Category Archives: Uncategorized

October 5, 2006 · 10:12 am

Forgiveness is good for you?


I realize the topic of forgiveness is a hot one these days. Lots of books on the topic. Reasons to forgive range from “its good for you” (or not doing so is bad for your health), its something to give only if the offender asks for it, and its required by God. I suggested in a previous post that it is possible to do so too quickly. Maybe quick or slow isn’t the best choice of words. Superficial vs. deep might be better. Also, we talk about whether forgiveness is a one time act or a daily choice. Is it a feeling or a decision? It seems to me that it is a daily act that does not deny emotions of hurt and pain or recognition that destruction of relationship has taken place. Does forgiveness imply that the victim must act as if the offender never harmed them. If you steal from me, do I allow you to manage my valuables after I forgive you?

Forgiveness is both simple and complex. It is both quick and slow. It is both submission to God and grace to the offender. It does not deny or suppress emotion, it does not pretend nothing happened, it may not change the consequences. It is not the same as reconciliation. It does represent something of God’s immense character and when we see it in action, we see God.

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September 26, 2006 · 9:38 am

The plight of Genarlow Wilson: Should we really loose laws protecting minors from sex?


Heard a story this am on Tom Joyner’s morning radio program. Mark Cuban (owner of the Dallas Mavericks) was bringing attention to the story of Wilson’s 10 year prison sentence for consensual oral sex with a 15 year old. Wilson was then 17 (for a website, see: http://www.wilsonappeal.com/index.php). A videotape helped seal the deal. He is now (unless the governor or the GA State Supreme Court intervenes) forever a sex offender. In GA, children under 16 are considered unable to give consent, even to another minor. So, teens having sex is/was criminal. Unfortunately, their laws aren’t very specific, so Wilson gets treated the same as a 50 year old doing the same act on a minor.

That’s not good. A one size fits all legal code turns salvagable people into sex offenders. So it seems that folks are petitioning to change laws in several states (GA already has for future crimes). What gets me is that while the law/punishment is not right, neither is saying, kids will be kids. I’m concerned that we aren’t taking stock of how WE helped develop a society that says freedom of speech (putting sex and sexual situations on TV, allowing unfettered access to sex on the web to whomever has the ability to click a mouse) is more important than protecting children. Seems if something is really bad for an individual and has dire consequences for minor who we want to protect, its not wrong to educate our boys and girls that minor sex is not only unhealthy (we have ample evidence of the mental health consequences for girls having early sex) but unlawful. If we loose the laws, then we will also make it easier for predatory teens to get away with their actions as well.

A heartbreaking story for every angle…

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Filed under News and politics, Uncategorized

September 22, 2006 · 7:00 am

Confessing your brother’s sins as your own?


“What has happened to us is a result of our evil deeds and our great guilt, and yet, our God, you have punished us less than our sins have deserved and have given us a remnant like this.” Ezra 9:13

When is the last time you confessed someone else’s sin as if they were your own, as if the consequences of that sin would fall on you?  The closest I have come to that is confessing (I mean, gossiping) the sin of a friend who had wronged me so that I am vindicated. 
The book of Ezra records how God is at work in the hearts of foreign kings to do his bidding and honor the covenant promises made to Abraham and David—to establish a people in the land of Israel.  Read quickly, it is a book of triumph in the face of adversity and enemies.  But leaving it there would miss Ezra’s response to the sin of his people.  He hears that 111 Jewish men who remained in Israel during the exile had married foreign women.  These men were found from every tribe, including the consecrated priests and Levites.  Continue reading →

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Filed under Meditations, sin, Uncategorized

September 21, 2006 · 8:34 am

Obsessed with looks


Overheard my 1st grader (Jared) while he was getting dressed. He decided to dress “like a man” this morning, khakis, button down shirt and clip on tie. Real handsome. But, here’s what I heard, “I hope Madison will like me.” Madison is a cute little girl in his class. I got to thinking. Its so amazing how early we learn that its our exterior that matters. Somehow, we believe that how we talk, dress, etc. will determine whether others like us. I asked him if he thought Madison liked him based on what he wore. Of course, he knew the answer was negative. But just like Jared, even though we know the exterior is only window dressing but we can’t seem to shake the belief that we have to impress others with our exterior in order to be liked, to be important. What a shallow people we are…

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September 13, 2006 · 12:20 pm

The art of counseling: Why interpersonal process is (almost) everything


Counseling is both art and science, relationship and action. Academic programs want to focus on both aspects, but the nature of academics leads to a greater emphasis on knowledge and less on interpersonal process. Frankly, its easier to grade tests of knowledge and harder to grade interpersonal process. Further, we outsource the practice part of the program to supervisors that may not be capable of providing the same kind of detailed assessment that we do in our classes.

Most students seeking to learn the art of counseling focus on knowledge and interventions. It makes sense to do so: If I know more then won’t I be able to understand my clients and their problems? (Probably.) If I understand how these problems develop, won’t I be able to help at risk individuals avoid bigger problems? (Probably.) If I learn and practice tried and true interventions won’t I be a more successful counselor?

But the art of counseling trumps knowledge and intervention. Knowing what to do is of little value if trust hasn’t been fully formed. There’s no substitute from having repeated interactions with another and getting detailed feedback related to one’s relational habits and idiosyncrasies. Jay Adams once told me that teaching counseling should be like teaching art. You don’t have a lecture on colors and shades and expect them to know how to use them well. Instead, you give them a brush and you expect them to do trial and error while providing good feedback. This means we really have to focus not just on what we counselors intend to communicate when respond to client content, but what they actually hear and take away from us.

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Filed under biblical counseling, counseling skills, Uncategorized

September 12, 2006 · 8:48 am

What kind of counseling do you teach?


Thought I’d take a crack at answering (briefly) the question regarding what model of counseling we follow here at Biblical Seminary. Want the short answer? Part Biblical Counseling, part Christian psychology, part interpersonal process (or said another way: biblical anthropology plus skills plus the art of discipleship). Or for a bit longer see what follows below.

Every counselor and professor has his or her theory of change—stated or otherwise. I happen to live between two such grand schemes: biblical counseling and Christian psychology. These two ways of looking at people’s problems and the best solutions have been quite disparate over the years. Biblical Counseling tends to be distinguished by the following marks: Continue reading →

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September 9, 2006 · 1:44 pm

School Starts!


Orientation today and time to meet the new cohort and see their bright faces and anxious hearts. The Fall always energizes me because of new beginnings and the crisp air outside. If only the leaves were as pretty as in New England and the Red Sox were in the hunt for October, things would be just right…

Can’t wait to start my course Helping Relationships on Monday. I love teaching this intro class as it refreshs my own counseling skills and reminds me that great counseling is not about my knowledge but about facilitating another’s connection to God. It reminds me that I do not have to be the sage nor am I in the driver’s seat (I’m not the Holy Spirit). When I remember these things, I can allow others to go at a pace that is right for them.

…

Soon, I will post some thoughts as to what is biblical counseling and where it could stand some growth and change.

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Filed under teaching counseling, Uncategorized

September 5, 2006 · 9:38 am

Confessing our sins: Some Thoughts on Repentance


A bit ago I wrote a short essay on the signs of true repentance for abusive individuals. The AACC published it in their Christian Counseling Today magazine (v. 13:3). In that essay I suggested that true repentance requires, honest in-depth admission, sacrificial efforts to repair the damage, and acceptance of helpful discipline and accountability. This Sunday, my pastor preached from Nehemiah 9 about repentance. Here’s a couple of points that Pastor Traylor made:

Continue reading →

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September 2, 2006 · 12:12 pm

Pondering This…


In clear idea stealing from Cavman’s Pensees, I’m going to include a few of my favorite quotes from time to time. These help me remember something important and keep me thinking on good things:

The problem is we want to sleep with God but not get married. We want intimacy [the blessings from God] without obedience.

From a sermon preached by Manuel Ortiz, pastor of Spirit and Truth Church and professor emeritus of Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia.

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September 1, 2006 · 11:53 am

Worrying about the Will of God


Some initial thoughts about a common problem that brings folks to counseling. I’ll put more up on the topic, but I’ve noticed that a lot of counseling has to do with questions of guidance. Folks are asking about what their future will be like, what they should do now to avoid certain future pains. Did they make the right choice in career, spouse, etc. They want to know what God is up to and why he would have them experience the traumas and pain they have lived through. Some become paralyzed with fear, others angry or depressed. A friend of mine, Doug Howell, put some thoughts together on the topic that I think are unconventional but helpful in that they approach the subject in ways that maybe we haven’t thought of before. Here are some of his questions:

  1. Why do we want to know God’s plan? To sooth our anxieties and fears? Because we don’t trust God with our life? To further his kingdom? Seems like we really need to answer this question. Why is it so important?
  2. How many bible characters seemed to know what was going to happen next? (Not Abraham, Not Joseph, Not the Apostles)
  3. Is there any biblical record of anybody seeking to do God’s plan, who screwed it up and was lost because they decided wrongly? Abraham takes Hagar to solve the problem of not having a son and yet God fulfills his promises to him. Jacob steals Esau’s birthright but God still chooses him over Esau. Jonah still has to go and preach to his enemies…

 

Seems like much of our reasons to know God’s will/plan for us is to avoid failure and being rejected by God. However John 17 really reminds us that Jesus has already kept all who were given to him and so that no matter what happens, we cannot shake the fact that Jesus is united to the Father and we are united to the Father through Jesus’ works. There are times when we may question our abilities, our faith, but do we really question Jesus’ confidence that he has kept safe all that God gave him as his own. Do we think we can blow Jesus’ work?

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Filed under Guidance and Counseling, Uncategorized