Surprised by peace? Surprised by suffering? What do you expect?


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What is your baseline perspective on life? Do you tend to believe that life should work pretty well and are surprised when suffering and pain enter your life? Or, do you tend to believe that life is hard and are surprised and pleased when it is not so hard or when you have moments of peace?

Perspective is pretty much everything. If you are driving during rush hour and you expect that traffic will be really bad but it turns out to be better than you feared, you probably feel great. But, if you were thinking your drive would take you one hour but it took two, you probably feel a bit frustrated. Both drivers might travel exactly the same amount of time but have opposite perspectives.

Expectations shape our feelings and perceptions of how life is going for us. Now, I am NOT arguing that if you just think happy thoughts, you won’t be bothered by problems in this life. No matter your perspective, you will suffer. To think otherwise would be denial of reality. But behind most of our “this is not fair…why would God allow this…I’m not sure I want to believe in a God who allows pain to happen” kind of comments are some assumptions and expectations that reveal what we believe life should be like.

Consider these assumptions or expectations. See one that gets you?

1. Life should be fair and should work. This could be called the Jonah perspective. Yes it should. But since sin entered the world, it isn’t. Instead of blaming God, might we not want to notice how many times in life, things are fair, just, and good? Might we not want to see that God is giving us better than we deserve? How might that mindset modify our general view of God’s care for us?

2. I have sacrificed much for God, why hasn’t he given my good and decent desires)? This one is similar to the 1st point but focuses along the lines of Psalm 73. Fairness is seen along the lines of righteousness. The good guys get blessings and the bad guys get suffering. If we hold this expectation then it is common to feel gypped when we don’t get our good desires met.

3. Suffering is something that is temporary, something to get through. This is an American viewpoint. We can overcome obstacles, we can heal the sick, we can fix problems. Once we get our education, get married, get the job we wanted, get our 401Ks then life will be good.

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Filed under Christianity, Doctrine/Theology, Insight, suffering

Good Read: Covenant Eyes on Porn/Trafficking Connection


The link between the demand side of sex and trafficking has already been established by good research. But, few are aware of some of the connections and many think that porn use is only a personal decision without larger consequences.

I commend to you this link to a well-written essay by Luke Gilkerson of Covenant Eyes. (Covenant Eyes provides technology to track and filter unwanted sexual content for Internet users.) In this essay he summarizes the linkages and reminds readers that one of the best ways to get the message out is with a good video. He provides an extensive bibliography of videos on the topic of sex trade, porn, trafficking, and their impact on victims, families, and users.

Good stuff for you to consider.

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Filed under pornography, prostitution, sexual addiction

Narrative Therapy and Emotion: Meaning Making


Continuing with our summary of Working with Narrative in Emotion-Focused Therapy (by Angus and Greenberg) we come to chapter 2. Here the authors attempt to lay out how we make meaning. But before we try to describe their model, consider how you make events and feelings mean something to you.

What data do you use to make something mean something? You use your body, your culture, your emotion, your reason, your previous meaning making (and the messages you receive from others). Consider this example. You pull up to a light and you glance over and see a person in the car waiting in the next lane. They wave a finger towards you. What does it mean? Well, it depends on your culture and your previous experience with that finger way. Is it a curse or a point to something else? The answer depends on where you live and what your lived experience of that finger wave.

The authors slow this process of meaning making (and meaning changing) down by considering facets:

1.   Bodily sensations. These do not exist by themselves but are connected to a sequencing of events. So, you have a feeling and then you immediately put it into a sequence. “I feel this way because…” The goal of therapy is to work to accept, tolerate, and “explain” or narrative emotions in a healthier way.

2. Words. Putting feelings into words tends to “[diminish] the response of the amygdala and other limbic regions to negative emotional images.” (p. 21). Thus, as they say, “…the person is having the emotion rather than the emotions having the person.” (ibid). “…naming an emotion integrates action, emotion, and meaning and provides access to the story in which it is embedded.” (ibid).

3. Naming is construction. “Conscious experience is not simply ‘in’ us and fully formed but instead emerges from a dialectical dance” (p. 22). Thus clients can learn how their own construal of emotions (the words, the meanings) shapes ongoing feelings

…understanding how a condemning self-critical voice leads to feelings of shame and helplessness helps clients to recognize the role they themselves play in maintaining their feelings of depression. (p. 22)

Thus, the goal is to encourage reflection of one’s common interpretative themes to see how they tend to organize and categorize their lived experiences.

4. Change the story. How does a person go about changing narrative themes (e.g., challenge and re-write feelings of shame)? How does one re-interpret shame feelings as sadness? Note the that goal is not to deny the feeling or reject it in any way. Rather, the goal is to interpret the feeling in a more constructive way. Consider this example:

I offer my son some advice. He does not take it but goes on to do the opposite. I might feel rejected? Further, I might go on to remind myself that no one ever respects me and listens to my ideas. I might feel insignificant and unloved. With the help of a counselor, I might re-name the feelings as sadness rather than rejection (e.g., I feel sad that he didn’t take my advice and recognize he might face certain consequences that he might have avoided if he had listened to me). Part of the transformation requires that I live with limitations. I am not capable of making my son choose what I want. I suspect that part of what leads us away from sadness and towards anger and feelings of rejection is our unwillingness to live with feelings such as sadness and grief. These things shouldn’t be this way if  others would just treat us right!

5. Reconstruct identity. Its one thing to re-write a narrative of a single event. It is yet another to write a new narrative about our self or about others. The authors say this, “Constructing a sense of self involves an ongoing process both of identifying with and symbolizing emotions and actions as one’s own and constructing an embodied narrative that offers temporal stability and coherence.” (p. 25)

What might a counselor do to facilitate reconstruction? The authors go on to give a brief overview of 4 phases of “narrative-informed EFT.” I will cover them in the next post.

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Do therapy dogs in the courtroom create an undue benefit for the prosecution?


Check out this NY Times article about the use of therapy dogs in the courtroom. They are being used to comfort someone testifying about their sexual assault. In the article, it tells of the dog Rosie who provided a girl some measure of comfort as she testified against her father about his rape of her. She would pause or delay her answers and the dog would sense her pain and nuzzle her.

Seems like a good thing! But wait, the defense doesn’t think so. Each time the dog comforts the child, the jury sees her distress more clearly and develops sympathy for the client. Does such a dog sway the court toward conviction? The defense worries that the girl might be under distress from lying and thus the dog might aid her to tell a better lie.

I’m sure that these dogs are providing a wonderful service that ought to be continued. Someone with a bright mind will figure out how to have the dog in the courtroom and yet shield the jury from seeing the dog do his or her work. And other bright minds will try to craft ways to eliminate the dogs and give the defense the upper hand again.

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When someone you love suffers from PTSD?


Has anyone read this book? The full title is: When Someone You Love Suffers from Posttraumatic Stress: What to Expect and What you Can Do  (By Claudia Zayfert and Jason DeViva (Guilford Press).

If so, any thoughts on it? I do not yet have it in my possession. One of the areas I found wanting re: PTSD is a good book for spouses of survivors of sexual abuse. There was a book that I would use but is no longer in print. Some do read “Stop Walking on Eggshells”, a book about living with Borderline Personality Disorder. While there are relational behaviors commonly seen in people with either complex PTSD or BPD, the two problems are different and sadly, those with complex trauma reactions get stigmatized with the BPD label.

So, if anyone has seen this and wants to lend their comments, I would welcome them here.

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Filed under Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychology, ptsd, Uncategorized

Narrative therapy and emotion 1


This month, Richard Smith and I are teaching an on-line class entitled, Christian Counseling in Postmodern Culture. Dr. Smith is managing the culture side of things in this class and has students thinking about the impact of consumerism, the “empty” self of the modern era, and “infantilist ethos” (from Barber’s 2008 Consumed)

This week Dr. Smith gave the class this quote:

At heart postmodernity [is] the same anthropology: both see humans as primarily units of consumption for whom choice is the defining characteristic… The difference between modernity and postmodernity is not that great looked at in this way: The cult of the autonomous ego, an endlessly acquisitive conqueror and pioneer devolved into a commodious individualism characterized by an unencumbered enjoyment of consumption goods and commodities.  (Brian Walsh and Sylvia Keesmaat).

A mouthful? Boil it down to this…postmodernist philosophy is very much concerned about the self. Not all that new. Now, postmodernism is much more than that and NOT all bad. But my point here is this: a counselor working in this culture must be able to connect with the client and help them construct/reconstruct their story rather than just give them lists of universal truisms to apprehend. Not that there isn’t universal truth but that the approach to them must  done in a dialogical and storying manner.

Enter narrative therapy.

Thus, I intend to blog a bit on this topic during the rest of August by summarizing and commenting on Working with Narrative in Emotion-Focused Therapy: Changing Stories, Healing Lives, by Lynne E Angus and Leslie S. Greenberg (APA, 2011).

Chapter one begins with this statement:

Being human involves creating meaning and using language to shape personal experiences into stories, or narratives. (p 3)

Do you agree? I would argue there is much truth in this. We shape our sense of self from our retelling of our experiences (both in words and in unspoken thoughts/emotions). But, we do not re-tell all of our experiences. Rather, we collect some and ignore others. Part of counseling is to dialog with the clients about how they shape their own narrative.

The authors then make this statement about the work of counseling,

As therapists, it is when we listen carefully to our clients’ most important stories that we gain access to how people are attempting to make sense of themselves in the context of their social worlds. In this way, psychotherapy is a specialized discursive activity designed to help clients shape a desired future and reconstruct a more compassionate and sustaining narrative account of the past. (p. 3-4)

Here they are telling us that our stories we tell are shaped by our emotions and at the same time make sense of our emotions.

What is EFT? It is a therapy that sees emotions as “centrally important in the experience of the self.” (p. 6). It was developed (principally by Les Greenberg) out of humanistic and Rogerian ideas of self-actualization and of counselor activities of being with, following the client and guiding. Throw in some F. Perl’s empty chair techniques as well. EFT focuses on emotions. Adaptive emotions are “the most fundamental, direct, initial, and rapid reactions to a situation…” (p. 7). Maladaptive emotions “…usually involve overlearned responses based on previous, often traumatic, experiences.” By this they mean emotions such as shame and abandonment sadness. They define secondary emotions as those reactions that are intended to protect the primary or most vulnerable emotions. Finally, they define instrumental emotions as those expressed for a motivation to achieve an aim.

Why the focus on emotion? Because they seek the goal of being emotionally congruent and adaptive. In this book, they focus on empathic attunement and changing client narratives.

How? Clients identify, experience, explore, story, make sense of, and flexibly manage their emotions (their words). Therapists notice “meaning markers” that reveal client confusion or conflict with the self.

This book will explore the narrative approach to EFT. “Critical life events must be described, reexperiences emotionally, and restoried before the trauma or damaged relationship can heal. New meanings must emerge that coherently account for the circumstances of what happened and how the narrator experienced it…” (p. 11)

Finally, they say,

…no form of psychotherapy is likely to have a big impact on basic temperament traits, but a client’s specific strategies, adaptations, and their internalized life narratives (i.e., macronarratives) have as much impact on behavior as do dispositional traits. (p. 13)

That is an interesting quote and puts the act of storying as more important than disposition.

So, what we will look at in the remaining 7 chapters is how the authors help facilitate new meanings and change their own narrative. The question for us is whether or not the narrative or re-storying approach to therapy is (a) effective in remediating problems, and (b) fits with Christian faith.

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Filed under christian counseling, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, Psychology, Uncategorized

Shepherding Survivors of Sexual Abuse • EFCA Today


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shepherding Survivors of Sexual Abuse • EFCA Today.

Click the above link for a good read: 6 myths about shepherding sexual abuse survivors. Written by Andrew Schmutzer, OT prof at Moody and editor of the forthcoming multiauthored The Long Journey Home: Understanding and Ministering to the Sexually Abused (Wipf and Stock).

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Things you like to do on vacation?


Drift Boat Fly Fishing on the Androscoggin Riv...

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What do you do on vacation that really feels like it is what vacation is all about? Notice I’m not asking you about your fantasy but about what things you do as tradition on vacation that signal to you that you are not just doing life as usual?

For me, it includes several things…most of which are in Maine

1. A walk in the woods in Maine

2. A walk in the woods where I find some edible berries to pick

3. Doing something on water (ocean or lake or river)

This week we did all of the above. Walked and found berries (blueberries, raspberries). Canoed for 10 miles on the Androscoggin River without seeing another soul. And today we rode the Bailey Island cruise from Portland to Bailey Island.

A good vacation. Too bad my city kids don’t love it as much as I do. They worried that whales might tip the boat, that bears or moose might attack, that rapids might overturn us (nothing that would even rise to a class 1 rapid). Maybe it didn’t help when I said there were man-eating fish in the river.

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Safe churches for sufferers of PTSD?


A friend recently asked me about the characteristics of the kind of church someone with PTSD should seek out in looking for a safe place to heal. I’d like to ask that of my readers. What special characteristics might someone look for as a good church family when they suffer from hidden damage? If YOU were looking for a church and wanted to find a safe, compassionate, sensitive church, what would you look for? What characteristics would tell you that the church was what you wanted?

Preaching and teaching? Interpersonal characteristics? Resources? Characteristics of leadership?

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Filed under Abuse, pastors and pastoring, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychology

Defining humilation?


How would you define humiliation? Is it something done to you or a experience/perception of yours? This might seem like semantics but consider this definition offered up by Richard Mollica in his Invisible Wounds (Harcourt, 2006, p. 72),

Humiliation…is primarily linked to how people believe the world is viewing them.

In this definition I hear that it is the result of objective harm but also related to how we think others see us. So, is it possible to be violated, mistreated, objectified…and not feel humiliation? Could you be stripped naked before a crowd of people and not feel humiliation? I suspect it is possible but not likely, not typical.

Who cares?

At one level, no one cares about the definition. If you feel it, you know someone has done you wrong. Someone has defamed you. Someone has acted in an ungodly way toward you. At another level, maybe it does matter. Does it (in a small way) take the power out of the abusers hands and place it back in your own. Does it enable one to say as Joseph, “what you intended for evil, God intended for good.” Of course, that is very hard to say if you aren’t now the prince of Egypt!

It is probably good to think about how we come to view ourselves and how much power we give to the perceptions of others. However, let every counselor or friend remember, humiliation is real…not something in the fantasy of the victim.

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Filed under Abuse, counseling, counseling skills