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Helpful teacher responses to adult reports of their child abuse


Nearly every week we are hearing new stories of long hidden child abuse from adult survivors. When teachers and counselors hear of abuse of those who are minors, our first thoughts ought to go to the question of mandated reporting. Those who come into contact with children in some professional capacity (doctor, teacher, counselor, pastor, etc.) are required to report that abuse to the proper child protection authorities.

But what should teachers and pastors (non-counselors) do when an adult comes and reveals long-hidden victimization as a child? After receiving two similar questions in a week on this topic I posed the question to my colleague, Jenn Zuck. Jenn has a background in victim advocacy and is a counselor and teacher. Here were some of her recommendations (with a few changed by me):

  • Do:  Listen – Let the person tell their story without getting caught up in the details. It may seem scattered and fragmented. That is normal
  • Don’t: Judge – You are not the investigator, prosecutor, or judge. You do not need to make final judgments about what is being told to you. Do not assign any blame to the victim as nothing they did as a child excuses the abuse they experienced
  • Do: Know your responsibility
    • Reporting. Are faculty considered mandated reporters (child abuse, elder abuse, suicidal & homicidal expressions? If a 21-year-old reveals child sexual abuse and suggests another minor is in imminent danger from the abuser, do you have obligations to report
    • What are the school’s policies? Learn them
    • What are the best resources for the person? For example, police dept. numbers, child line numbers, counseling resources, victim service agencies info.
  • Don’t: Offer false promises. For example, “I will take care of it,” “It will all work out/be ok,” “You have nothing to worry about,” etc.
  • Do: Feel empathy, compassion, and care.
  • Don’t: Feel like you have to fix it/solve it, or have an immediate answer on what to do next. Instead, coach the person to seek appropriate help and to manage symptoms in classes. Also, don’t force the person to disclose the abuse to others.
  • Do:Listen for evidence of resilience, adaptation, and other strengths so that abuse is not the only defining feature of the person

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Taunting your Abuser?


Is it ever right to taunt your abuser? Is it Godly?

[WARNING: This is a thought experiment…not a recommendation!]

My wife is working on some presentations she’ll be making on the book of Habakkuk and so we have been looking at the book and talking about some of the difficulties in the text (She’s far more insightful on these things than I am!). The 2nd chapter contains a taunt against the oppressor/abuser Babylon. God is having a conversation with Habakkuk and the short version goes like this:

Habakkuk: Why are you allowing all this sin among your people? Do something!

God: I will. I’m sending Babylon and they will carry Judah off.

Habakkuk: Um…God…Babylon? Really? You do know they are like the most heathen people? You’re going to use the worst group of people in the world to judge us? You know we’re not THAT bad?

God: Yup. I’m going to do something that blows you away. I’m up to something you can’t even imagine. I know that Babylon is proud. And here are the taunts you and everyone else is going to throw at them when I judge them.

At this point God appears to give them words to use when the time comes. Consider 2:15-16

Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbors, pouring it from the wineskin till they are drunk, so that he can gaze on their naked bodies. You will be filled with shame instead of glory. Now it is your turn! Drink and be exposed. The cup from the Lord’s right hand is coming around to you, and disgrace will cover your glory.

It would appear that God has no problem taunting humans in their rebellion and depravity. When God taunts, he is speaking truth. When we speak truth, along with God, about unrighteousness then maybe such a taunt is a possibility:

You’ve abused me but just you wait. God is in heaven above. He sees and he will judge. You will face the consequences of what you have done, either in this life or at the last day. There will be justice!

Just an Old Testament thing?

Are taunts only in the OT? Does Jesus do away with them when he tells us to love our enemies? Apparently loving one’s enemies does not mean not speaking a taunt. Notice that Luke records Jesus making ten different “woe to you” taunts against religious leaders and other unbelieving/arrogant people. Can Jesus be failing the second greatest commandment?

Clearly the taunts in the OT or Jesus’ curses of unbelieving religious leaders are not normative. We are not called to do this. But…maybe their existence does a couple of things for us.

  • Give Godly words for the private and possibly public comments made by victims of abuse (note: these words do not approve of revenge, bitterness, or other ungodly motivations. But desire for justice is a good and Godly desire and should be expressed!)
  • Allow others to validate victims’ experience of injustice without pressing for a quick Romans 8:28 response

A word of caution

Habakkuk 2 ends with a postscript to the 5 taunt songs against Babylon.

But the Lord is in his holy temple; let all the earth be silent before him

Judah was guilty of injustice (1:3). They did not have clean hands. They were not innocent. God did give them words of taunt to use against Babylon. Yet, before God they needed to be silent and humble. The cup of wrath that Babylon would drink is passed over God’s people–not because of their innocence but because of God’s providential love. Christ drinks to the dregs that cup of wrath in our stead. He gives us a better cup to drink.  It is far too easy to consider ourselves innocent and our enemies guilty. We ought to stand in silence and awe because we have not been treated as we rightly deserve.

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An Ode to a Grandfather


I’ve written a post for my seminary’s faculty blog that can be found here. It is about a man who functioned as a grandfather to me during my most formative years. Mr. Ballard died recently and so I wrote a few reflections.

If you go and read the post, you’ll get to see a picture of me during my last hunting trip with Mr. Ballard (and my father on the right). It was during Thanksgiving in either 1990 or 1991. You gotta love the mismatched clothes: a ski jacket, hunter red pants and flame orange to boot. The photo was taken on Terrible Mountain, just off Rte 100 near Okemo Mountain. This area had all that I love in New England woods: old logging trails, half-hidden stone walls from generations ago when the area was used for farming, and a burbling trout stream. Add to it the chance to have a fire to toast a sandwich and you have all you need for a peaceful day.

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Summer counseling courses announced!


Biblical is offering 2 fantastic summer counseling courses for your consideration.  In both classes, you will walk away with practical tools! Both classes are hybrid (meaning you have both online and in person portions) and can be taken for 1 or 2 credits or for continuing education. Click the attached PDF  for more details: BIB-0112-BFINAL. The classes are:

One Session Coaching: Action Focused Change

Taught by Pam Smith, VP for Student Advancement and Coach

When? July 6-7 at Biblical Seminary: Who should take the course? Counselors and church leaders.

Abuse in the Church: Biblical, Legal, & Counseling Perspectives

Taught by my self and Boz Tchividjian (Liberty Law School, founder of GRACE, and a former child abuse prosecutor)

When? July 20-21 (at BranchCreek Church, Harleysville, PA) Who should take this course? Anyone who wants to see the church a safer place. Breakout sessions will focus on counselors and also church leaders.

Both courses are expected to fill up fast given their practical focus. Sign up ASAP by contacting either,

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Painting in your good clothes and other self-deceptions


“Hi, I’m Phil and I have a confession to make: I paint in my good clothes.”

I live in a one hundred year old house where plaster walls crumble and where 2 active boys do things that cause the woodwork and doors to chip. So, routinely, I need to break out the paint and touch up holes and chips. This weekend, I needed to fix an area (approximately 1.5 feet by 3 feet) of plaster. Once the plaster was repaired, I needed to paint. I went to the basement, found a dropcloth (something I don’t always use), a brush, a stirrer, a screwdriver, and the paint and was soon back upstairs with brush in hand ready to paint. Within a few minutes, I was done the job.

Leaning back and admiring my work, I looked down and caught a glimpse of a few paint specks on my jeans. Looking a bit more, I found a smudge of paint on my pull-over–the good one I wear to work. Painting in my good clothes? What was I thinking to do something so foolish?

Some things ought to be obvious. Don’t poke a hornets’ next. Don’t drink and drive? Don’t air your dirty laundry on Facebook for all to see. Don’t take racy pictures of your self on your smart phone. And, don’t paint in your good clothes.

Funny thing, we do lots of things that we really know we ought not to do. But even more funnier…we do these things again even after prior epic fails. In essence, we don’t learn from our mistakes.  

Why is this the case? Why do we fail to grasp the obvious in the midst of our decisions? Why does our common sense fail us when 2 seconds of thinking will enable us to predict what will and what won’t turn out well. We overeat and gain weight. We gossip and ruin relationships. We cover up failures with lies and lose trust. We cheat and suffer with silent guilt and shame. We paint in our good clothes and ruin them.

Here’s a couple of reasons why we do these things:

1. We lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves we have it all under control. We won’t make any mistakes. We’ll be careful. No one will know.

2. We cut corners to get the things we want. We want satisfaction now so we post on Facebook what we are feeling without considering the consequences. We want to finish painting so we can do something more pleasurable and so we don’t change clothes.

3. We fail to identify the core problem after we’ve made a mistake. The main reason we don’t seem to learn well from our past mistakes is that we often only regret the outcome rather than come to grips with the source of our impulsive behavior.

I feel badly that I got paint on my pullover. But, do I understand that the reason I did so is because I have a habit of trying to complete tasks as quickly as possible–laziness–rather than a habit of doing a job the right way.

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Translating EFT into Christian Psychology? Publication notice


My friend and colleague Mike McFee (Eastern University) and I recently had an article published in the latest edition of the Journal of Psychology & Christianity (v. 30, pp 317-328). In it we tried to tackle how someone from a Christian Psychology perspective might interact with Emotion-Focused Therapy, a popular treatment protocol.

Here’s how we started our paper,

Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) is a rapidly growing treatment system offering empirically based treatment for couples and families. As with many current secular theories of psychology, EFT is embedded in humanistic assumptions which propose a few challenges to the Christian practitioner…. Using the methodology of Eric Johnson…this essay explores the practices of translating EFT into a Christian Psychology.

Next we identify a problem for counselors. We say that being christian and thinking christianly is supposed to influence all that we do. But, the truth is much of what goes on in Christian counseling doesn’t look that much different from counseling from markedly different ideologies. Both are compassionate and use similar techniques. The problem isn’t always bad integration but that we haven’t defined well the various levels of translation between two languages (i.e., humanistic founded EFT and Christian psychology).

The rest of the essay explores the two languages and 3 kinds of translation possibilities depending on the context and need, rather than is a one-size-fits-all approach. We conclude with a case example and actual dialog to show one kind of translation work.

What are the 3 kinds of translation? You’ll have to read if you want to know? There has to be SOME mystery, right?

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Financial questions about becoming a Christian psychologist


Recently, I received a  blog comment to an post I wrote a year ago about the decision process for those thinking about pursuing doctoral programs in psychology. You can read that old post here. In response, Emily asked,

I’m really wondering what you’re thoughts are on places like Rosemead and Fuller. They appear to be wonderful institutions but I have heard that students come out with $100,000+ worth of debt. Is that really worth it, or would it be just as well to get two separate degrees – one in psychology and one in theology. Doing my own research, I’ve discovered that to get a PsyD at Rosemead would cost me over $200,000 for 5 years. That includes tuition, miscellaneous fees, books, and the cost of housing in SoCal. I just can’t decide whether it’s worth it or not and I would love to know the thoughts of a Christian Psychologist on this.

Emily’s question is very important. Much of the time, we answer questions about doctoral training by discussing career goals, philosophy of education, and theological training. However, it is a huge oversight to ignore the high cost of a doctorate in clinical psychology. So, I want to respond to the issue of economics by raising a few questions for the person considering doctoral education.

What is your desired career outcome? Is it necessary to have a doctorate?

Wait, this doesn’t sound like an economics question, right? Well, if you are thinking about taking on a sizable debt then you ought to consider whether or not you absolutely need to do it. If you want to be a professor in a University, then you’d better be looking for a PhD (probably over a PsyD which tends to cost more). If you want to counsel people, you might not need a PhD or PsyD. You might be fine with a Masters’ degree and really good supervision by a doctoral level psychologist. If you really want the extra years of training and the possiblity of supervising others, then maybe the doctorate is right for you. If you don’t know if you need a doctorate for what you want to do, then find out first before you take on the debt load.

Can I find a cheaper PhD/PsyD program?

Some of the Christian programs tend to be longer and therefore more costly. The reason is that these programs believe (rightly so) that theological training is essential. While I am a proponent of an integrated (theological and psychological training), you may be able to find cheaper theological training and mentoring in another format while completing a secular (and shorter) degree program in clinical psychology. It is possible that a seminary degree or certificate in theological or biblical studies will provide you want you need. Or, you may be able to befriend a well-trained pastor or counselor who will mentor you for free or for a meal and and coffee. The question you need to evaluate is whether you want theological competency or a degree to show up on your vita? Do you need to get the official “blessing” of a degree to get a job?  Are you prepared to complete a secular based psychology degree and confident that your value system will remain intact? If not, you could undertake some graduate training in theology first and then complete your doctoral training elsewhere.

What is the likelihood you can pay off your school debt quickly?

Will you be able to secure a job that pays well enough to pay off your debt, pay your living expenses and/or purchase a house at the same time? Are you wanting to be a missionary psychologist with a 200K debt? Do you know what the going salary is for individuals working in the field you want to enter? You should check out www.apa.org for some very helpful data (search their site for “salary” and check out the information) such as this link or this one on the current debt load and salaries of the field.  Some psychology grads have been able to land jobs that enable them to pay off federal loans in an abbreviated fashion in return for their years of service in an underserved population.

One way that students reduce their debt is by (a) marrying someone rich (just kidding…though I was married to someone able to command a great salary), (b) working full-time while going to school full-time, (c) reducing expenses by living in a communal setting, or (d) getting work study for tuition reduction. Options A and D may be limited. Option B is possible but may drive you insane as you do it.

Finally, do you have family/friends who want to give to your educational needs?

I know of a student who held a dinner for important friends/family/church members in the church basement. After the meal, he made a presentation to all about his educational dreams and desire for training. He asked them to give…and they did. I imagine there might be some creative ways for people to give and get a tax credit for it. If what you want to do is important and will fill a void…someone might be willing to help fund you. Friends? Family? Church? Employer?

I was blessed by being able to get through a 5 year (4 years of coursework and 1 year postdoc year) program with no debt at all. We lived very frugally. My wife had a great job. We received some inheritance. I worked a couple of different part-time jobs. Somehow, we survived for a year of postdoc life with a newborn (adopted even! Thank goodness for adoption tax credits) on about 11,000 dollars of salary. The Lord provided. The degree was absolutely essential for what I wanted to do.

If you are thinking about this kind of major decision. Pray. Ask for those you trust to offer their advice and to pray with you for an open door.

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Health effects of traumatic stress on infants


In Rwanda we hear that children born after the genocide exhibit signs of trauma–even though they did not experience it firsthand. You could hypothesize a number of reasons for this:

  • Hearing of the stories of lost loved ones; being told that their neighbors were killers
  • Having peers in school stigmatize: “You are Hutu, you are a killer. You are Tutsi, you are a cockroach.”
  • Seeing pictures of genocide

Notice that all three have to do with the child’s internalization of trauma through their environment.

But what if their trauma began in utero and biologically altered their capacity to handle stress? Consider these words by Maggie Schauer (available to be seen in context here),

Exposure to significant stressors during sensitive developmental periods causes the brain to develop along a stress-responsive pathway. The brain and mind become organized in a way to facilitate survival in a world of deprivation and danger, enhancing an individual’s capacity to rapidly and dramatically shift into an intense, angry, aggressive, fearful, or avoiding state when threatened. This pathway is costly and non-adaptive in peaceful environments. Babies born with a deformed stress-regulating system (HPA-a) experience higher and faster arousal peaks, longer intervals of crying and irritability, and impaired affect regulation (Sondergaard et al., 2003). (p. 398, emphasis mine)¹

How might this information help us better understand how “the sins of the fathers” (or whoever is the abusive individuals or communities) extend beyond primary victims to those victim’s children? How might this help us train survivors to understand what might be happening in their children and support parenting strategies that will encourage healing. Might it also help survivors to feel less guilty for the struggles of their children? Survivors don’t ask to be abused and can’t help the impact on their children while in utero.

Now, not every child with a “deformed stress regulating system” is that way due to the mother’s stress. We just don’t know why one child has a good stress regulation system and why another does not. But we can say that those whose stress regulation seems broken (or different) likely need different parenting strategies and a different paradigm in understanding volition (will) when it comes to their outbursts.

 ¹ Schauer, M., & Schauer, E. (2010). Trauma-focused public mental-health interventions: A paradigm shift in humanitarian assistance and aid work. In E. Martz (ed.) Trauma Rehabilitation after War and Conflict (pp. 389-428). Springer

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2011 the year of abuse and trauma? Or the year of speaking out?


In our 24/7 news saturated world, we are kept apprised of the traumas around the world: earthquakes, famines, nuclear catastrophes, mass murder, ethnic cleansing, rape as a tool of war. Of recent months, we have heard much about child sexual abuse. Most of what we hear has to do with abuse having taken place years before, sometimes decades ago.

Nonetheless, we could easily label 2011 as the year of abuse allegations against those who were thought to be respectful citizens. This year, the ones that got the most attention were male child sexual abuse allegations.

But I prefer to think about 2011 as the year where child sexual abuse reporting broke through the veil of secrecy. Abuse has been happening ever since our loss of Eden. And cover-ups are the norm. Maybe this year we saw a bit more willingness to speak out about past abuse. That would be a good thing if this continues.

Does it seem to you that we are having more abuse reports? Well, you are not alone in that opinion. Check out this recent Reuters reporting on the uptick of abuse calls to organizations like RAINN and the national Childhelp hotline after the Penn State and Syracuse abuse cases. RAINN reports a 54% increase in contacts and the Childhelp line reports a 20% increase.

Could there be an increase in false allegations? Sure. And every false allegation hurts not just the one being falsely accused but also every abuse victim who may not be believed. However, let us remember that when child abuse was first discussed in psychology (think Freud), it was treated as hysteria. Most allegations are true. It requires too much sacrifice of public dignity, too much loss of family relationships to have many false negatives.

An idea for 2012

How about this year we commit to child safety and prevention of abuse? 2012 as the year the church takes the lead in wholistic  care for abuse victims? This means we speak up when we see inappropriate behavior. We develop appropriate policies (and then carry them out) for all in the church, including pastors. This means we preach and teach on child protection. This means we assess our own attitudes and actions that might support child abuse (e.g., use of porn, failing to hold each other accountable, etc.). Finally, this means talking about restorative justice for victims, hope-building for victims, and care for those who abuse.

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Year-end giving opportunities for trauma recovery


Friends,

Just a few days before the end of 2011 some of you may be considering year-end charitable giving ideas. You may not 11.5 million dollars to give away (like Google did to orgs like IJM!) but every dollar counts. Below are some of my suggestions if you are looking to give to trauma recovery efforts both here and around the world. I am absolutely sure there are many more good places that are excellent choices than I list here but I include my favorites and you can feel free to add your favorites in the comments section. I also admit that the first two choices might just directly benefit the work I do.

1. Trauma Training Ministry

A. Biblical Seminary. Yes. Biblical Seminary is involved in global trauma recovery efforts. Readers here will remember my posts about our trip to the DRC and Rwanda this fall. We will be launching trauma recovery training in 2012 (continuing education and graduate studies) by the summer. Look for more info on this site. Read Biblical’s December 2011 appeal letter by me sent to Biblical’s friends and family (sorry didn’t have a pdf version with letterhead). Gifts will support training costs and research.

2. East African Trauma Recovery 

A. She’s My Sister. The American Bible Society is using Scripture to engage individuals and communities suffering through the trauma of ethnic violence, especially women having been raped in the region. Their trauma healing workshops trains pastors and local leaders to be trauma healing facilitators in their own communities and in their own language. I can attest that those who go through the trainings are both active in giving away what they received and changed by what they learn. Click the “give” button on the side and choose how many women you wish to help.

B. DOCS Hospital. A medical ministry providing needed surgeries to women with fistulas as the result of rape in the DRC. They are doing fine work there and are serving many women who cannot control their urination without the repairs being done.

3. Domestic Trauma Recovery

A. The Place of Refuge. A counseling ministry to North Philadelphians. Specializing in trauma counseling work. I have known Elizabeth Hernandez since we first met in a counseling class in 1988. She is a fine woman, expert counselor, and an upright and godly person. Donations to Refuge will absolutely extend their ministry to many abused individuals.

B. GRACE. GRACE is a ministry to educate the christian community about the scourge of sexual abuse. GRACE is also involved in providing direction for victims of abuse and in bringing light to abuse cover-ups. As a board member I can attest to the fine work GRACE does with those reaching out for help in knowing what to do in preventing and responding to abuse in Christian settings.

4. Global Recovery Efforts

A. International Justice Mission. They may have received a large donation from Google for work done in India but they are fighting for freedom and justice for enslaved peoples around the world.

Whether you choose one of these fine ministries or one of your own, consider giving to trauma recovery projects this year.

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