September 22, 2008 · 10:28 am

Bobblehead Christianity


At the Society for Christian Psychology, JKA Smith (a Calvin Coll. philosopher) made an offhanded comment about bobblehead Christianity–the kind where the head is huge but the body is nearly non-existent. This image has really stuck with me.

We fill the head with truth and facts about our faith and we expect that to transform us into Christ. But we ignore the body, or the practices of the faith. He made mention of this problem in a discussion about worldview. He said something to this effect: “I think worldview conversations are important. I love worldview. I’d marry it if I could. But we must pay attention to our practices as they are attached to worldview and shape it in reverse. Worldview discourse places too much emphasis on what we think and less on what we do. We need to include visceral ways of knowing…tactile involvement in worship.” (phrases from my notes, not true quotation)

Seems we ought to take his critique to heart. Where are we overemphasizing truth statements or thinking about self as change agent and underemphasizing performing (use of disciplines) as acting into the truth as a work of the Holy Spirit?

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September 19, 2008 · 5:01 pm

Overheard at the Society for Christian Psychology


In Chicago for the annual conference for the Society for Christian Psychology. My head is full. Good conversations with colleagues from different parts of the country. This is a unique opportunity to have philosophers, theologians, and counselors talking together about Scripture and counseling.

I’ll blog more about this but Kevin Vanhoozer, a theologian from TEDS, gave two talks about counseling as acting into the theodrama of Scripture. He likened the playwright as God, the Holy Spirit as the director, the theologian as the dramaturg (a person who is to research the history of the play, give rich detail about its meaning, etc.), and the counselor as the acting coach.

Nice imagery I think.

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September 16, 2008 · 2:42 pm

Faking politeness


We all do it now and again. We say, “that’s okay” when we are burning up inside. We leave a voice mail and say we were sorry to miss them but we really weren’t all that sorry and we are glad they didn’t pick up when we called them back. Sometimes we fake politeness because we know what it in our heart is not good and so we are act into politeness. Other times we merely want to avoid more problems and so wish to make them go away by faking peace.

Apparently there are some advances in technology now that can help you be better fakers. There are ways to call someone and get into their voice mail without the phone ringing–designed to make it seem like we were sorry we only got their voice mail but in actuality that is all was wanted. NPR ran a story on this topic. They also described some ways to either pre-arrange a computer to call your cell to get out of a meeting or using pre-recorded sounds (baby crying, dog barking, doorbell, etc.) to end phone conversations you want to get out of.

So, is it wrong to fake politeness? what is the difference between being nice to someone who is a pain or who causes you problems and being polite but not meaning it. I would suggest that when we make it seem we were caring but weren’t (either in our heart or to others) then that counts as faking and isn’t good for the soul.

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September 15, 2008 · 10:18 am

Mind pollution


Some years ago a bible study leader (and grad school professor) made this response to a comment I made suggesting he should read some new book: “Phil, I’m sure its an interesting book but I have limited time for reading and I so I’ve already picked what I can read for this year.” I was floored at the time. Picked? How can you know what you will read for the year? What about all the interesting things that might get published? I think I thought it a bit arrogant at the time. At any rate, it didn’t make sense, especially since I love to read up on all sorts of things. I kind of pride myself of being “up” on many topics.

That conversation happened before the explosion of social networking and before my access to high speed Internet. I now understand a bit of what he was speaking about. Mind pollution: the filling of my mind of diverse and interesting tidbits that have little lasting value. News, social networking, even blog entries by great writers, etc.

Of course, if I thought this was a serious problem, I’d probably need to help by reducing mind pollution and posting things only when absolutely necessary. But, since I like thinking out loud, I’ll continue to do so, but endeavor to eliminate posts just like this one. 🙂

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September 12, 2008 · 5:19 am

“I apologize for being late…”: bad behaviors by your counselor


Just skimmed, “‘I apologize for being late’: The courteous psychotherapist” (in the 2008 (v. 45:2)Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, pp 273-277) by Rolfs Pinkerton. Pinkerton details how our bad behaviors can harm (gasp!) the therapeutic alliance but that courteousness and correcting the behavior can help alleviate the problem. No surprise here.

But wait, what are some of the bad behaviors (no not the really bad and really obvious ones) he’s concerned about. Let’s see how we rate:

1. Being more than 15 minutes late. Apologies help but if it is a regular problem then…

Hmm. I’m usually 5 minutes late. Does that count as bad?

2. Falling asleep or being obviously worn out.

I try to solve this by drinking caffeine.

3. Forgetting names, using the wrong one or the wrong pronunciation.

So, when I pray for my “brother” or “sister” is it obvious that I’ve forgotten their name? Actually, I do pray that way sometimes and I haven’t forgotten a thing.

4. Repeatedly checking the clock.

I have an internal clock and so I try not to ever look. Probably why I’m regularly 10 minutes behind by the end of the day. So, how much is too much?

5. Taking calls.

Never do that. But I have forgotten to silence the phone. I hate it when that happens.

6. Drinking or eating in front of the client without offering some.

Oops. Did I mention that I caffeinate? Didn’t think that was rude. Hmmm. I have clients coming in bringing their Starbucks and I never feel left out. I wouldn’t eat in front of them. Do I get partial credit?

How about you? If you are a counselor, what are your faux pas? If you ever were a client, what annoying (not illegal or immoral ones–those are pretty clear) habits irk/irked you? (Be gentle with us and be sure to protect the guilty. We’re rather fragile.)

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September 11, 2008 · 5:43 am

If I wasn’t a psychologist…


I think I’d like to run a mission oriented suburban farming coop. Here’s the idea: Get a block of neighbors to agree to use space in their back yards for small 10×10 gardens. Each family that participates agrees to let the coop manager plant and cultivate small organic gardens. One family would have tomatoes, one would grow squashes, another would grow cukes, another peppers, etc. All the families would have to do is agree to let the manager use their water. If they wanted to participate in the weeding and care of the plants then they would get free produce when it arrived. Once the produce arrived, it would be offered for a “suggested donation” which would be far below grocery store price. The benefit to the neighbors and anyone else coming by would be that they could have access to “locally grown, organic, low-cost, very fresh produce” for their family. Such savings on the produce could be calculated showing that the coop is helping to keep the money of the community in the community.

Now, here’s the kicker. The “suggested donation” would not only cover the costs of growing the produce but allow for a small profit to be used entirely for missions work in an impoverished community, whether in the city or in another country. So, the food we would get for a donation would actually be working to feed individuals in another location.

Okay, so I’ve spent too much time daydreaming this summer…

What visions have you had that would take you in another direction?

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September 10, 2008 · 9:42 am

Hating the desire for intimacy


In prep for a presentation next week I have been reviewing Dan Allender’s”The Wounded Heart.” While I’m not a fan of his approach in this book (it’s too much at once for those with PTSD), I do think he has many, many nuggets of truth. Here’s one on p. 41:

Let me state an important observation: I have never worked with an abused man or woman who did not hate or mistrust the hunger for intimacy. In most victims, the essence of the battle is a hatred of their hunger for love and a strong distaste for any passion that might lead to a vulnerable expression of desire….The enemy, or so it feels, is the passion to be lovingly pursued and nourishingly touched by a person whose heart is utterly disposed to do us good. Such people (if they exist at all) are rare; it is therefore easier to hate the hunger than to wait expectantly for the day of satisfaction.

I see this love/hate/fear theme in many troubled marriages–even those where abuse is absent. When we desire this nourishment from someone “utterly disposed to do us good” and then continually wake to the realization that the person we married is not–no, cannot–disposed to do us good in the way we dream, we often feel rejected and invalidated because it seems to us the person is holding out on us. In response to these fears, we have one of several choices:

  1. Demand/pursue via criticism, complaint, accusation, suggestion, etc. that the person give what they are withholding: perfect validation and intimacy
  2. Withdraw into coldness, self-hatred, workaholism, fantasy, etc. to avoid the intimacy that is present in the marriage because it is not what we think it should be
  3. Actively pursue the dream of intimacy with others, or
  4. Daily die to the dream that the other will make us fully secure and happy WHILE continuing to offer unconditional intimacy, support, validation of the other in order to better provide sacrificial love AND yet still communicating (without demand) clearly our requests for how the other can love us well or what behaviors they should stop that are hurtful.

As you can see the 4th is impossible without the power of the Holy Spirit. The first 3 are much easier choices. They require less of us and maintain our all/nothing view of self and the world. The truth is we can only approach the 4th position if we place our trust in God to sustain us in a broken world. And therein lies the problem. It is hard for us humans to trust an unseen God, especially when our experience with the seen world tells us that love is conditional, that we are not valued, etc.

What’s the answer then? There is no one answer. But am I willing today to do one thing where I trust the Lord and show love/civility to the other as a creature made in the image of God. If I can answer yes, then I need to find another human being (since we are made for community) to help me discern what that love might look like today (hint: it may not look anything like what my spouse thinks it should look like).

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September 9, 2008 · 10:11 am

3 inches too short


I prefer to either fail miserably or to hit a home run. What I hate is to put my all in it, come close to a great job done but realize my effort wasn’t good enough. You know, coming in 4th in the Olympics is more painful than 10th. Maybe this relates to that glory in self thing I wrote about yesterday.

What prompts this thought? On Friday I spent the entire afternoon putting on a new gutter on my house. I knew it would be a stretch for me since I’ve never done that, would be doing it alone, and am not great with my hands. After 4 hours of going up and down my ladder, using an electric screwdriver over my head, I installed 31.5 feet of gutter to my back roof.

It looked great. And just in time since a tropical storm was passing by our area. I enjoyed knowing I had accomplished a task that was difficult (for me).

Then the storm came. The gutter worked great…except it was 3 inches too short. My roof overhangs the fascia board by 3 inches on one end. I neatly lined the gutter to the edge of the fascia board. It’s amazing just how much water runs down that little bit of roof.

I want it to be good enough but the fact is it isn’t. Too much water comes down and puddles near the foundation. It must be changed. It will require I go back up the ladder, loosen the fasteners, slide the gutter over, and manufacture another end piece that is 3 inches longer than the last one I did.

How do you respond to the realization that something you worked hard enough on isn’t good enough? My response is to keep wishing it is good enough. Just don’t go into the back yard and don’t look up. Don’t look out the kitchen window when it is raining. This is the proverbial ostrich response. My second response is to figure out if there is some easy way out. A simple fix. I’ll spend a good deal of time trying this path even though I could expend less energy in just fixing the problem. I just don’t want to give up and admit I screwed up.

I think I’m like this about my sin as well. I see my weaknesses and I’m tempted to ignore or find some creative way to call it good.

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September 8, 2008 · 11:35 am

Whose glory do you seek?


Far too frequently our own. Some examples:

  • Over-the-top chest-thumping of professional athletes who make a great or even just an average play
  • Political candidate videos. Did you see either Obama’s or McCain’s? I thought they were going to say they were the savior of the world. McCain’s video concluded with a phrase, “and the stars are aligned.” Unbelievable. Sure, he didn’t say it, some voiceover said it. But you can be sure that the candidates approved the message.
  • White lies. Okay, it’s not just the rich and famous who seek their own glory. We all do. Notice how we present ourselves when someone somewhere might think we did a poor job. Excuses? Blameshifting? One of my son’s stole a toy from another child. He was caught. After being caught he was looking for ways to make it sound less like stealing and more like an oversight. He was seeking to salvage his glory. Or worse, what happens when someone thinks we did great but we know that isn’t the whole story. Do we fail to tell the truth so they see our flaws (I’m not talking about those who refuse to accept credit where credit is due)?

On Sunday morning I was singing about God’s glory. Later in the day the Monroe boys were off for a bike ride. We visited a local park and found a group of kids playing tackle football. Against better judgment I agreed to play as quarterback. When our team scored I was the loudest cheerleader. After one such score I got to thinking about this: what is the difference between legitimate celebration and self-seeking glory? When does celebration turn into rubbing the other team’s face in it?  FYI, I think we were just fine and I took great pleasure in watching the kids on the other team rejoice over blowing past my lame efforts to stop their touchdown run.

But I think it wise for us to self-examine here about our glory interests:

1. How do we feel when someone else sees our sins? Do we get defensive? Depressed? Anxious? Thankful that in our weaknesses, God is glorified?

2. How do we feel when someone gives credit due us to someone else?

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September 4, 2008 · 5:15 am

Letterboxing and the ADD brain


A friend recently told me about the hobby of letterboxing where you read a story for clues to a hidden box containing a log, some interesting ink stamps that you then stamp in your book while stamping your own stam in their hidden cache. The modern version of this is called Geocaching (using GPS to find stuff). I thought it would be interesting to do a few in my area with my kids. So, I googled around and found there are a bunch (maybe even some created by a reader here? I thought I recognized an email address but I won’t out the person). But, as I read I realized that my poor ADD brain (and my son’s) may not be cut out for deciphering the clues. Some letterboxers provide clear clues but others tell fancy stories and cover up the clues as best as possible.

I didn’t get beyond my feeble attempt to demonstrate how to use a compass to navigate in the woods (by using the degrees portion of the compass).

I’m still interested in this but we may have to wait til the kids are a bit older.

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