What if a negative person followed you around all day?


Tomorrow I’m posting about the problem of repetitive thoughts. Was talking in supervision, today, about the problem and my eminently wise supervisor suggested that one of the issues about repetitive thoughts is that we forget that they aren’t reality and so we listen to them. Actually, she said it much nicer but that is the best I can do.

She suggested telling clients to consider (write down) these repetitive, negative thoughts and imagine that they were being said by someone following them around. This objectifies the thoughts and gives one an opportunity to talk back to them.

So, imagine that someone is following you around and saying aloud your thoughts. What would you want to do to them? How might that picture help you to reject certain negativistic self-talk or rumination about others?

Kind of like Gollum’s (Lord of the Rings) debate with himself. We all have a little Gollum in us, right?

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How often do you change your look?


I know a certain famous speaker/counselor who looks different every time I see him. Long hair, shorter hair, big mustache, no mustache. His clothes are always changing too–usually in rather hip duds. He seems comfortable with personal change.

I, on the other hand, do not. I like sitting in the same section at church or a classroom. I like my messy desk to stay the same (I know where stuff is!). And I still like wearing classic jeans and don’t think the baggier look is all that great a look for me.

But last week I changed my hair style–something I’ve done about 3 times in my life. Had the no part, dutch boy bangs from high school til after seminary (with both long and short hair styles. Then I went to the part on the side til last week (about 15 years). But, my genes destine me for hair loss (probably ending up in that wonderful horseshoe pattern) and so I went to get my hair cut last week and asked if there were other styles that would make my hair look less thin (besides the comb forward, the wraparound, etc.) and came out with a new ‘do.

Did I tell you I don’t like change? It took me several days to actually look at it in the mirror. If I didn’t look, then maybe it wasn’t really a change. But my friendly coworkers “helped” by making numerous comments–helped in that sort of exposure therapy kind of way.

Here’s what I learned about myself. I like changes in activities and in food, but I don’t like to mess with style or habit. What does this mean about me wanting to have style or look always the same (a battle I’m losing on several fronts) or my counselor friend who is always changing his look? I think it is somehow attached to laziness for me. I don’t want to have to think about hair or clothes, ever!

Which kind of person are you? Hip to change? Wanting to stay the same?

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This is your brain on caffeine


I’m a caffeine junkie. I have to have a cup every day or I have a headache. To be honest, I have 2 at home and probably 2-3 at work. It is my version of Ritalin.

But this past weekend I saw what it can do to the uninitiated. We took a trip to State College for my 10 year old’s state gymnastics meet. At dinner my son had 2 root beers. Normally we don’t let him drink much more than one sierra mist but, hey, its a fun weekend away from home. I assumed, wrongly, that root beer didn’t have caffeine. About 2 am, he wakes up and is twitching to beat the band. Crying, thrashing, nearly hyperventilating. Not quite psychotic in his thinking but just about. Never went back to sleep! Poor guy. By the end of his meet he was completely out of sorts.

Talked to him this am about it. He has sworn off coffee and caffeinated drinks for the rest of his life. Probably a good thing if he never discovers the positive properties of coffee.

I probably should cut back my own intake but the 3 pm sleepies will drive me upstairs to the coffee pot. That’s right. It controls me. Or I let it. And frankly, a 3 pm, I don’t care which is true.

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A rant of sorts


Let me first get something off my chest about the common misperception of the relationship between science and faith. It astounds me when knowledgeable people talk as if science can be amoral, areligious, etc. This week Obama gave a speech in which he made public policy changes regarding stem cell research. All in all, the speech is good. He tries to convince his hearer that his choice to move forward with more stem cell research is worthwhile because of the possibilities of curing a number of disease states–even if one must be “delicate” about the major questions that stem cell work raises.

But one line gets me riled up. He stated that his administration, “would make scientific decisions based on facts, not ideology.” All science is based in ideology. This doesn’t mean that science is loosy-goosy but that one cannot possibly make a decision about which endeavors to undertake and which ones to avoid WITHOUT an ideology. I would much prefer him to say what he meant: “Based on the ideology of utilitarianism (the greatest good for the most), I deem that we should continue and advance the stem cell research programs.” While I would disagree with him on his decision, I would respect him all the more.

 

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Physiology Phriday: Anticipation and Anxiety


Anticipation and its relationship to anxiety.

This week we have been thinking about how we evaluate our world. Evaluations or judgements come from a variety of locations. Our expectations and desires prep us to look for certain kinds of “data.” Our histories and past perceptions prep us as well. Finally, what is actually happening is part of the data we use to evaluate ourselves and our world. Notice that we aren’t as logical and objective as we’d like to think. Instead, we ANTICIPATE life and then respond to data that fits into that anticipation.

The primary feature of chronic anxiety is that anticipation of negative, dangerous outcomes. The anxious person views ambiguous data (e.g., a boss who is grumpy, a funny feeling in the chest, etc.) and reads that data in the worst possible light (I’m going to get fired, I’m having a heart attack).

If the problem is bad habits in thought patterns, it would make sense that the treatment ought to be to challenge these logical fallacies with the truth. And while cognitive counseling does indeed work (clear data that one can challenge and reject anxious, ruminative thinking) most find that counseling stops anxiety from growing but doesn’t often stop it from starting in the first place. This struggle to fight anxiety leaves many Christians feeling quite guilty for not trusting God more. 

But what about the amygdala? There is significant research that anxious people have very activated flight/fight activity in the amygdala. In fact, brain scans of this area show greater activity in anxious people than non-anxious people even when they are responding to neutral events. Thus, the anxious person’s brain is in a chronic state of hypervigilance even when nothing is going on. Hypervigilance maintains higher levels of norepinephrine the body, which in turn keeps the adrenal system in high alert. Medications (of the SSRI and NSRI type) have the capacity to positively impact serotonin and Norepinephrine and thereby allow individuals to decrease the negative hormonal activity in the brain.

Which comes first?

So, does biological hyperactivity in the amygdala result from either bad experiences or bad thinking? Or does a predisposition towards overactivity of this part of the brain encourage negative and anxious thinking, forming a vicious cycle? 

Seems to me good treatment needn’t answer this question. Good treatment would include (a) medications that might make it easier to slow down the anxiety processes (biology and behavior), (b) recognition that vigilance can be directed via counseling work away from the feared object and to a better understanding of the brain, and finally (c) that one changes the goal from cessation from fear to a more godly and humble response to Jesus in their fear.

What I mean by (b) is that the anxious person see themselves as like unto a person with colorblindness or dyslexia. In each case, the brain functions in a way to send the wrong messages. The dyslexic person learns to recognize the problem and designs a means to compensate in order to truly see the right order of letters/words. The anxious person accepts that their brain sends certain messages but that their job is to stay remember that while something real is happening it is not necessarily the way their brain is putting the “facts” together. Thus, the work is not to remove the fear but to practice a better response to it.

Ironically, when the person reinterprets the stimulus differently, they do see a marked reduction in fear triggers.

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Filed under christian counseling, christian psychology, Cognitive biases, counseling science, Psychiatric Medications

Expectations and the will


We’ve been thinking a bit about expectations this week. Now, when our expectations fail to be met, we have a couple of less than optimal options;

1. Slide toward despair and anger. A passive response to not getting what we hoped for.

2. Find new ways to get what we expect or want (and, if necessary, justify our actions in case others think we are selfish).

On this second point, my pastor preached last Sunday on Judges 18 (The tribe of Dan looking for a reason to take a land not offered them by God). He listed several ways (tongue in cheek) we can become good syncretists (having the appearance of Christianity but operating on unbiblical principles). They are worth repeating as we may find that we actively seek to justify willful behavior so that we get what we want. I don’t have his list in front of me so I’m going on memory here:

1. Start going after what you want but then on the way ask God if he’s going to bless what you are doing

2. When you get an answer, be sure to read any ambiguity as supporting your own interests. Don’t consider that the person telling you that God is favoring you might be off his rocker (the priest was not following the Law because he was allowing Micah to have idols as well).

3. When you see that you can be successful at grabbing something not yours, assume that success means that God is in it. Assume might makes right.

4. If a better deal comes along (the priest or seeming success of Micah and his idols), assume the better deal is a good idea and grab all you can.

My pastor did a better job with these and I’m not doing justice here to his creativity but I do find that it is so easy for me to justify my expectations, find ways to fulfill them–even if I know God is not in it. Some examples I see from others:

1. Justifying rage towards children because they are rebellious

2. Justifying sexual sin because God wants me to be happy

3. Justifying overeating/undereating because celebration is good/too many people overindulge

4. Justifying withholding love because others aren’t doing their fair share

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Filed under Biblical Reflection, Cognitive biases, conflicts, deception, Desires, Psychology, self-deception, Uncategorized

A culture of criticism?


Some further thoughts about our propensity for evaluation. Is it only my perception or have we become a culture of critics? In past generations, we overlooked the flaws of others to maintain the looks of stability, honesty, and integrity. Now, we love to out leaders (sports, religion, politics, etc.) when they are immature, foolish, or downright evil. And the advent of the cellphone camera and blog means we can catch it on tape and share it immediately with the world.

I’ve noticed that this culture of criticism extends to the local community–even the church. Stand around with neighbors. How long does it take to hear your first gossipy complaint? Stand around at coffee at some churches and you might just hear a complaint about the sermon, the way the youth leader operates, a question about how the budget is being formed. Recently, I was at a function (non-church) of friends and I was surprised to hear catty complaints about whether or not others brought enough food or the right kind.

Why are we inclined to talk this way? What do we gain by pointing out the flaws of others? Pride? Self-righteousness? “Reasons” for why we can overlook our own sins? 

One more thought. Do we take greater pleasure in noticing the brokenness of the world than pointing out the good?

I am all for speaking the truth in love; for standing up against injustice and incompetence. But the repetitious meditating on what is wrong with others (including systems) seems to tear down more than it offers a way up.

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Filed under Christianity, church and culture, conflicts, Doctrine/Theology, Psychology, Relationships

Must See Pastor’s Conference at Biblical Seminary


Folks, last reminder for those of you in the Philadelphia area. On March 20, 2009 we will be hosting a pastoral health conference at the seminary from 8:30 am to 3:30 pm. The conference is entitled:

Hazardous to Your Health: Pastoring Through Church Challenges

We have a great range of speakers on a variety of church challenges topics. You can hear Diane Langberg talk about leadership; Rev. Rick Tyson talking about ministry depression; two pastor’s wives talking about the unique challenges they face; An attorney address legal challenges; John Freeman address sexual brokenness in the church, and much much more. I will be concluding the conference with the final plenary devoted to describing a simple revolution in the area pastoral renewal. Rev. Philip G. Ryken will participate with me to describe some ways he is meeting the challenge of ongoing spiritual care.

Please torture your ministry friends and acquaintances to come. It will be a refreshing and useful time for them. Especially invite spouses of ministry leaders. They almost never get any kind of opportunity to be blessed and encouraged.

Here’s the link to purchase a ticket for attendees (check out the lower rate for students and guests of ministry leaders!). Registration includes lunch and comedic entertainment:

http://www.biblical.edu/pages/connect/hazardoustoyourhealth0309.htm

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Evaluating your life: Are you satisfied?


If you are in the Eastern part of of the US, you probably got an opportunity to feel some warmth, shed some layers, and see small signs of Spring. Its hard not to feel just a little less dismal about life. So, in honor of impending Spring, I’m going to post a few times this week about the continuous evaluations we make about life and their impact on our experience and feelings about said life.

Are you satisfied?

Just how would you go about answering that question? The very idea of satisfaction brings up many questions. What does satisfaction look and feel like? How does it differ from peace, hope, joy, contentment, etc.? Is it a feeling? A conclusion? What areas of life are we talking about?

Despite these many questions, part of the curse of living in Western culture is that we are taught to obsessively evaluate our lives and question if we are getting all that is available to us. (I’ve written in the past about tendency for individuals in my program to rate their optimism high but their happiness low–a sign of discontentment but hope for the future).

Of course, repeated evaluations generally lead to a sense of missing out on some important part of life (isn’t that what advertising is all about?)

What lack do you use to evaluate your life?

Most of us know we lack something that many others have. We may indeed have many good things–things that others would grab in a heartbeat. But those things we take for granted while we ruminate on what we wish for. “If only I had…then I would be able to…”

What is on your list? Home ownership? Education? Sex? Being pursued by someone? Children? Successful career? How does the lack you perceive you have shape your sense of life satisfaction? What does it cause you to ignore (or diminish) in your life that is blessing you?

Changing the criteria

If you have ever travelled to a part of the world where it is obvious that you are wealthy in comparison, you know that such an experience immediately changes your focus and evaluation. You see immense blessings. You feel guilty for spending 3 bucks on a coffee when someone in front of you hasn’t eaten for 3 days.

So, what might you use this week to change your focus? How might you look more at what you have rather than put your hopes in what you do not have but want so very much? How is God sustaining and enriching your life even though a desire you have (quite possibly a very holy desire) has not been satisfied?

Concluding thought

Satisfaction is not some higher plane of life; a nirvana. It happens in fleeting moments. We live with unmet desire but also with opportunities for pleasure and contentment. Challenge yourself to notice satisfying moments and take pleasure in them by engaging in thankful meditation.

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Filed under christian psychology, Christianity, church and culture, Cultural Anthropology, Desires, Mindfulness

Frustrated goals? Here is one solution…


Let’s admit to ourselves that we carry a large number of goals for other people. We wish and desire for them to change their ways. Life would be so much easier if my son…my wife…my boss…my pastor would only… 

This is especially true in the counseling office. People come to counseling to find a way to fix a problem (person) in their life. They may well recognize their own need for change but commonly find their attention turning to the one person causing them great relational pain. Counselors are no less capable of being frustrated as well. We have goals for our clients–ways we want them to act. When they do not accept our goals or are not able to fulfill them to our egocentric demands, we too can be frustrated.

Here is one solution that may provide you with less frustration:

Make your goals things that you can meet on your own.Okay, maybe this sounds a little crazy, but hear me out. Let’s say your spouse frequently responds to your questions with irritable defensiveness. You know you are nothing but sweetness and light to him/her and that the problem lies solely with your spouse. You are frustrated that they do not get that they need to change. You’ve brought up nicely and you’ve brought it up repeatedly–even seeking help from a counselor. But to no avail.

Consider, then, a goal change. Goal: I want my response to my spouse to be filled with love, truth, and an invitation to warmly try again, even if they do not accept my invitation. You have the power, with God’s help, to meet this goal. You can use this to evaluate how well you are doing?

Does such a goal change make your suffering from your spouse’s crankiness any less? No. But when (a) you accept that you have NO power to make someone else change and (b) accept that you do have power in how you will respond to such things, you receive two benefits

  • You stop distressing over how to fix another person
  • You use different criteria to evaluate yourself and your life (and thus may find that your own irritation is adding to the vicious cycle and your negative evaluations of your life)

Now, I am not saying that if you are suffering at the hands of your spouse or child or boss that you should just smile and take it. It is okay to speak the truth to sin. Maltreatment does do damage and working to stop it is a good thing (if necessary, by removing oneself from the situation). But even then, you can offer an invitation to a new way of relating should the person be open to hearing you.

So, if you are frustrated with others not helping you meet your goals, consider whether or not you can rewrite your goals to be something within your power to do. Warning: it can be a challenge to give up a goal for another. It feels like giving up a dream. It will be easier to give up said goal for other if you recognize that there are a host of goals available for you right at your fingertips.

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Filed under christian psychology, Christianity, conflicts, Psychology, Relationships