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God Behaving Badly – InterVarsity Press


David Lamb, a colleague, as just published a book with InterVarsity Press entitled, God Behaving Badly: Is the God of the Old Testament Angry, Sexist, and Racist? If you have found yourself asking or being asked this question, you might find this book a help. Dave doesn’t shirk from the questions that most find difficult to answer. Plus, the book is VERY easy to read. He interjects personal stories and funny media depictions of God in such a way as to illustrate his points (What do Bruce Almighty and Elijah have in common?) and does not use highly esoteric language found in some OT oriented books.

I believe you will be hooked right from his first question on page 1: “How does one reconcile the loving God of the Old Testament with the harsh God of the New Testament.”  Don’t we usually ask this the other way around? You’ll see David has been thinking about these topics for some time.

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Ascertaining adult victim culpability


In a recent training on the topic of pastoral sexual misconduct, I was asked a question about the culpability of an adult victim. The question went something like this:

I know that a pastor who engages in sexual activity with a parishioner carries the bulk of responsibility for the immoral conduct. But doesn’t the woman that he had an affair with have some responsibility as well? Isn’t she culpable for something?

It is a question I have been asked many times–and a very good one. It is good because it causes us to think through how to respond to such individuals caught in a tragic situation. It is also good because it causes us to examine our own beliefs and impressions about justice.

Now, let me give you all some context on that question I received. This kind of question usually arises when discussing how we think about sex between a pastor and an adult parishioner that appears to be consensual. It usually is asked after I have made the case that the ONLY proper term for sex between someone with authority (legal, spiritual, work, etc.) and someone who is under authority is…sexual abuse. In this case, it is pastoral sexual abuse. Consequently, we ought NOT use the word affair to describe the relationship. The reaction behind the question about culpability has to do, I think, with the perception of choice, freedom to say no, signs of pursuit of a sexual relationship, etc. It doesn’t seem fair or just to let the person (woman in this example) off the hook.

The world recognizes that sex between teacher and student, pastor and parishioner, prison guard and prisoner, adult and child are wrong. Sex in these “forbidden zones” is abuse. But of course some power differentials don’t seem so large as others. We get that a prisoner has little choice to say no to a prison guard. But what about a friendly pastor and a lonely woman who enjoy each other’s personalities and then end up engaging in an affair? Is it really abuse? Is it abuse if she sought the relationship or sought to continue it after the first line crossing?

Here’s how I tend to try to respond. Stick with me as the matter is complex.

1. No matter what efforts the woman makes, the pastor is ultimately responsible to protect the integrity of the relationship. Thus, the pastor bears all the culpability for crossing the line.

2. The woman may bear some culpability for decisions and choices that set her up for this relationship. Maybe she fantasized about being loved, maybe she have desired power and found that sex is the ultimate power move. But just as likely she may have VERY LITTLE culpability. I’ll explain why next. But even if she does bear some…here’s a question I want you to pause on:

Why do we jump to this question right away? What drives us to want to settle questions of responsibility? What do we fear will happen if we treat her as a victim right now and leave culpability questions for a later time?

3. Not only does the pastor bear the blame for the sexual relationship, the pastor is likely to have used any number of techniques (in a knowing way or a self-deceived way). What are most pastors good at? Words. Words with emotion. Setting a tone. A pastor is usually quite gifted in convincing others that what they think, say, feel is right. Thus, their words shape, manipulate, coerce, groom the other into being open to a sexual relationship.

4. How do most cases of pastoral sex with adult parishioners begin? In the pastoral counseling office. A needy person feels desirous of pastoral care, seeks out the pastor and within that context, the pastor begins shaping the relationship which leads to sex. Now, it is possible that the parishioner is also a leader in the church, either paid or volunteer. Would such a person have greater culpability. Likely. But again, I could not answer this question until after evaluating the techniques of deception used by the pastor.

Conclusion? Culpability lies so heavily with the  person in power–the pastor–that victim culpability cannot be ascertained until (a) the pastor’s techniques of deception are better understood, (b) the victim has received help for the damage done to him/her by the pastor, and (c) opportunity for spiritual healing is present. Finally, this set of values I have laid out here do not require that we treat the pastor harshly. We also want to help the pastor understand what brought him/her to this point in life. And yet, we do not need to spend much time, at first, trying to determine guilt.

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Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, Uncategorized

Thinking about Licensure in PA?


If so, come to Biblical to meet with other interested parties on June 11, 2011. If you are working on your masters degree or already have one and want to talk through the process for becoming a LPC in PA you might benefit from talking with those who have recently gone through the process. The following link will give you more information on the lunchtime seminar and contact information to RSVP should be interested in attending.

bib-0511-F2

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Some thoughts and emotions on justice


What is justice? How do you go about determining what is just and what is unjust?

If you are like me, you’ve had a number of conversations and thoughts about justice in the last 48 hours. I can only believe that such conversations about justice are good, especially if we apply our philosophies to ourselves as well as others.

So, how do you answer my first questions? Do you lead with your intellect or your emotions? Let’s consider each (even though we can’t really separate these two parts of our being)

The intellectual approach to determine what is just

1. What is legal? Lawful = just. This works if you assume that those who create the laws are just lawmakers. But, we all can point to some draconian laws that we would not consider just.

2. What is deserved? Justice = penalty fits the crime. If you get what you deserve, an eye for an eye, then you have been served justice. Of course, if we follow this thinking, it could be just to walk up to a pedophile and castrate him. This would be illegal whether he was tried and convicted or not.

3. What is adjudicated fairly? Justice = blind adjudication. If you are accused of a crime, then justice is served if you receive a fair trial. However, justice does not hold exactly the same meaning as fair. It more accurately means righteous. One could have a fair trial and still get away with murder.

The emotional approach to determining justice

If we are truthful, our emotions tell us what is just. We hear of someone getting their due and we feel relief. Or, we hear someone who got his due but we hear that the one measuring out justice did so in a vicious or destructive way…and we feel conflicted if not downright sickened. Some of our thoughts on justice reveal certain values that we have yet to articulate. Consider the following options from an emotion perspective:

  • Law enforcement attempts to capture a killer but uses deadly force because they thought they saw him reach for a gun
  • A soldier kills an opposing soldier on the battlefield
  • A soldier kills an opposing soldier who was unarmed and running away
  • A soldier kills an opposing soldier who had dropped his weapon and raised his hands in surrender
  • A mass murderer who was not given a final time to give self up before being shot to death
  • A mass murderer killing another murderer who had only killed once

I suspect we could argue that in each case, the killing was legal, even deserved. But does it pass the emotional smell test?

Think this is a new issue? Then check out Habakkuk in the Old Testament. He raises a complaint to God about the sinfulness of his own people, Israel. God answers him and tells him that a heathen group of terrible sinners will bring just punishment on Israel. Habakkuk, as you might expect, struggles with this. “You are going to you THEM? Why they are the WORST!” God answers and tells him that he, God, is going to act in righteous and mind-blowing ways. And Habakkuk responds in only the faithful way he can: I see your fame, I see your Glory and I stand in awe. You are just in all you do. And even if there is no food to eat, I will yet praise you.”

Justice, it turns out, doesn’t always make sense to us. It may be easier to tell what is not justice than what is. For example, we ought not promote pragmatism (e.g., killing someone because jailing him will cost too much) or vengeance (e.g., eye for an eye…since bin Laden didn’t warn 9/11 victims, we ought not warn him).

We cannot go on human laws alone, intellect (as good as it is), or feelings. God’s view of it surpasses all of these ideas. And even when we come to terms with justice, we recognize that justice, without mercy also, is something none of us want to see. We will treat others better than they deserve. We will rejoice when evil men may no longer harm. We will be thankful when governments deliver justice and yet hold them to higher standards than those they judge. We will not return evil for evil. And we will mete out justice yet knowing that we too will face our day of justice as well. And so we will ask God for the grace to live justly, love mercy, and to walk humbly!

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Sign up now for 3 great summer courses!


Biblical is now taking registrations for summer elective courses in counseling. We have 3 offerings (each 1 credit) you won’t want to miss!

  1. MAC712 A Healing in International Settings (ONLINE), July 1-31 2011 Summer Class Syllabus
  2. MAC713 A Christian Counseling in the Postmodern Context (ONLINE), August 1-31 CC in PM Context 2010 Syllabus
  3. MAC701 Forgiveness (IN PERSON), August 12-13

I teach the first course, I co-teach the second course with Dr. Richard Smith, and my colleague, Dr. Bryan Maier teaches the course on Forgiveness. The two on-line courses are designed to be done over 4 weeks with NO pre and post work. The “bite” of work is small since it is spread out. Dr. Maier’s course is one weekend and will require some pre and post work. Each of these courses can be audited (but later cannot be turned into credit)

Where to register?

  • First time students (or grads of other programs looking for some additional training: pbyrd@biblical.edu
  • Returning students/alumni: kmehlbaum@biblical.edu

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Ministry leader discouragers


Yesterday I had the privilege of meeting with three pastor couples on retreat in idyllic New Albany, PA. The retreat house, The Haft, is the kind of place that has little to no cell service and your GPS unit won’t find. While it was Spring mud season, the weather was warm and we had a good amount of time for walking in the woods.

I led the first discussion of the retreat on the topic of discouragers. There are common things that can discourage a ministry couple: chronic criticism, ministry with no boundaries, endless needs and no support leading to burnout, vision conflict, family struggles and no place to talk about them, unmet expectations/desires, poor finances, and much more.

Family struggles can be incredibly discouraging for ministry leaders. When kids act up, ministry leaders often feel they should be able to handle–and fix–these problems. the same goes for marital conflict. Sex can be a significant discourager in one of two ways. You serve others (in church or family) and then when you are emotionally and physically tired, you discover your spouse wants intimacy while you just want to be left alone. Or, you work hard all day and you want intimacy only to discover your spouse does not. The one little desire you held to throughout your day comes to naught and you find you are completely defeated or angry about not getting your one little pleasure. Actually, this can be very true about other kinds of pleasures. Wanting to watch TV without the kids, wanting to have just a bit a down time, etc.

After we discussed the many kinds of discouragers (especially un-evaluated expectations), I reminded the participants that Heb 12:3 reminds us that spiritual rest comes with mental activity, the activity of meditating on Christ. While we need sleep to deal with physical tiredness, spiritual tiredness needs activity.

As a final activity, I had each person recall and write down 2 “stones of remembrance.” These were things that happened to them that they clearly remembered God’s handiwork in their lives. It recalls the stories in the OT where Israel was asked to set up piles of stones to remind them of God’s rescue (e.g., crossing the Jordan river). When we are spiritually tired, we gain perspective by remembering what God has done, is doing, and promises yet to do. This activity prepares us to better reflect on changes we might need to make, expectations that need altering, or boundaries that need re-drawing.

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First harvest!


Today, I harvested my first produce of the year here in the Philadelphia area. Anyone guess what the produce is? Hint, it grows outdoors (no greenhouse) and is a perennial.

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Live Talk Radio Interview Today


Will be on AFA radio today with Tim Clinton at noon.
Listen live if you like: http://www.afa.net/radio/

It should appear on their website (audio and video) later. The show is “Turn it Around Radio”.

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Your experience with electronic medical records?


I will confess that I wish I could snap my fingers and could start using electronic medical records (EMR) for my private practice. I would be so nice to have all the records at my fingertips. I could make a quicker review of their chart, chart progress in visual way to show the client, keep track of billing and insurance referrals.

But what are your experiences in being the patient of a doc with EMR?

My family doc uses EMR. He does a fine job of entering data and putting aside the laptop to chat with me. He uses good eye contact.

But yesterday I had to take a child to another provider at another site. The doc spent most of the time looking at his screen and trying to get his voice recognition software to work right. He had to fix a couple of mistakes, he made comments into the machine.

On the plus side, I know exactly what my child’s record says because I heard the notes: “___ weighs ___ and blood pressure is _____. Patient is tolerating the medicine well and shows improvements in_____”

Then he would fix errors in the dictation.

I calculated that the 17 minutes of “face time” with the doctor included 5 minutes of exam, 3 minutes of discussion about treatment and the rest fiddling with the EMR.

Didn’t feel like the most productive use of time.

Your experiences? Anyone have that experience in the mental health world (vs. general medicine)?

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Relationship’s role in therapy?


How important is it to get the right kind of counseling/therapy modality? How important is it to get the right person?

These questions plague both researchers and the people looking to get better. Why do some clients get better and others do not? Why do some therapists have a better success rate and others do not? Does the kind of therapy matter?

Well, as you can imagine, the answer is, “it depends.”

Yes, diagnosis and assessment do matter. If your child begins to struggle with bed-wetting after having been continent, you need to know what the problem is and what to do about it.

But, consider this: various studies make overlapping comments as to what really is going on when people get better

  • One researcher suggests that some 85+% of the reason for change are factors pertaining to the client and what is called “extratherapy” factors (social support, physical health, etc. )
  • Another places the portion the therapist plays in the 13% or so

Confusing? Consider this stark fact presented at a recent conference I attended

Patients receiving placebos from the top (best?) 1/3 psychiatrists fared better than patients who received actual medications from the bottom 1/3 psychiatrists. This was cited from the following study: Kim, D., Wampold, B. E., & Bolt, D. M. (2006). Therapist effects in psychotherapy: A random-effects modeling of the National Institute of Mental Health Treatment of Depression Collaborative Research Program data. Psychotherapy Research, 16(2), 161-172.

So, when you are looking for a therapist or psychiatrist, you may want to know if he/she studied at Harvard or a degree mill. But, you may be better served to by one who listens to you, doesn’t fall asleep, and is able to collaborate with you to find a solution that works for you.

The moral of the story? Better to have a good psychiatrist with no meds than a poor one with a gunnysack full of pills.

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