Tag Archives: Christianity

Counting Mint Leaves


When harm happens in faith communities it not only creates a betrayal trauma for survivors but also has a way of disturbing the ability to feel at ease in that (or other) faith communities. This is not a new problem but maybe we havnen’t considered how this might happen. Imagine that you were attacked as you walked to your car after a night at the theatre. Would it not be expected that you would now have a harder time walking to your car in the dark? Things that you did with ease now are difficult or impossible–at least for a season. So too this is the case when harm happens in a faith community or when that community ignores or rejects that you have been harmed.

If your faith leaders tell you that you should just be fine now, you should move on, trust God, then you most likely feel a growing disconnect with those leaders. Even more so, if it was leadership that created the harm in the first place. For many it is hard to find words to describe this loss of sanctuary. Sometimes art, music, or poetry speaks to this experience better than prose. A friend of mine recently used the word, “hollow” to describe a former church community that seemed to continue the pomp and circumstance while treating her as invisible. With that word in mind, I penned these words using imagery from texts from Isaiah and Jeremiah (and quoted by Jesus) to illustrate the problem of empty religious activity while the oppression within is ignored. If you have experienced such betrayals, maybe these captures some of your lament.

Counting Mint Leaves

How can we say,
“Hallowed be thy name,”
while refusing to hallow
what you hold sacred?

We honor you with our lips,
while our hearts
swear other allegiances.

We count mint leaves,
measure dill,
and tell the oppressed in our midst
to stop disturbing our peace.

We polish the vessel
but remove its contents.

We hand the thirsty
an empty cup,
and tell them to pray for water.

We hollow the hallow.

Our praise echoes
in an empty sanctuary.

Phil Monroe 6.14.26

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Shepherding in crisis: How leaders can respond with courage and competence to sexual abuse in the church–a podcast link


Recently I was invited to participate on an episode of the ServingLeaders podcast. Check out our conversation. We discuss some of the challenges church leaders face and note some common mis-steps. We also talk about some of the opportunities and healthy responses church leaders make that can promote healing, not just for current victims but also for survivors of other abuses. When the church makes its primary ministry the care of abuse survivors, it is doing exactly what it has been called to do. When church leaders prepare for a crisis, they are much more likely to respond well under pressure.

(Website for ServingLeaders here.)

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Abusers and true repentance?


Some years ago, I wrote a very short essay about signs of true repentance in those who have abused. Today, we had a conference about church care for women who have been abused. My colleague, Jon Sovocool of Serving Leaders, referenced that essay. So, for ease of those attendees who might like to read it, here it is. (link fixed)

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Can you help the church become a safer place for women who experience abuse? Join us in January 2025 for a one day conference


On January 18, 2025 I and a great list of speakers will address this question. The answer, of course, is YES. Come join us. Register by either this link or the QR code in the image. We will identify some of the common problems and give practical tools to improve the care the church can provide. Sometimes we leave conferences with more questions than answers. It is our goal that you will leave with ideas you can implement that will improve the care of vulnerable people in your congregation. While everyone is invited, we are focusing on the kinds of care church leaders–lay or professional–can provide. So, if you are a small group leader, a lay counselor, a pastor, a Sunday School teacher, this is for you. It will not be livestreamed so if you want to hear what we have to say, come to Willow Grove, PA!

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After institutional scandal: Image repair or…?


Last week, Harvard University announced it would no longer make public “statements of empathy” on events or issues that are not immediately related to their own organization. I suspect this is a wise move and one that many organizations should also consider.

But of greater import to many is how organizations respond and speak about events or issues due to scandalous behavior by the institution or its leaders? In some ways it is easy to make statements of empathy about issues that do not pertain to your own actions. But how do you speak about things that you have been accused of doing or allowing to be done? This is the real knife-edge of many organizations–especially religious organizations.

Image repair?

One of the most common institutional responses is to begin image or reputation repair.

  • We are saddened to learn that…
  • We are investigating…
  • We are committed to our values of…

In essence, the company is asking you to trust that they will handle the problem, respond well to it, and continue to be the organization that you expected them to be. A friend of mine once called this “success theatre” when an organization was telling staff members that everything was under control when it was clear to everyone that it was not.

Instead of image repair…do actual repair of damage done.

I would suggest that image repair misses the main point and is not something that should be pursued directly. A better goal is to repair the damage done and allow that to shape the mind of those who are watching how the organization handles the problem. Image repair is the fruit of repairing the damage done by the organization and not the reverse.

An organization has public trust because it acts in trustworthy ways and not because it leads a campaign to convince people they should be trusted. So, what are some better ways an organization can repair the damage.

  1. Always speak the truth. Even when you can’t say everything you know, you can speak the truth when you do speak. Shading truth, minimizing damage will always catch up to the organization. Speaking truth lets victims know you are not trying to cover up or hide what has happened. If your organization is faith-based, don’t use spiritual language to cover over what has happened. This often happens when leaders try to allay fears of employees and the public. It almost always backfires.
  2. Choose transparency over liability protection. Pursue transparency. Who is overseeing the investigation? Who has been retained to consult? Who will receive calls and messages about additional harms and who does that person report to? Make those names and connections visible to all. When evidence is clear that some leaders knew (or should have known) about bad behaviors by others, take responsibility and say so clearly. Don’t just blame the fall guy. Be willing to repeat the narrative about how the organization did not live up to its values. Don’t set a date for when you will “move on.”
  3. Make sacrificial efforts to repair damage done to victims, without limiting their right to speak about their experiences. Invite those harmed to help craft care plans and public statements whenever possible.
  4. Submit to experts who aren’t going to make public statements affirming you. Too often organizations reach out to people whose own integrity will be a boost to the organization. It is fine that the person the institution wants help from has expertise and is known for their work. But, this person should not be making statements nor should their name be used to prop up the reputation of the company. When you submit to experts helping you manage the damage repair and the learning needed, assume a position of humility.

What other elements of repair might an institution make when they are responding to problem behaviors or unintended harm caused by staff? Feel free to leave ideas in the comments.

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Hope for the hurting: A conversation about mental health and faith


In January I had the privilege of presenting at Springton Lake Presbyterian Church about mental health and faith. Here are the posted videos of that conference. First session: What do I do with my painful emotions? Second Session: How does my faith influence my mental health?

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Corporate Repentance: Turning away from the sins of our forbears?


On this national holiday when we remember the legacy of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, we not only remember his courage, valor, and prophetic words but the reason why he was needed in the first place. There is no need for a legacy of Dr. King except for the legacy of slavery, oppression, segregation. If not for our nationwide refusal to treat our brothers and sister of color with the honor and dignity due them as bearers of the image of God, there would not have been a need for fighting for civil rights and there would not have been a martyrdom of Dr. King.

But that was a long time ago…

For some, the end of legalized owing of slaves marked the end of systemic inequality. But what of Jim Crow and sharecropping that continued the subjugation of a people through legal means? For others, desegregation of schools and the Civil Rights act of 1964 marked the end of systemic inequality. But what of the inequities in the justice system and the disproportionate representation of Black men in prison? What of unjust incarceration? Today, many mark these evils by attending a showing of Just Mercy depicting the work of Bryan Stevenson to free innocent men from death row. You cannot watch this movie and not see that a system was designed to keep some from their inalienable rights.

So, should I repent of sins I did not commit? 

But are we–who did not participate in buying and owning slaves, did not participate in enacting and enforcing color line laws, did not falsely accuse or discriminate against African Americans in the justice system–held accountable what our family and political forbears have done? Ought we to apologize and repent from institutional and corporate sin we did not actively commit? Ought we to make right what was done wrong to others, or to those who ancestors were wronged?

The argument of some is that we ought only to confess and repent of our own sins. We cannot repent of those sins others committed before us. The basis of this argument is that there are no biblical commands (outside of Lev 26:40) to repent for the sins of others. But this view does not take into consideration two important factors:

  1. God’s blessing is tied to community righteousness and community care for vulnerable people. The bible, God’s letters to his people are not written just to individuals, but to whole communities
    • Consider James 1:27 and the litmus test for true religion
    • Consider the warnings throughout the Bible to not tolerate injustice (Hab 1, 1 Cor 5, Rev 2)
  2. Sins come in all sorts of sizes and shapes, including NOT speaking truth and standing for righteousness.
    • Individual sins can com in the form of commission AND omission. The failure to not speak up about past and present injustices is still a failure. (James 4:17)
    • Not blessing those in need with something is condemned (1 John 3:17)

The beginning of healing

When we call things as they are, we begin the process of healing. Have you ever experienced someone who publicly acknowledges that a wrong was done to you or to those you love? How did this make you feel? And if that person represented the institution that did the wrong to you, how would that make you feel? It might not resolve all of your pain, but most likely you would feel like you had entered a new path of healing.

So, let us endeavor to speak up about the wrongs done in this country to our African American brothers and sisters–the ones that were done during chattel slavery, the ones during reconstruction and Jim Crow, the ones during segregation, and the ones that continue today. Let us acknowledge and disavow the actions of those who went before us. Let us show our regret for the ongoing negative impact on our entire community. We all suffer when any of us suffers. And let us repent of our own complicity where we see it. Let us especially repent of our fear and hesitation to listen to the pain and suffering of our brothers and sisters and our over-concern for the impact this might have on our own well-being. 

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When don’t we support victims of abuse?


At the American Bible Society, where I work, those of us involved in trauma healing often say that what gets us up in the morning is our mission to equip the church to be a safe place, a place of hope and healing, for traumatized individuals. I think most Christians want to believe that the church is a safe place for the most vulnerable among us.

But this has not been the case for far to many who report child or adult abuse and harassment.

Now, as a son of a pastor, I am well aware of the challenges pastors and church leaders have in leading their congregations. Frequently, the leaders need the wisdom of Solomon, especially in cases of life and death conflict. The work of pastoring through abuse allegations is never easy. Don’t let your love of the church stop you from reading the rest!

I imagine we all believe that the Church can do so much better. And we ought to be asking ourselves, why have we failed as much as we have? In theory, we are always against abuse and always for protecting the vulnerable. But it does not always play out this way.

Consider what responses might be given to these three “first meeting” vignettes:

  1. A woman comes to church leadership to seek pastoral support in light of her husband’s abusive behavior. This man is well-known to be antagonistic to church and to the Christian faith.
  2. A woman comes seeking pastoral support in light of her husband’s abusive behavior. This man is well-respected in the community and has been a Sunday School teacher for the past decade. She is also known to be a wise and careful woman.
  3. A woman comes seeking pastoral support in light of her husband’s abusive behavior. The man is involved in the church and the woman has been known to be a bit of a church hopper.

Whether or not there is objective evidence supporting her allegations what response should these women receive? Will it be the same? Will the compassion and support offered be the same for each woman? Who will be treated with more compassion, who will be treated with more suspicion (or even just neutrality)? Will the amount of circumstantial evidence influence our response?

Minto, Hornsey, Gillespie, Healy, & Jetten (2016) have attempted to research (a) whether we are more likely to fail to support abuse victims when the abuser is one of our own and (b) whether circumstantial evidence will change our position. [You can download their full-text research essay here.] Their interest was exploring how social identity (what group you are a part of and have pride in) influences how we handle allegations of abuse by fell0w group members.

Study 1. 601 individuals read a vignette of an adult male alleging that a priest sexually abused him as a ten year old. The vignette included details of the alleged abuse and the rebuttal made by the defense attorney for the priest. Catholics, Prostestants, and non-believers all rated the assumed credibility of the victim and the perpetrator. Results indicate both Catholic and Protestant individuals with high church identity were significantly more likely to defend the accused and doubt the accuser. This was especially true if their faith was central to their core identity.

Study 2. 404 individuals also read the same vignette however the level of circumstantial evidence against the priest was manipulated. For some, the survey participants learned that church authorities were not defending the priest and that there had been a previous suspension for similar behavior (i.e., higher certainty of truth). The remaining participants learned that there had been no other cases and that this case was thrown out for insufficient evidence. The results for this study indicate,

ingroup participants were more likely to defend the integrity of the accused (and to cast doubt on the accuser) than were other participants, an effect that was exclusively driven by high identifiers. Interestingly–and somewhat surprisingly–this effect was not moderated by the subjective level of certainty surrounding the guilt of the accused.

In other words, those who highly identify with the Catholic church are more likely to defend the accused even when there is considerable circumstantial evidence against that person.

While this research was carried out examining responses to Catholic priest allegations, it appears that the problem does not lie only within the Church. Consider the obstructing responses of Michigan State to allegations of Dr. Nasser’s abuse of young female athletes over the years. The authors conclude,

Our data confirm that such highly identified ingroup members are the least willing to believe that the accusations are based on fact. This helps to provide psychological explanations for qualitative and anecdotal accounts of senior group members failing to adequately follow up allegations of child sexual abuse within their institution.

But why? The authors ask, wouldn’t the ingroup members be more motivated to purify their ranks by rejecting those who are accused of bad behavior? What is gained (or lost) by standing by accusers when the there is circumstantial evidence of abuse and no evidence of circumstantial evidence of lying on the side of the accuser? This is the challenge for those of use who listen to stories of abuse that happen in our own cherished communities.

Until we solve this problem, we will stand with the young women who accused Dr. Nasser of sexual abuse because he was not one of us but refuse to do the same when the accused is one of our own.


For further reading on reasons why we fail to act well in light of abuse allegations or reports of failures to act:

  1. Why we fail to act: Sins of complicity
  2. Failures to act: Why we don’t always blow the whistle on abuse
  3. After failures: What is more important? Gospel behaviors or reduction of liability?

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Shame and ministry of seeing vulnerable people


When Jesus saw her [someone crippled for 18 years], he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” (Luke 13:12)

When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6)

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. (Matthew 9:36)

When you think of Jesus’ ministry, you may think about the miracles or the sermons or the conflicts with the priests or the conversations with his disciples. But notice how much of his ministry is the work of seeing invisible and burdened people; people with shame. He sees lepers, the blind man Bartimaeus, the bleeding woman, the Samaritan woman, the centurion with a sick child, the rich young ruler and many more.

He had to see them; he had to go through Samaria. Why did he have to go? He had to go in order to meet broken people where they lived (or sat or lay).

Crossing the chasm of shame 

This past weekend I taught at Biblical Seminary on the topic of pornography and sexual addiction. The MDiv course, was designed less to help current and future pastors help addicts and more to help ministry leaders address their own struggles with sexual shame.  The truth is that we all carry around in our being some form of sexual shame. It is something we want to hide and keep from others. We don’t want this shame to be seen, even if our shame is caused by the sins of others.

During the class I asked everyone to consider one of their experiences of shame and to then list on separate post-its what sensations, images, feelings and thoughts that it might evoke (HT to the post-it queen herself–Heather Drew–for this idea!). Then, I had them consider what sensations, images, feelings and thoughts they had when they recalled a time they felt loved and cared for by someone who knew that shame story they carried. Students then placed their post-its on opposite walls of a hall. Silently the class first examined the shame side and then moved to consider the grace side. While it was easy to move from shame to grace in our activity, we considered the chasm shame creates and the impossibility of really being seen AND loved at the same time.

When I asked students how they moved from shame to grace in their own lives, the stories contained a common element. There was someone who pursued them, who stuck out a hand and drew them out of their shame. This someone was someone who saw them and love them just the same.

This is the central ministry of Jesus. He crosses the chasm of shame and sees (and touches) the unloved. Lest you think that God the father is a distant member of the trinity, remember that his first action after Adam and Eve sinned was to go find them. He pursued them. He saw them. He engaged in conversation. He provided a covering for them. Some of the most beautiful images of this ministry of seeing us in our shame and pursuing us just the same is found in the book of Hosea. Depicted as a wayward wife who has returned to prostitution, God’s people are pursued by him, bought back from the pimp and invited back into the marriage bed.

The main ministry of Jesus is pursuit of broken people, to see them and touch them. It is not to put them in a program of change as we are often want to do. Rather, Jesus invites those he loves to remain connected to him, to follow him. Consider the invitations Peter received before and after the crucifixion:

Peter said to him, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “if I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” (John 13:8)

He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.” (John 21:17f)

What if the work of the church is to see and serve shamed individuals? How might this change how we evaluate Christian ministry outcomes?

 

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The disconnect with some creeds: statements vs. conversation; orthodoxy vs. orthopraxy


If you read much news about Christianity then you may be aware of the “Nashville Statement.” It has surfaced in a number of locations with much commentary pro and con. There are those who disagree with the affirmations and denials, those who agree, and those who may agree–at least in part–but find something important missing. This final group commonly notices the cold expression of facts and beliefs that seems devoid of human connection. It appears to these individuals that love and relationship are missing, that it is a statement about people rather than to people.

At the same time, I am reading Heal us, Emmanuel: A Call for Racial Reconciliation, Representation, and Unity in the Church. This is an edited volume containing the voices of Presbyterian pastors from all walks of life about race problems in the church. Though a book about an entirely different subject as the Nashville Statement, there are two details that might help us identify the significant limitations of creedal statements:

  • Ideological statements vs. redemptive conversations. When talking about the problems of racial disunity in the United States it could be easy to mis-understand which conversation we should be having at a given time. While it is good to discuss what we think are the facts, causes, and solutions to systemic discrimination, sometimes those conversations are destructive. For example, if you begin to talk about an injustice you just experienced and the listener responds by saying, “well, that might have happened but it really isn’t a big problem” chances are you will not continue long in that conversation. Why not? You were not loved, not listened to, not shown compassion. What you needed was someone to validate you and to show concern for your experience. Statements of belief, important as they are, rarely meet people in their pain and confusion. Pastoral letters often do as they invite the other into a conversation. This point is made by Rev Lance Lewis in chapter 1 (especially on pages 3-6). In that section he suggests that ideological/political conversations alone “rob us of the opportunity to show genuine concern and love for the Black community.” Conversations, on the other hand, start with experience and move towards grounding in redemptive and theological foundations.
  • Creedal orthodoxy vs. orthopraxy. In chapter 5, “We’ve come this far by faith” Rev Stan Long makes this statement, “Dr. [Carl] Ellis once stated that for the White Christian community, creedal orthodoxy is supreme. It is the primary evaluative tool. However, for the Black Christian community, ethical orthopraxy is supreme. We determine  the authenticity of one’s confession through ethics, not creed.” Creedal statements often talk about facts in the abstract and rarely how it looks on the ground, in real life. Statements such as these, especially about what others should do/not do, might better start out with the author’s own failings to love the other well. While creeds are important–the church often recites ancient creeds each Sunday–what one does after the service tells us more about whether those creeds mean much.

As a Presbyterian, I am a creedal Christian. I do think there are lines to be drawn in life. There are boundaries to be observed and even protected. There are beliefs to be stated in black and white text. However, I don’t think creeds make good conversationalists as they cannot provide in-the-moment wisdom (who am I talking to, what do they need now?) nor do they reveal the kind of person you are and have been to the other person in the conversation. And if we creedal Christians are honest, we have not always done well engaging the ones we believe are operating outside the lines we cherish.

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