Category Archives: “phil monroe”

March 9, 2011 · 5:13 am

Suffering and infertility


Some 18-19 years ago my wife and I were struggling with the secret pain of infertility. When everyone around seemed to be getting pregnant we couldn’t…and didn’t. Now, almost 2 decades later, the pain is a distant event in the past. I hesitate to say this because too often suffering people are patted on the back and given trite words of “encouragement”, but…I am thankful for the suffering because it has improved my sense of compassion for others and also my awareness of how God meets us in our pain.

But make no mistake, it wasn’t easy. And I don’t want to go through it again.

Some years ago we wrote about our experience and our spiritual struggles in an essay in the Journal of Biblical Counseling (CCEF’s journal). I mention all this because a friend of mine on staff at a church in NC wrote a short note about it (following a sermon on Zechariah and Elizabeth) and linked to the journal article. You can read my friend Brad’s intro here in their church blog.

Funny thing, this article seems to get more comments from readers than all of the other writings I’ve published put together. I guess it really touches a nerve. And not just with infertile couples. We’ve had comments from those who have had other kinds of losses as well.

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August 18, 2010 · 5:50 am

Twenty Years!


Today marks my 20th anniversary of marriage to my wonderful wife Kim. Twenty years ago today she consented to marry me–a young and naive boy with little evidence of capacity to make a living (at that time I had a BA in theology and was working on an MA in religion). Since then, she has let me practice into adulthood at her expense. This is not to say she had no misgivings.Let me tell you about it…

We met as Seminary students and had been friends for about a year when I got the bright idea that we ought to date. Our friendship had been built on spending time together on walks/hikes and her making meals for me every so often (it helped to be a skinny, poor seminary student). The idea of dating came quite clear to me when one day she told me she was going to go on a date with someone from church. I realized right then and there I had no interests making room for other guys. So, I opened up the “dating” conversation sometime in January 1990. It seemed an obvious and natural progression of our relationship. She did not see it that way. She wished to remain as (dreaded) friends but I was too young (23) for her and not her concept of a financially stable person. By some miracle I managed to hide my disappointment and accept the “friend” status. We continued to hang out as I was determined to not fade away. She, unbeknownst to me, polled friends and even a shared professor about me and got the overwhelming advice that she should not look down upon my youth.

On her birthday some six weeks later she let me take her out to a restaurant to celebrate. It so happens to have been a rather nice one. Can’t remember why I chose that one but I’m sure I was still trying to impress. During dinner she handed me a small wrapped box–the size a ring might come in. Beneath a bit of soft stuffing lay a piece of paper that said, “I would like to change my answer to yes.”

I knew right then we would marry. Six months later, we did.

Being young and naive, I didn’t know how much of a good woman I married. Here’s a bit of what I got:

1. A woman with a short memory for wrongs and quick to forgive

2. A woman willing to go on adventures with me

3. A woman who loves to learn and loves to talk about ideas, whether politics, theology, or baseball

In short, I got a great friend AND a wife all in one! I definitely got the better of this deal!

Happy anniversary Hon.

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February 23, 2010 · 6:13 pm

Dealing with unexpected losses


Some years ago, my wife and I wrote an article for CCEF’s Journal of Biblical Counseling entitled, “The Bible and the Pain of Infertility.” Of all my published writings, this article has garnered the most responses from readers. I don’t think it is because it is so well written as much as it touches many where they most hurt. Even though the article is about infertility, readers have commented that they found it related to their loss of a loved one, the unexpected loss of a career, a chronic disease.

Not that long ago I was asked to review a chapter manuscript on pastoral care of infertile couples. I was shocked to learn that he could find no serious work (than ours) attempting to think pastorally about infertility. Not sure he is right but it probably means we need more on the topic.

I say all this because CCEF has put the article up for free on the top of their homepage. Click here for their homepage. Click the image at the top of their page and it should take you to the full text article.

Enjoy. Pass it on to others you think might benefit, especially those who suffer in secret.

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February 11, 2010 · 2:32 pm

Winter personality test


Try on this question to determine your snow related personality:

Do you shovel once at the end of the storm or do you shovel multiple times to reduce the amount of snow you move at a given time?
This only works for those of us who still shovel…

I’m a multiple shovel kind of guy.

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January 5, 2010 · 5:03 am

Standing with Rwanda


For those interested in pictures (from the Rwanda Embassy in DC) and formal information about what the AACC, Dr. Diane Langberg, and others including myself are planning on doing in Rwanda, click the following: MOU AACC alert.

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November 13, 2009 · 4:00 am

When Sex in Marriage Doesn’t Work


Today is the first full day of the CCEF annual conference in Valley Forge, PA. The conference is entitled, “Sex Matters” and so all plenary and breakouts are on said theme. It is not too late to drop by if live in the area and want to register. I believe they will still take walk-ups.

Besides the faculty-led plenary sessions, Lauren Winner (Girl Meets God; Mudhouse Sabbath, & Real Sex) will speak on Saturday. For those of you who can’t come, CCEF sells mp3 downloads on their website.

I will be providing an hour long seminar entitled, “When Sex in Marriage Doesn’t Work” at 4 pm today. We will focus on desire, arousal, technique, and relationship problems (whether perceived, physical or emotional) couples sometimes encounter. Slides and an additional home-grown sex therapy questionnaire is available here (#16 on the list, scroll to the bottom).

The best part is that after I’m done, Biblical Seminary is hosting a pizza party for current students and alums (5:30p) at our information table.

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August 10, 2009 · 9:54 am

Happenings


I’m passing on a couple of items from my schedule…

1. Speaking. I’ll be speaking at Macedonia Baptist Church (Norristown, PA) on the next two Wednesdays (8/12 and 8/19) for their Summer Bible Conference (theme: Mental Health Awareness). This week will be on Sexual Addiction and the 19th will be on the topic of Anxiety.

2. School. We start late this year on 9/14. For those interested in our course offerings, check out Biblical’s site for course listings. Note that we have entry level, advanced, and post-MA courses on Monday nights. I’m teaching an on-line course (Social & Cultural Foundations of Counseling) and two face to face classes (Counseling & Physiology, Psychological Assessment). Should be fun!

3. Conference 1. The AACCis hosting it’s World Conference in Nashville Sept. 16-19. My colleague, Bryan Maier, and myself will be speaking there. On the 16th, Diane Langberg and myself will be presenting a 3 hour preconference workshop about addressing the problem of pastoral sexual abuse. Later in the week, I’ll be lecturing on the use of the Bible with trauma clients.  If you like zooy places, then come as that is the best description I have for the Opryland Hotel.

4. Conference 2. November 13-15 is the annual CCEF conference, entitled, Sex Matters. I’ll be presenting on the 14th, “When Sex in Marriage Doesn’t Work.”

5. Newly published. The latest issue of the Journal of Psychology & Christianity(v. 28:2) is just out on the topic of Theophostic Prayer Ministry and related issues. I and my George Schwab have an article in that edition: “God as healer: A Closer Look at Biblical Images of Inner Healing.” Plus, a number of the other articles site previous work that Bryan Maier and I did a few years ago where we critiqued TPM’s theological bases. 

6. In the works. I’ve just completed work on a booklet, “Sexual Addiction: When is Residential Treatment an Option?” It is intended to be an ebooklet published by a local ministry. We are researching the best way to publish such a booklet for those caught in the trap of an addiction. If any of you have any great ideas for the best way to get that out on the Internet (including issues around document delivery, sales, and pricing), I’d love to hear about it.

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May 29, 2009 · 5:51 am

I’m not worthy…


…to be on the same page as David Powlison and Mike Emlet! Check out CCEF’s home page. They have the audacity to put my mug up there (advertising next year’s annual conference) right next to David. That should never be!

Fun.

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