March 17, 2011 · 4:01 pm

Trauma the greatest mission field of this time?


Sometimes a line you say strikes a nerve. It happened this morning when Diane Langberg made a passing comment to attendees at the She’s My Sister impact summit. Diane was to make some introductory comments about the nature of trauma and the fact that God’s children, the body of Christ, “are to follow the head” into the problem of injustice. Following her I was to make some summary of the trauma healing advisory council’s work from the previous day.

To a room full of ministry leaders (from World Relief, IJM, Saddleback Church, American Bible Society and other international societies), Diane made this statement,

Trauma is the greatest mission field of this time.

Soon after a number of folks began running with this idea. Trauma, they could see, is an opportunity serve others and bring the Gospel to bear in word and deed. Trauma is everywhere. The need is overwhelming. The Gospel has something to say about the experience of suffering and what the Christian life offers to suffering people. One of the first ways people heal from traumatic events is when they are able to speak their experience; when they feel heard and cared for. They realize they matter.

Abolition of slavery was the great mission field of the 19th century. Trauma may be that field for this season.

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March 16, 2011 · 5:50 am

Why we forget life is precious


Life is precious. One day things are good, then the world crashes in. A person in your circle is here one day, gone in a tragic event the next. One day you live on a seaside community, the next your community doesn’t exist because a tsunami wiped it away.

At these moments we know that whatever good we experience in this life is a bit more fleeting. And so we hug friends and family a bit tighter for a few days.

But then we tend to go back to existing. Existing is that form of living that does not consider blessings, opportunities, etc. Rather, it is a form of living that reacts to the moment without awareness of the greater meaning of life. When we live a reactive life we become enslaved to the next thing, the “need” or desire in front of us.

We forget because we lose perspective. It is hard to keep perspective in mind while caring for the mundane things of life. The way to keep perspective is to put ourselves regularly in spaces that will encourage wider thinking. Here are some ideas (no particular order):

1. Caring for others less fortunate. Seeing someone else’s needs usually stimulates our being grateful for what we have.

2. Reading from another’s perspective. The best way to do this, as a Christian, is to be in the Word. The next best way to do this is to be connected to others who Love God but come from another culture.

3. Have a couple of questions that you practice asking yourself about family members. What is God up to in his/her life? How is this person showing signs of growth? It is easy to come up with any set of questions but harder to remember to ask them.

4. Prayer for the world. Gets us out of our own wants.

5. Ask others: What has happened to you today that is worth remembering? Too often we only remember what isn’t working. Meditating on worthier subjects reminds us that everything in the world is not broken all the time.

6. Remember your history. The Bible is full of reminders of what God is up to in the world. The prophets wanted Israel to remember who they were (God’s chosen) by recalling their history.

 

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March 15, 2011 · 5:45 am

Where do pastors go to talk about ministry failures?


I’ve run across a conference topic that is so important I want to pass it on to the rest of you. I have not been asked to hype this and I don’t really know the people doing it (know them by name, not by person).

If you are a pastor…especially if you are a church planter…where do you go to talk about failure? Ask a pastor if he or she talks about failure at pastor’s conferences. Nope, not usually. Most just keep quiet about it.

Enter Epic Fail Pastor’s Conference. Check out their plans and times. Hey, it only costs about 80 bucks. Cheaper than going to 1 hour of therapy and you get the benefit of not being by yourself.

 

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March 14, 2011 · 5:45 am

Trauma week


This week might well be named trauma week–both due to the topic and amount of work. My schedule looks like this

Monday: Tonight’s Psychopathology class covers trauma and dissociation.

Tuesday: Spending the morning with Diane Langberg, Baraka Paulette (a Rwandan Counselor), and Carol King planning our October trip to Rwanda, the DRC and possibly a couple other countries. We will be, Lord willing, teaching and training Rwandans. The meeting is to focus on what exactly we will teach lay, pastoral, and professional individuals in regard to trauma training. Our goal is to train trainers to do the work.

Wednesday: From 9a to 9p I will be co-chairing an advisory committee (with Diane) giving the American Bible Society some feedback on their trauma healing materials and methods. The ABS has initiated She’s My Sister, a plan to address rampant rape in the Great Lakes region of Africa.

Thursday: In the AM we will be reporting to the ABS and their partners (Saddleback, World Relief, IJM, and others) on our work from the day before. In the PM we will be launching Biblical Seminary’s conference on sex trafficking and sexual abuse in the christian community. [NOTE: the conference is FREE but almost filled up. Just a few seats left. IF you want to go, you need to sign up now as it will be capped!]

Friday: Conference continues! Speakers include Diane Langberg, Bethany Hoang, Pearl Kim, and Robert Morrison.

Saturday: Conference continues til lunch. I get to chair a panel discussion to close it out

Sunday: To top off the week, I will teach a class at a local church on the topic of sex. The audience is a premarital class. The trauma here won’t be mine. Usually there is some poor embarrassed soul in the front row  🙂

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March 10, 2011 · 10:22 pm

Peanut butter invention?


Peanut butter is a semi-solid and can therefor...

Image via Wikipedia

Okay, this doesn’t fit into the usual category of posts on this site but…How do you get natural peanut butter to mix well?

I love the taste of natural peanut butter but when you open the jar for the first time, the oil is sitting on the top. So, you stick a knife or spoon in and start stirring. Usually, I’m not careful enough and some of the oil spills out. Or, I give up after a bit and just start eating. But, not stirring it well enough means that when I get to the bottom, the peanut butter will be dry and hard.

So, how do get it to mix well? Think Home Depot would let me bring my jar to their paint shaking machines (used to mix paint really well)? I wonder if that would do the trick.

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March 9, 2011 · 5:13 am

Suffering and infertility


Some 18-19 years ago my wife and I were struggling with the secret pain of infertility. When everyone around seemed to be getting pregnant we couldn’t…and didn’t. Now, almost 2 decades later, the pain is a distant event in the past. I hesitate to say this because too often suffering people are patted on the back and given trite words of “encouragement”, but…I am thankful for the suffering because it has improved my sense of compassion for others and also my awareness of how God meets us in our pain.

But make no mistake, it wasn’t easy. And I don’t want to go through it again.

Some years ago we wrote about our experience and our spiritual struggles in an essay in the Journal of Biblical Counseling (CCEF’s journal). I mention all this because a friend of mine on staff at a church in NC wrote a short note about it (following a sermon on Zechariah and Elizabeth) and linked to the journal article. You can read my friend Brad’s intro here in their church blog.

Funny thing, this article seems to get more comments from readers than all of the other writings I’ve published put together. I guess it really touches a nerve. And not just with infertile couples. We’ve had comments from those who have had other kinds of losses as well.

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March 8, 2011 · 5:58 am

How many patients can you see in a day?


Ask a counselor and you might hear of one who has seen 10 clients in a day…10 hours of therapy. I suppose I”ve done as many as 12 or 13 but that was a rare case and likely some emergency.

What about seeing 40… in one day!?

That is what some psychiatrists do. Of course, to do that many, most patients are seen only for 15 minute med checks rather than the 90 minute first session for first-time patients. Psychiatrists used to be the primary therapists. But with the advent of psychiatric medicines,  many psychiatrists no longer do therapy and only make diagnoses and prescribe/manage medicines. For an interesting view from the psychiatrist’s chair, check out this NY Times article interacting with a local psychiatrist who has worked through the transition from therapist to med manager.  See how he tries to not get too involved with patient problems given that he hasn’t the time to do much on the fixing end.

There are only two reasons why anyone would see so many clients in one day

1. Economics. More volume, more money. Plain and simple.

2. Demand. Good psychiatrists are hard to come by. Even more true if you are talking about child psychiatry! If you find a good one, chances are you have to get in line.

Now, before anyone thinks I’m taking shots at psychiatrists, let me tell you I am not. A good psychiatrist is a very helpful aid to us psychologists. Family Docs and other general practitioners may be able to prescribe but I find psychiatrists (good ones!) really know their compounds and are much better at titrating doses. And not all of them just throw pills at the problem. Even in short interactions, the psychiatrist to whom I refer has been able to help my clients understand themselves just a bit better.

Back to the original question: just how many different people can you meet with in a day and still be attentive? When I started out counseling, I could barely see two people in a row before being overwhelmed. Now, I regularly see 8-10 on a day (okay, I only do this one day per week, but before becoming a prof I did 25-30 per week). I can attest that it is a learned skill and I don’t think the last client gets less of me than the first. That said, there is a limit and a point at which what I do suffers.

What is your patient/client limit?

For me, it is less about the number of sessions and more about whether I eat and have a moment to go to the bathroom. There’s nothing that kills the focus as much as a bursting bladder and 45 minutes to go!

I’ll leave you with a funny story. At a doctoral practicum I saw clients late into the evening. My last client of the evening (same person each week) had a habit of bringing me Starbucks coffee. I think he was trying to make sure he was going to get his money’s worth out of me!

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March 7, 2011 · 5:24 am

Blogging your REAL feelings?


Blogs are great forums for folks to share their true thoughts and feelings…but also easy opportunities to make enemies! Not too long ago, a local high school teacher got herself in trouble when she revealed her true feelings about some of her students. While she didn’t name names, she did levy some pretty serious put downs about kids in her school and as a result is no longer in the classroom.

Not too long ago, someone read my blog and took offense at something they thought I was saying. While I wasn’t saying what they thought I was saying, the truth is I left the door wide open by not being all that clear–leaving something unsaid when discussing a controversial topic can get you into trouble as well as what you do say.

For those of you who blog your feelings and opinions (isn’t that what blogs are for?)  and/or comments on other people’s blogs…do you have any criteria by which you evaluate what you are willing to write?

Here are a couple of mine that I try to keep (though I admit I haven’t always done so):

1. Don’t write to instigate conflict just because you can. We academic types sometimes like to stir of “intellectual” controversy for the fun of it. This doesn’t meet the standard of saying only that which is constructive (Eph 4:29f) for others. Constructive doesn’t mean noncontroversial. But, I need to ask whether what I want to talk about is wholesome and for the benefit of those who listen. If not, I shouldn’t open my mouth.

2. Avoid gossip. This should be obvious. But, I also think it isn’t necessary to jump on public figures who screw up unless there is something I think we can all learn. For example, do we need to discuss the latest actor who is destroying his or her life with drugs? What benefit do we get by musing about the lurid details of the person’s life?

3. Re-read what you write from the perspective of those who might disagree with you. Did you accurately portray the opinions of others? For example, portraying Republicans as not caring a bit about the poor or Democrats as only interested in taxing you to death isn’t accurate.

4. Just because you think or feel it doesn’t make it worthy of sharing. One sign of narcissism is the willingness to share any and every thought or feeling. And yes, I realize I am incriminating myself since I write a blog.

Others?

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March 3, 2011 · 5:52 am

Why Jonah was and is still wrong


You probably already heard the news that Fred Phelps and his family, aka Westboro Baptist Church, won their Supreme Court case yesterday. If you are unfamiliar with this case, read/listen to NPR’s news story on the sordid history. The short summary is this. The Phelps family believes that “sodomites” and their supporters (America) are going to hell. This particular belief is not all that rare. But what makes the Phelps family stand out is, (a) their belief about what God is calling them to do about the problem, and (b) their tactics of protesting at funerals of servicemen and women and other public figures. A father of a dead soldier sued the Phelps for causing him pain and suffering when they picketed outside his son’s funeral. Among their picket signs about homosexuality were signs such as “Thank God for dead soldiers”. A lower court agreed with the father’s suit and awarded the father 5 million dollars in damages. Yesterday the Supreme Court reversed that decision saying that hurtful speech is still protected speech.

The NPR coverage goes beyond the usual coverage and attempts to detail some of the Phelps’ theological beliefs and or motivations for their hateful speech. I found it very interesting since usually they are just (rightly) labeled as nut-cases. Some of their thinking:

  • It is their job to try to make American’s angry, to reject God and be damned to hell
  • “Our job is laid out,” she says, in comments sprinkled with biblical references. “We are supposed to blind their eyes, stop up their ears and harden their hearts so that they cannot see, hear or understand, and be converted and receive salvation.” (quote from NPR story)

Why the Phelps are wrong: A quick look at how we are to respond to sinners

If NPR has captured their motivations and beliefs accurately, then they have made a couple of significant errors.

1. Whose job is it to damn, blind, and judge?

At the last day, God will indeed judge the world. He will separate sheep from goats. There will likely be surprises in heaven (last minute conversions and people we thought were going to be there but were really wolves in sheep’s clothing). Sometimes God sends prophets to preach to the condemned. True enough. But, the prophets preach the need to repent and/or the coming judgment. God does say to Ezekiel that his hearers won’t listen to him preach the need or repentance. But, preach repentance he must.

Or consider Jonah. Jonah is called to preach to Nineveh. His job is to preach. And this is what bothers Jonah. Jonah knows that God is a merciful God and will forgive. That is what bothers him; he wants Nineveh to suffer! The Phelps want America to suffer.

2. The message? Do the Phelps want people to be converted and get into heaven? By the quotes above you would have to answer an emphatic NO. Seems they might be afraid to find that heaven is filled with all sorts of sinners (maybe even pride-filled, angry, protesting, mean-spirited people?). Paul says gives a list of sins and says, “and such as were some of you” as he writes to believers. Let us remember that heaven will be filled with sinners. Yes, those sinners have been forgiven and are living lives of daily repentance and turning from their sin. But sinners they are right up to the moment of entering heaven.

How do we respond to sinners? How do we respond to ourselves? Pray, converse, eat with, and care for. Oh, and yes, talk about the only way to righteousness. Following Jesus’ example is a good start!

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March 2, 2011 · 5:17 am

What causes mental illness and do you have any choice?


The common medical assumption is that mental illness is the result of multi-faceted vulnerabilities in combination with stressors. A person may have some vulnerability markers but those alone are not likely to result in mental illness without biologic, social, or environmental stressors “turning on” the markers.

If you want to see this model in action, you should watch a most troubling episode of “Independent Lens” on your local PBS channel. It aired in Philadelphia last night. You can find more about the episode here on their website and watch clips of the show.

The hour long episode follows a 16 year old girl, Cyntoia, facing life for murder. You will see extended conversation with the girl, her adoptive mother, her biological mother (who she never really related to). Her bio mother drank throughout her pregnancy, smoked crack and prostituted herself. Cyntoia was being prostituted and was at a “john’s” house when she shot him thinking he was going to kill her.

You can see that Cyntoia probably meets criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. Watch her mother for a bit and you can see that she comes by it quite naturally. They both have a similar pattern of speech and attitude. There is a long history of suicide and paranoia in the extended family. Very interesting to see how this young woman talks to the forensic psychiatrist.

Choices?

Watch and wonder how Cyntoia could have avoided her predicament. She started out with poor genes, alcohol exposure and poor attachment opportunities. She lists 36 people she had sex with (she felt obligated to have sex with those who wanted her). The issues are legion.

Even more brutal is to watch the interviews with her adoptive mother who is trying to wrap her head around the facts that come out during the investigation. Watch also how Cyntoia talks about her and to her. Notice that there is love.

Very rarely would you get this kind of information from 3 generations of rape and sexual abuse (and adoptive mother’s story).

Watch the episode and consider this question: just how much choice do some people have? Even with her incredible insights (e.g., “everybody wants admiration, everybody wants to be desired. That is my **** problem too.”), this young woman had 3 strikes against her.

The truth is we often believe people have easy choices to avoid trouble. Cyntoia’s story reminds us that trouble begins generations before some people are conceived.And even when we acknowledge that Cyntoia could have made choices to tell adults about her abuse or to escape her pimp, we are left with the gnawing question, would we have made any different choice if in her place? For the record, I am a firm believer in that we do have choices to make. But some have a whole lot more than others and the roadsigns to better choices are bigger for some of us than others.

Challenging story which also pulls on your vision of redemption, restoration and appropriate punishment for minors who commit murder.

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