August 2, 2010 · 5:42 am

Backsliding?


I’m planning a series of writings on issues that Christians often bring to counseling; where they bring unique and significant questions that are difficult to answer. One of those issues is the topic of backsliding. We all know that the word backsliding carries the meaning of slipping away from a habit, identity, belief, etc. In Christian circles it means that one who was once active in their faith has stopped living it out or altogether moved away from said faith. One of my favorite quotes on this topic is from Tolstoy,

Quite often a man  goes on for years imagining that the religious teaching that had been imparted to him since childhood is still intact, while all the time there is not a trace of it left in him. (Confession, 1983 reprint, p. 15)

When someone is in this position, they often ask questions about how it happened or what the future will hold. I’ve just run across a sermon by G. Campbell Morgan on the topic (The Westminster Pulpit, v. 1, 1954). The full text can be found here.

There are several things I found helpful:

1. His take on Deuteronomy as the law of love and containing the treatment of the disease of backsliding.

2. His take on how backsliding happens.

What is this process [of backsliding]? Mark three things…. The first is purely personal, perhaps hidden from men, the corruption of the self. The second is the sequel to self-corruption, the making of a graven image. Finally, the overt act of evil.

What is self-corruption? It is the devotion of the life to something lower than the highest. The first movement of backsliding may be accomplished without committing any sin which the [present] age names vulgar. In the moment in which a man takes his eye from the highest and sets it upon something lower, be the distance apparently never so small, he has set himself upon the decline which ends in the desert and in the agony of rejection. (p. 100)

3. His conception of idolatry.

You say….”I have set up no graven image.” Remember, the graven image is always the figure of that which lies behind it. When a man has corrupted himself, the issue is always that he thinks falsely of God. Man is so linked to deity in the very essential of his being that he will form his conception of God upon what he is in himself….He is forever projecting his own personality into immensity, and calling that God. (p. 101)

4. His closing on the promise: If you seek him, you shall surely find him…

If you seek him with all your heart and soul you will find him….Will he come with flaming and flashing glory? In all probability, no. Will he come with some new sense of his coming, making you thrill in every fiber of your being? In all probability, no. It is far more likely that he will come with a still small voice…. Trample your pride beneath your feet, Crucify your prejudice….

One of the struggles I hear in “backsliding” or relapsing sinners is that they (and me too!) look for Christianity to provide the same stimulus as an addiction. We look for God to give us the high, the excitement, the freedom from pain. He may, but never in the way that an addiction or a sin pattern might provide (in the short run). The struggle I hear is that when God does not supply an equally exciting substitute for the addiction then the person wonders if God is real or if the fight for freedom from addiction is really worth the effort in the end.

If you know someone with this struggle, send them the link to the chapter. It may provide a bit of relief.

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July 29, 2010 · 5:06 am

Marriage & Family Conference


Biblical Seminary is co-sponsor of a Marriage and Family conference in Harrisburg, PA run by Shepherd Press Authors. The conference runs October 1-2, 2010. You can find out more information here. I tell you about our sponsorship because those of you associated with Biblical Seminary (friend, alum, student, etc.) are eligible for a discount. Using their website, http://www.SPA2010.com, enter BIBLICAL as a code to receive the discounted registration.

Maybe we’ll see you there.

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July 28, 2010 · 5:16 am

Last chance for cheap Counseling CEs!


My weekend course on Counseling individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder begins this Friday night (6 pm) at Biblical Seminary. Class meets 3 hours on Friday and then from 9 to 5 on Saturday. It is not too late to sign up for CEs. If you are LPC and in need of a bunch of continuing education, these will count towards your requirements.

Check out this page for more information on CEs at Biblical and how to register.

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July 27, 2010 · 5:54 am

When helping harms


Just before vacation I caught a PBS television show on how economic development (funded by international aid) often ends up hurting while trying to help. Here’s a link to the documentary website. The show covers two areas of Kenya and the pros/cons of trying to raise the living standards of those who live there.

This is not a new problem and reminds me again that there is a book I need to read (When helping hurts).

As a counselor who has traveled to Africa to try to help, I am very interested in finding appropriate methods to provide emotional support and care to traumatized peoples. What are some of the ways we counselors might unintentionally hurt those we want to help?

1. Pressuring clients to do something we think is important (e.g., stand up for yourself, say no to a violent spouse, speak the truth about your abuse, etc.) without considering the consequences. I once read about some African women who sought counseling for rape. Problem was that by going to the rape counseling center, they communicated to their village that they had been raped–and were later killed for being defiled.

2. Assuming that counseling can only be done by licensed professionals. We could train counselors in another country but if these folks couldn’t get paid to counsel because their clients are all subsistence farmers, we have only created additional frustrated individuals.

3. Similar to the last point, if the trainers are all westerners, then they will likely fail to understand culture specific resources/challenges and may reinforce the assumption that only westerners are competent to provide the care.

What are some other ways you have seen western counselors unintentionally harm the helpee?

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July 26, 2010 · 10:53 am

Ecstasy (MDMA) as treatment for PTSD?


Back from vacation and reading up on my piles of emails. This one came via my Medscape.com subscription to psychiatric news–Ecstasy-assisted Psychotherapy May Help Patients with Treatment-Resistant PTSD. You can read about it here on WebMD.

Interesting…a date rape drug being used to treat PTSD. There is some irony here I think in that many a date-raped woman was taken advantage of when slipped this drug.

How is it purported to work? By reducing or blocking symptoms (intrusive, emotionally laden feelings when thinking about traumatic events) and thereby allowing therapy to do its work. The therapy was done in an intensive manner rather than spaced out as most people do therapy. One wonders if prolonged exposure therapy was used as the therapy. If not, would PE therapy do as well or better than traditional PTSD therapy and MDMA?

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July 16, 2010 · 10:45 pm

Off for vacation, but first a question


Off for a week of vacation with family and friends. New England is calling. Hopefully, warm days and cool nights. You know, those days where you start out with a sweatshirt and shorts.

Going north plus a series on the radio about summer jobs reminds me of my 2 summers of making lobster traps in Maine. Sound romantic? It wasn’t. It was hard, dirty work. It did, however, help remind me why I wanted to use my brain for my work rather than my brawn.

How about you. Did you have a summer job that shaped you? A crazy summer job that you would like to forget?

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July 12, 2010 · 1:48 pm

Emotional Arousal: Too much or too little?


I am doing some prep for my upcoming class on the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). [Links: summer institute brochure, and CEU information for LPCs] Many theorize that BPD is really a problem of emotional (over) sensitivity resulting from a combination of psychological factors (trauma, loss, attachment injuries, or chronic invalidation) and biological predispositions (high base-line emotional experiences, slow return to baseline once activated, and chronic and inappropriate scanning environment for danger).

If a person is prone to intense emotional experiences, they are likely to get the message that their emotional expression is out of line. Thus, they may either try to avoid emotions (leaving them less aware of how they feel and maybe more likely to be taken advantage of) or give in and respond out of their full expression (leaving them less likely to be able to solve the problem given their high state of arousal).

Are you a person of high emotional arousal? Do you know or live with one? Do you struggle with thinking that high arousal is wrong? Theoretically, most of us do not think strong emotions are wrong. But practically those who experience their own intense emotions and those who live with them do think they are wrong. “I shouldn’t feel this way…she shouldn’t feel that way.”

Counselors do not seek the goal of eliminating or even tempering emotions. What they seek is to avoid the “why” or “because” that often follows the strong feelings. It appears that the big problem is not the feelings but the beliefs and interpretations that one holds during and after the emotional experience. I feel this way because…(I’m stupid, a loser) or because…(others hate me) leads to cementing emotions and beliefs together in such a way that lead to more easily experiencing invalidation.

Looking to get into this a whole lot more in a few weeks (July 30-31)!

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July 10, 2010 · 11:09 am

Gardening illustration that works for persistent problems in life


5 years ago a friend of mine asked if I wanted some purple cone flowers for my flower garden around my house.

Having admired them in other gardens, I said yes and promptly planted them in a spot next to some other flowers. Turns out they were Brown Eyed Susans, a relative of the intended flower. And, further, they spread terribly. I enjoyed them the first summer but began ripping them out the next year as they spread through the iris and choked out some other plantings.

Now, some five years later, I am still pulling these plants. They grow and spread quickly. I never let them flower but pull them as soon as I can make sure I get them and not another plan that might be right in the same spot. When I pull them I know that some little root fiber remains and so I’ll be back pulling again in a week or so.

The truth is I will never be free from these plantings. I do have some choices:

  • ignore them and let them take over the garden (BTW, they would be fine in an isolated spot surrounded by grass so they couldn’t take over another planted area)
  • be irritated that I can’t get rid of them and thus fail to see the beauty around them
  • stay vigilant but enjoy the garden
  • try shock and awe by killing everything in that spot.

I find this is much like our persistent life problems. Whether by naive choice or by something beyond our control, we develop persistent struggles with things like anxiety, depression, addictions, relational challenges, etc. While God sometimes provide miraculous removal of these struggles, we rarely find complete freedom from these kinds of struggles. We may not be in crisis mode forever, but total relaxation and assumption of no return of the problem is rare also.

So, we too have some choices:

  • be angry and bitter that the problem continues to have some place in our life
  • blame others for our problems
  • ruminate on why only we seem to have these problems
  • try shock and awe and so destroy lots of other things
  • accept the need to stay vigilant, going after the roots and shoots as soon as we notice them.

Does this illustration work for you?

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July 6, 2010 · 2:33 pm

Suffering and Divine Sovereignty?


What is similar and different counselors and beauty queens? Well, we both want to end human suffering and seek world peace BUT the counselor no longer talks as if it is possible in this life. We know that sitting in suffering is, in fact, an important act in this life.

So, for all you counselor types out there, I have a theology book for you. Currently, I am reading Suffering and the Goodness of God, edited by Christopher Morgan and Robert Peterson (Crossway, 2008).

Not all theology books are stuffy. Really. This one is very readable and helpful. Chapter one (Robert Yarbrough) lists 11 theses about suffering. I will not repeat them all here but each one is illustrated from Scripture and personal experience. Here is a taste:

1. Suffering is neither good nor completely explicable

2. Suffering in itself is no validation of religious truth

3. Accounting for suffering is forced upon us by our times

4. Suffering may be a stumbling block to Gospel reception

5. Suffering Creates teachable moments for Gospel reception (though this does not make suffering, in itself, good)

7. Suffering is the price of much fruitful ministry

10. Suffering unites us with other sinners we seek to serve

Lest you think this book takes a happy view of suffering, consider this quote:

It is certainly true that it is primarily God himself who in his redemptive activity has “caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead” (1 Pet. 1:3). But this new birth does not take place in a vacuum. Rather it unfolds amidst earthly life, which is manifestly to some extent a vale of tears.

We sometimes wish to talk about “new birth” and redemption as if our suffering does not continue in this life.

The rest of the book addresses OT and NT interactions with suffering, the problem of evil and oppression and two chapters written by theologians about their own personal suffering. A good read if you realize you cannot ignore suffering or go back to some prior period of naiveté.

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July 2, 2010 · 11:17 am

Does porn use give a Christian grounds for divorce?


Brad Hambrick, a counselor in Georgia, has written an article exploring whether or not pornography use might provide grounds for divorce. It is a worthy read. His final answer is a qualified no but includes a lot of other helpful thoughts about the experience and what repentance ought to look like. Too often we get caught up in a yes/no focus to this question and miss significant issues. Seems there are several questions that need to be answered,

1. Is porn use a form of adultery given Jesus’ equating lust and adultery?

2. Does failure to repent or repetitive acts such porn use destroy the covenant so that it is impossible to live at peace with a spouse? In this case, the question is less about porn and more about refusal to honor a covenant. David Instone-Brewer writes about this from a NT perspective on the OT. I blogged about his thoughts some time ago and you can search “divorce” on this blog and find multiple entries.  Instead of divorce, we could insert repetitive gambling away family income, repetitive risky behaviors.

3. What would be evidence of repentance? Does any relapse equate to total failure? How many relapses equal refusal to repent?

Rather than just focus on the “big” question, it might be helpful to ask more immediate concerns. Does the porn user agree to utter transparency? Are they demanding something in return for their abstinence? Are they still trying to control their treatment?

For those who follow the link, I’d be curious your response. Read it from a user’s perspective and also of the victim spouse.

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