December 22, 2011 · 5:28 pm

Calculated high risk takers: A different breed?


Some people are willing to take far more risk with their lives than most other human beings. Now, I’m not talking about the impulsive types who take uncalculated risks. I’m speaking here of those who make very considered risk. Take mountain climbers as an example. What drives a man or a woman to climb peaks such as Everest or K2 or Annapurna? Climbing mountains over 8,000 meters is a high risk endeavor. It is considered the riskiest form of sport. More people die trying in this sport than per capita in any other sport. Why are some willing to risk climbing. We cannot attribute this to impulsivity. The planning, effort and costs associated with climbing eliminate whimsical reasons. Further, opportunities to turn back in the face of increasing hardship (cold, lack of air, isolation, etc.) also eliminate those who would be adventurous but would rather not suffer much in the process.

So, if not impulsivity and if not passivity about life…then what is it that drives calculating risk takers?

I’m reading Ed Viesturs’ The Will to Climb: Obsession and Commitment and the Quest to Climb Annapurna–The World’s Deadliest Peak.  Ed Product Detailsexplores a number of climbers who are willing to spare no expense and effort to get to the top of Annapurna as well as all 14 of the 8K plus peaks. (He’s nuts enough to do all 14 without supplemental oxygen!). You get the sense that he is (a) driven, (b) willing to turn around again and again if he thinks he cannot climb safely, (c) yet willing to take far more risks than the rest of the population by being in/near danger and by pushing his body right up to the edge of the breaking point, and (d) supremely confident in his capacity to know where that breaking point is and how to stay on the right side of it.

I think he might agree with me that many of his colleagues who didn’t make it back down the mountain (more die on the way down rather than the way up) is a large dose of luck along with his will to turn back when he meets a risk too large.

As I look at this list I see that I am not that driven. I don’t get that much rush out of doing the impossible or pushing my body beyond the breaking point. I don’t like that much pain. I don’t have that much focus or drive to do just one thing either. In addition, I not that confident in my skills of making decisions on a knife’s edge nor confident in the skills of others to help me along the way (most mountain climbers put immense trust in their partners).

How about you? Do you know any calculated risk takers? Are you one? What is the difference between those who watch and those who do? How do you calculate risk?

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December 21, 2011 · 12:20 pm

Sex Offenders v. Sex Abusers: Is there a difference?


Justin Smith (Phoenix Seminary) has written a helpful chapter in The Long Journey Home: Understanding and Ministering to the Sexually Abused where he discusses the characteristics and types of sexual offenders. While we tend to lump everyone who commits a sexual offense into one (despised) category, it is better to differentiate between types of offenses and those who might commit them. More differentiation helps us (a) understand causes of abuse, and (b) treat those who commit them with more competent and compassionate care.

He believes we need to distinguish between those who have abused and those who are sexual offenders. Why? Because if 20-25% of females report abuse along with 10-20% of males, then our current stats that offenders make up 1-2% of the population cannot be accurate. The number (given that abuse is often not reported) must be higher.

If the number of perpetrators of sexual abuse is 20-50 percent of the male population, as opposed to 1-2 percent, then sexually abusive behavior is not that unusual and neither is the sexual abuser. (p. 44)

Not sure I would venture the 50% number in the above quote but the point about abusive behavior isn’t as unusual as we would like to believe.

Before we look at the differences between offenders and abusers, let Dr. Smith set the stage:

If all persons have sexual impulses and the capacity to be manipulative and potentially violent, perhaps the question should be: “Why don’t people offend”? instead of, “Why do people Offend?” “What constrains some people and fails to constrain others?” (p. 45)

Smith suggests 3 main requirements for those who abuse. First, they must disregard boundaries. They disregard social and moral prohibitions, turn off empathy and compassion for the victim, change meanings of words (to coerce), etc. Second, they disregard or deny the distress of the victim. Third, the person must struggle to regulate internal impulses.

Now to our question. Is there a useful way to differentiate offenders from abusers? Is there any value to those of us who work with those who have committed sex crimes?

Having established that sexual abuse covers a wide range of behaviors and undoubtedly involves a significant portion of the population, what can be said about sex offenders? Offenders are a subset of sexual abusers. They have not only committed sexual abuse but they have committed a specific sexual crime as defined by society.  (p. 47)

So, his primary differentiation is this: offenders are those who are caught. Abusers are those who did an offense but weren’t caught.

Now to the question: is this helpful? My answer is yes and no. Yes. When we describe the research on offenders (as Smith does) we are able to differentiate offenders in subsets: those who rape, those who are sadistic, those who offend against family members, children, or strangers. These differences do matter when considering incarceration and treatment. And likely those who get caught are different from the many who may abuse one person or who have more self-control or other factors that keep them from continuing the abusive behavior.

But the answer is also no. Because so many sexual abusers do not get caught, we can’t really say that there is much difference between an offender (one who is caught) and an abuser (one who did not get caught). I doubt it would be possible to gather a population of individuals to study them in comparison to the offenders. Who would sign up for that study?

That said, this chapter and the entire book is a great resource for those wanting more help in their quest to minister and treat survivors of sexual abuse. I am especially pleased with chapter 13 (mine!).

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December 19, 2011 · 1:45 pm

Stopping seasonal high anxieties: Some strategies and a better goal


For most people, anxiety is a looped internal conversation. It just keeps starting over even when we don’t want to listen to it anymore.

The Christmas season we’re in can make anyone quite anxious. (Don’t think so, watch this fun video to remind you why.) Those of us naturally anxious and ruminative find the added responsibilities, family stresses, and disappointments just adding fuel to the fire. You try to take a moment to rest but all you can do is think about what is yet to be done or what you tried to do but failed. You pray but before you finish you are back to your worries. You distract yourself but the looped fears keep running in the background.

What helps you decrease your anxieties and repetitive worries? Can you really suppress them? Or should you have another goal in mind than just trying to shut them down? Are there any practical strategies that work?

Practical Strategies?

Daniel Wegner gave a short award address on this topic at the 2011 APA convention (now found in v. 66:8 of the American Psychologist, pp 671-680). In the address he tells us what we already know. It is hard to suppress thoughts in a direct manner (e.g., I won’t think about how much work I have to do). So, Wegner focuses on indirect strategies. Here is a sample of strategies with empirical support:

  • focused distraction
    • pre-planned alternative topic to think about when the rumination starts. Benefit? Avoids mind wandering which will more quickly return to the anxiety. Example: Every time I think about the conflict at work I will focus on a comforting favorite verse or an upcoming happy occasion.
  • Stress and load avoidance
    • Overall reduction of stress helps reduce unwanted/anxious thoughts. Focused distraction helps only to a point. Overwork which may provide some distraction will increase anxious thoughts over time.
  • Thought postponement
    • Choosing to postpone anxiety to a set time can work to reduce the amount of rumination experienced.  Example: I’ll spend time worrying about my visiting in-laws at 4:30 pm.
  • Acceptance
    • Instead of fighting and arguing with fears some find it helpful to observe fears without taking action. There is some evidence that those who accept the occurrence of unwanted thoughts have less distress than those who fight the thoughts.

Wegner goes on to mention other strategies (i.e., planned exposure, mindfulness, focused breathing, self-affirmation, hypnosis, and journaling) for reducing unwanted thoughts.

 A Different Goal?

What if the goal isn’t to remove or end unwanted thoughts and anxieties but to cope with them and not to be dragged along by them? Does this sound like failure to trust God? Failure to be at peace? if the goal is to trust God in the midst of uncertainty and anxiety, what would that look like? How would you know that you were doing well? To do this we would need to give up on the goal of having an absence of anxiety and to reimagine peace as something one can have in the midst of angst. After all, we are not seeking to be absent from this world but to live in the world that is full of chaos and uncertainty.

Here are two goals you might consider:

  • Being okay with things not done to perfection and with the disappointment of others who have come to expect perfection from you
  • Experiencing anxious thoughts as normal and yet savoring moments of rest when they present themselves
  • Using one strategy for anxiety reduction each day

So, how do you measure your seasonal high anxieties and what goal do you seek to reach during this Christmas season?

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December 16, 2011 · 5:02 am

Does sympathy require action?


Can you experience true sympathy towards another but do nothing in response? When you watch people suffering the effects of famine, hear of genocide, see a homeless person begging for money, can you feel sympathy but not do something about the problem?

Consider these opening words of Octavius Winslow, 19th century preacher (in the US and London) in his The Sympathy of Christ with Man: Its Teaching and its Consolation New York: Robert Carter & Brothers, pp iii-iv.

Much that passes for sympathy, and is really so, as commonly understood, is deficient in this one essential element, and needs to be remodeled. There is poetry and there is beauty in real sympathy; but there is more- there is action. True sympathy may exist impotent to aid, we concede, and its silent expression may not, in some instances, be the less grateful and soothing; but the noblest and most powerful form of sympathy is not merely the responsive tear, the echoed sigh, the answering look- it is the embodiment of the sentiment in actual help.

In this book he takes up the action oriented sympathies of Christ. We have a high priest who sympathizes with our state AND acts to do something about it.

Does true sympathy lead to action?

I believe so. Now, I want to be clear that it does not always lead to removing the suffering. It does not always mean immediate and direct help. There are times where the help is indirect. Consider the Scriptures in that the Lord hears the cries of the Israelites enslaved in Egypt and rescues them…some 400 years later. We can’t say that his action was deficient.

Our sympathies may lead to,

  • speaking the truth in love
  • comfort
  • pursuing justice
  • educating others who can do something
  • praying
  • not rescuing someone too quickly from their own tragic choices
  • inviting another to get some help

So, if you feel sympathy and helpless about doing something of value. Think again. What action does the Lord enable you to do “at such a time as this”?

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December 15, 2011 · 5:02 am

Characteristics of a competent counselor?


I’ve published another blog post on the Seminary’s faculty blog site. This time, I’ve written a bit on 7 characteristics of a competent counselor. Readers here may remember there was a famous book  by Jay Adams by the title, “Competent to  Counsel”. I’m not trying to compete with that title but rather to focus on the character of the counselor. Too often we worry about the beliefs of the counselor. While beliefs, assumptions, models are very important, they are secondary to the character of the counselor. Having the right model but unable to be kind is a counseling fail. Frankly, choose the kind and humble counselor over the “right” thinking counselor if you have to make the choice between the two. The humble counselor is more likely to keep out of the way of the Spirit’s work in your life.

What are the seven characteristics I look for in my students and that I hope I exude in increasing measure? Read on here.

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December 14, 2011 · 12:00 am

New post on creation v. fall approach to relationships


I apologize for the absence here of late. Somehow, my “free time” has been eaten up, this despite my having not taught a class since October 25. Little meetings and assignments add up to a boatload of work! I’m looking forward to getting back into the classroom just so I can have a regular schedule. However, I have a new post up on the Biblical Faculty blog site on the impact of our “glasses” on our relationships. What do you look for most? The good (creation) or the bad (fall) in those around you?

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December 6, 2011 · 11:35 pm

Bookend sins?


Human moral frailty is never singular. Meaning, we don’t sin with just one sin. Every moral failing includes at least 3 parts: deception, action, cover-up. Think of deception and cover-up as bookends and the specific behaviors as the books in the middle. And just as it is hard to keep books on a shelf without bookends, it is hard to do what we know is wrong without deception of self and cover-ups.

What are your versions of bookends that give you “permission” to hate, to excuse, to overlook your faults?

Knocking down the bookends goes a long way to defeating outward sins like abuse as well as inward sins like festering bitterness.

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November 30, 2011 · 5:39 am

Meeting with someone who harmed you: What do you need to know?


Harm. Abuse. Accident. There are any number of ways that one human or an institution can harm another. Some “harm” is intended, others unintended. Some completely accidental, others planned and still others the result of unthinking and self-focused neglect.

How you feel about the harm likely has something to do with your assessment of the motives and intent behind the harmful behavior. Now, imagine for a minute that you were about to meet with someone who harmed you in a significant way. Do you know what their motives were at the time of the harm? Do you know how they think about it now? Further, do you know what you think about concepts such as forgiveness and reconciliation? Repentance?

It is my experience that we sometimes rush individuals to meet and reconcile with someone who has harmed them before gathering some important data. Before you meet with someone who has harmed you, consider the following questions in order to clarify what you think and believe:

1. Of the person who harmed me:

  • the intention behind their harmful behavior and their intention behind this meeting (if they requested it)
    • Did they intend to hurt me?
    • Do they want to apologize? Do they want to blame me?
  • their understanding of harm they caused and their current feelings now
    • Do they really believe they caused me harm?
    • Are they remorseful?
    • Have they made changes in their life so this won’t happen again?
  • their current relationship desires and expectations
    • Are they looking for me to forgive them? To forget? To take ownership of a portion of the problem?
    • Do they expect me to act as if it never happened?
    • Do they want me to release them from the consequences?
    • Do they want an ongoing relationship? Do I have the freedom to choose?

2.Of myself

  • Am I ready to speak the truth in love?
    • Am I tempted to sugarcoat the truth? Rage?
    • Am I tempted to offer forgiveness too quickly, too slowly?
  • Do I see the offender as no different from myself, in need of mercy?
  • Do I know what outcome I desire?
  • Am I willing to give a fair hearing rather than prejudge?
  • Do I know the difference between justice and revenge?
  • Do I know the differences between reconciliation, restitution, restoration, and repentance?
  • Do I know what forgiveness looks and feels like (and what it does not look and feel like)?
  • Do I want to forgive even if the person asking for forgiveness doesn’t seem to get how badly they hurt me?

3. Of the system

  • What are the human system consequences of meeting/not meeting. Similarly, what are the consequences of reconciling/not reconciling, forgiving/not forgiving?
  • What are the system pressures/expectations on me?
  • What promises does God provide in the kingdom system? What protections? What comforts?
  • What expectations does God place on Believers? Does the command to forgive mean to forget or live as if it never happened?

It is important to be prayerful as we answer these questions. The intensity of the meeting and the swirling emotions will make it hard for us to evaluate ourselves, the offender, and the system. The more preparation, the better shot we will for being at peace with our responses to a difficult situation.

 

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November 29, 2011 · 5:08 am

What to do with Psalm 89?


Check out this blog entry from my colleague, Steve Taylor. Steve helps us consider what to make of the “unrebutted” charges against God found in Psalm 89. If you ever struggle with feeling that God has not kept his promises or struggled with what to do with OT passages that seem to charge God with failure to keep his promises…read this:

Jesus Redeems a Psalm: What a Difference “Christotelicity” Makes!.

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November 28, 2011 · 12:36 pm

Pray for the Congo (DRC) this week


DRC, orthographic projection.

Image via Wikipedia

Today, November 28, 2011, Congolese have been voting in presidential and parliament elections. For those of you who followed my DRC/Rwanda trip posts, I encourage you to lift up this country, its leaders, and the people. As you likely know, the country has a weak central government, an assortment of militias roaming the north and east, wrecking havoc in the form of rape where ever they go. It is a lovely country, resource rich (minerals) and yet one of the poorest places in the world.

Pray for no violence. Pray for leaders with integrity. Pray for the church to be the church. Pray for nonprofit ministries like the Bible Society in the Congo. Pray for a united will among all the peoples to stand against rape.

Read this short news item in the WSJ on the elections.

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