May 6, 2008 · 5:44 am

Context and our perceptions


It shouldn’t be a surprise that context is everything when it comes to perception. Win the the 10 million dollar lotto and then have your car run over by a Mack truck (assuming no one was in it) and you probably laugh it off and go buy your dream car. Context changes how you perceive the event.

I had two reminders of the effect of context last Friday. First, I was on my way to a meeting and listening to an NPR show. The host of the show was interviewing Gary Marcus, NYU psychology prof and author of Kluge (a book on the mind). Though parts of his interview annoyed me greatly, he talked about contextual perceptions by pointing out this research tidbit (my words not a quote).

If researchers ask individuals (a) if they are happy, and (b) how many dates they have had lately they get one set of results. If they reverse these questions, the answer to the happiness question is clearly influenced by the answer to the dates question. I may in fact be happy until you remind me that I haven’t had any dates lately.

Second, at my meeting we were discussing perception of change in clients. Imagine this scenario:

You are working for 6 months with a man helping him to accept responsibility for his addictive behavior (you can substitute addictive with just about anything that needs change). The change has been painstaking but he has indeed begun to see his self-deception and begun to stop blaming his past for his present behavior. About this same time you hear that his wife would like to come in to a session. You invite her and when she comes with her husband you ask him to tell his wife what he has been learning. As he does you see her roll her eyes and smirk. You check in with her and she is absolutely livid. From her vantage point he hasn’t changed a bit. Sure, he’s not drinking anymore, he’s not beating her up, but did you know that he’s become rather obsessed with work, he still doesn’t call to tell her that he’ll be late and he won’t stop overspending each month. And worse for her, now he wants to have sex (in the past he avoided her) all the time. You acknowledge he has lots of work to do but you also realize she feels threatened to admit he has begun to change. If she does, maybe he’ll stop…

Notice how context influences our perceptions. If you think someone has come miles and miles in personal growth you likely get pretty excited. If, however, you focus on how far they have to go, your perceptions will be a bit more pessimistic.

Now here’s the challenge. How do we stop believing that our context is the only context for viewing experiences? It takes openness and empowerment and ability to see two things at once without demanding that one view overpower another. As Christians we must live in this bifurcated life. We are sinners…saved by grace. We are maturing…but never arriving. We are mistreated…and protected by God.

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May 5, 2008 · 11:50 am

Practicum Monday: Choosing where to intervene


Most practicum students worry about their ability to do or say something intelligent in their counseling sessions. Will we have something to say? Will we know what to do? In order to know where to intervene, it may be helpful to think about various points in the counselee’s life that may need intervention–and then consider which point to choose and what kinds of interventions would be most helpful.

To help set the stage, I’ve constructed a few slides :

1. Every client constructs and maintains a sense of self and a sense of the world. A number of factors influenced that sense of self, some of which I’ve listed here:

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. We shape and reshape that sense of self through experiences and interpretations that either reinforce or reconstruct/challenge our sense of the world and self:

3. The counselor may wish to intervene in several places. (1) Stop and start behaviors; encouraging environmental changes; mercy ministries, (2) Challenging interpretations, Encouraging a change in what is attended to (mindfulness), and (3) Reflecting back on the sense of self and world (uncovering core beliefs and experiences). Note  2 things however. First, none of these points of intervention will be of much value if there isn’t a working relationship that enables the client to trust the counselor enough to be vulnerable. Second, choosing a point of intervention is important but equally important is the kind of intervention (open or closed questions, reflections of content or feeling, advice/information, summarizing, confrontation, etc.)

 

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May 2, 2008 · 5:41 am

Sexual Harassment vs. Bullying: Which is worse?


In my latest edition of the Monitor on Psychology magazine (39:5/2008) I read an article about worker well-being. In it the writer describes a recent conference on the topic and some of the data discussed. One piece of research suggests that workplace bullying, “such as belittling employees and persistently criticizing their work, harms employees more than sexual harassment.” (p. 26)

Aparently a review of 110 studies reveals that people who are bullied and have interpersonal conflict are more likely to quit, be less satisfied and have lower sense of wellbeing. Both sexual and emotional harassment are bad, but this researcher suggests that aggression has more severe consequences.

Is it that bullying is worse or that it is more prevalent and harder to detect and so it lasts longer?

Which do you think is worse to experience? No matter your answer if you have ever experienced either, you know that your voice and your personhood have been assaulted.

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May 1, 2008 · 5:02 am

On Funerals


I attended a funeral of a co-worker yesterday. Ken Rush served his church, denomination, and Christian higher education. At his funeral, he was lauded for living a life faithfully to Christ, from start to the end–even through his cancer. It was moving.

As a kid I didn’t attend many funerals. Not sure if that was because I didn’t like them (I didn’t) or because culturally kids were kept away. Anyway, some of the most memorable services I’ve attended have been funerals for beloved saints.

While the pain and grief are not good, the funeral affords me a time to reflect on our mortality, God’s goodness and message of hope in the life of the Christian. They are important since they remind us what IS important. We get so carried away with life that we forget how short and fragile it is, and that this life is not the main event.

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April 30, 2008 · 5:30 am

Divorce & Remarriage II: OT Reflections


Chapters 2-3 of Instone-Brewer’s Divorce & Remarriage in the Church reviews OT reflections on divorce and remarriage. In the first few pages of chapter 2, the author skips much review of Eden and goes right for the problem in marriages after the Fall. Adam and Eve discover, “the difference between good an devil, and at the heart of this discovery was the desire to do what they wanted.” (p. 24) God’s original design of “leaving and cleaving” provides the remedy to our tendency toward individualism and is meant to help us through the hard times.

But what happens when the ideal of leaving and cleaving doesn’t work? What happens to the wife? The Husband? Is there any relief? Instone-Brewer (I-B) then reminds readers that failing marriages is not merely a modern problem. He briefly summarizes the ancient near eastern laws prior to Moses. In short, women have no power, no say. A husband can abandon her and the kids, leave her with nothing (since she can’t own property) and then return and take her back whether she wants to or not.

Enter Moses. I-B says that Law given by Moses brings some things to rights. First, everyone was treated with equal respect and not given different punishments based on importance or personal wealth. Second,

The most impressive differences between the laws of Israel and those of other ancient Near Eastern nations were in the laws of remarriage. In other countries it was difficult for an abandoned woman to get remarried, but in Israel this unfairness was corrected by giving her the right to receive a divorce certificate from her husband….It confirmed that her husband had divorced her and meant that it was safe for another man to marry her… (pp. 28-29)

I-B backs up his contention that she could remarry by speaking of archaeological finds of very early Jewish divorce certificates that contain language, “you are now free to marry any man you wish.”

Lest anyone think the OT supports divorce, I-B attempts to distinguish between what is acceptable and a legal recognition of what has happened. Though divorce is always a sign of something wrong, I-B contends that God provides a means to force a divorcing man to give her a certificate to allow her to remarry.

This chapter is a little campy in places but makes a good point that the divorce certificate allowance was to protect wives from even more damage–to limit the effects of sin. Jesus seems to support this argument in Matt 19:18 when he states that Moses gave them this law because their hearts were hard (i.e., had no concern for their wives and children). Notice that women are not even considered able to divorce their husbands. There are a number of other OT passages that I-B has yet to deal with that I expect will show up in the next chapter. 

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April 29, 2008 · 5:43 am

Bringing light to the porn and prostitution industries


This weekend I started reading Victor Malarek’s book, The Natashas: Inside the New Global Sex Trade. It is about the 4th wave or explosion of trafficked women from Eastern Europe who are enslaved as sex slaves around the world. Not fun reading but necessary for those interested in understanding the extent and effect of sex trafficking. [WARNING: If you have suffering sexual abuse, you do not need to read this book. It would only add to your trauma. This book is for those who do not know your experience!]

I suspect that this book would be useful for those struggling with temptations to visit massage parlors, prostitutes or view on-line pornography. Each of these illicit sexual encounters is designed to convey the message that the woman wants and enjoys providing the man with pleasure. While I recognize that some individuals pursue bondage and pain oriented pornography, most find coercive imagery counterproductive to their sexual fantasy. Hence, this book would be useful in that it has the capacity to blow up pleasure oriented fantasy. Tempted to look at porn? Recognize that the pictures you find enjoyable are likely made by those exploiting and enslaving women. She may be smiling at you but she may be doing so in order to avoid further torture or death.

The author is correct when he asserts that the sex trade benefits from complicity (using women for one’s own pleasure) and complacency (assuming the women are willing victims). Unfortunately, he has no real answer other than to expose the shame of countries and politicians that turn a blind eye.  

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April 28, 2008 · 10:53 am

Practicum Monday: Potentially Harmful Therapies


I was perusing the Journal of Psychology and Christianity (27:1, 2008; pp. 61-65) this morning and saw Siang-Yang Tan’s mini article entitled, “Potentially Harmful Therapies: Psychological Treatments That Can Cause Harm.” He was working of a similarly titled article by the so-called Ralph Nader of Psychology, Scott Lilienfeld of Emory U. (in Perspectives on Psychological Science, v. 2:1, 2007, pp. 53-70).

Some therapies on the PHT list would not surprise you. For example, Tan lists re-birthing techniques where you wrap up your client in blankets put them between the therapist’s legs so they can be healed from their birth trauma. Sadly, a teenager suffocated not that long ago here in PA when an unlicensed person attempted this with her client. Also, Tan lists the use of hypnosis with those with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).

But, you may be surprised to find that Critical Incident Stress Debriefing (CISD) also makes the list of PHTs. CISD (aka CISM) has been used for years with police and fire fighters to help them debrief from traumatic experiences and the thinking is that this prophylactic intervention helps exposed individuals avoid problems such as PTSD.  But there is evidence that such care may not only not help some individuals, it might actually harm others by increasing their arousal and those inclined to be hyperaroused appear to do better with no debriefing. For more of a critique of debreifing see DeVilly, Gist, & Cotton’s 2006 article in the Review of General Psychology (10:4) entitled, “Ready! Fire! Aim! …”

While CISD is not without merit and not always harmful, its popularity and widespread use without careful analysis should give us pause.

What widely accepted methods of Christian counseling also have the potential for harm?

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April 25, 2008 · 8:56 am

Considering sexual identity


Tonight I’m talking to a large group of teens at Monmouth Chinese Christian Church in NJ on the topic of sexual identity. Unlike a good sermon, I have four points: Is sexual identity important? Does God have anything to say about it? How does it get formed and deformed? What can we do to protect our identity and desire.

Should be fun. I’m going to start them out with this question: What words, ideas, images, characteristics, etc. come to mind when you complete the sentence, “A man is…” or “A woman is…”

We all have images and words and ideas that pop into our heads. We have an image of a “manly” man and a “womanly” woman. I want the audience to think for a bit about where those images come from.

What images pop into your head? How do these effect your own evaluation of your manhood or womanhood? Where did that script come from?

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April 24, 2008 · 7:33 am

Finding the cause of America’s gas problem


Okay, I know yesterday’s post was frivolous but I want to share some funny lines from a brochure found at a gastrointestinal practice, America’s hidden gas problem.

The brochure is entitled: Gas.

Its point is to teach us the many causes. So, lets see what it has to say.

Gas may be caused by excessive swallowing of air…Air swallowing may be lessened by the following:

Meal times should be quiet, unrushed, and regular. Eat slowly and chew well. Listen to some relaxing music. Many families take advantage of being together at meal time to argue. Postpone tense discussions until well after meal time.

I’m sorry. I eat with 2 gradeschool boys. Meals are rarely relaxing. And yes, I wait with anticipation so I can get into an argument with them. Maybe we were wrong about waiting an hour after eating to swim. We should have been saying no to arguments to avoid gas. Now, here are some more tips:

Stop trying force up belches…This leads to a vicious cycle of belching and swallowing air.

Avoid sipping hot drinks. Carbonated beverages may also cause some gassiness.

Avoid chewing gum or sucking on hard candies…

Avoid ice cold drinks.

Avoid milk and milk products including milk, puddings, ice cream, cheeses, pizza, cheeseburgers, cakes, breads, pancakes.

Wheat, oats, barley, and rye make some people gassy.

Legumes…make just about everyone gassy.

Fruit sugar (fructose)…makes about 50% of people gassy!

Sorbitol…will cause gaseousness if used excessively.

Nervous tension may cause a worsening of gas. Anger, anxiety, and depression have all been incriminated. Some form of sedation or supportive therapy may be helpful in some people

Sedation? Really? Has anyone sought sedation for their gas problem? Maybe if I am sedated I won’t care if I’m farting alot.

Okay, so what CAN I have? The pamphlet suggests live cultured yogurt and hard cheeses are low in lactose (which causes many people discomfort) and rice. That’s it for suggestions.

I guess I’ll have a lukewarm glass of water and some rice please…and put on some muzak to calm my anxious heart.

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April 23, 2008 · 9:11 am

Not your grandparents’ country store catalog


Yesterday we received a catalog for a country store. I’m familiar with this country store catalog as it is well-known in New England. So, I flipped through it for old-times sake. Looks like they are selling the same things as when I was a kid. Muumuus of all kinds. Several pages, in fact. Then there is the udder balm creams farmers swear will solve your cracked hands problem. Comfy slippers, pickled veggies, old-timey candies, and those little plastic bonnets for your serving bowls when you want to place them in the frig.

Then I turned the page and WHOA…two pages entitled, “intimate solutions.” Creams to enhance pleasure, to lift the breast, and even things that need batteries.

I guess they’ve determined that their target audience (boomers interested in ordering things that remind them of their grandparents and life as a kid?) might also want to enhance intimacy and yet only have the delivery person see that they are ordering from a quaint country store.

Times, they are a changin.

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