Over the years I have had the opportunity to walk with church leaders through the difficult waters of abuse, whether done by leaders or done by congregants. One of the first conversations I try to have with those tasked with responding to the situation is this: What core values do you want to shape your response? Another way of saying this could be, “At the end of the day, who do you want to be, who do you think Christ calls you to be?
These values do not tell you what to do. They do not give you steps. But, they will help evaluate if a particular response is moving towards or away from those values.
If we don’t start at this point, then a couple of other values will control the conversation and control the decision-making: limiting legal liability, damage control, reputation management, and the like. These are understandable but do not comport with Gospel-driven responses to abuse.
Consider this fictional case.
A decade earlier a youth pastor is caught engaging in sexual activity with a teen. The church does not name it at sexual abuse and allows the youth pastor to leave and does not tell the congregation why he left. All this was done for complex reasons: lack of understanding of the gravity of the situation, desires to protect the victim (requested by the parents), and desires to protect their own identity. Years later, it is discovered the youth pastor has gone on to abuse more children in two other settings. Through a variety of reasons, the church is confronted for its failure to handle the situation properly. They are publicly accused of misconduct. The leadership of the church calls their attorney and their insurance company and get the strong advice to not admit any wrongdoing. Instead they are to make a bland statement and initiate an internal investigation (some of the leaders now were not there ten years ago). The report is issued some time later with policy changes made public. While it reveals “mistakes were made” by one of the leaders no longer present, it offers regret but falls short of an apology or indication that the church bore any responsibility for the subsequent abuse experiences.
What core values shaped the church’s response?
What would a church response look like if shaped by deep apology and behavioral repentance? What would it look like if the church considered the plight of the victims and their needs? Would they feel a responsibility to support their recovery? What if they cared more for kingdom values more than worrying whether they would be sued?
Sometimes, times of trouble reveal which god we really serve the most. And sometimes it is not very pretty.
It doesn’t always go badly. I do know a number of churches who opened themselves up to increased liability in order to speak truth about their failures. Take heart. It is possible!
3 responses to “What is more important to your church when it fails abuse victims? Gospel-driven behavior or reducing liability”
Yes! Thank you! I suspect that many victims are looking for someone to believe them and admit that the church failed. What a wonderful testimony of grace it would be for a church to be able to support a victim!
I wholeheartedly agree with this post. I know a church who DID open up about it and it was absolutely the right thing to do. Years later, that church is growing by leaps and bounds. In fact, I now attend this church and love it.
The answer to the question should be obvious… Sad that it’s not.
For this reason, I would like to share a piece on this subject for those who might be interested: “The See-No-Evil Disconnect: Abandoning Victims to Protect the Status Quo.” http://www.hurtbylove.com/the-see-no-evil-disconnect-abandoning-victims-to-protect-the-status-quo/
Thank you for calling attention to this important issue within the church.