Tag Archives: Rwanda

July 16, 2009 · 5:16 am

Rwanda Day 7


Started the day as usual with some quiet meditative reading on the porch overlooking the lake and the distant sound of many children getting water on the other side (yelling Muzungu (white person) to get my attention). Diane read us this quote from John Fawcett’s “Christ’s Precious” (published by W. Milner in 1839, p. 82)

I am but a stranger in this world, wherever I may be situated, or however I may happen to be distinguished. And such, it is my privilege that I am so. [However] when I look not upon myself as a stranger and a pilgrim, when I am captivated with anything in this place of my exile, I forget myself, and act far beneath my character, as a candidate for an immortal crown.

Fitting. It is easy in the US to forget our “exile” status. We focus, instead, on our own status. But here in Africa, there is little to do but remember how fragile life is and how we must depend on God for our daily existence.

Today we met with Justin Remera, a psychiatric nurse at Gahini hospital. The hospital was built in 1920s. He is the head of mental health. He sees some 30 patients per day and has a caseload of 500 with PTSD. He sees lots of “epilepsy” and has documented some 350 new cases in the past 2 years. But they have normal EEGs, thus it is trauma related not brain injury. Justin told us that there is an openness to therapy here because they see the benefits.

Problems noted by him? no medications other than Haldol. Infrastructure needs. His office is the size of a small closet and he has had violent patients and no escape (his desk and chair are away from the door). Also, next to his office are rooms where patients were screaming (while we were there). Seems they may have been doing some minor surgery without anesthetic. He also mentioned problems with demobilizing military and their own trauma as well as his own burnout.

Next we went to Kigali and met with the the permanent secretary of Defense. One of the persons there talked about having 520 peer counselors in the military to deal with the problem of HIV. Nothing dealing with PTSD. They have NO chaplains in their military.

Next, we visited the National Council of Protestant Churches of Rwanda. Specioise told us that 52% of the country are protestant. They have a program to deal with gender based violence, to educate the the church about laws designed to protect women. Their booklet combines Rwandan laws and biblical passages.

For our final meeting, we visited with Jean Baptiste at World Vision. He is new to WV in Rwanda but not new to WV (previously in Mali). He is a tall man with much presence. He spoke very openly and honestly about the issues of NGOs in the country and the problem of lukewarm Christians. He suggested they were much more problematic than rank atheists or Muslims. He gave us some advice as how to work with both churches and government officials. Josephine, a woman Diane had worked in Rwanda on previous trips, was there and spoke of the continued need to train and care for Rwandan caregivers.

Our day ended in Gahini with a farewell dinner. Members of the church and community (the local mayor) attended a dinner at the Seeds of Peace retreat houses. The dinner was outside under a canopy. During dinner we watched the local youth perform traditional dances with drums, singing and costumes. The young women danced with wooden milk bottles on their heads. We learned their trick. A heavy stone in the bottom of the bottle helps it stay on their head. Ouch! The night ended with gifts from our hosts to us and a few words of thanks from us.

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July 15, 2009 · 9:16 am

Rwanda Day 6


Today (Sunday) we attended the local Anglican church. Several hundred were in attendance. 5 white folk (us four plus a visiting Brit and head of a school in the area). We were introduced during the service and each asked to speak a word of greeting. We heard some good singing and some exuberant preaching from the Bishop on Phil. 1:4-6. We partook in Communion (dunking. I was told this was because of the scourge of AIDS). Afterwards, we were mobbed by kids. Leah got some good pictures that I hope to share with you soon. The afternoon was quite slow though we spent considerable time as a foursome with both good laughs and planning what we might do for our “next steps” in helping this country. Our team has done well together. All our waking time is with each other but no troubles thus far. Though, I must say it has been harder than I imagined not knowing what is going on with Kim and the boys. I’m ready to come home though we have two more days to go. We have not had email or phone contact since the first day or so.

As the daylight faded, we took a swim in the lake. Somehow, it seemed more risky swimming in this beautiful lake since it is an African lake.

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July 14, 2009 · 4:57 pm

Rwanda Day 5b


[Sorry for the delay. Recovery and vacation time to Maine took precedence to posting more Rwanda entries.]

In my last entry I spoke of our exposure to prisoners at a local prison–all innocent in their own eyes, or at least deserving of being forgiven and released. All had been convicted by either a federal court or a Gacaca (local) court of genocidal activities.

In the afternoon we invited victims and perpetrators to our retreat house to interview them about their experiences. Jared, a diocese employee, our driver, and wise man brought two victims and one perpetrator to us (in the same car!). We sat under a tree and drank Fantas together, first with the victims and later with the perpetrator. Here’s what we learned:

Victims. We spoke with a woman and two men. The following quotes are through a translator.

The woman told us she was hidden by a Hutu (this is one of the few times we heard this!). She lost her husband and some children in the genocide.

I saw it with my own eyes. People killed people who knew each other. Some of the criminals now live in the community. We share life. Their homes are close. Some of the criminal’s children are seen by me. Their father killed my family. I have forgiven him because he confessed. It is a formula…confess, be forgiven, and live together. But do I forget? No. I see him (the killer) hang back and hesitate to ask for help. Rwanda is a country of sharing but he hesitates to ask. I have to be the one who makes more efforts to connect than he does.

Older man.

I thank God I am alive. It is a miracle. I didn’t expect to survive. There was no place to hide because no friend was left. So, I hid in churches, bushes, and rushes. It was terrible to see. I lost 170 people in my extended family. Remembering is the problem not economical. I knew those doing the killing. I survived by some miracle by moving around and going to another town where they didn’t know if I was a Hutu or a Tutsi….Afterwards, we had to live with those who committed the crimes and now we are trying to cover. Among those who killed, some confessed. They blame the government’s teaching and mobilization. But now they thank God we have a government that wants unity. So, we have to forgive to live together.

Younger man.

I was 11 when the genocide started. Some teachers came to our class and told us, “Tutsi, stand up.” They counted the number of each. I was in the thicket when the killers came. Some Hutus covered me up. When it was over my father was dead. My brother was killed and my sister too in Kigali. Our family was nine. Now we are three. In 2005 I finished school. I have been a judge in the Gacaca courts. It is good that I survived but now I am head of my family and I have to support my mother and my two married sisters (their husbands have to support their own families of origin). But I have no job. I hope to go to university some day.

What is it like to live in the same village with those known to have killed family members?

We are taught to forgive by government but then we see the criminals with their family. So it hurts. His family can achieve what we cannot because they have their whole family. I can’t provide for my family because I am a widow. I could if my husband was still here.

They can hurt you with their words even now. During the three months of memorial they can say things that shows they are proud of what they did.

Does it help to talk about it?

Yes and no. You have to be selective who you talk to. Some one might be happy or proud that I am hurting. I don’t tell it in public because it might be used by someone without good intentions.

How are you feeling about your country?

Today we should build Rwanda together by using Gacac courts to build trust. We try not to be aggressive. Unfortunately, some confess only to get absolution.

Finally, we interviewed a man who is a confessed killer. He is admitted to kill our female victim’s husband. (Remember they came in the same car from the same village. We thought was hard by the woman didn’t think anything of it! EVEN MORE AMAZING, we learned that this man also killed Jared, our translator’s father. Jared didn’t bat an eye when this was revealed to us!).

Since 1967 we learned who is Hutu and Tutsi in school. In 1990 the RPF (rebel Tutsis from Uganda who later became the government) it became worse. People said Tutsis were snakes and taught us this division. “Cut bushes” meant to cut Tutsis with a machete. For me, the genocide started 6 April 1994. When the president was killed I thought Tutsis killed him. They asked us to take revenge and killed the Tutsis. We started the same day. I killed different people. I remember each and every one. It lasted one week. Only a few survived. The RPF stopped us. I was exiled in Tanzania. We came back in 1996. I was arrested and imprisoned. In prison, they mobilized us to ask for forgiveness. I learned that I could be forgiven by God if I confessed. In prison, there were two parties–those who confessed and those who wouldn’t because they wanted to finish the job. Those who sincerely confessed had charges dropped. I was given only 9 years. But in prison, some (we learned later that some meant his own father) some tried to stop me and said the government was tricking us. Now, I’ve been here for 6 years with no problems.

What did you hear in prison?

Some confessed in order to get free. Some wanted to kill me for telling the truth. But I don’t care, I just want to tell the whole truth.

What helped you tell the truth?

The church taught me that you must confess the whole truth to the victim so you can be forgiven by God. Also, once you do this, you have to tell it many times to get it off your heart and to realize what you have done. Yet, it is difficult to come back and live with people whose relatives you killed.

What is the hardest thing for you to deal with?

I’m responsible for their pain. I have flashbacks. I hear them (the victims) crying in my memory.   

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July 10, 2009 · 9:02 am

Rwanda Day Five


Today we visited Nsinda Prison (population 8000) to interview those convicted of genocide. As we pulled up to the prison we met a large group of prisoners returning to the prison from the fields. They had only 1 guard with a machine gun and another with a stick. Many prisoners carried produce. Again, it felt like we were transported back a century. It was a dusty ancient looking place with shirtless male prisoners carrying huge logs on their shoulders (for firewood for their cooking fires). We were ushered to a bare cinder block room with a log and metal roof. 4 stools were brought for us. One of us noticed several wasp hives attached to the roof. In walked 19 prisoners all accused and convicted of mass murder. Quite a few were women and two had babies. One baby nursed throughout the session. The one guard stood outside the room with the door open to the out of doors. We asked them about their experiences. These individuals denied much wrongdoing, felt their former government led them astray, confessed, asked for forgiveness but felt they were denied it. They espoused genocidal ideology in that Tutsis were accused of killing the president and succeeding in forcing out the Hutus in the country.

Oh, as we entered the prison, we were greeted with “Nothing but the Blood” in native tongue over a loudspeaker. Apparently, there was a church service going on. What a contrast between the song (which recognizes guilt and the need for cleansing and the perceived innocence of the genocidaires (“I only mutilated dead bodies.”)

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July 9, 2009 · 8:59 am

Rwanda Day Four


Spent the day traveling around Kigali. First stop was Ndera hospital, the only psychiatric hospital in the country. It sits atop a dusty hill just outside the city. Upon entering the gate and getting out of the cars, we were welcomed by patients asking for water and money. The hospital has a 19th century or impoverished cold war era feel about it. Sterile cement block buildings set in a square. Sparse is an overstatement. We learned many staff and patients were murdered during the genocide. This hospital has over 200 patients (but just 12 beds for children). Psychiatric nurses provide the bulk of the care. Their “intake” room had one chair, one table and very little light. Patients lie on the grass outside in various states of unhealth. They have many with PTSD and schizophrenia diagnoses. Their only medication is Haldol. No “atypicals” or newer medications. A woman started screaming just outside our door. Translated: “Why does everyone hate me?”

From this hospital we traveled to the National Memorial Center to tour the genocide museum and grounds where some 300,000 have been interred. I couldn’t handle the room filled with poster size pictures of young children in happier days. The small print told of their favorite foods and activities…and how they were hacked to death.

Another lunch with a Christian counselor, Ms. Paulette, who told of her counseling work and training of lay counselors. After lunch, we met with the executive secretary of the Commission to educate about and prevent genocide. This handsomely dressed man shows the signs of his own trauma. he desires our help to guide the country to remember in healthier ways. Right now they play videos of the actual genocide and so during their 100 day memorial (April to July) they see so much trauma responses. He wished us to start right away.

Here’s a thought in my head: Does Rwanda need us or do we need Rwanda. I am amazed at how community minded this country is. They have no choice. People sacrifice for the good of all. They make do with a little. They are action oriented and start doing things rather than waiting to get it right. Risk calculation is not part of their thinking. What amazing things we could do in this country if we would learn from these people on how to put neighbor ahead of self.

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July 8, 2009 · 8:56 am

Rwanda Day Three


Awoke to the call to prayer by the local imam. Did not sleep well. Sinus headache due to the ever present charcoal smoke. We left Butare for Kigali to meet with with the president of the senate (2nd in command of the country) but he was suddenly unavailable. Something about the presence of UN VIPs. I guess that trumps us. Instead we met with the a key person at the ministry of mental health. She lamented the need to use BA level psychology grads and lay helpers to do the vast majority of their   counseling. Lunch at Moucecore where we learned more about their ministry to prevent HIV, to protect children’s rights, teach the bible and train individuals to be community leaders.     

After lunch we met with the rector (dean) of Kigali Health Institute. They confirmed the need for masters and doctoral counselors with knowledge of mental health problems. They have no problems with specifically christian counseling training and would like us to help them create a masters program and also teach or do distance ed for them. From this meeting,we drove across the city to Barakabao Foundation another ministry of the Bishop to care for over 5000 orphans. These orphans are in either foster families or child-headed homes–and they do it all with 12 staff. As some of the staff spoke, you could see their own stress and trauma. When it comes to orphans, they see 5 different types: genocide orphans, orphans whose parents died in refugee camps in the DRC, orphans born through rape, those whose parents died due to HIV, and those whose parents are in jail.

The day ended in Gahini at the retreat house. The hot meal and bed are welcome sights after such a long day of meetings. On the good note, I had a 2 minute call home. Sam answered and was overjoyed to hear me. Told Kim I was fine. Not sure if I’ll get further opportunities. I admit I’m homesick. I’ve not gone this long of a time without talking to Kim.

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July 7, 2009 · 8:56 am

Rwanda Day Two


We arose early pumped up with adrenaline if not with good sleep. Our retreat house sits on the eastern end of Lake Muhazi–a long lake with many nooks and crannies. Just across the water are several red dirt paths leading to the lake. Children and women walk the paths from the banana treed village to the lake to fill their jerry cans with water. The plan is to travel first to Kigali and then on to Butare, some 2 hours south of the city. We were told this trip would be a breeze in comparison to a few years ago as the road is now paved.

Our first daytime views of the country reveal a lush green world with many hills and valleys. Everywhere people are working in their fields or walking to and fro. Most noticeable are the numerous children on bikes. They are carrying multiple cans of water, milk cans, 3 or 4 huge banana clusters. We are told these young children are not in school as they cannot afford to go beyond 6th grade. So, they make a living (less than 1 dollar a day) delivering water to the villagers to support their families One young man has balanced a table on his bike. Women are walking with bundles on their heads and babies wrapped up on their back. Life seems to be all about procuring enough water and food for the day.

In Kigali, we tour Moucecore, a nonprofit lay counseling ministry started by Bishop Alexis to train up community leaders to lead their fellow villagers to improve life for all. We’ll learn more about this ministry later this week. The trip south to Butare continues through beautiful, rural hills and sharp valleys (many vistas) filled with banana plantations, small knots of goats or cows, mud brick houses in all shapes of repair. We note a group of pink garbed prisoners working in a field. These are “genocidaires”. The trip included many hairy moments when passing slower vehicles or just missing pedestrians.

At Butare, we meet with the Dean of the faculty, a PhD in psychology. They have just begun a masters in psychology program and have their first group of graduates. Not sure thye really have much training. They have needs for help improving their program and for CE or grand rounds training. It will be possible to do such activities live as they will have fiber optic capacity by October.

After this meeting, we meet with 60 some pastors to hear about their experiences. They speak of those they fear are demon possessed, of young children traumatized by the videos of the genocide or by learning their parents took part in the killing. They have to deal with those infected by HIV due to rape and wonder how best to teach about forgiveness. We ended the day with some moving worship in the church. Though we could not translate the exact meaning of the songs, they still spoke to the heart.

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May 5, 2009 · 5:54 am

Rwanda!


My on again off again trip is now on. I have tickets and yesterday I got my shots! Our small group of psychologists (4) will be leaving on June 22 and returning July 1. We will be going as the guests of the Right Rev. Alexis Bilindabagbo, Anglican Bishop of the Gahini diocese. You can learn a bit about him here.

We will be meeting with pastors, government officials, victims, and perpetrators of the 1994 genocide. Our goal is to immerse ourselves into the culture to learn how best to provide trauma training and counseling education at the graduate level for pastors and key leaders of the church right in Rwanda. While we know quite a bit about trauma and counseling training, we wish to avoid the mistakes of assuming we know best what this particular people need and what works within their cultural milieu.

I hope to be able to give you more details as the time approaches and to blog from Rwanda when I have Internet access.

FYI, each of us are paying our own way. Some donors at Biblical Seminary gave generously to underwrite a small portion of the trip. Further, the American Association of Christian Counselors is helping to sponsor this trip. So, if someone wants to give to the trip, I’m sure we can find a way to provide you a receipt for tax purposes :). Email me at pmonroe[at] biblical [dot]com and we’ll figure it out.

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April 7, 2009 · 5:50 am

Some more thoughts on the roots of evil


Continuing my reading about the tragedies in Rwanda, I’m now following the writer Jean Hatzfeld–thanks to my colleague Carol King. He has written a few books on the genocide in an attempt to give voice to both surviving victim and killer. “Machete Season: The Killers in Rwanda Speak” is a chilling mix of interview of 10 “killers” from the district south of the capital and background information

[FYI, for those following this blog for some time, my trip to Rwanda has been delayed until at least July. Pray that it happens then!].

For most of the world, Rwanda was a quiet, tiny country that exploded into Tutsi genocide in 1994 after their Hutu president was assassinated. One day it is calm, the next an entire population of Hutus begin systematically destroying their Tutsi neighbors. Even soccer teammates killed each other, with no remorse.  

But dig a little and you find out that this is not so. Despite living and working together, Hutus (the majority) felt the minority Tutsis (treated as the upperclass by Europeans in the formation of Rwanda) had too much power. Much radio and media did comic portrayals about the killing of cockroaches (the Tutsis). Apparently, they were so funny that even the Tutsis listened and laughed.

It looks like this is what happened:

1. Conflict between groups, fanned by leadership (read pp 52-58 for how it happened).
2. Use of both comic discussions of killings plus occasional actual killings going unpunished
3. Lots of free beer, food (many ate meat every day when normally they only ate it at weddings), and promises of rewards
4. Threats of violence to Hutus if they do not follow outsiders orders. These outsiders “apprenticed” farmers into killers.
5. A large group involved (100% involvement) with lots of camraderie so as to defuse guilty feelings.
6. A simple task ordered: kill.
7. The abandonment by the white individuals in the country and so gave the sense that the world didn’t care and wouldn’t hold them accountable.

This is quite a chilling book (because thus far there is no apology or blameshifting in the book by those being interviewed). Here’s one especially difficult passage:

For my part, I offer you an explanation: it is as if I had let another individual take on my own living appearance, and the habits of my heart, without a single pang in my soul. This killer was indeed me, as to the offense he committed and the blood he shed, but he is a stranger to me in his ferocity. I admit and recognize my obedience at that time, my victims, my fault, but I fail to recognize the wickedness of the one who raced through the marshes on my legs, carrying my machete. That wickedness seems to belong to another self with a heavy heart. The most serious changes in my body were my invisible parts, such as the soul or the feelings that go with it. Therefore I alone do not recognize mysefl in that man. (p. 48)

Tomorrow I will post one more on this topic: the pattern of running away from and then back to the Lord as seen in Judges. Or, how we stop seeing our sin and forget to cry out to God.

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October 15, 2008 · 9:36 am

Rwanda’s Gacaca (truth and justice) courts


Am reading Romeo Dallaire’s memoir, Shake Hands with the Devil, of his time as UN commander in Rwanda before and during the 1994 genocide. It is amazing that this man isn’t in a psychiatric ward given his position as “observer” of the genocide and no power to do much of anything, even protect his own troops.

But last night I watched the documentary, In the Tall Grass, the story of a woman seeking justice in the village court (aka gacaca courts). The village turns out to hear her complaint that her neighbor killed her husband and children for being Tutsis. The villagers are asked what they saw and only one or two admit to seeing anything though it is assumed most know. The accused man admits to being present and “participating” in the killings but denies he struck the fatal blows. (They remain neighbors). His story is inconsistent. She claims she will forgive him if he confesses fully. He sticks to his story as being a witness to the events. But one woman stands up and tells the crowd how the children were murdered and where they are buried (the mother did not know this). So, the village goes and digs many holes in the area in order to find the children’s bodies–now 10 years later. They find them and several undertake, on film, to wash the bones and prepare them for proper burial. The accused participates in the washing and this woman watches it all.

I cannot fathom the experiences of 1994, of living next door to those who murdered your family, nor that of watching someone tenderly wash your child’s skull, rib-bones, etc.

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