January 16, 2007 · 6:48 am

What if God showed you your future?


In the last week I had conversations with 3 different friends about whether they wished they knew then what they know now. In one case, a person gave up a solid career for what felt like a calling to the ministry. The ministry went sour for several reasons, none seemingly his fault. Despite strong efforts, no new ministry on the horizon. Another had 5 job offers. He chose one, turned the others down and waited for the new job to begin. Just prior to the job beginning, the company went belly up. The other four positions were gone or didn’t want him if they were his “second” choice. The third friend moved across country to a dream job. Within short order, it was clear that the job wasn’t going to be as advertised.

Counseling offices everywhere are full of individuals asking God for the answer to their why questions. Why did you let me go down the wrong path? Why didn’t you protect me? Why didn’t you bless my plans? Why won’t you show me the reasons for this pain (if I could just see how He was going to use this for (my) good, I could handle it).

So, what if you knew the future AND the reasons why. Continue reading →

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Filed under Desires, Guidance and Counseling

January 15, 2007 · 6:54 am

Science Monday honors MLK


You’ve got to be dead if you aren’t moved by King’s I have a dream speech:

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of “interposition” and “nullification” — one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today!

In honoring King’s dream, I bring a tidbit from the latest issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2007, 92:1). Continue reading →

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Filed under Black and White, Civil Rights, counseling science

January 12, 2007 · 6:59 am

Does your mate need a cheerleader?


In my most recent Monitor on Psychology (38:1), a news magazine for members of APA, there is a little blurb about a recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (91:5) about the benefits of enthusiastic responses to spouse’s positive experiences. “Those whose mates energetically cheered after positive events, such as a raise or promotion, later reported greater relationship satisfaction and were less likely to break up than those with less enthusiastic mates” (Monitor, p. 13).

Makes lots of sense if you think about it. You come home happy and tell a loved one about a neat experience, a success. How do you feel if they show minimal interest or even a negative response (e.g., “But what about x, won’t that still be a problem?”). Doesn’t it burst your bubble? Maybe even more than if you approached them about a negative situation and they didn’t respond as well as you had hoped. Are you then tempted to find someone else to tell in hopes that they will rejoice with you? Interestingly, the researchers found that positive-energetic responses to good events predicted relationship satisfaction better than compassionate responses to disappointing news.

So, are you a cheerleader for loved ones? Or does your logic, realism, suspicion, etc. cause you to rain on their parade?

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and in doing so, strengthen family ties.

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Filed under counseling science, Sex

January 11, 2007 · 9:58 am

Was the devil we knew better?


Musing on the terrible situation in Iraq during the president’s speech last night. Despite many, many bad things, Iraq used to be a predictable society. Now it is filled with utter chaos. Saddam had complete power and control because he eliminated dissenting voices through torture and murder. Freedom of speech and independent thinking were minimal if present at all. And yet, families could educate their kids, go to the market, and work without fear of being blown up. Which is worse, a tyrannical, evil overlord or anarchy that allows for no predictability in life? Of course, a third and better option is what we are looking for.

In some ways, Hussein’s reign of terror may have controlled an “eye for an eye” mentality. Or maybe it didn’t and we just didn’t hear or care about it before.  Humanly speaking, there’s little hope that leaders will rise up and take a stand for peace. But pray for it we must.

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Filed under News and politics

January 10, 2007 · 9:58 am

Reconsidering your responses to Chronic Fatigue


Chronic Fatigue as a syndrome has been widely studied but remains a mystery to most. My very first client as a master’s level intern in the late 80s had been given that diagnosis. The person looked well but described intense fatigue and pain. It was tempting to see the person as only having psychological problems (i.e., depression) or making excuses for not being able to get up in the morning. It was also tempting to want to think that I understood the level of pain and suffering because I too sometimes have pain and fatigue. Continue reading →

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Filed under counseling science, suffering

January 9, 2007 · 6:18 am

Therapist in a box


For Christmas, I received a joke gift labeled, “Therapist in a Box”, sold by Barnes & Noble. In the little box there is a rubber chair for the therapist and a little timer that sits in the chair, a humorous factbook about psychotherapy and 10 cards with interesting quotes on them. I’m going to share a few of better quotes:

If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. Thomas Szasz, MD
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions that your wife will ask for free. Joey Adams, comedian
The aim of psychoanalysis is to relieve people of their neurotic unhappiness so that they can be normally unhappy. Sigmund Freud
Men will always be mad, and those that think they can cure them are the maddest of them all. Voltaire
And here’s my favorite:
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then its you.”  Rita Mae Brown.

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Filed under Psychology

January 8, 2007 · 5:15 pm

Science Monday: New rules for reporting child abuse


School starts today and so the chaos of the year begins…

The commonwealth of PA enacted new rules for professionals required reporting of suspected child abuse. Two changes: first, hearing of probable child abuse second hand at your work triggers a required reporting (prior to this it needed to be a direct hearing). Second, reports to child protective services are necessary when non familial individuals abuse children (doctors, nurses, teachers). Prior to this change, a person did not report these cases to child protective services but to the police as criminal activity. Continue reading →

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Filed under Abuse, counseling science

January 5, 2007 · 12:18 pm

5 ways to tell if your child is too sick for school


5. Gets up but lays on the floor, not moving. Later when at Drs office, asks if its okay if he lays on the carpet while you are waiting to check out.

4. When you walk by, the heat from his fever warms your leg

3. Open mouth, see big white hunks of cottage cheese 0n his tonsils

2. Doesn’t want to watch TV when offered, and

1. Turns down waffles and maple syrup even though he lives on maple syrup.

Welcome to the world of strep. Will be back for Science Monday and the start of the new semester on Monday.

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Filed under Uncategorized

January 4, 2007 · 10:03 am

Painful memories through the lenses of the Exodus and Passion stories


Chapter 5 of Volf’s The End of Memory introduced us to the concept of viewing our memories of wrongdoings through the framework of the Exodus and Passion stories. Volf begins the sixth chapter by telling us that,”I will start by exploring the significance of the memory of the Exodus for remembering wrongs suffered and then expand how the memory of the Passion both reaffirms and readjusts the lessons drawn from the memory of the Exodus.” (104) He believes that if “we remember a wrongdoing…through the lens of remembering the Exodus, we will remember that wrongdoing as a moment in the history of those who are already on their way to deliverance.” (108-9). Continue reading →

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Filed under Abuse, book reviews

January 3, 2007 · 6:19 am

Viewing the Nativity


Saw The Nativity with friends and family on Sunday. For Hollywood, I was impressed by their lack of taking liberties with the story. I would recommend seeing it. The actors portraying Herod and Joseph did fine jobs. You really see Herod’s paranoia and Joseph’s struggle. Mary is well portrayed. I left thinking about how old Mary was. Likely young. Imagine explaining to your husband-to-be and family that the Holy Spirit impregnated her. Yeah, right, Mary, tell us another one. Mary’s father does his best to make it acceptable by trying to get her to admit it was Herod’s soldiers. How did she not get stoned? Throughout the story, the magi add some comic relief to an otherwise grim story.  

The birth takes place in a cave, another likelihood given the geography of the area. What bothered my kids the most (6 and 8 years old)? Not Herod’s soldiers getting ready to kill the boys but the birth scenes. Elizabeth and Mary groan and struggle briefly. Their pain bothered them. As a bonus the ride home offered the opportunity to have a little conversation about sex and how babies are born.

Two things were out of place. First, Mary’s teeth are snow white, flashing every time she talked. Not likely. Though I was happy to see they used a middle-eastern looking cast. Lots of lovely brown skin and eyes everywhere. Second, the scenes of the trip to Jerusalem and then on to Egypt were portrayed like Sahara Desert dunes. The Israeli wilderness is a beautiful but not commonly dunes.

Still a worthwhile movie and one that makes the Christmas story come to life.  And another reminder that Herod belongs  in our nativity scenes (thanks Erik Larsen for pointing that out).

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Filed under Movies