I am a contributor to my seminary’s faculty blog and today one of my posts on apologies is up at www.biblical.edu. You can read it here.
Apologies are pretty simple things: ownership of responsibility without defense and willingness to make things right. Sadly, we have a hard time carrying out such a simple transaction because we invest in self-protection more than loving others.
For you, what do you most look for in an apology?
3 responses to “What is an apology? Guest post at www.biblical.edu”
My hope is that behind the apology is a sincere sorrow on the part of the apologizer, that he has allowed anything to unnecessarily or unrighteously disrupt our fellowship…I want the apology to be an expression of their value and love for me. On a different note, I’ve also sensed within myself, as one on the receiving end of an apology, that I occasionally want the apologizer to offer no explanation so that I might successfully maintain my sense of indignation, a position of power. While I agree that an explanation on the part of the apologizer can compromise sincerity, a certain amount of grace needs to be shown on the part of the apologizee to interact over the facts of the matter, to ensure his perspective has been clear throughout the ordeal.
Something I have observed about myself is that if the person immediately apologizes I am skeptical about the sincerity. I have wondered if this is a personality thing, a learned/associated thing, or what. I don’t know.
I don’t like it when a person phrases their apology “Will you forgive me?” I feel pressured that I am supposed to immediately say yes. I heard someone express that asking a person to forgive you is disrespectful of their autonomy. I don’t understand that however it does seem to me that a person who asks for forgiveness rather than stating “I did such and such and it was wrong” is trying to get off easy and minimize their wrong. Additionally, it seems somewhat manipulative…, because it is pressuring a person to make a choice perhaps against their will.