Finding the cause of America’s gas problem

Okay, I know yesterday’s post was frivolous but I want to share some funny lines from a brochure found at a gastrointestinal practice, America’s hidden gas problem.

The brochure is entitled: Gas.

Its point is to teach us the many causes. So, lets see what it has to say.

Gas may be caused by excessive swallowing of air…Air swallowing may be lessened by the following:

Meal times should be quiet, unrushed, and regular. Eat slowly and chew well. Listen to some relaxing music. Many families take advantage of being together at meal time to argue. Postpone tense discussions until well after meal time.

I’m sorry. I eat with 2 gradeschool boys. Meals are rarely relaxing. And yes, I wait with anticipation so I can get into an argument with them. Maybe we were wrong about waiting an hour after eating to swim. We should have been saying no to arguments to avoid gas. Now, here are some more tips:

Stop trying force up belches…This leads to a vicious cycle of belching and swallowing air.

Avoid sipping hot drinks. Carbonated beverages may also cause some gassiness.

Avoid chewing gum or sucking on hard candies…

Avoid ice cold drinks.

Avoid milk and milk products including milk, puddings, ice cream, cheeses, pizza, cheeseburgers, cakes, breads, pancakes.

Wheat, oats, barley, and rye make some people gassy.

Legumes…make just about everyone gassy.

Fruit sugar (fructose)…makes about 50% of people gassy!

Sorbitol…will cause gaseousness if used excessively.

Nervous tension may cause a worsening of gas. Anger, anxiety, and depression have all been incriminated. Some form of sedation or supportive therapy may be helpful in some people

Sedation? Really? Has anyone sought sedation for their gas problem? Maybe if I am sedated I won’t care if I’m farting alot.

Okay, so what CAN I have? The pamphlet suggests live cultured yogurt and hard cheeses are low in lactose (which causes many people discomfort) and rice. That’s it for suggestions.

I guess I’ll have a lukewarm glass of water and some rice please…and put on some muzak to calm my anxious heart.


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4 responses to “Finding the cause of America’s gas problem

  1. judi lemay-lusk

    thanks for the late afternoon chuckle!!! now if you can help find create ways with *gasoline* that would be great 🙂

  2. Ron

    Thanks, Phil. For a number of reasons, I guess I’ll just keep my distance.

  3. Amy

    I thought we were solving America’s OTHER gas problem.

  4. Scott Knapp, MS

    That stuff reminds me of some of the old high school guidance films they used to show. “Mystery Science Theater 3000” used to just tear those things up!

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