We continue our survey of some of the issues regarding spiritual abuse. You can see these links at the end of this post for prior blogs and also check out Carolyn Custis James’ thoughts on the same topic: www.whitbyforum.com. In this post I want to consider some of the beliefs that may support the ongoing presence of spiritual abuse among people of faith.
Beliefs of those who abuse
In my recent trip to Rwanda, we got into a discussion with some Rwandans about husbands and wives and the “right” husbands had to demand sex. In Rwanda, the groom pays a dowry for his bride. He pays it to her family. They set a price of “cows” that she is worth. This is an old custom but one that continues even in modern Rwanda where the “cows” are kept at the bank. In some people’s minds, a man has a right to demand sex at any time because he paid for her. She is property. Sure, he treats her as a prized possession but still, he has the right to have sex whenever he wants. Here, you can see, is a considerable belief system held by those in power about their right to use others. Does something similar exist in evangelical Christianity that enables a person in power to abuse another using spiritual tactics?
- The leader should not be questioned. He is ordained by God and therefore speaks for God. While evangelicals and fundamentalists are not papists, they appear to maintain a similar belief that ordination means the leader speaks for truth and for God. And if someone should bring a charge against a leader, it will not be entertained without multiple witnesses. Too bad that most abuse takes place in private, without witnesses. A corollary to this belief is that when a leader abuses a less valued person in the community, it is likely the less valued person’s fault for the abuse.
- Important rules must be fenced/protected. The bible speaks against divorce but not in all cases. Thus, we should protect against the abuse of divorce by refusing biblical divorces for those who have the right to them and demanding reconciliation. The bible indicates ordination of men (this is how it is read in many circles). So, in order to protect against women teaching or preaching, we won’t let them have any leadership outside of Sunday School for children. Fencing the law is legitimated in order to protect against the appearance of wrongdoing.
- The organization is more important than the individual. If one person does bring a credible charge against leader(s), some orgs will attempt to restore the leader and push the victim on to another church.
- Chronic weaknesses (e.g., mental illness) are signs of spiritual flaws and are deserving of rebuke. If a parishioner struggles with chronic anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder, some leaders are prone to make it clear that the primary problem is not mental illness but a lack of faith and obedience. And in light of this ongoing rebellion, the person with mental illness (and their family) are not given the same kind of care as those with physical weaknesses.
- Thinking is less biased than feeling. When an allegation of abuse is brought against a leader, the merits of the case are sometimes decided in favor of the leader’s logic and against the victim’s emotional arguments. It is assumed that cognitions are less impaired by sin nature than feelings/emotions. Similar to this belief is the one that says that men are more logical and accurate than women or children.
Those who are abused also maintain many of these same belief system. They feel that they are not in a position to know truth, that their feelings are distorted more than others, that their needs do not merit help, that the preservation of the institution is more important, and that they are the cause of the problems they experience.
What other beliefs have you noticed that support the acceptance and continuation of spiritual abuse?
Related articles
- Spiritual Abuse: What it is and Why it Hurts (wisecounsel.wordpress.com)
- Why are some people prone to spiritual abuse? (wisecounsel.wordpress.com)
- Why do some spiritual leaders abuse power? (wisecounsel.wordpress.com)
- What factors support the use of spiritual abuse? (wisecounsel.wordpress.com)
Musings on Faith and Psychology 
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You touched on this in your opening, but look at how women are treated as well as how their role is envisioned. When women’s words aren’t valued as much as men’s words… when women are kept from all power and decision-making in the group… when women are kept from education… these are clear warning signs of spiritual abuse.
We have dealt with all of those as we have walked through spiritual abuse in our church. Your points are spot on. Others we have faced are sin leveling, forgiveness trumps all – no repentance, no church discipline, no accountability of any form. They are dismissing whole portions of the Bible that deal with God’s heart for justice for victims of oppression, saying that justice is wrong. They have said there is no way to know the truth, that everyone’s truth is their own. Fear = Pride = Power and Control. Protect the leader at all costs and the costs have been very great to families. Until we deal with our false beliefs, not just as individuals, but as a corporate body of Christ, we will keep perpetuating abuse and be instruments of wickedness.