Monthly Archives: September 2012

Self-care or stewardship?


Last night, Dr. Tan (Fuller) spoke on the topic of self-care. During the presentation he interacted with Dr. Sally Schwer Canning’s short essay in a previous Journal of Psychology & Christianity issue (2001, v 30, p 70-74). Dr. Canning raised some concerns about self-care and “balance” language. We all know that we can get out of balance and that we do need to do things to care for ourselves. However, there are times, Dr. Tan said, that we are put out of balance by God. He reminded us of Paul’s statement that he was overwhelmed to the point of despairing of life. He was ship-wrecked and more.

In the name of self-care, we sometimes put up inappropriate boundaries.

Both Tan and Canning suggest that “stewardship” may be a better image for us to us? How are we stewarding the gifts and resources we have, even when life is out of balance?

What do you think? Does stewardship get the same point as self-care?

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Filed under AACC, christian counseling

Speakers vs. teachers?


At AACC National conference in Branson this week. Good to see a number of old friends and colleagues. Have heard a few good ideas as well. At conferences like these there are plenary and breakout sessions where I can get continuing education. The plenary sessions include widely known individuals and the breakouts may also feature well-known counselors as well as “regular” people like me.

Here’s what I notice when I come to a place like this: there are speakers and teachers and usually a person is either one or the other. The speaker is someone who often displays a great sense of humor, knows how to tell stories, and can move and motivate the audience with information that may not be that new but is packaged in a captivating way. Teachers, on the other hand, tend to deliver new content, provide step-by-step description of interventions and give the audience some new way to think or act. Now, teachers can motivate and be humorous and speakers can deliver new content. But commonly these two types of speakers are very different in style.

Have you noticed this difference in conferences you attend and do you gravitate to one more than the other?

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Filed under christian counseling, christian psychology

Why we lie


Just finishing up Karl Marlantes’ What it is Like to go to War (New York, Atlantic Monthly Press). It is not an easy book even as it is a quick read. There are many psychological frailties brought to the surface that should unnerve any reader, and not just those who want to know about war changes a person. One such human foible, lying, gets a whole chapter. After describing types of lies we tell, he has this to say about why we lie,

We lie because we find ourselves in positions where it appears the truth will hurt us. But a truth isn’t a thing like a flying rock. So by “hurt us” we must mean it will hurt some goal toward which we strive. And we’ve managed to confuse that goal with a definition of ourselves. “Hurt our ability to achieve our ends” equates to “hurt us.” Worse, we have such a large number of goals to use to define ourselves that we rarely know which to apply at any particular time. I want to be a hero. I want to stay alive. I want to be a good officer. I want my troops to like me. I want to defend my commanding officer. I want his job. I want to tell the whole world how incredibly difficult a time I have just had. I don’t want to look like a crybaby. I want to uphold the honor of my service. I want to get even. (p. 132)

I think Marlantes nails us all here. We might not struggle with the same wants but surely we can find ourselves in the same sort of struggle between hero and self, between getting what we want and doing the right thing. And we get confused as to what will get hurt if we tell the truth. Though we lie to ourseves that our lies are to protect others, mostly we lie to protect our own self.

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Filed under Good Books, Great Quotes

PTSDland – By Anna Badkhen | Foreign Policy


Anna Badkhen asks, “How do you heal an entire country suffering from shell shock. She describes conditions in Afghanistan. You can see she asks a great question but labors, as we all do, to come up with an answer that makes sense in a place that is still unstable (and therefore still traumatizing) and that fits the cultural and economic realities of the region.

Check out this short essay,

PTSDland – By Anna Badkhen | Foreign Policy.

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Filed under Abuse, counseling skills, Psychology, ptsd

Book note: Unbroken, the story of Louis Zamperini’s traumatic WWII experiences and survival


Just finished Laura Hillenbrand’s Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption (Random House, 2010). She tells the story of Louis Zamperini’s early life (which depicts the miracle of his surviving childhood and his own juvenile delinquency) leading up to his Olympic experiences in Berlin and then his airmen experiences in the Pacific. In May, 1943, while looking for another plane that didn’t return to base, Zamperini’s plane goes down in the middle of the South Pacific. Against the odds, he and 2 others survived.

Actually, the miracle that he survived could be said about his entire life: impoverished immigrant family, juvenile delinquency, being an Airmen, surviving a plane crash in the middle of the Pacific, surviving on a flimsy raft for 47 days without any food or water other than rain or raw fish here and there, surviving torture by the Japanese for a couple of years and then, finally, surviving PTSD and accompanying alcoholism.

Read the book of you are interested in the life of airmen in WWII (it is amazing how many died in noncombat crashes). Read the book if you are interested in hearing how psychological trauma from war and torture often impacts a person. Read the book if you like surprising endings.

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Filed under Good Books, ptsd, trauma, Uncategorized

7 questions about your church’s abuse policy


Over at Biblical Seminary’s faculty blog, I have a new guest post up pointing readers to 7 important questions to ask as they review their church’s existing abuse policy. One of the questions ISN’T whether or not your church HAS an abuse policy. I assume that every church has one already.

Read the post here.

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Filed under "phil monroe", biblical counseling, Biblical Seminary, Christianity, Doctrine/Theology

Biblical Seminary and global trauma recovery?


I have a short blog post over at Biblical Seminary’s faculty post explaining why the seminary is interested in global trauma recovery. You can check it out here.

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Filed under Biblical Seminary

The Five Minute Antidote for Anxiety


I’m an anxious person by trait. It is a common trait, especially in graduate school (in combination with narcissism. I say this also in self-disclosure; both features support successful completion of doctoral studies). Anxious people tend to spend considerable time ruminating through “What if…” questions along with should, coulda, woulda thinking. We worry about our past failures coming to light and whether we’ll be up to the challenge the future presents.

Sound pretty negative way to live? It is. The only way we differ from depressed people is that we still have some thought that our worry might save us from disaster. As you can imagine, such worry robs us of joy. It keeps us from enjoying the present or seeing God’s gracious hand on our lives. And we compound our problems by then shaming ourselves for failing to follow God’s command, “Do not be afraid.”

The Five Minute Antidote

Part of the problem with anxiety is that we are trying to control/manage every possible outcome in order to avoid future disaster(s). Fearful people know that the answer to their anxiety will not include,

  • Just not caring anymore. We’ve tried that…it doesn’t work.
  • Making sure we get it RIGHT. Tried that too. Didn’t work.

So, what might work? Try this on for size,

What is God’s plan for me for the next five minutes?

Most of us have no clue what God is planning for us next year or even next week. But, I suspect most of us can discern what we need to do right now…for the next five minutes,

  • I need to make dinner
  • I need to read this assignment for school
  • I need to attend to my child’s homework
  • I can call a friend who is grieving

We usually know the one thing we can do for the next five minutes. Do that with as much focus as you can. Here’s what you are likely to discover: your anxiety decreases, or at least does not increase. When we stop the ruminations or internal conversations, our anxieties decrease and our ability to be present increases. So, when you find yourself in an anxious stew, try to ask yourself, What is one thing I can do for the next five minutes or What does God want me to do for the next five minutes? Consider this your method of living out Psalm 131, where you are are stilled and quieted like a weaned child, content with what He has for you for the next five minutes.

Oh, did you think this will solve all your anxiety problems? No, of course not. But where God does give you something to focus your attention, call that a success. Part of the Christian life is repetition–repeated worship, repeated repentance, repeated obedience, repeated trust. So, do pray for God to remove your “thorn” but look for five minute relief. Notice when it works and then ask God for another five minute focus on the thing he has for you RIGHT NOW.

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Filed under Anxiety, biblical counseling, christian counseling, counseling

Individual or collective responsibility in matters of justice?


If you read blogs you likely follow current news and are aware that a you tube movie trailer has spawned protests, violence and death in Muslim dominated countries. Haven’t seen the movie and don’t intend to. From what I hear it paints Islam and the Prophet Mohammad is some rather unflattering (and for Muslims, offensive) light.

For most Americans and Westerners, it can be hard to understand the reaction. No one (I think) believes the American Ambassador to Lybia had anything to do with the production of the movie or was in support of it’s depictions of Islam. Yet, it would appear that some thought it reasonable to take his life in response to the film’s damage. The same would be true for lesser forms of violence in other parts of the world (car burnings, threats to life, destruction of US property in foreign territories)

Is it religion or culture?

Though we could easily chalk reactions by Muslims up to religion, I think culture may play a greater role in this one. We Americans, apart from religion, see the world as individual. We are concerned about individual justice and individual fairness. It is hard for us to accept responsibility for things we didn’t do. For example, you might hear someone grouse about affirmative action, “I didn’t enslave anyone, why should they get a leg up that I didn’t get.” Or, if a member of my church is exposed for a heinous sin, I’m sad, maybe a bit embarrassed, but I certainly don’t feel I ought to bear ANY of the responsibility for his or her crimes.

Much of the rest of the world doesn’t see it this way. If someone in your family does wrong, your whole family suffers disgrace. If someone in your community does wrong, it is as if the whole community gets a black eye. It is less about individual sin and much more about corporate sin and shame.

Is there a biblical answer to this?

While in NO way validating the senseless revenge attacks on innocent victims, I think it important to consider whether there is a biblical response to the strong individualist-communitarian tensions we feel when it comes to corporate sin and righteousness. If you are looking for a single verse, there isn’t one. However, it is interesting to see OT leaders lead in corporate confession of sin–even if they themselves were not guilty. There is an emphasis on “we”. Jeremiah’s lament, Nehemiah’s confession of sin, the minor prophets warning of destruction to the entire northern kingdom are all examples of this “we.” Maybe even more provocative is that of the destruction of Aachan’s family and animals for his sin or the salvation of Rahab and her family for her individual righteousness.

You might argue that this is an Old Testament thing, however, the community language continues in the New Testament, even if less pronounced. There is focus on unity of the body, Christians as all attached to the head, Jesus, refusal to allow sin by other members to continue within the body, and finally, serious warnings given to entire Churches in the book of Revelation.

While you and I should not adopt and “eye for an eye” motto nor seek to punish those who are innocent of crimes, maybe Christianity isn’t quite so individual relationship with Jesus as we’ve painted it to be in the West….

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How Does God See the World?


My church is running a Sunday School class on missionary activity around the world. 2 weeks ago, the class watched a video about church planting in the countries of Liberia and surrounding countries and this week, I and another couple presented some information about activities in both West (computer training) and East Africa (trauma recovery through scripture engagement).

The leader of the class, Kurt Wood, brought in a map that was drawn by population size rather than geography. He made an off-hand comment that maybe this was a bit closer to how God sees the world, a focus on the people rather than geographical or political boundaries.

What do you think? Check out this link for another example of a population driven map of the world. Which countries are surprisingly large? Small? In Africa, you see that tiny Rwanda is population dense and Nigeria is huge.

I think it is a helpful reminder even if my country of birth is nothing more than a tiny bit of color on top of the USA. There are a number of other population driven maps that can be found on google images.

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Filed under Africa, Missional Church