Tag Archives: sexual abuse

May 31, 2011 · 5:40 am

Healing, recovery, restoration and other words for “getting better”


Recovered. Healed. Better. Restored. Resolved. Whole. What words do you use when describing positive change regarding traumatic events like abuse, the pain of adultery, or other like experiences? And more importantly, what do those words convey to yourself and others?

Why am I thinking about this? Soon, I will begin teaching an on-line summer class called “Healing Trauma in International Settings.” To be honest, I’m a little uncomfortable with the title I chose. Words matter and “Healing” conveys a message. Imagine replacing “healing trauma” with

Trauma treatment

Trauma recovery

Trauma care

Now, maybe I’m being overly sensitive but consider some of these other kinds of problems we face

  • You break your tibia during an aggressive move on the basketball court. Your leg heals and you go back to your basketball playing. Here we use healing to denote that you regained your former capacity to play sports. You are back to normal or near normal.
  • You cut your finger while slicing vegetables. You go to the hospital to get stitches. While you have a scar, your finger heals and you use it again. In time you have only a slight scar to remind you of that day.
  • Your house sustains a fire. You lose belongings. Your insurance company restores your house and replaces your possessions.
  • Your car is stolen. The police recover it and return it to you (with fuzzy dice attached)
  • You have a protracted conflict with a family member. At some point, you have a heart to heart and resolve your differences.

My examples all convey a resolution of a problem where the problem recedes, maybe even disappears. But what about trauma? Is there a form of resolution and healing of rape or sexual abuse or domestic violence where the memories disappear? Should there be? Wouldn’t forgetting these experiences place the person in danger of living in unreality and, in some cases, at risk of re-injury? Here are some important questions:

  • What does healing from an affair look like? How do you know you have “recovered”? What symptoms or experiences would remain?
  • What does healing from a rape look like? What would be expected if you “pretty well recovered”? What is to be expected to not change?

As a counselor I do not want to under or over-sell the recovery process. Victims do find tremendous healing but to assume all vestiges of a traumatic experience go away would be false. Unfortunately, we who have not been traumatized sometimes expect the kind of recovery where victims go back to a way of life and thinking as if the trauma never happened.

If we are honest, we wish to live in a world without lasting consequences from sin and suffering.

We want people to “get over” their pain and go back to a way of life as if it never happened. It would be like asking a person who lost a leg to hope they will run exactly like they did before losing the leg. Indeed, they may run again. But never as fast and never as easy. There will be a stump to care for, a hip to learn new motion, phantom pains to re-interpret, and limits to accept.

This world of limits is one God wants us to live in and one we detest. Our first parents saw the limits of their wisdom and desired to get wisdom on their own. We too love the happily ever after story where humans obtain health and healing apart from limitations. We tell the stories of miraculous healing as if we no longer live in a broken world.

Let us endeavor to tell true stories of healing that glorify God and remind us that we depend upon him for every breath.

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Filed under Abuse, adultery, biblical counseling, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, counseling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Uncategorized

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May 19, 2011 · 11:45 am

What caused sexual abuse of minors by Catholic priests?


Did you see the 152 page report published about the causes of sexual abuse of minors in the Catholic church? You can read a very short new story here which links to a pdf of the entire report. You don’t have to read the entire report since the first several pages serve as a summary of the entire report. The report is being rejected by most who have read it because the most prominent “cause” of the increase of child sexual abuse between the 1970s and 1985 is social and moral degradation. In the words of one radio host…”they’re blaming Woodstock? Really?”

What I want to read in the report is their comments on the culture of seminary training. Just what was going on in the lives of the seminary leaders? It may well be that seminary professors and leaders were explicitly and implicitly creating a culture of boundary violations, sexual abuse. It may well be that perpetrating priests were raised and brought up in the church and seminary under a leadership that encouraged such behavior (even if not outright).

Obviously, I’m not thinking that seminaries are only to blame. A culture of secrecy, a culture of protecting the system and ignoring the victim (or much worse), failure to assess priest candidates (both at initial entry and later), and failure to encourage real spiritual formation are just a few of the facets of this problem. But as a seminary professor, I do bear the responsibility of thematic problems of my graduating students. If one student is a bad apple, I’m not responsible. However, if my graduates begin to exemplify a particular theme (e.g., ethical violations, legalism, arrogance, etc.) then I may indeed be responsible for either (a) encouraging such behaviors, or (b) not identifying the problem behaviors/attitudes and not attempting to remediate the problem.

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April 13, 2011 · 8:24 pm

Webinar on Complex Trauma: April 19, 2011


Diane Langberg and I are scheduled to do a three hour webinar for the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) on the topic of complex trauma and sexual abuse. It will run live April 19, 2011 from 6p to 9p. You can learn more about the content of the webinar by visiting this link.

Use the above link to register. Cost is $59 to “attend” via your computer or $69 if you want CEUs. AACC is able to give 3 CEUs for those needing APA and NBCC approved continuing ed.

Our presentation will be broken into 4 segments with Q & A. Topics include: overview, differential diagnoses, 3 phase treatment approach, educating the church about trauma, connecting victims to God, counselor self-care, and next steps for church leaders.

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March 30, 2011 · 5:01 am

Abuse and Trafficking Conference: Final Plenary


The abuse and trafficking conference hosted by Biblical concluded by hearing from Dr. Diane Langberg about the problem of sexual abuse in Christian communities and a panel discussion of the speakers.You may order DVDs here for a ridiculously low price.

Diane began her talk by acknowledged that the very title of her talk, abuse in christian communities ought to be “the king” of oxymorons, something that makes no sense to us. But sadly, abuse does happen in our midst. She provided several examples, from missionary kids being abused, to pastors abusing counselees and camp counselors their children.

While the abuse is horrific, what is even more problematic is the way the Christian community often covers up and protects the “head” or their reputation at the cost of the victim’s right to justice and protection.

People in power are protected because they are gifted, important, and successful or considered necessary to the furtherance of the work of the kingdom of God.  Vulnerable sheep, who have not found it safe to graze, have been thrown out, silenced, slandered and frankly, abused yet again by the power structure of the body that is not following its Head

How does this happen? Diane listed several contributing factors

1. a culture of systems.While systems are not inherently bad, they do have a tendency to be self-preserving over against rooting out sickness. Families have ways of tolerating great sicknesses via denial:

No system – family, church, community or institution – is God’s work unless it is full of truth and love.  Toleration of sin, pretense, disease, crookedness or deviation from the truth means the system is in fact not the work of God, no matter the words used to describe it. We have a tendency as humans to submit ourselves to some command or idea of men, of the past, of tradition, of a systemic culture and in so doing, refuse to listen to and obey the living and ever present God.

2. Deception. “Sexual abuse requires both deception and coercion or an abuse of power.  The deception must first be of the self and then of the victim and the community.” Diane pointed out that a significant problem happens in the Church when abusers use spiritual language to deceive.

3. Power. There are various types: positional, verbal, theological, emotional, etc. We have the power to speak up for those who have been silenced. Our failure to do so is complicity with the crime of abuse.

4. Misunderstanding of repentance. Quoting a convicted abuser, Diane told us that many see Christians as easy to dupe…with a few tears and emotions. But repentance must take time and bear the fruit of acceptance restrictions, seeking the welfare of others (not the end of punishment). Anyone who asks for trust and believes he/she is worthy of it (after abuse) does not understand the Scripture’s teaching on deception and is therefore at risk for further abuse.

Finally, She ended with some principles to remember. Some of them included remembering that sexual offenses against minors are crimes and therefore we are to utilize the criminal justice system. Sex between a leader and a parishioner is NOT an affair but an abuse of power. Systems are not to be protected but the weak and God’s name. God is glorified by truth, not lies and cover-ups.

May we, who are already in positions of power and influence, lead the way by falling down on our faces, imploring God to make us like Himself no matter the cost to our positions, our programs, our organizations, our ministries, or our traditions so that His precious sheep may safely graze.

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Filed under Abuse, Biblical Seminary, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, deception, Diane Langberg, Doctrine/Theology

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March 1, 2011 · 1:28 pm

Last Reminder! Sign up now for our Sex Trafficking and Sexual Abuse Conference


Biblical Seminary’s March 17-19 conference on sex trafficking and sexual abuse in Christian communities is filling up. We have space for only 400 attendees. You do NOT want to miss a chance to interact with Dr. Diane Langberg, Bethany Hoang (IJM), Pearl Kim (ADA of Delaware Cty), and Robert Morrison (founder of FREE). If you have been thinking about attending this conference, sign up now. All the information you need about who, what, when, and where is found here. Registration is free and those who would also like academic credit or CEs can see what additional costs and work are required can use the previous link to get more information.

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February 2, 2011 · 5:36 pm

Forthcoming:collaborative book addressing sexual abuse


Andrew Schmutzer, an OT professor at Moody, is editing a collaborative approach to the topic of sexual abuse. Chapter writers include psychologists, theologians, and pastoral care providers. The book is due out this coming July/August and is to be published by Wipf & Stock.

Title: The Long Journey Home: Understanding and Ministering to the Sexually Abused

Check out the Long Journey Home TOC for chapter titles and contributors (including your’s truly). My chapter is intitled, “The Nature of Evil in Child Sexual Abuse: Theological Consideration of Oppression and its Consequences”

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October 15, 2010 · 1:02 pm

Save the Date! March 17-19 2011


Dr. Diane Langberg and Bethany Hoang (IJM) will be doing our next Conversations with Christianity and Culture seminar March 17-19, 2011 on the topic of sexual abuse in the christian community. They will also be speaking about sex and human trafficking.

This is a free conference at Biblical Seminary. I’ll post on-line registration information here when it is available but I’m tell you this now so you get it on your calendar.  You won’t want to miss their presentations.

We expect to offer CEUs for mental health providers for the conference (probably very nominal fee) and academic credit too (in the form of ind. study) for those wanting to do some further work on the topic.

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March 23, 2010 · 11:19 am

Pastoral sexual abuse a conspiracy?


Heard a radio personality discussing the Pope’s letter to Irish Catholics. He was unhappy with the content of the letter, specifically the Pope’s failure to accept responsibility for abuse by Irish priests. He commented that given the sexual abuse scandal around the world in the Church, there had to be a specific conspiracy, going to the top, to keep covering these matters up; to keep transferring offender priests to new locations.

Given the authority lines in the Catholic church, a planned conspiracy is possible. But, what do we make of these same problems in Protestant churches? Especially in independent churches where there is no authority beyond the local body? Sadly, we see the same cover-up, the same attempts to move someone on without blowing the whistle.

Why? Is it a conspiracy? Yes, but not like the radio host was thinking.

The most obvious answer to the why question has to do with the fact that all, since Adam, are inclined to hide sin; to cover up and deny the truth. SO, it stands to reason that we see this as a universal phenomenon. People, especially those with power, want to look good and deny problems. Even more so when the truth might remove them from power.

But there are some other reasons as well. Worries about defaming Christ, causing “unnecessary” anxiety, “wasting” a gifted person’s ministry just because of one problem. These kinds of reasons are secondary. They make it easier to swallow the denial and deception. Like the parable of the talents, we find excuse for why we bury things. But they are not the primary reason.

I think the radio host wanted to be able to accuse the leadership of the Catholic church. Popes had to know and agree with these cover-ups that allowed abuse to continue. They may well have. But, a far more insidious conspiracy lies in each of our hearts; one that will destroy us if we turn a blind eye to it.

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