Category Archives: Abuse

September 22, 2009 · 5:22 am

Just don’t blow it


Having spoken last week on the topics of trauma and pastoral sexual abuse (and the resulting conversations with attendees at both sessions), I keep thinking this thought: Just don’t blow it.

Let me explain. Both sessions are filled with examples of Christian leaders abusing vulnerable people. It is common that attendees want to come up and chat with me about something similar that has happened to them or a loved one. During my trauma session, an individual commented to the whole group about a recent serious (and very public) allegation about a camp counselor and a decade of abuse to young boys. What would I tell these boys who were (allegedly) abused by someone they should have trusted?

Even when the problem is not abuse but moral failings, I note the massive, rippling fallout (fear, anger, anxiety, crushing heartbreak) in those in the know.

After the second session I got to go have a wonderful dinner with my wife. During it I was having double consciousness. I was with her and enjoying her company but having intruding thoughts about my own capacity to fail her, my kids, my parents, my colleagues, my students, etc. These vignettes I heard of “blowing it” can’t be all stupid of course. They too must have known how much destruction their choices would bring. I cannot rest on the fact that since I’m in the know, it won’t happen to me. Why? Because we are all prone to forget.

So, I spoke to myself, Just don’t blow it Phil. Remember that glowing face of your wife in the dinner light.

I’ll need a bit more than that I suppose…regular reminders and lots of prayer! It is easy to be ensnared and deceived by desires for comfort, glory, etc.

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September 16, 2009 · 5:11 am

Pastoral sexual abuse training


Today, Diane Langberg and I provide a 3 hour presentation entitled: Pastoral Sexual Abuse: Trends, Challenges, Issues & Treatment. Click here (#14 on the list) for presentation slides (ppt format). The presentation covers issues such as “the setup” that leads some pastors to abuse parishioners, the impact on the various parties, victim related interventions, offender related interventions, as well as focus on the kind of issues counselors run into when either counseling various parties or consulting with the local church going through such sufferings.

Along with the slides, we will also pass out a tiny print decision tree for those who like to have a visual for what needs to be done (see link above for that item as well). I’m still playing around with this and could add things like communication with media, interactions with legal team and notification to law enforcement if abuse of minors has taken place.

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Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, church and culture, pastors and pastoring, self-deception, Uncategorized

August 31, 2009 · 5:44 am

Disorders of Extreme Stress Not Otherwise Specified (DESNOS)


I recently scanned a book, Healing Trauma(published by Norton in 2003), and ran across a new name (for me) for the problem of complex PTSD–Disorders of Extreme Stress NOS or DESNOS.  Because many christian counselors are only marginally aware of the research on complex PTSD I’ve decided to give a brief summary here.

The following symptom presentation may be found in those with prolonged and severe personal abuse (and often starting at an early age): 

  1. alterations in the regulation of affective impulses, including difficulty with modulation of anger and being self-destructive,
  2. alterations in attention and consciousness, leading to amnesias and dissociative and depersonalization episodes,
  3. alterations in self perception, such as a chronic sense of guilt and responsibility, and chronically feeling ashamed,
  4. alterations in relationships with others, such as not being able to trust and not being able to feel intimate with people,
  5. somatizating the problem: feeling symptoms on a somatic level when medical explanations can’t be found, and
  6. alterations in systems of meaning (loss of meaning or distorted beliefs)

Some folks include a 7th characteristic: (alterations of perceptions of perpetrator(s).

Check out the this paper(44 pages long) written on the assessment and treatment of DESNOS.  Though written for psychiatrists, I found the language easy to understand. The authors do a nice job of helping counselors differentiate between Borderline Personality Disorder and DESNOS. While they recognize significant overlap between the two constellation of symptoms, DESNOS folks tend to experience less relational push/pull (less manipulative behavior) and more push behaviors coupled with more intense sadness and grief.

Counseling work falls (per this paper) into 3 categories: stabilization, trauma processing, and re-integration into their world.

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Filed under Abuse, Anxiety, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychology

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August 19, 2009 · 9:51 am

Apologies revisited and moral outrage


The matter of Michael Vick and his return to the NFL cannot be escaped–especially when you live in Philadelphia Eagle territory. Seems the media cannot get enough of him: Can he be forgiven? Is he truly sorry? Has he paid his debt? Should he get a second chance?

I care little about these matters but would like to make two observations.

1. On apologies (again). I’ve written here numerous times regarding the good and the bad about the art of apology and what one reveals about the person making said apology (use the search engine above to find them). But let me highlight one thing about Vick’s recent comments regarding his awakening to the evils of dogfighting. The following appeared in a recent USA Today,

During his interview with Brown, Vick summed up why many sports figures lie through their teeth when caught red-handed in personal or criminal scandals. They’re — what else? — terrified of losing their multimillion-dollar salaries and endorsements. “I was scared. I knew my career was in jeopardy. I knew I had an endorsement with Nike — and I knew it was going to be a big letdown. I felt the guilt and I knew I was guilty, and I knew what I had done. And, not knowing at the time that, you know, actually telling the truth may have been better than, you know, not being honest. And it backfired on me.”

Notice his answer reflects the same root problem that got him into the problem behavior–SELF. His reason for truth telling is because it would have been better for him. “What is best for me” thinking is one of humanity’s main problems.

2. Moral Outrage. Is anyone else surprised at the level of public outrage about Vick? He is not an elected official charged with leading us? He is not anything but a professional football player. Why is there so much outrage about the evils of dogfighting and so little outrage for other evils (abortion, porn use, child abuse, poverty, obesity, etc.)? Here I think NT Wright is instructive. In his book, Evil and the Justice of God(IVP, 2006), Wright suggests that most of the western world (a) ignores evil unless it hits us personally, (b) is surprised when it does, and (c) responds in “immature and dangerous ways as a result.” (p. 24). To point c he says,

Having decreed that almost all sexual activity is good and right and commendable, we are all the more shrill about the one remaining taboo, pedophilia. It’s as though all the moral indignation which ought to be spread more evenly and thoughtfully across many spheres of activity has all been funneled on to this one crime.” (p. 27)

Well, maybe we should add animal cruelty to the list of greatest evils.

He goes on to remind us,

Lashing out at something you simply know by intuition is wrong may be better than tolerating it. But it is hardly the way to build a stable moral society.” (p. 27)

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June 4, 2009 · 10:18 am

Biblical Seminary Summer Offerings


Every summer we have a summer counseling institute where we offer electives for current students, alum, and other interested parties (graduate counseling credit counts for required CEUs!). This summer we have three fabulous offerings!

1. **ON-LINE** Models of Counseling(2 credits) by Dr. Bryan Maier. From 7/6 to 8/31. This class has NO on-site time. If you have ever wanted to study the historic models of counseling from a Christian perspective this class is for you. Bryan really understands the basics of these models, offers great insights and careful thinking. Plus, Bryan’s material includes narrated PowerPoints and short videos made to stimulate your thinking. 

2.  Theology of Suffering & Disability(2 credits) by Jerry Borton and Kevin Kain. Class meets two weekends (7/10-11, 7/24-25). Jerry works for Joni & Friends and both Jerry and Kevin have intimate understanding of Cerebral Palsy. This is not, per se, a counseling course but open to all who want to think biblically about suffering and disability and apply that to their counseling or ministry practices.

3. Counseling Victims in the Criminal Justice System(1 credit) by Jenn Zuck. Class meets one weekend (August 7-8). Jenn has tremendous experiences working with victims of abuse and crimes in the justice system. Sadly, the church has not supported these individuals as it could have (I have heard several Christian prosecutors tell me that they have yet to see a pastor come in support of the victim, but many times observed the pastor supporting the alleged perpetrator). If you don’t live in the area, consider a visit. Class meets Friday night and Saturday. Philadelphia is a great town to visit!

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Filed under Abuse, biblical counseling, Biblical Seminary, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling, counseling and the law, counseling skills, education, seminary, suffering, teaching counseling

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May 8, 2009 · 5:17 am

Physiology Phriday: Abuse alters genes?


Check out the following link for some very interesting research on how abuse alters the NR3C1 gene in the hippocampus which functions to limit our stress responses. It appears that when the gene is altered, it inhibits natural control of stress responses thereby leaving the abuse victim on high levels of alert.

This may give new meaning to “the sins of the fathers passed on to the third generation” comment in Scripture.

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April 22, 2009 · 10:14 am

Read any good books on evil?


Have a new writing assignment on the theology of evil in sexual abuse. I’m to think theologically about this particular kind of evil. So, I want to do some reading. Any books you might recommend that discuss evil (outside of the usual ones describing the damage done by sexual abuse)?

I’ll start with NT Wright’s “Evil and the Justice of God” book, but other recommendations might be helpful as well.

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April 9, 2009 · 5:30 am

Final thoughts on roots of evil


Well not really. Just that I posted on Tuesday that I would add a few more thoughts on this topic. On Sunday, Terry Traylor preached on the last verse of Judges and the first part of Matthew 21. You can hear it here. In his sermon he gave a nice summary of the book of Judges and the cycle we find in it:

1. The people stop dealing with sin, begin to flirt with it
2. God gives them over to their desires. He lets them have what they demand.
3. The people slowly recognize the problem, take a long time to do something about it, but finally call to the Lord for help.
4. God raises up a protector/deliverer.
5. God provides a period or rest and safety

Unfortunately, the cycle repeats itself. Except for one small problem: the cycle is broken when the people fail to cry out to God for help but keep going on their way. We could call it the “butterfly effect.” When the people fail to get rid of the idols but accept forms of syncretism, then it allows temple workers (Levites) to make it okay to have a concubine in the first place. He doesn’t protect her when some rapists come his way. He shows her no concern after her rape. She dies and he doesn’t give her the decency of a burial but sends her body parts to the 12 tribes and tells only the part that makes others look bad. And ultimately this butterfly effect ends with thousands dead in a civil war and innocent women stolen and subjected to forced marriages. All because everyone did right in their own eyes.

It would seem that this is part of the problem in Rwanda. You have a rather religious/Christian population that flirts with hatred and jealousy of the other, turns a blind eye to neighbors doing violence to others and ends up with civil strife and genocide.

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April 6, 2009 · 5:03 am

Connecting the dots: porn and rape


A few days ago a young woman/teen was found partially clothed and semi-conscious under a Philadelphia bridge. At the time I am writing this post, it is assumed (nothing too outlandish here) that she was assaulted and raped and left for dead. Whether or not this turns out to be the exact situation for this injured woman matters not for the rest of the post. What does matter is that we know that rape happens.

How does one get to the place of treating another human being like an object and caring nothing for that person’s feelings, interests? We’d like to believe that rape, murder, slavery, trafficking, and the sort are different sorts of animals than the wee little sins we commit. But such heinous acts have exactly the same roots as “normal” objectification.

Take porn for example. On first blush, there is not any interpersonal crime in looking at a pornographic image. The assumption goes that the individuals in the pictures have voluntarily allowed themselves to be photographed and are happy with what they are doing. Of course, we know that these two assumptions are not always true. But even IF we accept the assumption, we must also accept that the viewer of the pictures cares nothing about the person in the picture. They exist for one reason only–to provide pleasure for the viewer. They have no feelings, they are only objects on a page.

The one dimensional image allows the viewer to begin the process of not seeing the other and not seeing their abuse of the other. And we are well aware of the common path of porn use. Start with a scantily clad image, move to complete nude, then to more and more dramatic pictures of sex acts which often include bondage, pain, or other grotesque acts.

Most people would have trouble watching a friend or a loved one engage in such an act, much less act out such activity on someone in pain. Most of us couldn’t just rape a stranger–at least at this point. But the root is the same: ignoring the personhood of the person in front of us. The person who is able to rape, traffick, or enslave has just been more successful in protecting themself from empathy, putting themself in the shoes of another, etc. We haven’t yet gone that far but notice that we begin such activities by our ability to objectify people on television or even in our everyday life. We murder (in our hearts) the incompetent bagger at the grocery store. We care little about his or her life. I’m not putting a passing hateful thought on par with rape but when we fail to recognize the person on the other side we begin to make it possible to deny the humanness of the other, whether a victim of a crime or the perpetrator.

Reminds me of Miroslav Volf’s quote in Exclusion and Embrace (p. 124): 

“Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans even as I exclude myself from the community of sinners.”

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February 18, 2009 · 1:57 pm

Access to short christian counseling articles


I’ve noticed that the American Association of Christian Counselors has made many of their magazine (Christian Counseling Today) articles available for free on their www.ecounseling.com website. You can search by author or keyword to find what you might be looking for.  

My 800 word essay on repentance after abuse can be found here. A longer and very helpful article by another psychologist on the 12 features of spiritual abuse can be found here.

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