Category Archives: christian counseling

May 30, 2011 · 5:47 am

Why addictive behavior is so hard to resist


Why are addictive behaviors, well, so hard to resist? We know they are bad for us. We know they won’t give us what we ultimately want. We’ve had times where we assure ourselves that we will not return to behaviors that have hurt us in the past…and hurt our families. We’re sure we would never find them appealing again.

And then we find ourselves returning to the habit again.

I’ve written more recent blog posts here and here on the topic of addictions (you can also use the search engine on this page to find others). You may also check out my “Slides, Articles, etc.” for links to talks on the cycle of addiction. Here, I want to help non-addicts take the mystery out of why addictions are so addicting.

It is quite simple, really. Addictions work–in the short run.§  Here’s out they work:

  1. I feel a particular “need” (craving, desire, want, …and I feel desperate about the “need”
  2. I solve the need with something that fills the need, at least temporarily.

Think about it. You wouldn’t drink alcohol for 2 days in order to get the benefit. You drink because in 20 minutes you will get the benefit. You wouldn’t view porn for a week in order to finally get some payoff. You view porn to get the pay off now.

Of course, when we solve with the addictive behavior, we rarely calculate the cost because the cost does not seem all that nearby. But the cost is there nonetheless. Cover-ups, deception, use leads to shame, self-hatred, distance from family, and ironically, increased desires or “need.”

On the other hand, “waiting” delays the use of the “substance.” When waiting includes using spiritual resources, friends, and other helpful mechanisms, it often encourages careful self-assessment. In time, the “need” may become more distant and the addict may come to see how unhelpful the “substance” really is. In Christian terms, this casting our burdens/desires on the Lord reminds us that we are not in the fight alone.

Why is it so hard to resist addictive behavior? Because they always give a pay off now. And Godly, wise, mature, delay or waiting tactics will never pay off in the immediate at the same rate of power. Praying IS powerful but God is not a vending machine and so praying rarely gives a person a cellular high.

If you are walking alongside an addict, remember that addictions make lots of sense and resisting almost always means increased pain, angst, and desire. So be sure to encourage them along the way. Telling them that their “I need” isn’t accurate may be true but probably won’t help them let go of desire. Rather, try hanging out with them in the “decision” spot pictured above. Sometimes when we delay deciding to use for a bit, we actually gain capacity to say no.

 

 

§By “work” I mean how we move from desire to action. I am not speaking here of the biological processes of addiction.

5 Comments

Filed under addiction, christian counseling

Tagged as , , ,

May 27, 2011 · 4:27 pm

Introduction to Healing Trauma course


Starting July1 I will be teaching an on-line course, Healing Trauma in International Settings. Here’s the introductory video for students to watch during week one that tells what I plan to have them do during the course. Don’t worry, most of the course ISN’T watching me talk. You can see the full syllabus here.

Leave a comment

Filed under Biblical Seminary, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling science, counseling skills, Uncategorized

Tagged as , ,

May 18, 2011 · 9:22 am

Physiology of fear


Regions of the brain affected by PTSD and stress.

Image via Wikipedia

Had a conversation regarding fear and anxiety with someone yesterday. In light of that I am resurrecting a post I wrote from 2007 (with a few edits) regarding the physiology of fear. We often view fear as only a spiritual or faith problem. But for those who want to know what is going on in their bodies when they experience fear, consider the following:

(Those interested in other posts on anxiety can search that and related terms in the search box at the upper right hand of this blog)

…

Am teaching on anxiety, panic, and OCD tonight. Definition of anxiety: Responding to ambiguous stimuli (life situations) by reading them in the worst or most dangerous possible light. The Scriptures teach us that fear and worry are not good things. Time and time again God tells his people not to be afraid. We see that God wants us to see life through a different set of eyes, much as Elisha wanted his servant to see the army of angels instead of their enemies (2 Kings 6). But given the numerous encouragements to not give in to fear, we must admit it is a common struggle for every human being. Some struggle more than others.

What is going on with those whose lives are filled with worry and fear? Are they less spiritual? More sinful? It is easy to say, “buck up” to folks who are anxious–and entirely unhelpful to most. Logical challenges to fear (e.g., really, what is the chance you will die in a plane crash today?) may help some in the moment, but usually don’t get to the root of the matter. Jesus encourages fearful people by pointing them to see life from 40,000 feet. He doesn’t deny risk and suffering but encourages folks to keep their eyes on him. And with Peter, he reaches out to grab him even when he does start looking at the waves.

But what of the physiology of anxiety? What do we know and how does the christian counselor make use of the data?

  1. Fear responses are quickly learned and seemingly etched into the amygdala. One bad experience of food poisoning from a turkey sandwich at Applebees means my stomach tenses a little when I see deli turkey, even without remembering the food poisoning. Imagine what happens if you suffer repeated assaults or worse! The earlier the person is exposed to deep fears, the more likely they suffer from hyperarousal and startle responses.
  2. Neurotransmitters are involved which means you act first and think later. There’s little conscious cognitive processes involved until after anxiety is under way. Fear inducing stimuli lead to immediate neurotransmitter changes that then divert blood from organs to muscles. Tension builds, shallower, less effective breathing begins. Carbon Dioxide levels decrease in the blood stream which in turns creates pain, numbness, and a sense of danger. And so the cycle continues. During and after, we make attributions and so enhance the connections of the feared stimuli and our flight response. The higher the perception of pain, the greater fear/flight response. Despite medical advances, most of our medications either shut down the feed-back loop (beta blockers, anti-anxiety meds like xanax) or attempt to increase the available neurotransmitter serotonin associated with positive outlook.
  3. OCD, in particular, has some probable links to early exposure to viruses such as Strep and Flu. There is a higher incidence of OCD in people born during winter months and who live in colder climates. The link is not clear.
  4. PTSD patients have higher right hemisphere brain activity (than do non-PTSD individuals) when exposed to anxiety provoking stimuli. Further, it appears that trauma patients have greater difficulty coming back to “center” after a trigger. Likely the hypothalamus and other brain structures are overactive in the stress response and do not “cool” down quickly.

That’s just a few things we think we know about the physiology of fear. Now, what do we do with fear from a spiritual standpoint?

  1. Worship. Worship/meditation on other things takes our attention away from the fear stimulus. It forms habits and relationships as we repeat what we want to believe until we actually own it and believe it on its own merits.
  2. Fight. We do challenge our thinking as soon as we can. Yes, the fight/flight chemicals are coursing through our veins but we challenge just the same so we can break some of the connections and the ways we reinforce our fears. One other way we fight may seem a bit odd. We admit there are real things that are scary and overwhelming out there. We do not try to deny the reality of suffering (past or future) but admit it over and over. It is scary to die. I was assaulted in that alley. I am in pain and more may be coming. But, God is with me and it is good to call on him and ask him tough questions about his protection of me.
  3. Stay Present. Being present in the moment is essential to avoiding living in the fear of the past or the future. Some fear is indeed in the present but most are not. When I am able to focus or describe the now, I am less likely to be imagining a future feared event. “Right now I am sitting at my desk and looking at a picture of my children and enjoying the smiles on their faces. Right now I am getting ready for bed and working on a sudoku puzzle and noticing that I am getting tired.”
  4. Work. Building habits where I do not allow myself to run from the feared situations (where appropriate!). Moving myself closer to some of the feared scenarios in a slow and consistent manner. No, this is not flooding (where you are dumped in the pit of snakes because you have a phobia of snakes…). Allow the work to take the time to reorient the deep recesses of the brain. Don’t expect or look for immediate change!

16 Comments

Filed under Anxiety, biblical counseling, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling science, counseling skills, Mindfulness

Tagged as , , , , , ,

May 17, 2011 · 5:56 am

What is the difference between a trial and a stressor?


Words matter. The words you use to describe an event really do shape how you will view it and how you will respond to it. For counselors, the words they use to conceptualize a client/case will shape how they see clients and how they will attempt to intervene. This is why I take considerable time in my Practicum class to practice case conceptualization.

Most beginning counselors are good at collecting information. But, for most, that data might well be a hopelessly knotted  ball of twine.  Where to start pulling? How do we make sense of the various pieces of data? And since data never comes to us uninterpreted, which “data” do we tend to gravitate to? Behaviors? Family history? Motivations? Biology? Environment? Client beliefs? But even more confusing are the words we use to describe these sectors of life–and the meaning they convey!

Stressor v. Trial?

Here’s how language influences case conceptualization. Your client experiences long-term family discord due to an adult child with schizophrenia. The family member routinely goes off medications and the police have to be called in order to transport him or her to the hospital after threatening self-harm. Your client comes to counseling to seek support for handling this difficult situation. As you can imagine, the client feels alone, worn down, and wondering how to keep going despite no sense that the situation will get better any time soon.

What do you imagine might be the impact of calling this family situation a trial? And how might you view it differently if you called it a stressor. Notice any differences? Benefits of each? Drawbacks of either? In your mind, are they equivalent? (See Eric Johnson’s brief discussion of these two words and their similarities/differences in regard to Christian psychology in his Foundations for Soul Care, p. 240)

Here is my thinking. Within Christian tradition, a “trial” signifies a difficult time or season but from a spiritual or divine perspective. It conveys a purpose–a testing or proofing of one’s faith. We tend to view trials (or desire to at least) from an eternal point of view, “testing of your faith produces perseverance…”  (Jas 1:3). Notice that while “trial” does signify difficulty, the focus is largely on the purpose it serves.

On the other hand, a “stressor” is something that causes stress or distress in a person’s life. Notice that this word carries no sense of eternity, divine value or purpose. It merely describes a facet of life that is troubling a person’s life.

Imagine with me a counselor who uses “trial” to describe the distress in the life of the client mentioned above. How do you expect that might shape the counselor’s view of the situation and thus response sets to that client? Would our counselor be more likely to view the trial as something to endure, more likely to engage in spiritual conversations so as to find comfort and peace in the middle of the storm? Would their conversations tend toward the hope of heaven? Is it possible that using the language of trials might cause a counselor to ignore the real-time experience of distress?

Now imagine the counselor who uses “stressor” to describe the same distress. Would this counselor be more likely to discuss in detail the physical, psychological impact of living with a mentally ill and unstable family member? Would this counselor then be more focused on finding ways to decrease the moment-by-moment stress levels? Is it possible that using the language of stressor might cause a counselor to ignore an eternal perspective?

Hopefully, you can see the value of both word meanings and the interventions described. It is possible to use the language of trials and focus in on the details of how that trial impacts the client. And it is possible to use the language of stressors and keep in mind an eternal perspective. Whatever language, the interventions off stress education and reduction and hope building are necessary interventions.

If you are a counselor or counseling student, observe the language you use to describe your clients and their lives. How does that language influence your view of them and the interventions you might use with them?

6 Comments

Filed under biblical counseling, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, counseling, counseling skills, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , ,

May 13, 2011 · 10:54 am

Ascertaining adult victim culpability


In a recent training on the topic of pastoral sexual misconduct, I was asked a question about the culpability of an adult victim. The question went something like this:

I know that a pastor who engages in sexual activity with a parishioner carries the bulk of responsibility for the immoral conduct. But doesn’t the woman that he had an affair with have some responsibility as well? Isn’t she culpable for something?

It is a question I have been asked many times–and a very good one. It is good because it causes us to think through how to respond to such individuals caught in a tragic situation. It is also good because it causes us to examine our own beliefs and impressions about justice.

Now, let me give you all some context on that question I received. This kind of question usually arises when discussing how we think about sex between a pastor and an adult parishioner that appears to be consensual. It usually is asked after I have made the case that the ONLY proper term for sex between someone with authority (legal, spiritual, work, etc.) and someone who is under authority is…sexual abuse. In this case, it is pastoral sexual abuse. Consequently, we ought NOT use the word affair to describe the relationship. The reaction behind the question about culpability has to do, I think, with the perception of choice, freedom to say no, signs of pursuit of a sexual relationship, etc. It doesn’t seem fair or just to let the person (woman in this example) off the hook.

The world recognizes that sex between teacher and student, pastor and parishioner, prison guard and prisoner, adult and child are wrong. Sex in these “forbidden zones” is abuse. But of course some power differentials don’t seem so large as others. We get that a prisoner has little choice to say no to a prison guard. But what about a friendly pastor and a lonely woman who enjoy each other’s personalities and then end up engaging in an affair? Is it really abuse? Is it abuse if she sought the relationship or sought to continue it after the first line crossing?

Here’s how I tend to try to respond. Stick with me as the matter is complex.

1. No matter what efforts the woman makes, the pastor is ultimately responsible to protect the integrity of the relationship. Thus, the pastor bears all the culpability for crossing the line.

2. The woman may bear some culpability for decisions and choices that set her up for this relationship. Maybe she fantasized about being loved, maybe she have desired power and found that sex is the ultimate power move. But just as likely she may have VERY LITTLE culpability. I’ll explain why next. But even if she does bear some…here’s a question I want you to pause on:

Why do we jump to this question right away? What drives us to want to settle questions of responsibility? What do we fear will happen if we treat her as a victim right now and leave culpability questions for a later time?

3. Not only does the pastor bear the blame for the sexual relationship, the pastor is likely to have used any number of techniques (in a knowing way or a self-deceived way). What are most pastors good at? Words. Words with emotion. Setting a tone. A pastor is usually quite gifted in convincing others that what they think, say, feel is right. Thus, their words shape, manipulate, coerce, groom the other into being open to a sexual relationship.

4. How do most cases of pastoral sex with adult parishioners begin? In the pastoral counseling office. A needy person feels desirous of pastoral care, seeks out the pastor and within that context, the pastor begins shaping the relationship which leads to sex. Now, it is possible that the parishioner is also a leader in the church, either paid or volunteer. Would such a person have greater culpability. Likely. But again, I could not answer this question until after evaluating the techniques of deception used by the pastor.

Conclusion? Culpability lies so heavily with the  person in power–the pastor–that victim culpability cannot be ascertained until (a) the pastor’s techniques of deception are better understood, (b) the victim has received help for the damage done to him/her by the pastor, and (c) opportunity for spiritual healing is present. Finally, this set of values I have laid out here do not require that we treat the pastor harshly. We also want to help the pastor understand what brought him/her to this point in life. And yet, we do not need to spend much time, at first, trying to determine guilt.

7 Comments

Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, Uncategorized

May 11, 2011 · 12:32 pm

Thinking about Licensure in PA?


If so, come to Biblical to meet with other interested parties on June 11, 2011. If you are working on your masters degree or already have one and want to talk through the process for becoming a LPC in PA you might benefit from talking with those who have recently gone through the process. The following link will give you more information on the lunchtime seminar and contact information to RSVP should be interested in attending.

bib-0511-F2

Leave a comment

Filed under christian counseling, counseling, counseling science, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , ,

May 6, 2011 · 12:45 pm

Guest post/article on www.christianpsych.org


For those interested in Christian psychology and its future, you can read a short essay I wrote on the topic here

Check out the site for other interesting blog entries. It shows the diversity of ideas and interests in the field.

3 Comments

Filed under christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, Psychology

Tagged as

April 13, 2011 · 8:24 pm

Webinar on Complex Trauma: April 19, 2011


Diane Langberg and I are scheduled to do a three hour webinar for the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) on the topic of complex trauma and sexual abuse. It will run live April 19, 2011 from 6p to 9p. You can learn more about the content of the webinar by visiting this link.

Use the above link to register. Cost is $59 to “attend” via your computer or $69 if you want CEUs. AACC is able to give 3 CEUs for those needing APA and NBCC approved continuing ed.

Our presentation will be broken into 4 segments with Q & A. Topics include: overview, differential diagnoses, 3 phase treatment approach, educating the church about trauma, connecting victims to God, counselor self-care, and next steps for church leaders.

1 Comment

Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling science, counseling skills, Diane Langberg

Tagged as , , , ,

March 30, 2011 · 5:01 am

Abuse and Trafficking Conference: Final Plenary


The abuse and trafficking conference hosted by Biblical concluded by hearing from Dr. Diane Langberg about the problem of sexual abuse in Christian communities and a panel discussion of the speakers.You may order DVDs here for a ridiculously low price.

Diane began her talk by acknowledged that the very title of her talk, abuse in christian communities ought to be “the king” of oxymorons, something that makes no sense to us. But sadly, abuse does happen in our midst. She provided several examples, from missionary kids being abused, to pastors abusing counselees and camp counselors their children.

While the abuse is horrific, what is even more problematic is the way the Christian community often covers up and protects the “head” or their reputation at the cost of the victim’s right to justice and protection.

People in power are protected because they are gifted, important, and successful or considered necessary to the furtherance of the work of the kingdom of God.  Vulnerable sheep, who have not found it safe to graze, have been thrown out, silenced, slandered and frankly, abused yet again by the power structure of the body that is not following its Head

How does this happen? Diane listed several contributing factors

1. a culture of systems.While systems are not inherently bad, they do have a tendency to be self-preserving over against rooting out sickness. Families have ways of tolerating great sicknesses via denial:

No system – family, church, community or institution – is God’s work unless it is full of truth and love.  Toleration of sin, pretense, disease, crookedness or deviation from the truth means the system is in fact not the work of God, no matter the words used to describe it. We have a tendency as humans to submit ourselves to some command or idea of men, of the past, of tradition, of a systemic culture and in so doing, refuse to listen to and obey the living and ever present God.

2. Deception. “Sexual abuse requires both deception and coercion or an abuse of power.  The deception must first be of the self and then of the victim and the community.” Diane pointed out that a significant problem happens in the Church when abusers use spiritual language to deceive.

3. Power. There are various types: positional, verbal, theological, emotional, etc. We have the power to speak up for those who have been silenced. Our failure to do so is complicity with the crime of abuse.

4. Misunderstanding of repentance. Quoting a convicted abuser, Diane told us that many see Christians as easy to dupe…with a few tears and emotions. But repentance must take time and bear the fruit of acceptance restrictions, seeking the welfare of others (not the end of punishment). Anyone who asks for trust and believes he/she is worthy of it (after abuse) does not understand the Scripture’s teaching on deception and is therefore at risk for further abuse.

Finally, She ended with some principles to remember. Some of them included remembering that sexual offenses against minors are crimes and therefore we are to utilize the criminal justice system. Sex between a leader and a parishioner is NOT an affair but an abuse of power. Systems are not to be protected but the weak and God’s name. God is glorified by truth, not lies and cover-ups.

May we, who are already in positions of power and influence, lead the way by falling down on our faces, imploring God to make us like Himself no matter the cost to our positions, our programs, our organizations, our ministries, or our traditions so that His precious sheep may safely graze.

1 Comment

Filed under Abuse, Biblical Seminary, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, deception, Diane Langberg, Doctrine/Theology

Tagged as , , ,

March 17, 2011 · 4:01 pm

Trauma the greatest mission field of this time?


Sometimes a line you say strikes a nerve. It happened this morning when Diane Langberg made a passing comment to attendees at the She’s My Sister impact summit. Diane was to make some introductory comments about the nature of trauma and the fact that God’s children, the body of Christ, “are to follow the head” into the problem of injustice. Following her I was to make some summary of the trauma healing advisory council’s work from the previous day.

To a room full of ministry leaders (from World Relief, IJM, Saddleback Church, American Bible Society and other international societies), Diane made this statement,

Trauma is the greatest mission field of this time.

Soon after a number of folks began running with this idea. Trauma, they could see, is an opportunity serve others and bring the Gospel to bear in word and deed. Trauma is everywhere. The need is overwhelming. The Gospel has something to say about the experience of suffering and what the Christian life offers to suffering people. One of the first ways people heal from traumatic events is when they are able to speak their experience; when they feel heard and cared for. They realize they matter.

Abolition of slavery was the great mission field of the 19th century. Trauma may be that field for this season.

1 Comment

Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, christian psychology, Democratic Republic of Congo

Tagged as , ,