Category Archives: christian counseling

March 9, 2011 · 5:13 am

Suffering and infertility


Some 18-19 years ago my wife and I were struggling with the secret pain of infertility. When everyone around seemed to be getting pregnant we couldn’t…and didn’t. Now, almost 2 decades later, the pain is a distant event in the past. I hesitate to say this because too often suffering people are patted on the back and given trite words of “encouragement”, but…I am thankful for the suffering because it has improved my sense of compassion for others and also my awareness of how God meets us in our pain.

But make no mistake, it wasn’t easy. And I don’t want to go through it again.

Some years ago we wrote about our experience and our spiritual struggles in an essay in the Journal of Biblical Counseling (CCEF’s journal). I mention all this because a friend of mine on staff at a church in NC wrote a short note about it (following a sermon on Zechariah and Elizabeth) and linked to the journal article. You can read my friend Brad’s intro here in their church blog.

Funny thing, this article seems to get more comments from readers than all of the other writings I’ve published put together. I guess it really touches a nerve. And not just with infertile couples. We’ve had comments from those who have had other kinds of losses as well.

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March 1, 2011 · 1:28 pm

Last Reminder! Sign up now for our Sex Trafficking and Sexual Abuse Conference


Biblical Seminary’s March 17-19 conference on sex trafficking and sexual abuse in Christian communities is filling up. We have space for only 400 attendees. You do NOT want to miss a chance to interact with Dr. Diane Langberg, Bethany Hoang (IJM), Pearl Kim (ADA of Delaware Cty), and Robert Morrison (founder of FREE). If you have been thinking about attending this conference, sign up now. All the information you need about who, what, when, and where is found here. Registration is free and those who would also like academic credit or CEs can see what additional costs and work are required can use the previous link to get more information.

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February 10, 2011 · 5:26 am

When theory, technique and person combine…


Am trying to write an academic journal article on clinical applications of Christian Psychology. Heady…I know. Too heady for me I think. However, in my study I ran across these quotes from

Leitner, L.M. (2007). Theory, Technique, and Person: Technical Integration in Experiential Constructivist Psychotherapy. Journal of Psychotherapy Integration, 17, 33-49.

From his abstract:

From an experiential constructivist position, the distinction between the therapist as a person, the therapist’s theory of psychotherapy, and techniques used within the therapy room is, in some ways, forced and arbitrary.

He starts out this article, after the abstract with,

“Becoming a psychotherapist is not about assembling a bag of tricks and learning the formula for matching tricks (i.e., techniques) with problems. What you do as a therapist emerges from who you are in the therapy room. And, when an intervention comes from who you are, it is no longer a technique.”

SO, it stands to reason that we ought to view therapists in their sessions in order to see what kind of people they are. We therapists often think in terms of theory to practice. But practice probably reveals a truer picture of our theory.

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February 9, 2011 · 5:57 am

Sex Offender Residential Treatment Programs?


After I posted earlier this week about resources for the church to use in caring for sex offenders in the congregation, I got a call asking if I knew of any residential sex offender treatment programs for those having been convicted of a sex crime.

Let me pose this question to readers:

1. Do you know of any quality residential offender treatment programs for post incarceration? Programs would need to accept voluntary admission clients.

2. Do you know of any Christian versions?

Most Christian programs focus on sexual addictions and all that I know of do not accept individuals with felony convictions (usually due to zoning restrictions set up by the community).

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February 8, 2011 · 11:26 am

Godly depression?


Last night my psychopathology class focused on the topic of depression. We covered the usual stuff: various experiences and features of depression and bi-polar disorder, potential medical causes, common medical and psychological treatments, etc.

Depression, as you most likely know, comes in all sizes and shapes and is multifactorial in etiology. Depression involves the body, the mind and spirit, and the environment. Thus, treatments should also cover the gamut, focusing on thoughts, faith, body, and environment. I ended the class pointing briefly to the fact that the English Puritan treatment of depression covered pretty much the same. They encouraged their parishioners to treat their despair and melancholy with these ideas,

  1. Seek the benefit of “Physick” or medical interventions
  2. Accept the comfort of Scriptures and in community with friends (and they also counseled others to avoid over-use of exhortation)
  3. Be mindful of God’s present and past mercies
  4. Utilize the sacraments and other spiritual disciplines
  5. Avoid too much time in introspection, but
  6. Examine oneself to see if there are also hidden issues to be dealt with

Notice the “heart surgery,” as one of my students put it in her paper, doesn’t happen til much work has been done to stabilize and comfort the despairing individual.

KEY QUESTION: Is there such thing as Godly depression?

If so, what would it look like? This question comes out of the view that depression and accompanying hopelessness reveals, to some degree, that a person is failing to trust the Lord.

Or does it? Is it possible to be depressed and spiritually mature? I believe so. So, what signs might you look for to determine that the person in front of you was experiencing a Godly depression? Was St. Paul despairing to the point of death but wholly trusting the Lord at the same time? (2 Cor 1:8f)

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February 7, 2011 · 5:51 am

Sex offender resources for the church


Last week I received a blog comment asking about counseling helps for sex offenders who wish to leave behind their offending behaviors. You can see the question and my answer here. I would add my thoughts from this short essay gives an overview of the kind of growth we want to see in reforming abusers.

This week I was shown some materials designed specifically for churches in order to protect victims (and potential victims) and aid the recovery of sex offenders–whether prosecuted or not.

These materials are published by an English organization, Churches’ Child Protection Advisory Service (CCPAS). They have a number resources relating to the protection of children and describe themselves as,

a professional safeguarding charity providing training, resources, support and advice in all areas of safeguarding and a 24 hour helpline. CCPAS is also an umbrella organisation appointed by the Criminal Records Bureau to process criminal records checks.

The great thing about this organization (yes, I spell it with a z) is that their pamphlets are available for FREE downloads. Their “Help” series covers issues from sex offending and church attendance, sex trafficking, domestic violence, responding to allegations of abuse, etc.

The organization also encourages every church to have a volunteer safe-guarding coordinator.

Also, they have a host of DVDs as well. One I have in my hand is entitled, The Supervision and Pastoral Care of Sex Offenders. It is a 2 DVD set with victim and perpetrator accounts and reviews offender behaviors and helpful assessment, treatment and church supervision plans. You can purchase it on the above websites for about 25 US dollars.

I wasn’t able to review one other item sold by them: Walk the Walk: A Treatment Supplement for Sex Offenders with Christian Beliefs. Authored by Tim Horton and 80 pages in length, it is available on an American site (along with two other titles, one for helping sex offending clergy and for individuals with developmental disabilities.

Finally, a recent Christianity Today article covered the topic of working with sex offenders after prison. It did a good job as far as it went. But too often we concern ourselves with issues such as forgiveness, church attendance, and restoration. These issues are indeed important and ought not be neglected. However, focus for offenders should be on treatment, accountability, and willingness to support the well-being of others over their own supposed rights and freedoms. Diane Langberg and I wrote a letter to the editor that was published in a subsequent edition that might peak your interest.

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January 30, 2011 · 7:42 pm

Planning to go on an international missions trip? Listen first!


Despite the 15 inches of snow we got last week, I was still able to travel to Lynchburg, VA to film a training session (part of a DVD training series by the AACC) with Dr. Josh Straub. [HT to my neighbor who lent me his snowblower so I could finish the driveway before leaving and also to Amtrak that got me there when the airlines couldn’t].

Josh and I met in Rwanda on our exploratory efforts in Rwanda and has been leading the way in our grant preparations for the 3-5 year pilot study we wish to do (anyone have 2 mill lying around?]

The essence of our training followed this outline. I’ll give a couple of examples but since the AACC wants to sell it I won’t give the whole of it away…

  1. Common mistakes made by well-meaning helpers
    1. Naive mistakes
      1. thinking any help is better than none; or that because you desire to go…you should
      2. Failing to listen to locals as to felt needs and solutions
    2. Planning mistakes
      1. Failing to plan for sustainability
      2. Failing to explore the impact of your help (does it make the helpees more helpless? Unintended consequences?
    3. Prejudicial mistakes
      1. Assuming the locals are the only needy ones; failing to have a humble learning stance
  2. Characteristics of a culturally competent helper
    1. Ability to listen well, test hypotheses, etc.
    2. humble
    3. able to walk in the shoes of another
    4. able to develop culture specific info before and during the trip
    5. Not one to be running from problem past (abuse, faith issues, etc.
  3. Considering a plan of actions
    1. Developing a learning plan. Read from multiple perspectives about the people and area you plan to serve; Use google alerts for current developments
      1. Consider history of being helped (prior attempts). For example, if you are serving people who suffered under colonial rule, how will you be perceived?
      2. Listen for existing strengths, local leadership, signs of health
    2. Go, listen some more….long enough to hear honest reflections; debrief (we had some really good questions here!)
    3. Develop obtainable goals and objectives with consideration of sustainability and hand-off to local leadership
    4. Consider privacy and confidentiality issues of those whose stories you plan to use for further fundraising
  4. Concluding thoughts
    1. One of the things I said at the end was the repetition of some thoughts by Rev. Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil on John 4. Notice that Jesus’ cross cultural trip to Samaria included his becoming vulnerable to a Samaritan woman (asking her for a drink), asking good questions, avoiding getting caught up in a political debate, and ultimately ending up with the woman being empowered to bring her fellow villagers to Jesus. You know you have done well when you seen the people you help becoming empowered to lead their own people.

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January 5, 2011 · 5:06 am

Additional information on the March 2011 sex trafficking and abuse conference at Biblical Seminary


I’ve mentioned the conference before here on this site. But here is additional information for those considering the conference in order to acquire either graduate academic or continuing education credit.

NOTE:

  • Conference dates: March 17-19
  • The conference is free for all attendees, only those who want CEs or grad credit will have to pay a fee
  • A PDF of the information below is available here: Please pass on to anyone who might be interested.

Continuing Education at Biblical Seminary

March 17-19, 2011

The Biblical Call: A Christian Response to Human Trafficking and Sexual Abuse[i]

Mental health professionals and clergy interested in attending this seminar may be able to acquire 10 contact hours of continuing education by attending this conference. Biblical Seminary is an accredited graduate institution and thus is qualified as a pre-approved provider of continuing education in the form of graduate coursework by Pennsylvania’s State Board of Social Workers, Marriage and Family Therapists, and Professional Counselors (§47-49.36) and Pennsylvania’s State Board Of Psychology (§41.59). (Attendees who wish to receive academic credit should follow directions in the footnote below.)

While Biblical Seminary provides verification of attendance and a transcript showing completion of the CE course, attendees are responsible to verify acceptance of these hours by their particular licensing boards prior to registering and paying for CEU credits.

The following information may be used to apply for approval to your licensing body.

Speakers:

Diane Langberg, PhD; Bethany Hoang, MDiv; Pearl Kim, JD; Robert Morrison, MBA; Philip G. Monroe, PsyD

Seminar Overview:

This conference continues the “Conversations on Christianity and Culture” series focusing on sexual violence and injustices in a variety of contexts: domestic and international settings and sexual abuse in Christian communities. Attendees will explore these issues from biblical, psychological, legal, and sociological perspectives. The conference will conclude with a focus on practical intervention and prevention strategies.

COST:

The conference is free for all attendees. Register here. Those who wish to receive CE credits will be charged $20.00 per CE unit (0-9 credits) or $180.00 for all 10 CE units. Attendees will be billed following the conference and certificate of attendance will be held until payment is received.

Educational Objectives:

  1. Become familiar with the psychological and sociological data regarding domestic and international trafficking phenomena and also sexual violence within Christian settings
  2. Describe common community and individual consequences resulting from these sexual traumas
  3. Consider biblical and theological factors relating to sexual violence
  4. Identify effective and practical interventions as well as preventative actions to treat and stop sexual slavery and sexual violence

Tentative Schedule:

Thursday, March 17

Speaker Title Time length
B. Hoang Biblical Call: Response to Violence (obj. 3) 1:15
D. Langberg Biblical Call: Global Violence against Women and Children (obj. 1-3) 1:15

Friday, March 18

Speaker Title Time length
B. Hoang International Human Trafficking (obj. 1) 1:15
D. Langberg Domestic Human Trafficking (obj. 1) 1:15
Breakout Sessions (choose two as each session is repeated; total length: 2:30)
B. Hoang Follow up from morning session (obj. 3) 1:15
D. Langberg Follow up from morning session (obj. 1-3) 1:15
P. Kim Spiritual Warfare and Criminal Prosecution (obj. 3) 1:15
R. Morrison Mobilizing all Christians in Effective Action Against Human Trafficking (obj. 4) 1:15

Saturday March 19

Speaker Title Time length
D. Langberg Sexual Abuse in Christian Organizations (obj. 1-4) 1:00
Panel (all speakers) Panel Discussion (obj. 1-4) 1:30

[i] This course is also available for one (1) academic credit. Credit students will be required to complete additional readings and coursework after the seminar. Those interested should view the course syllabus on our school’s website and complete a brief, online non-degree application. Cost for a one credit course is $447.

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December 21, 2010 · 4:02 pm

Christian anxieties?


In light of the holiday stresses and anxieties, I bring you a couple of thoughts regarding “Christian” anxiety.

Everyone faces anxiety at times in their life (unless you lost your amygdala) But some anxieties are unique to evangelical Christians:

1. What if I am out of God’s will? What if I make the wrong choice?

2. What if I committed the sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit?

3. What if I am missing out on the blessing of God? What does it mean if I don’t feel thankful?

4. What if God wants me to stay in this awful situation? What if my situation is God’s punishment for previous sins?

5. What if I’m not sure I believe? Am saved? Have faith?

6. Is God holding out on me because I have weak faith?

I’m sure there are more you could list (feel free to add to this!) that are unique to Christians.

When working with someone struggling with these kinds of intrusive spiritual fears (aren’t all fears intrusive?), I have noted that they often

  • struggle with frequent guilt
  • are comforted by voices around them telling them that they are okay…but the comfort doesn’t last very long as cognitive efforts to convince them they are wrong fail
  • work very hard to do Christian service–sometimes to the point of compulsion

If you or someone you love struggles with these fears consider the following recommendations

1. Listen for the deepest concern. What if’s are almost always present in anxiety. What if I’m not saved? What if God isn’t going to give me my desires? Instead of responding to the surface fear, listen between the lines for deeper concerns (without debating them). For example, fears about not being sure about faith may really be a deep sensation of guilt and or failure to be perfect.

2. Validate AND encourage re-evaluation of the meaning of the fears. Always begin with validation—communicating that (a) it is clear the counselee has a real problem that needs attention, (b) such concerns are painful, BUT—and this is important—, (c) it might be possible that they have mis-identified their spiritual problem. Fear tends to deceive the mind and misdirect attention away from more important matters (e.g., a worry about germs focuses attention on cleanliness but away from underlying fears of being out of control).

3. Counter fear with STOP and MEDITATE techniques. Most people have their self-soothing techniques. Unfortunately, some of these can add to the anxiety. For example, repetitive “Lord save me” prayers will only lead to more belief that you may not be saved. Look for these repeated responses to fear and try to stop them–even if they seem rather religious in nature. Instead, look to meditate on some other part of the bible or of the character of God–something completely out of the orbit of the fear.

4. Develop alternate goals. Most anxious people would like not to be so. Who can blame them? But eliminating anxious spiritual thoughts may not be a good goal. And, the efforts to do so may only increase the spiritual angst. Yes, medication and preceding efforts may reduce anxiety, often the fears remain active in the background. An alternate goal might include (a) resisting the old dialog that engages the fear as important, (b) choosing to use the stimulus of the fear to focus on a specific person in need (a shut-in who needs a call, praying for someone else, etc.). These alternate tasks will reduce the anxious person’s thoughts about self…and thus reduce their anxiety.

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December 6, 2010 · 2:20 pm

Serious mental illness and Christianity: Questions about responsibility


Today marks the end of the semester and the end of Counseling & Physiology. At the end of this course I ask students to talk amongst themselves regarding what they have learned in the course and what questions remain. The most frequent questions have to do with this:

What of a person’s struggles can be viewed as physiological; what is spiritual? What is the client responsible for?

[I should explain. We looked at problematic behaviors (e.g., cursing, aggression, etc.) after brain injury and the physiology of bipolar disorder. The class took bodily weaknesses quite seriously and recognized that sometimes our expectations of individuals exceeds capacity.]

At the end of this post I’m going to give you what I think are some better questions to ask. But first: Simultaneously, a couple of my old blog posts are getting a lot of attention these days–both having to do with the problem of serious mental illness, faith, and the response of the church. I highly recommend you skim the posts (both are incredibly short) but hang out with the comments.

https://wisecounsel.wordpress.com/2007/06/26/serious-mental-illness-and-faith-what-to-do/

https://wisecounsel.wordpress.com/2006/11/14/living-faith-bombshell-honest-wrestling-with-mental-illness-and-divorce/

These two posts are some of the most viewed and most commented on. Each and every comment reveals a world of heartache, alienation, and confusion about how one should think about mental illness, healing, responsibility, and the Christian faith. Clearly, we have not talked about this problem enough in the church–either to those with chronic mental illness or to their loved ones. Far too many are suffering alone.

Does it matter what of your problems are physical and what are spiritual?

Let’s say that you are a parent of a 3-year-old. Due to no fault of your own, your child misses their afternoon nap. It is now 6 pm and your child is both hungry and tired. She sees some candy and begins to whine for it. You know that you will feed the child in 15 minutes. You decline to give the candy and your child now has a temper tantrum. What do you do? Or, what SHOULD you do? You most likely provide mercy and kindness as you try to calm the child down. If the child screams, cries, and maybe even strikes you…has she sinned? Yes. Does it matter at the moment? Probably not so much as you acknowledge the child is limited by her lack of sleep.

Now, let’s extend the analogy. Would you treat your 40-year-old spouse in a different manner if they also had a tantrum because they were tired and they wanted dinner NOW? Of course, you would determine their moral capacity to be greater than the 3-year-old.

Back to our question…is it necessary to consider the division between spiritual and physical problems? Here’s why I think not. Problems are problems. Physical problems are spiritual problems in that we don’t do things only with our body and leave out our spirit. And spiritual problems always include the body. We don’t have spiritual experiences outside our neurons. Further, I still have to respond to the 3 or 40-year-old now (illustration above). Yes, I need to discern how to respond. Do I teach, comfort, discipline, rebuke, encourage? Am I responding with grace and mercy? Less important (though highly desirable) is my efforts in trying to keep the problem from happening again. Isn’t that really what is behind the physical/spiritual question: Who is going to make sure that x problem is taken care of?

Here are some better questions:

1. What can I do to help bring increasing comfort, hope, and encouragement–right now?

2. What response is my client capable of–right now (post hoc)?

3. What spiritual or physical interventions might be of help–right now?

4. How can I encourage my client to accept/respect their body (and its limits)–right now?

5. How can I encourage my client to see the hand of God in their life–right now?

6. What community resources and/or involvement can be made available–right now?

Notice the emphasis is on practical/mercy ministry, increasing insight, and commitment to seeing self from God’s point of view (rather than “normal”, “acceptable” as defined by church or larger community).

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