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Confessing your brother’s sins as your own?


“What has happened to us is a result of our evil deeds and our great guilt, and yet, our God, you have punished us less than our sins have deserved and have given us a remnant like this.” Ezra 9:13

When is the last time you confessed someone else’s sin as if they were your own, as if the consequences of that sin would fall on you?  The closest I have come to that is confessing (I mean, gossiping) the sin of a friend who had wronged me so that I am vindicated. 
The book of Ezra records how God is at work in the hearts of foreign kings to do his bidding and honor the covenant promises made to Abraham and David—to establish a people in the land of Israel.  Read quickly, it is a book of triumph in the face of adversity and enemies.  But leaving it there would miss Ezra’s response to the sin of his people.  He hears that 111 Jewish men who remained in Israel during the exile had married foreign women.  These men were found from every tribe, including the consecrated priests and Levites.  Continue reading

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Obsessed with looks


Overheard my 1st grader (Jared) while he was getting dressed. He decided to dress “like a man” this morning, khakis, button down shirt and clip on tie. Real handsome. But, here’s what I heard, “I hope Madison will like me.” Madison is a cute little girl in his class. I got to thinking. Its so amazing how early we learn that its our exterior that matters. Somehow, we believe that how we talk, dress, etc. will determine whether others like us. I asked him if he thought Madison liked him based on what he wore. Of course, he knew the answer was negative. But just like Jared, even though we know the exterior is only window dressing but we can’t seem to shake the belief that we have to impress others with our exterior in order to be liked, to be important. What a shallow people we are…

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The art of counseling: Why interpersonal process is (almost) everything


Counseling is both art and science, relationship and action. Academic programs want to focus on both aspects, but the nature of academics leads to a greater emphasis on knowledge and less on interpersonal process. Frankly, its easier to grade tests of knowledge and harder to grade interpersonal process. Further, we outsource the practice part of the program to supervisors that may not be capable of providing the same kind of detailed assessment that we do in our classes.

Most students seeking to learn the art of counseling focus on knowledge and interventions. It makes sense to do so: If I know more then won’t I be able to understand my clients and their problems? (Probably.) If I understand how these problems develop, won’t I be able to help at risk individuals avoid bigger problems? (Probably.) If I learn and practice tried and true interventions won’t I be a more successful counselor?

But the art of counseling trumps knowledge and intervention. Knowing what to do is of little value if trust hasn’t been fully formed. There’s no substitute from having repeated interactions with another and getting detailed feedback related to one’s relational habits and idiosyncrasies. Jay Adams once told me that teaching counseling should be like teaching art. You don’t have a lecture on colors and shades and expect them to know how to use them well. Instead, you give them a brush and you expect them to do trial and error while providing good feedback. This means we really have to focus not just on what we counselors intend to communicate when respond to client content, but what they actually hear and take away from us.

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What kind of counseling do you teach?


Thought I’d take a crack at answering (briefly) the question regarding what model of counseling we follow here at Biblical Seminary. Want the short answer? Part Biblical Counseling, part Christian psychology, part interpersonal process (or said another way: biblical anthropology plus skills plus the art of discipleship). Or for a bit longer see what follows below.

Every counselor and professor has his or her theory of change—stated or otherwise. I happen to live between two such grand schemes: biblical counseling and Christian psychology. These two ways of looking at people’s problems and the best solutions have been quite disparate over the years. Biblical Counseling tends to be distinguished by the following marks: Continue reading

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School Starts!


Orientation today and time to meet the new cohort and see their bright faces and anxious hearts. The Fall always energizes me because of new beginnings and the crisp air outside. If only the leaves were as pretty as in New England and the Red Sox were in the hunt for October, things would be just right…

Can’t wait to start my course Helping Relationships on Monday. I love teaching this intro class as it refreshs my own counseling skills and reminds me that great counseling is not about my knowledge but about facilitating another’s connection to God. It reminds me that I do not have to be the sage nor am I in the driver’s seat (I’m not the Holy Spirit). When I remember these things, I can allow others to go at a pace that is right for them.

Soon, I will post some thoughts as to what is biblical counseling and where it could stand some growth and change.

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Confessing our sins: Some Thoughts on Repentance


A bit ago I wrote a short essay on the signs of true repentance for abusive individuals. The AACC published it in their Christian Counseling Today magazine (v. 13:3). In that essay I suggested that true repentance requires, honest in-depth admission, sacrificial efforts to repair the damage, and acceptance of helpful discipline and accountability. This Sunday, my pastor preached from Nehemiah 9 about repentance. Here’s a couple of points that Pastor Traylor made:

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Pondering This…


In clear idea stealing from Cavman’s Pensees, I’m going to include a few of my favorite quotes from time to time. These help me remember something important and keep me thinking on good things:

The problem is we want to sleep with God but not get married. We want intimacy [the blessings from God] without obedience.

From a sermon preached by Manuel Ortiz, pastor of Spirit and Truth Church and professor emeritus of Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia.

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Worrying about the Will of God


Some initial thoughts about a common problem that brings folks to counseling. I’ll put more up on the topic, but I’ve noticed that a lot of counseling has to do with questions of guidance. Folks are asking about what their future will be like, what they should do now to avoid certain future pains. Did they make the right choice in career, spouse, etc. They want to know what God is up to and why he would have them experience the traumas and pain they have lived through. Some become paralyzed with fear, others angry or depressed. A friend of mine, Doug Howell, put some thoughts together on the topic that I think are unconventional but helpful in that they approach the subject in ways that maybe we haven’t thought of before. Here are some of his questions:

  1. Why do we want to know God’s plan? To sooth our anxieties and fears? Because we don’t trust God with our life? To further his kingdom? Seems like we really need to answer this question. Why is it so important?
  2. How many bible characters seemed to know what was going to happen next? (Not Abraham, Not Joseph, Not the Apostles)
  3. Is there any biblical record of anybody seeking to do God’s plan, who screwed it up and was lost because they decided wrongly? Abraham takes Hagar to solve the problem of not having a son and yet God fulfills his promises to him. Jacob steals Esau’s birthright but God still chooses him over Esau. Jonah still has to go and preach to his enemies…

 

Seems like much of our reasons to know God’s will/plan for us is to avoid failure and being rejected by God. However John 17 really reminds us that Jesus has already kept all who were given to him and so that no matter what happens, we cannot shake the fact that Jesus is united to the Father and we are united to the Father through Jesus’ works. There are times when we may question our abilities, our faith, but do we really question Jesus’ confidence that he has kept safe all that God gave him as his own. Do we think we can blow Jesus’ work?

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The Power of a Label


We humans have powerful tendencies to label and categorize. It may even be something that Adam passed on to us. Notice that Adam got to name the animals as he saw fit. Does part of being in the image of God mean that we have an innate drive to name things as they are?  

But what happens when things don’t fit our categories? We either have to expand our definitions or shove square pegs into round holes. 

The color line comes to mind. Those who are biracial face the repeated question, “What are you?” And the “one drop” rule still is holds power (one drop of Black blood makes you black).
How about those who don’t fit gender stereotypes. I’ve heard the pain of many who were accused of being gay because they didn’t fit the image of a man or a woman. These labels were so powerful that they caused confusion that other’s beliefs must be true. “If being a man means…(fill in the blank), then I must not be one. Maybe I’m gay.” 

Why belabor this point? Counselors have tremendous power to label. Biblical Counselors have even more. We label right and wrong, righteous and unrighteous. We label idols of the heart. We should do so and be in the habit of helping our counselees have the right labels for what is happening in their lives.  

But, HOW and WHEN we label are very important, maybe even more important than whether our labels are actually correct. The temptation for counselors is to label too quickly, before the counselee is ready. If that happens, the counselee is passive and the counselor’s label is just one more among a chorus of opinionated acquaintances.  

Take a look at how Jesus interacts with sinners and self-proclaimed holy men. Who is he more likely to label quickly. Who does he engage with deep questions? What is his means for helping others see themselves? Notice how the Pharisees were quick to label what was authentically Jewish and what was not. Notice that the Lord seems less interested in that and more interested connecting to others. He was not neutral about sin. However, he engages others in novel ways to show them the righteous path and their need for a savior.  

I’ve been enamored with the late Paulo Freire, a liberation theologian from Brazil. He describes how unthinking, impoverished, people becoming empowered to name things as they are. They do not, he says (in Cultural Action for Freedom), learn by being filled up with words and labels by dominant culture individuals. If this were the case, then counseling would only be a matter of memorizing the right words and phrases. No, counseling is a dialogue where the counselee is an active, creative subject in the process of change.

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Where’s your geographical home?


Just spent a week in Connecticut and Massachusetts. I spent most of my growing up years in Vermont, have lived in Mass, NH, and Maine, where my parents live now. There’s something about NE that feels like home. The houses, the terrain, the temperature. It all gives the feel of home, even though I have only lived 2 years in NE in the last 20. Even the Red Flops 5 game loss to the Yankees at home made me feel like I had never left.

We spent 2 days with friends who live north of Boston. To me, this is quintessential NE. The water, the houses, the beauty all around. 

I wonder if others have this experience too. I guess its a taste of Heaven, when we finally feel at rest and at home with the Lord.

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