Category Archives: Christianity

Repost at AACC: Seven Questions About Your Church Abuse Prevention Policy


The AACC has reposted my blog designed to help church leaders and counselors review current child abuse prevention policies. You can see the post at their site by clicking here.

As I say in the post, every church with any insurance policy likely has some measure of policy. However, why settle for something designed only to limit liability? Such an approach does not seek first the protection of the vulnerable. Rather, limiting liability places the protection of the organization ahead of the protection of children. In fact, policies that are tools of protection of children will also limit liability. We just need to get the order straight.

For further information and help with child protection, don’t forget to check out G.R.A.C.E.

 

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Filed under AACC, Abuse, Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, church and culture, ethics

Things you won’t hear often in graduate counseling programs


In my last post I made mention of Dr. Langberg’s presentations last Monday night. One of her talks was entitled, “Ten Things About Counseling You Don’t Usually Hear in Graduate School.” At some point we may be able to upload video of that talk but just to whet your appetite, here are a couple of her 10 items,

  • Counseling is not nice. Most people get into the counseling business because they want to help people and because others have indicated that they have a gift for listening. Without being negative about the work of counseling, Dr. Langberg reminded us that to counsel with others is to invite garbage into your life. People don’t come to counseling to talk about the good things…
  • Similarly, the stuff of counseling is contagious; it will change you.
  • Counseling will expose you. It will expose your limits of patience, rationality, and love. It will expose your baser reasons for being a counselor.
  • Christian counseling is doing God’s work. It is not our work.
  • Christian counseling is doing God’s work for him (not for ourselves or others).

Just a taste. But she concluded with this call,

Listen acutely. Study avidly. Be the Word.

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Filed under Christianity, counseling, counseling skills, Diane Langberg

7 questions about your church’s abuse policy


Over at Biblical Seminary’s faculty blog, I have a new guest post up pointing readers to 7 important questions to ask as they review their church’s existing abuse policy. One of the questions ISN’T whether or not your church HAS an abuse policy. I assume that every church has one already.

Read the post here.

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Filed under "phil monroe", biblical counseling, Biblical Seminary, Christianity, Doctrine/Theology

Is All Counseling Theological?


Why do we have to study theology? I don’t need that to be a good counselor?

These are words I have heard from students studying counseling and/or psychology in both university settings and seminaries. What would you say?

Biblical and theological training in professional programs?

Most Christian institutions offering counseling or psychology graduate programs require some level of theological engagement. Otherwise, why exist? Some do so via specific course work while others embed the theological or biblical material into classic counseling courses. At Biblical, we do both. We require traditional counseling courses such as Marriage & Family, Helping Relationships, Psychopathology, Social & Cultural Foundations, etc. In these courses we explore counseling theory and practice from an evangelical Christian psychology perspective. We also require students to complete courses like, “Counseling & the Biblical Text” and “Counseling & Theology: Cultural Issues” where they engage biblical texts and theological study as they consider how it forms counseling theory/practice and shapes the character of the counselor.

Is all counseling theological?

Yes. And David Powlison in the most recent CCEF NOW magazine (2-4) talks about this very fact. Here are some choice tidbits,

…counselors deal with your story. In fact, they become players in that story. By word and deed, even by their line of questioning, they inevitably offer some form of editing or rescripting, some reinterpretation of your story.

Counseling is inescapably a moral and theological matter. To pretend otherwise is to be naive, deceived, or duplicitous.

…all counseling uncovers and edits personal stories…. All counseling must and does deal with questions of true and false, good and evil, right and wrong, value and stigma, glory and shame, justification and guilt.

All counseling explicitly or implicitly deals with questions of redemption, faith, identity, and meaning.

Thus, if value-free counseling is not possible (the very questions we ask lead clients in one direction or another), then it stands to reason that every counselor ought to explore the theologies (doctrines, interpretations, beliefs, etc.) he or she brings into the counseling room. Who is God? How does God operate? What is the purpose of the Bible? Does it have anything to say about my life, my attitudes, my relationships? What is sin? What is my purpose in life? What does God think about my suffering? And on we could go.

But counseling is NOT theologizing

But lest you think that Christian counselors spend a great deal of time plying clients with the right answers, on sin hunts, or catechising clients, let us remember that exhortation rarely makes for good counseling. In fact, most clients are well aware of their sins–even those who do not call themselves “believers.” And those who have correct theology are not less likely to have trouble in their relationships or less likely to struggle with racing thoughts or depression or less likely to get caught in addictive behavior.

Instead, good christian counseling consists mainly of,

  1. loads of stimulating questions designed not to get the “right” answer but to awaken the client to how they think, act, believe, relate, etc.
  2. Short observations to stimulate more critical understanding of the personal narratives being written, and
  3. Collegial exploration and practice of new narratives, perceptions, and behaviors.

Wait, just what is Christian about these three points? Couldn’t unbelieving counselors agree with this list? Sure they could. What makes these three activities Christian is the submission of both counselor and client to core convictions and practices of Christ followers.

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Filed under biblical counseling, christian counseling, Christianity, counseling skills, Doctrine/Theology, teaching counseling, Uncategorized

Abuse and Pastors: An Open Letter from a Pastor to Pastors


This letter and website link was forwarded to me today. I don’t know Jeff Crippen but I do like his utter honesty about the cultural influences in some conservative settings that encourage domestic and sexual abuse and that implicitly encourage injustice to victims of oppression.

I encourage you all to read this…especially if you were once a victim and your church didn’t care well for you. Maybe this will bring some healing.

Abuse and Pastors: An Open Letter from a Pastor to Pastors.

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Filed under Abuse, Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, church and culture

Playing fair in politics? Is it possible?


Getting tired yet of the lies and distortions of the current presidential election race? Tired of the Republican/Democrat fights? Tired of biased media? Would you just like a bit of humility and truth? Well, you might want to read Dr. Sam Logan’s new post over at our Biblical Seminary blog.

His point? Start with yourself. Start by telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth about those with whom you disagree. Imagine pointing out the successes of those in an opposing political or theological party. Imagine pointing out an error without hyperbole or exaggeration.

The section that caught me up short was reviewing what the Westminster Divines saw as violations of the 9th commandment. Sobering. Let Christians be known for telling the whole truth, in love, no matter the personal consequences. Let us not give in to fear-mongering just because others do. And even when it might cost us friends, let us acknowledge the good points our enemies make. Let us play fair even if others do not.

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Filed under Biblical Seminary, Christianity, church and culture, News and politics

Slides for Abuse in the Church available here


For those of you who attended or are interested, all PowerPoint slides for our recent Abuse in the Church: Biblical, Legal, & Counseling Perspectives are now available. In the future, we will also make available the audios and video…but that will take a bit of time since we are doing the editing in-house.

The slides from my talk can be found separately on this site. Click the “Articles, Slides…” link at the top of the page and then scroll to the bottom for one file containing all 4 slide sets. Boz Tchividjian’s are made available here (PLEASE NOTE: DO NOT alter or disseminate these slides without Boz’ permission–contact www.netgrace.org):

Plenary One: Offenders in the Church BT

Plenary Two: Minimizing the Opportunities BT

Breakout: When Faith Hurts BT

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Filed under Abuse, biblical counseling, Christianity, counseling, Psychology

What is therapeutic presence?


If you go to a counselor, you’d probably prefer that person to be awake versus asleep, to pay attention to you versus check their smart phone, to respond to what you are talking about versus make non sequitur responses. As I’ve noted here before, it is probably better to have a counselor who cares about you than one who has a big bag of techniques–though most of us would prefer our counselors to care AND be competent.

Therapeutic presence is a way of talking about the act of being with our clients in such a way as to build safe, trust-filled relationships where clients can grow and change. I think most people can easily identify failures of therapeutic presence. Try these on for fun:

CLIENT: I’m just so depressed.

THERAPIST: You think you are depressed? Let me tell you about depression. I have a client who just lost job, family, church, home. Now, that is something to be depressed about. You just had a bad day, that’s all.

Or,

CLIENT: I don’t understand why God would take away this job from me.

THERAPIST: Well, theologically speaking, God does things for all sorts of reasons. He sometimes does this to cause us to trust him more, to reveal some sin, to give him glory.

Notice how both responses fail miserably to be either therapeutic or present with the person in the moment of counseling. Not hard to miss, right? So here’s a question: Why do so many of us counselors, even seasoned ones at that, fail the “presence” test?

My answer? When we fail to be present in helpful ways, it reveals a lack of preparation and a lack of attention to purpose.

Shari Geller and Leslie Greenberg (in Therapeutic Presence: A Mindful Approach to Effective Therapy. APA, 2012) define the building blocks of therapeutic presence as

    • how therapists prepare for being present (in personal life and in session)
    • the process (or therapist activities) of being present (aka purposing to be present)
    • the experience of being present

Sound like mumbo-jumbo? Here’s another way of putting it. What does a counselor need to do to be ready to be in tune with their clients? What do they do to stay in tune when with clients, and are they aware of when they are failing to be in tune? (If I am unaware, then I am likely to get out of tune.)

Here are some things counselors ought to be asking themselves:

  • Do I have adequate space to move from my private life to being present with my clients? Do I have enough space between clients? The answer is not always an amount of time, but what we do during the space between.
  • As I prepare for sessions, what am I meditating and praying about? For example, if I pray for clients to be free from something that has them bound up, I could accidentally encourage myself to push for change or to talk about a subject that the client is not able or ready to talk about. I’m all for praying for healing. I just think we have other prayers to pray as well. “Lord, help me to be with the client today and not focused on my own personal goals for them.”
  • Am I staying present with their mood, their cognitions, their silences in such a way that it is as easy to talk about what is happening in the session as it is to talk about what happened in the past or might happen in the future?
  • When I sense a disconnect, am I quick to invite dialogue and learn (vs. avoid or defend/explain away)?

Therapeutic presence isn’t everything. I could be present with someone and no healing might take place. But without therapeutic presence, I will only be a barrier to whatever growth is taking place. When I do it well, I imagine that I might see just a tiny glimpse of how Jesus was with the woman caught in adultery, the Samaritan woman, or with Peter after he had abandoned Jesus.

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Filed under biblical counseling, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, counseling, counseling skills, Psychology, Uncategorized

Reflections of the Conference at biblical.edu


I’ve posted over at www.biblical.edu some reflections and encouraging thoughts (at least to me) from our recent conference/course on the issue of abuse in the church. Direct link is here: http://www.biblical.edu/index.php/faculty-blog/96-regular-content/561-stopping-abuse-is-like-encouraging-reflections-from-the-weekend-conference.

Let me take my supposition in that post just a bit further. If our conference protected 500 children from being sexually victimized (just 10 (or 10% of the churches represented) were able to have robust child abuse prevention programs and thus could deny a predator access to their 50 plus victims) then such a conference might in fact save millions of dollars in therapy (assuming 20k in therapy over a lifetime).

Okay, I know, my numbers assume a predator in every one of these churches, that all victims were in the church and that every victim would get therapy. Not likely. But just sayin’…that just one safe church can have an outrageously positive impact on an individual and community in regards to unity, flourishing, and finances!

Yes, the sins of “fathers” travel down generations. So too, the righteous acts of fathers and mothers will bless future generations in some very tangible ways.

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Filed under Abuse, Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership

Abuse in the Church Course/Conference Begins Tonight!


At 6 pm, our class/conference kicks off at BranchCreek church (Harleysville, PA) and runs through tomorrow afternoon. Boz Tchividjian of GRACE and myself will be providing plenary and breakouts on a variety of topics designed to help church leaders and counselors prevent and respond well to abuse within the church family. We are expecting a good crowd of pastors, church leaders, mental health workers, and of course, grad students!

Still want to come?

It is not too late. Information here. Bring payment (CC or cash/check) to the door. We’ll fit you in!

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Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, Christianity, counseling, counseling and the law, ethics