July 26, 2013 · 9:39 am

Remember the “crack babies”? Results you might not expect


My local paper ran this essay this week: “Crack Baby” Study Ends With Unexpected But Clear Result. After 23 years, the study is over and the results might interest you. Turns out, cocaine is not the worst thing for you. It did not create underdeveloped children, mentally retarded children, emotionally disturbed children. Researchers found no evidence that cocaine accounted for clinically significant differences between exposed children and non-exposed children.

The Clear Result?

The clear result is not that cocaine has no negative impact (it does contribute to premature births and some other problems, but it doesn’t appear to contribute to life long problems in children born at full term.

The clear result is that both controls and exposed children were from the same environment: urban, minority, poor communities. The clear result is that POVERTY and VIOLENCE are significant contributers to things such as low IQ, exposure to traumatic experiences, etc.

Listen to some of these stats:

  • At age 4, control group average IQ: 81.9; exposed children average IQ: 79.0 (both significantly lower than average IQ of national population of children same aged
  • At age 6, 25% of kids in each group scored in abnormal range in math and letter/word recognition
  • By age 7, 81% had seen someone arrested, 35% had seen someone shot, 19% had seen a dead body outside
  • Drug use did not differ between groups: 42% had used pot (as young adults)

But some stats that astounded me:

Of the 224 kids, the researchers have kept track of 110. Here’s some additional data:

  • 2 dead, 3 in prison
  • 6 have college degrees, 6 on the way to getting a degree (these are the ones who they kept in touch with! I expect the percentage of college degrees to not would go down!)
  • and this one: 60 children born to the 110 participants (remember the ages of the participants must be between 23 and 26!)

Mix poverty with failing schools, fractured families, and you get folks who have few options to make it. Without much hope for a future, it is easy to give in to any pleasure or comfort for the moment. Thus, you see higher drug use and babies.

Good to remember that when we see a simple equation between problem and cause, we probably have it somewhat wrong.

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July 25, 2013 · 5:59 am

Telling Painful Memories: Recommendations for Counselors


[What is below was shared with Rwandan caregivers and counselors. It is written in simpler English and has no footnotes. Academically oriented readers will recognize the interventions come from narrative exposure therapy models for children].

Counselors invite others to tell their stories of pain, heartache, fears, and traumas so that they can find relief from their troubles. However, not every way of talking about past problems is helpful and some ways of talking can actually harm the person. So, it is important that all caregivers and counselors understand how to help others tell their difficult stories in ways that invite recovery and do not harm.

Good Storytelling Practices

Counselors who do the following can encourage healthy and safe storytelling of difficult events:

  1. Allow the client to tell their story at their own pace without pressure
  2. Allow the client not to tell a part of their story
  3. Use silence and body language to show interest
  4. Encourages the use of storytelling without words (art, dance, etc.) or with symbols
  5. Ensures the difficult stories start and end at safe points
  6. Encourages good coping skills before story telling
  7. Points out resiliency and strength in the midst of trauma
  8. Encourages the story to be told from the present rather than reliving the story

Unhelpful Practices

Here are some things that we should avoid doing when helping another tell a difficult story

  1. Frequent interruptions
  2. Forcing the person to tell their story
  3. Asking the person to relive the story
  4. Avoiding painful emotions
  5. Exhorting the person to get over the feelings; telling them how to feel
  6. Only talking about the trauma, ignoring strengths and other history
  7. Ending a session without talking about the present or a safe place

**Trigger Warning: rape, threatened violence

A Case Study With 2 Storytelling Interventions

Patience, a 13 year old girl, suffered a rape on her way to school last month. The rapist’s family paid a visit to the girl’s family and offered money as a token of penance. The girl’s father accepted the money because, “nothing can make the rape go away so we will take the money for now.” Patience was told by some family members to not tell anyone about the rape and to just act as if it never happened. However, Patience is suffering from nightmares, refuses to go to school, and sometimes falls down when she catches a glimpse of the rapist in town. Her father has threatened to beat her if she doesn’t return to school or help out with the chores at home. Her favorite aunt, a counselor/caregiver, learns about the rape and asks her to come for a visit in a nearby city.

[Warning: these two interventions are not designed to rid a person immediately of all trauma symptoms. In addition, these interventions must be used only after a counselor has formed a trusting relationship with the client.]

  1. Symbolic story telling. The aunt tells Patience that keeping a story bottled up inside can cause problems, like shaking a bottle of soda until it bursts out. Using a long piece of rope (representing her entire life) and flowers (representing positive experiences) and rocks (representing difficult experiences), the aunt directs Patience to tell her life story. They start with her first memories of her mother, father and two brothers. She tells of her going to school, the time when her mother got really sick but then got better again, the time when her cousins moved away, and the time when a boy told her he liked her. Patience noticed how she had many flowers along the rope and only a few rocks. Then, they put a large stone down on the rope representing the rape. Patience had difficulty saying much at all. She remembered being afraid, the weight of the man, the pain, and worry that her family would reject her. She remembered getting up and going to school and acting as if nothing happened. Her aunt noted that Patience was a strong girl—she had gone to school for a week before telling her mother. So, Patience placed a tiny flower next to the rock to represent that strength. After stopping for a cup of tea and some bread, the aunt asked Patience to notice how much more rope was left. This represented her future. Patience was surprised to see the rope and said that she didn’t think she would have a future now that she was spoiled. Her aunt encourages her to consider what she would like to be in her future. They continued to discuss this over the next day. By the time Patience returned home, she was able to see that she still had a future. Seeing the rapist still bothered her. However, she was able to go to school with two friends along a new path so that she would feel safe. Patience kept a drawing of the rope with the flowers and rocks and extra rope to remind her that she had a good future.
  2. Accelerated Storytelling. About six months later, Patience visited her aunt again. She was still going to school and able to do more chores (getting firewood and buying food in the market). However, she still suffered from nightmares and sometimes fell down when she heard footsteps behind her. This time, her aunt asked her to help create a “movie” of event. Before Patience was to narrate the rape, they first recounted the safety she felt at home before the rape and the safety she felt when she told her mother about the rape and was comforted. Next, her aunt asked her to identify all of the “actors” in the play: her mother, father, herself, brothers who went to school without her, classmates, teacher, and rapist. Patience then made a figurine out of paper for each actor and drew a small map of her village including the path from home to school. Then, the aunt asked her to tell her story as fast as she could from safe place to safe place and to only look at the figurines (and to move them along the map). Her aunt noted those places where Patience slowed down in the story. When she paused, the aunt asked her to try to keep moving. Once the story was complete (when she told her mother about the rape), she asked Patience to tell the story backwards as quickly as possible. Then, she instructed Patience to tell the story forwards again twice as fast. However, this time, Patience stopped part way through the story. She added one detail she had not disclosed before. She recalled that a young boy of about 5 was peering at them from behind some bushes. Her aunt encouraged her to finish the story and thanked her for her courage. Patience indicated that she was so ashamed of being seen in such a position. Again, her aunt thanked her for working so hard but asked her to tell her story forwards and backwards one more time. Patience noticed that she was less upset by the presence of the 5 year old than she had been the first time through the story.

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July 24, 2013 · 3:45 pm

Tuza 2.0: Day Six and Seven


[June 28-29, 2013, Kibuye to Kigali, Rwanda]

Since my little fire mishap in the middle of the night, this conference has gone ever so smoothly. Our only difficulty has been figuring out what to cut since our talks now take twice the time due to translation time. The cuts have been to case studies in order to protect the cherished small group times. I opened our morning session with a devotional on “the cup of sweet water” and our need to address the bitter water that flows out of us. In a conference like this where we talk about domestic violence and sexual abuse, it is easy to think about evil “out there” in its most grotesque images. However, we all have the roots of this evil even if it only show up as pride and arrogance. I ended our devotional reminding us of the grace and hope given us in 1 John 1:9.

Our morning session consisted of Dr. Beverly Ingelse giving a talk about caring and counseling children who have suffered abuse. After a break and a group picture, we returned to our small groups to respond to some of Bev’s questions and to discuss cases. In my group we went fairly off topic to hear how two of our group members survived the genocide and how they are now dealing with children who did not go through the genocide but have symptoms of traumatic reactions (depression over lost Aunts and Uncles, dissociation during memorial periods, chronic fear). Just in these two stories, they counted 115 murdered extended family members! It boggles the mind of those of us who have only read about such experiences.

Just before lunch I gave a brief talk about how to facilitate storytelling in ways that does not further traumatize the teller. We looked at common behaviors of counselors that support recovery and common behaviors that may hinder recovery. Look for those in an upcoming post!

We concluded our conference a few hours earlier than expected so that attendees could return home to manage household duties prior to Saturday’s Umuganda, or monthly required civil service. We concluded with a short “What’s next?” session led by Baraka. A couple of key ideas were proposed and repeated:

  • One day set aside for hearing and responding to case studies
  • Seminars about integrity for pastors and lawyers (apparently, some very public abuse cases (by pastors) have rocked the counseling community in recent months
  • Network building: the attendees discussed formal or informal counselor network (to promote learning, peer supervision, and support. They requested technical assistance from AACC.

After our last lunch overlooking beautiful Lake Kivu, we boarded a bus and returned to Kigali. I sat next to Worship and her mother (a most precious toddler who batted her eyes at me and played peekaboo with me for 3 hours). Arriving in Kigali at dusk, we ended our day with a meal and good conversations.

Day Seven (the last)

The day started quiet and lazy with a savoring of my favorite breakfast: tropical fruit salad, coffee, and a croissant. It is good that it started this way because last night, neighbors of the retreat house decided that midnight to 5 am would be a good time to remove a sheet metal roof. The workers worked diligently and loudly, singing and laughing right outside my window. Around 5 I fell asleep for about 2 hours. These would be the only 2 hours for the next 40 or so.

As this was our last day in Rwanda, some wanted to get a bit of shopping done. I wanted to be sure to get some Rwanda tea and coffee. We hung around until about noon, when the required civil service was completed. Then, we struck out for good places to buy a few items. Though this is my third trip to Rwanda, it is my first to a shopping district. Some of our team looked for dresses, others for artistic work. I bought a few things but mostly enjoyed the people watching (and being people watched). Back at our Solace Ministries, we got our bags ready and watched a Rwandan wedding get underway. We were told after 3 hours that the bride had yet to make an appearance and that this is quite common–a good reminder of the differences in time culture!

By 9 pm we were boarding our plane to return home. I found it interesting that much of this flight (including the stop in Uganda) is filled with young (mostly female) adults looking to be college age. Some we spoke with had just spent 6 weeks with a professor and seeing various NGOs at work.

This has been a short but fulfilling trip. I look forward to returning in 1 year with our first round of Global Trauma Recovery students.

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July 23, 2013 · 5:00 pm

What makes a PTSD friendly church?


In a few months I will be speaking to church leaders as to how to improve the capacity of the church to be a safe place for victims of abuse. I have a number of suggestions for them but I am interested in hearing from readers things that churches (leaders) do that make the church a safer place for those who have been abused by those in positions of power. What have you actually seen done that helped you (or someone you cared about) feel at home and increasingly safer in the church community? Of course, consider the flip side as well: what has been done that made you feel less safe.

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July 23, 2013 · 5:31 am

Justice a luxury of the first world?


Was listening to NPR this morning as they discussed a novel (Hour of the Red God) by author Richard Crompton. It is set in Nairobi and follows a Maasai detective as he pursues justice. You can listen to the program story here.

What I found striking was this little bit of interchange between the detective and his supervisor:

— What about justice? croaks Mollel.

Otieno gives a sad smile. — Mollel, you’re in the wrong country. The wrong continent. Don’t you know there’s something more valuable than justice here?

— What?

— Peace. … Justice is a luxury. Peace is a necessity. You want justice, move to some first-world state with sophisticated crime labs and DNA tests and judges who can’t be bought off.

I find this intriguing and a common viewpoint in the parts of Africa I have traveled (admittedly small). Since justice isn’t possible, seek peace. Unfortunately, such a pattern provides some comfort in the present but allows for desires of revenge to sprout and grow as a poor substitute for justice.

The bigger question is how do you work for justice when you cannot expect the necessary systems to work for that same goal?

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July 22, 2013 · 5:38 am

Belief System Supports for Spiritual Abuse


We continue our survey of some of the issues regarding spiritual abuse. You can see these links at the end of this post for prior blogs and also check out Carolyn Custis James’ thoughts on the same topic: www.whitbyforum.com. In this post I want to consider some of the beliefs that may support the ongoing presence of spiritual abuse among people of faith.

Beliefs of those who abuse

In my recent trip to Rwanda, we got into a discussion with some Rwandans about husbands and wives and the “right” husbands had to demand sex. In Rwanda, the groom pays a dowry for his bride. He pays it to her family. They set a price of “cows” that she is worth. This is an old custom but one that continues even in modern Rwanda where the “cows” are kept at the bank. In some people’s minds, a man has a right to demand sex at any time because he paid for her. She is property. Sure, he treats her as a prized possession but still, he has the right to have sex whenever he wants. Here, you can see, is a considerable belief system held by those in power about their right to use others. Does something similar exist in evangelical Christianity that enables a person in power to abuse another using spiritual tactics?

  1. The leader should not be questioned. He is ordained by God and therefore speaks for God. While evangelicals and fundamentalists are not papists, they appear to maintain a similar belief that ordination means the leader speaks for truth and for God. And if someone should bring a charge against a leader, it will not be entertained without multiple witnesses. Too bad that most abuse takes place in private, without witnesses. A corollary to this belief is that when a leader abuses a less valued person in the community, it is likely the less valued person’s fault for the abuse.
  2. Important rules must be fenced/protected. The bible speaks against divorce but not in all cases. Thus, we should protect against the abuse of divorce by refusing biblical divorces for those who have the right to them and demanding reconciliation. The bible indicates ordination of men (this is how it is read in many circles). So, in order to protect against women teaching or preaching, we won’t let them have any leadership outside of Sunday School for children. Fencing the law is legitimated in order to protect against the appearance of wrongdoing.
  3. The organization is more important than the individual. If one person does bring a credible charge against leader(s), some orgs will attempt to restore the leader and push the victim on to another church.
  4. Chronic weaknesses (e.g., mental illness) are signs of spiritual flaws and are deserving of rebuke. If a parishioner struggles with chronic anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder, some leaders are prone to make it clear that the primary problem is not mental illness but a lack of faith and obedience. And in light of this ongoing rebellion, the person with mental illness (and their family) are not given the same kind of care as those with physical weaknesses.
  5. Thinking is less biased than feeling. When an allegation of abuse is brought against a leader, the merits of the case are sometimes decided in favor of the leader’s logic and against the victim’s emotional arguments. It is assumed that cognitions are less impaired by sin nature than feelings/emotions. Similar to this belief is the one that says that men are more logical and accurate than women or children.

Those who are abused also maintain many of these same belief system. They feel that they are not in a position to know truth, that their feelings are distorted more than others, that their needs do not merit help, that the preservation of the institution is more important, and that they are the cause of the problems they experience.

What other beliefs have you noticed that support the acceptance and continuation of spiritual abuse?

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July 17, 2013 · 8:21 pm

Evangelicals speak out about abuse cover-ups


Godly Response to Abuse in Christian Environments (G.R.A.C.E) tasked one of its Board members, Diane Langberg, to author a better response to abuse scandals in evangelical denominations (better than weak apologies and defenses of esteemed leaders penned in the last month or so). Here’s how it starts. After you read the beginning, read the rest here and use this link to add your name and voice to the message that we are not longer going to keep silent.

Recent allegations of sexual abuse and cover-up within a well-known international ministry and subsequent public statements by several evangelical leaders have angered and distressed many, both inside and outside of the Church. These events expose the troubling reality that, far too often, the Church’s instincts are no different from from those of many other institutions, responding to such allegations by moving to protect her structures rather than her children. This is a longstanding problem in the Christian world, and we are deeply grieved by the failures of the American and global Church in responding to the issue of sexual abuse. We do not just believe we should do better; as those who claim the name of Jesus and the cause of the Gospel, we are convinced we must do better. In the hope that a time is coming when Christian leaders respond to all sexual abuse with outrage and courage, we offer this confession and declare the Good News of Jesus on behalf of the abused, ignored and forgotten.

Through the media we have been confronted with perpetual reports of grievous sexual abuse and its cover-up. Institutions ranging from the Catholic Church, various Protestant churches and missionary organizations, Penn State, Yeshiva University High School, the Boy Scouts, and all branches of our military have been rocked by allegations of abuse and of complicity in silencing the victims. And while many evangelical leaders have eagerly responded with outrage to those public scandals, we must now acknowledge long-silenced victims who are speaking out about sexual abuse in evangelical Christian institutions: schools, mission fields and churches, large and small. And we must confess we have done far too little to hear and help them.

Holocaust survivor and author, Elie Weisel, once said, “Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim…silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” When we choose willful ignorance, inaction or neutrality in the face of evil, we participate in the survival of that evil. When clergy, school administrations, boards of directors, or military commanders have been silent or have covered up abuse, they have joined with those who perpetrate crimes against the “little ones” – often children, but also others who are on the underside of power because of size, age, position or authority.

…

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July 15, 2013 · 5:56 am

Tuza 2.0: Day Five


[June 27, 2013]. Day two of our three day conference. Today Dr. Barbara Shaffer talked about the problem of marital rape and reviewed 6 common characteristics of some abusive spouses. The participants were very involved in this presentation and the discussion about sex in marriage provoked some interesting debates among the group. The large group discussed the matter of dowry. In Rwanda, a husband’s family agrees to pay an amount to his bride’s family. The price is in terms of a number of cows. A friend told me that nowadays, “cows are kept in the bank.” This tradition gives many men the belief that they have purchased their wife. Now the wife is his (cherished) property. As such, he has rights to her body. Based on the conversation, I would argue that the concept of marital rape might indeed be foreign. One participant asked how 1 Corinthians 7 fit into this discussion. We were able to examine that this passage offers women the right to control their husband’s bodies just as much as he gets to have a say about her body. Not being sure where everyone stood in the debate, I concluded with a reminder that Philippians 2 requires that we emulate Christ in not demanding what we are due but giving it up so as to shine like stars.

After lunch Dr. Langberg presented on dissociation and a group of Rwandan counselors illustrated a counseling scene of dissociation and a counselor’s techniques in calming and grounding. Very well done! Just before the end of this day’s training, Rowan Moore gave a talk about child abuse. Kivu boats

Before dinner, we hired a local young man to take us out onto Lake Kivu in his boat. Ten of us motored out toward Peace Island. We didn’t have enough time to go all the way to Napoleon Island but we rounded several small islands and enjoyed the setting sun. We passed several fishing boats netting the tiny fish that are in the lake. We could feel the stress of the day fade with the lap of the waves. [photo courtesy Laura Captari]

After dinner, we had an evening of celebration. We identified our Barnabas’ (each person secretly wrote notes of encouragement and prayer to another). And of course, there was dancing and laughter. I have come to love the fluid hand motions during dancing and the energetic movements of men and women. Sadly, I  cannot dance to save my life. I have not rhythm. Of course, there was a dance where I had to be front and center. I tried hiding behind a camera but even that did not save me. Still, it was sweet medicine after 2 days of talking trauma, abuse, and violence.

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July 9, 2013 · 1:07 pm

Educating youth about sex: check out this local conference


I will be speaking at a local day-long seminar geared to educate youth, youth workers, and parents on the topic of sex, sexual health, and relationships. It is sponsored by Eastern University. You can check out this page for more information. While my talk is geared to help adults create environments free of sexual abuse, most of the other presentations are dealing with issues around teen sexuality, relationships in an age appropriate manner. If you are a youth worker or have teens or middle schoolers, you might want to come and bring your kids as well.

On July 26-27, the Center for Urban Youth Development at Eastern University will host a conference called O, YES! (Our Youth Enlightened about Sex). This Christian conference is designed to enlighten middle school and high school students from Philadelphia and vicinity about topics related to sex, relationships and sexual health. It will be held at the Eastern University Academy Charter School at 3300 Henry Avenue in Philadelphia.

The Friday night Kick-off at 7 PM will feature entertainment, games, prizes, snacks and an introduction of the theme, Be Transformed. Saturday (9 AM to 4:30 PM) will include interactive seminars, skits, entertainment and food. Facilitators will present the real deal on teens and sex.  Their expertise, experience and Christian worldview will be incorporated into dynamic workshops.

To register for O, YES! or to make a donation, go to www.eastern.edu/oyes. Please direct inquires to oyes@eastern.edu or call 215-769-3105. Follow us on Twitter: @OYESConference. The cost for those who register before June 19 is $25/person. After June 19, add $5/person. For groups who bring 14 people, the 15th person will attend at no cost. Scholarships are available. Donations to make this event possible are appreciated.

 

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July 8, 2013 · 9:14 pm

Why are some people prone to spiritual abuse?


Have you ever wondered how a person could stay in an abusive relationship? “Why don’t they just leave the first time they get hit?”, you wonder. I suppose many have the same question when they hear about those who are being abused by spiritual leaders. Can’t they just up and leave and find a new church? Well, there are a few reasons why someone might be prone to become spiritually abused.

Environmental:

  • Need. Tangible help received from a person or organization (with a sense that without that help there would be serious problems) increases the risk a person will tolerate inappropriate behavior
  • Culture. A black/white culture that treats outsiders as heretics. A community that puts pressure on compliance will be a community that is tempted to use spiritual abuse to get that compliance
  • Gender views. religious authoritarian systems that promote male dominance in all areas of life will be more prone to use spiritual controls over women when women are perceived to exert too much power.

Personal:

  • Identity. When your identity becomes too wrapped up in a system. The more you need a system (or think you do), the greater the importance you feel being connected to an institution or leader the greater the likelihood that you will not jump ship at the first sign of manipulation or abuse
  • Self-doubt. A deep belief that others know better than you. Such a person will likely turn off their warning signs when others coerce them using spiritual language. The more a person denigrates themself, the more likely he or she will allow others to exert control and accept an abusers judgment that he/she is a sinner in need of discipline
  • History. Ironically, those who have suffered abuse are more prone to be re-victimized again.

Spiritual abuse, a form of psychological abuse, almost always creeps up on a person. It rarely shows its true form until the victimized person is fully entangled. And even then, the victim is commonly confused and unsure of self. Clarity rarely comes until after the person has extricated themself from the environment. Why? Those in power use well-known verses and doctrines to shape conversations and press others into submission. For example, who would be against forgiveness? Against reconciliation? These concepts form the heart of the Gospel. And yet these wonderful portions of the Gospel are used to force victims of sexual abuse to quickly forgive their perpetrators and to reconcile with them–as if the offense never happened. Those who desire justice may be forced to keep silent under the guise of reconciliation.

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