescribing solutions) theory to guide their biblical counseling (sustaining, healing, reconciling, and guiding) practice.
Bob Kellemen
The link takes you to Bob’s own site and has links to christiancounseling.com where DVDs of the dialogue will be available. It is good to hear of the unity among these cousin models of counseling.
On July 1 this blog celebrates its third anniversary! Over the years We’ve talked about lots of topics that concern folk—everything from abuse to pornography addiction to forgiveness. I’ve enjoyed the chance to share my thoughts with you and you have been kind enough to respond.
For those of you who blog, you realize that it requires time and effort–more effort than I realized when I first started this! One of the blessings I’ve received is the encouragement to continue blogging by Biblical Seminary, where I am a faculty member and the director of the MA in counseling program. They give me the space to write what I think, without interference. For that I am thankful. I would like to return the favor and do something I’ve never done before—ask my readers to consider making a financial donation to the seminary. Many seminaries are tightly pressed during this recession and Biblical is no exception. There is no pressure—if you can help simply follow the link below. Thanks for considering a gift that supports what I do.
https://secure.mediafusiontech.com/biblical.edu/onlinegiving/index.asp
Last night I heard about a local couple who got scammed out of 22k for an adoption that never happened. Seems they gave the money up front but the agency didn’t ever provide a child. The show mentioned 60 some families who had been rooked by the “agency.”
Sad. And I hope they are able to get their money back even though it looks as unlikely as Madoff’s victims. The sad tale got me thinking about the common facets of a “successful” scam.
1. Offer something of value that a vulnerable (somewhat desperate) person needs
2. Package (cloak) the offer with things that comfort (e.g., religion, the right words, a good reference from a known trusted individual)
3. Have compatriots act as satisfied customers
4. Get the victim to ante up a small amount so as not to raise suspicions (foot-in-the-door technique)
5. Find ways to get the victim to give just a bit more until they have given enough that they can’t back out for fear of losing all they have invested.
6. When problems arise, have good explanations well rehearsed and on the tip of the tongue.
7. Have a ready list of promised solutions that never come.
A “good” scam has to be believable and needs someone interested in believing in the truth. Not all that different from Adam and Eve: a desire meets something that looked good coupled with a winsome voice to make the hearers “forget” the truth.
While there are the scams that get the attention of the media, we all participate in subtle scams. Consider the dating relationship scam. A person learns to say the right thing so as to win the heart of another (and they think they mean it!). Sadly, after the marriage, the true colors come out (control, depression, introversion). But the other has bought into the scam and so it is too late to back out easily.
Have you been the victim of a scam? Unintentionally scammed another?
Filed under Cultural Anthropology, deception, Relationships
Counseling education includes the usual academic exercises as well as hands-on practice. There is no substitute for the practice piece. But, videos can provide students with good illustrations of various counseling activities, styles, processes, etc.
But which videos to watch? The classics (masters in unstaged vignettes)? Training videos (usually staged with actors)? One of the first videos I ever saw was of Salvador Minuchin at the Child Guidance Clinic. There he was in a room, unashamedly smoking a cigarette, and manipulating (in the best sense of the word!) a family with an eating disordered girl. I was taken with his larger-than-life presence in the room and his ability to be irreverent. Needless to say, I could never emulate him. In fact this video that I loved made me wonder if I had what it took to be a therapist.
Last week and this week the practicum class has been viewing Mark McMinn’s christian counseling video produced by APA. One ought not expect the APA to be up on Christian counseling (and its many varieties) but this video is useful for many reasons. First, Mark illustrates a relational style of cognitive therapy and so what he does in this first session is usable in almost any method of counseling. Second, the counselee is not an actress. She is a real person with real concerns (which students relate well to!). Third, Mark doesn’t merely focus on her problems but does a great job highlighting her strengths and resources. Finally, Mark isn’t a big personality–meaning we can all see ourselves doing what he does.
We use mock vignettes as well. I participated in making some mock counseling videos at Regent in Virginia Beach. Mock sessions tend to focus on discrete skills and are better in 2-3 minute vignettes rather than full sessions, and for beginning students rather than those about to graduate.
If you ever took a counseling class that used videos, what counseling videos did you watch and were they helpful?
Check out the following link for some very interesting research on how abuse alters the NR3C1 gene in the hippocampus which functions to limit our stress responses. It appears that when the gene is altered, it inhibits natural control of stress responses thereby leaving the abuse victim on high levels of alert.
This may give new meaning to “the sins of the fathers passed on to the third generation” comment in Scripture.
Filed under Abuse, counseling science, Psychology
There are some things I want my kids to learn. Typical stuff. Like not eating with their mouths open, picking up after themselves, that name-calling isn’t a form of “good fun” or excused if the other started it first. You know, simple things boys need help with.
Here’s a dilemma. My kids probably don’t really understand why these things are good to do. Do I really care? Sort of. I patiently tell (lecture, really) them why such and such behavior is a good idea and other behaviors are not. But, in the short run, I’d prefer them to just eat with their mouth closed and say only nice things–whether they get it or not.
I think we can relate this to our own lives. Sometimes we just don’t get WHY we need to do something (like put up with an annoying co-worker) but go about doing what is right. Insight may come later or it may not, but we can take comfort it knowing we honored God with our actions.
Here’s where it gets tougher. What if our loved one acted in a loving way to us but we knew they didn’t really get why it was important, just that we wanted them to do a particular thing (e.g., pick up clothes off the floor, wait to bring complaints up at an agreed upon time, etc.)? Would you care if they acted right but didn’t get they reasons why?
Filed under christian counseling, christian psychology, Relationships
If you ever watch TV after midnight or have cable, you certainly have crossed paths with an infomercial. They seem to pop up in ever greater frequency. I’m wondering if this is so because (a) the costs of running them are less given that it seems that good television is hard to produce, promote, etc., or (b) people are buying more and more after viewing the infomercial.
Over the last week I’ve had a persistent cough so I’ve watched a bit more late night TV. I have to be honest, I watch these infomercials like someone rubbernecking at an accident. I just gotta see how it turns out. I’ve seen the bearded yelling guy promote a product that could cut my car in half (why does he yell?). I’ve seen the product that will give me rock hard abs just by strapping on a belt that will electrically stimulate my muscles (do they think I can’t see how they make the “before” pics look really bad?). I have to do nothing! I’ve seen infomercials for making money (um, the only one making money is the person collecting my four easy payments of $19.95), knives to use to cut cement and tomatoes, for promoting my lasting power in bed (Why is it that these sexually liberated announcers can never say intercourse, erection, penis; Why can they only use euphemisms?), and all sorts of exercise equipment. And of course, who hasn’t seen the sham wow spots?
So, are you ever tempted to purchase any of these items? I confess that the sham wows look like fun. I could cut my post shower drying time in half just like those Olympic divers do. I do own a total gym 1100. But in my defense, it was my wife’s idea. We’ve owned it for many years and I use it 2-3 times a year. It does work when it is used properly.
But really, who buys these things? If they are so great, won’t Target and Walmart sell them soon? Can you explain what it is that makes one want to buy it. Don’t worry, you don’t have to identify yourself. Just say, “A friend of mine bought ___ because…”
Filed under Commercials
My on again off again trip is now on. I have tickets and yesterday I got my shots! Our small group of psychologists (4) will be leaving on June 22 and returning July 1. We will be going as the guests of the Right Rev. Alexis Bilindabagbo, Anglican Bishop of the Gahini diocese. You can learn a bit about him here.
We will be meeting with pastors, government officials, victims, and perpetrators of the 1994 genocide. Our goal is to immerse ourselves into the culture to learn how best to provide trauma training and counseling education at the graduate level for pastors and key leaders of the church right in Rwanda. While we know quite a bit about trauma and counseling training, we wish to avoid the mistakes of assuming we know best what this particular people need and what works within their cultural milieu.
I hope to be able to give you more details as the time approaches and to blog from Rwanda when I have Internet access.
FYI, each of us are paying our own way. Some donors at Biblical Seminary gave generously to underwrite a small portion of the trip. Further, the American Association of Christian Counselors is helping to sponsor this trip. So, if someone wants to give to the trip, I’m sure we can find a way to provide you a receipt for tax purposes :). Email me at pmonroe[at] biblical [dot]com and we’ll figure it out.
Musings on Faith and Psychology 