Tag Archives: Christianity

Do your labels help or hurt?


I have a post over at the Seminary’s faculty blog today. You can find it here.

Counselors label all the time. Even when we don’t offer official DSM diagnoses, we label things as good, bad, healthy, unhealthy, dysfunctional, sinful, etc. The key question counselors face is WHEN and HOW to share their views on a subject. Just because we can see something is wrong doesn’t mean we ought to share it yet. While you may wish your family doctor to share suspicions of Lyme’s disease with you on the first visit, your counselor may need to earn the right to say, “I think you have become embittered over your husband’s insensitivity.”

If you are in a position of authority (parent, teacher, boss, counselor, leader, etc.) consider how quickly you use labels and whether or not they invite dialogue and action. If the result of our labeling is increased passivity in the one being labeled, then maybe we need to consider that our labeling is part of the problem.

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Filed under biblical counseling, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling, counseling skills, Psychology

Disagreeing in public? Are there some best practices?


I’ve written a post over at our Biblical Seminary faculty blog about the art of disagreeing with others in public. By public I mean the kinds of conversations that take place in face-to-face with an opponent, discussions of a thinker’s position in a classroom, or the kind that take place on Internet sites (e.g., blogs like this, news sites, etc.).

Check out  my 5 tips to more loving disagreements.  Try it out with your next conflict with a friend or family member.

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Filed under Christianity, conflicts, counseling skills, Doctrine/Theology

In Counseling, Who is the Teacher?


Most counselors and therapists get into the field of counseling because they want to help people. This is a good thing! Imagine if they only wanted to make money or to be the center of attention. But, underneath the goal of wanting to help people lurks an insidious goal:

being seen as wise.

Being seen as wise (notice the difference between being wise and being seen as wise) tempts us to become the teacher, the teller, the obnoxious sage.  Teaching, telling, training are all activities that may happen in counseling, but only when necessary. Truth be told, we counselors resort to teaching and telling because it gives us a job to do and makes us feel good. This is especially true when we work with the most severely traumatized people. Here someone is hurting in front of us. We can see that they are stuck. Who wouldn’t want to pull them out of the mud? Now, there may well be important teaching moments–gently instructing someone on the symptoms of trauma and/or the physiology of trauma. This might be important for the client who believes that the symptoms are really signs they are sinning and that they can just choose to stop being triggered.

In Counseling, Who is the Teacher?

“The patient is the ultimate teacher about trauma, and a good therapist is a good listener.” (Boskailo, p. 81)

While the counselor has much to offer in regard to teaching, training, and goal setting, we must remember that the client is the one teaching us about their trauma experiences and how much they can deal with at a given time. For example, Boskailo reminds us (see above link for book) that while telling the trauma story is an important part of the healing process, the “how” of telling (and the “how much”) is something each client will need to teach us. One client may need to tell and re-tell the same story each week. Another may be better helped by drawing. Still another may tell once and never again.

We counselors are the student in these kinds of matters. It is our job to listen well and learn well!

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Filed under biblical counseling, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, Psychology

Do you know where you are going?


Sometimes we really want to know what lies ahead on the road of life. Other times we do not wish to know–especially griefs that would be too hard to bear before their time. Even Jesus struggled to bear the burden of the cross when he asked that the “cup” pass yet knowing that it would not.

Do we not sometimes present the Christian life as if we are certain what lies ahead (in this life)? Certainly institutions like denominations and seminaries act as if they have great certainty in their mission and vision for the future. Yet, God has ways in changing our outlook and plans. Check out my brief thoughts on the changes at Biblical over at the faculty blog at www.biblical.edu.

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Sexual abuse in the church–post on the Biblical Seminary blog


I have a new post on the faculty blog over at www.biblical.edu. You can read it here. When any church faces the sad and grievous reality of abuse within their own community, leaders must respond. If not prepared, leaders may make decisions based on knee-jerk reactions rather than a set of previously discussed core values.

Check out the tale of two church committees (my original but discarded title of the blog).

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Filed under Abuse, Christianity, counseling skills

Summer counseling courses announced!


Biblical is offering 2 fantastic summer counseling courses for your consideration.  In both classes, you will walk away with practical tools! Both classes are hybrid (meaning you have both online and in person portions) and can be taken for 1 or 2 credits or for continuing education. Click the attached PDF  for more details: BIB-0112-BFINAL. The classes are:

One Session Coaching: Action Focused Change

Taught by Pam Smith, VP for Student Advancement and Coach

When? July 6-7 at Biblical Seminary: Who should take the course? Counselors and church leaders.

Abuse in the Church: Biblical, Legal, & Counseling Perspectives

Taught by my self and Boz Tchividjian (Liberty Law School, founder of GRACE, and a former child abuse prosecutor)

When? July 20-21 (at BranchCreek Church, Harleysville, PA) Who should take this course? Anyone who wants to see the church a safer place. Breakout sessions will focus on counselors and also church leaders.

Both courses are expected to fill up fast given their practical focus. Sign up ASAP by contacting either,

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Filed under Abuse, biblical counseling, Biblical Seminary, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, pastors and pastoring, Psychology, Uncategorized

What is an apology? Guest post at www.biblical.edu


I am a contributor to my seminary’s faculty blog and today one of my posts on apologies is up at www.biblical.edu. You can read it here.

Apologies are pretty simple things: ownership of responsibility without defense and willingness to make things right. Sadly, we have a hard time carrying out such a simple transaction because we invest in self-protection more than loving others.

For you, what do you most look for in an apology?

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Filed under christian counseling, Christianity, conflicts

How to evaluate a counseling model or intervention: Step four


Picking up on this series that was started last week, we come to the next-to-last step. Thus far I have suggested that whenever you are exploring the next best thing in counseling, you should

  • start with a healthy dose of suspicion about the motives and goals of the author. What are they trying to sell you?
  • Read with an open mind. Can you see what they observe about life?
  • Evaluate the author’s assumptions, worldview, etc. Be willing to be challenged!

Now we come to step four.

Step Four: Let yourself be critiqued

How might their observations and assumptions challenge your own? Sit with this a bit. Don’t worry that you will lose your faith. It never hurts to have our beliefs and values refined and challenged by our critics. Maybe some of your values are uncritically formed. How might these assumptions cause you to refine and renew your own? Can you eliminate some faulty logic?

Be willing to state some of the weaknesses within your own system of beliefs and assumptions. I wish every model builder would start with their own flaws. But, most of us are better at pointing out the speck in our brother’s eye than addressing the log in our own.

Finally, our next step will be to possibly adopt some portion of the model or intervention into our own repertoire.

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Filed under biblical counseling, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, Psychology

How to evaluate a counseling model or technique: Step two


In my last post, I discussed the importance of evaluating the next “great” counseling method or technique with a good dose of suspicion. What is the author (or disciple) trying to sell us? Why? What is the basis of their model?

However, I do not want you to think that we ought to dispatch every counseling intervention with a snooty once-over. Rather, I want you to immediately follow-up your suspicion with an opening of your mind!

Step Two: Read with an Open Mind

Even the shakiest of ideas, models and techniques provide opportunities for us to grow. No matter our wisdom and intellect, we will always see life (reality) from a particular vantage point. Every human vantage point contains bias. This is why we should read outside our own disciplines and family groups. I especially encourage readers to listen to their loudest critics. They will have a point or two that we ought to take to heart.

So, find the originators of the model or technique you want to explore (often, original authors praise their ideas a bit less than their disciples do). As you read, ask these questions,

  1. What does this author observe about their world, the way it works (or doesn’t)?
  2. How do they envision the purpose and goal of life?
  3. What human problems are most significant to them?
  4. What solutions do they seek? What techniques or interventions are most prominent?

While you may disagree with their interpretations (save that for a later step), work hard to view the world through their eyes. Can you see what they see? You want to make this effort because you recognize you do not see the world entirely as it is. You see in part. Your humility here will help raise to your mind questions that you mint not thought were all that important.

Let me give you an example. In my first semester at Wheaton College (PsyD program) fresh out of the biblical counseling world of CCEF, I wrote a paper for Stanton Jones defending/critiquing a model of biblical counseling. At the end of the paper, Dr. Jones asked me to conduct a thought experiment,

Would [this] model urge medical research forward? After all, if worship is our primary end, and we can give glory to God with a serene death, why try to eradicate disease? If suffering is a human trial that gives us opportunity to glorify, should the concrete contributions to the suffering be addressed? I know this can be answered, but oh the subtleness of emphasis!

I have to tell you that these words were powerful to me at the time (and still are!). He knew I would say, “of course we should eradicate suffering.” But, in promoting the human end of enjoying God, even in suffering, I had emphasized suffering well to the point of de-emphasizing concrete helps that often come through psychological and medical research.

The goal of step two is to challenge our own assumptions to see if they need tweaking. Once we have concluded exploring the observations of the model builder, next we move to evaluating interpretations and assumptions.

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Top 2011 reads at wisecounsel? Oldies rule!


WordPress sent me a synopsis of my blog’s stats (where are readers coming from, what do they read, etc.) for the year 2011. So, I thought I would look at what posts got the most attention this year. Surprisingly, of the top 12 posts, only one was written this year! Despite having an all-time readership number this year, it appears that older posts get the most attention. I can interpret this in two ways: my writing used to be better (or had more appealing titles? ) or, my writing has staying power.

Hmm. which interpretation is psychologically more appealing to me?

Anyway, here are the 12 top clicked posts in descending order (and their year first posted) of 2011. Each title is a hotlink to the post. [It doesn’t count those posts read through social networks or my homepage. Mostly this counts those posts read by clicking the right hand “top posts” list or by search engine results]

Top Posts for 365 days ending 2011-12-31

2010-12-31 to Today

Title

Year

Where is my wallet? Why we find it hard to learn some really important lessons  2007
Serious Mental Illness and faith: what to do?  2007
Psychiatric vs. Psychological evaluations: What is the difference?  2009
The art of counseling: Why interpersonal process is (almost) everything  2006
What is the proper response to Bin Laden’s death?  2011
Bonny and buxom? The answer to yesterday’s trivia  2008
Are you a humble person? 7 habits to consider  2007
How long should you keep clinical records?  2007
Frederick Douglass on American Religion  2007
Grief brings ‘wisdom through the awful grace of God’  2006
Mindfulness and meditation  2008
The practice of unlicensed counseling  2009

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Filed under "phil monroe", counseling, writing