Tag Archives: Child sexual abuse

August 20, 2012 · 2:33 pm

Of Babies and Bath Water: Navigating the Controversies of Repressed and Recovered Memory


Recently I ran a conference about abuse within the church. In these kinds of venues (this blog and conferences) I am asked about a couple of related problems—the problem of false memories of abuse and the reliability of recovered memories of abuse.

While I intend to address these matters here (and in future blogs), I want to reiterate something that I think gets lost in most conversations about recovered and/or false memories.

Sexual abuse is real. The vast majority of adult reporters of abuse during childhood never forgot the details.

Why say this first? Discussions of rare and extreme cases (i.e., repressed memories, recovered memories, and false memories) tends to create undue suspicion for all adults who choose to reveal their child abuse later in life. It is my experiences that conversations about false memories or recovered memories lead many to assume that a report of extensive or horrific abuse is probably false. So, let us remember that as we take up the matter of fully repressed memories of abuse, we are talking about a very small percentage of people.

But, the issue of repressed and/or recovered memories and the construction of false memories is indeed worthy of a careful review given the strong feelings on both sides of the recovered memory debate. In order to be as careful as possible, I want to consider a few topics that may help us understand the issue. First, I will explore foundational topics (memory, forgetting, repression, and dissociation). Then,  I’ll explore the how trauma is known to create confusion, self-doubt, and “motivated” forgetting. Finally, we’ll take up the practice of counseling victims of sexual abuse and the particular matter of dealing with memory retrieval in counseling. Strap in!

Just in case you NEED to know my opinion at the outset…

I find Partlett and Nurcombe’s 1998 summary of an APA report on the topic to be fairly comprehensive,

The plain point here is the consensus set forth by the Working Group:
1. Controversies regarding adult recollections should not be allowed to obscure the fact that child sexual abuse is a complex and pervasive problem in America that has historically gone unacknowledged.
2. Most people who were sexually abused as children remember all or part of what happened to them.
3. It is possible for memories of abuse that have been forgotten for a long time to be remembered.
4. It is also possible to construct convincing pseudomemories for events that never occurred.
5. There are gaps in our knowledge about the processes that lead to accurate and inaccurate recollections of childhood abuse.[1]

I would add one more point: most people (myself included) in this debate are motivated by strong feelings as well as “facts.” These feelings may be the result of experiences with those who appear to be abused or appear to be falsely accused.

Issue one: Memory and Memory Retrieval

Let me start by stating the obvious: this isn’t a neuropsychology primer on memory and I am not an expert in memory. However, there are a few things on which I think we can agree:

  1. memory is a whole brain biochemical process. While structures like the hippocampus are clearly involved in memory storage, no one structure handles all aspects of memory storage or recall.
  2. memory is multi-faceted. Researchers differentiate between recognition and recall memory, explicit and implicit memory, short-term, long-term, and working memories…and much more.
  3. memory-making is a process.  The formation of memory requires attention, perception, encoding, storage, and retrieval. Thomas Insel calls it a 5 act play. A person moves from perception to long-term encoding to retrieval and finally, expression of memory.
  4. relational and affective context influences memory formation and memory retrieval
  5. the act of recall may change memory,

The concept is simple: memories are not fixed; they are periodically retrieved, and modified each time they are retrieved. This process of strengthening a memory by retrieval is called reconsolidation. One profound implication of this concept is that what you recall is not only a reflection of what you first learned, but also a product of each time you have recalled the original information.

How does this relate to our issue of recall of abuse?

  • memories are both fragile and yet not so. You recall what the house you grew up in looks like, even if you haven’t seen it in 30 years. And yet, your recall may or may not be particularly accurate. You may remember a large house even when it is much smaller to your adult eyes.
  • repetitive recall along with high levels of emotion may solidify memory. Most of us know exactly where we were on the morning of September 11, 2001.  You remember this because you talked about it, played it over in your mind, and because of the powerful biochemical process kicked off when you heard of the first plane crashing into the twin towers.
  • Most child sexual abuse has little corroborating evidence, especially when revealed decades later. This leaves victims by themselves to sort through the narratives they and others tell about their history.  The result? Ample opportunities for both denials of actual abuse as well as false memory.

Return with me to my first point. Most child sexual abuse is never fully forgotten. Some memories may be lost, others distorted, still others intentionally forgotten. Memory, as we have seen here is not a structure but a narrative.[2] In most cases, the story being told has much merit, even if some important details are perceived rightly. Thus memory retrieval during therapy (something that WILL happen whether therapist or client wants it) plays a powerful role in the re-storying work of therapy.

In my next post on this topic, I will make some comments about forgetting, motivated forgetting, dissociation, and repression.

[1] Partlett, DF & Nurcombe, B (1998). Recovered memories of child sexual abuse and liability: Society, science, and the law in comparative study. Psychology, Public Policy, and Law, 4, p. 1273

[2] “Rememberings—whether valid or invalid—are communicated by means of narratives.” Sarbin, TR (1998). The social construction of truth. Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology, 18, p. 145.

11 Comments

Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychology, ptsd

Tagged as , , , ,

July 27, 2012 · 9:54 am

Slides for Abuse in the Church available here


For those of you who attended or are interested, all PowerPoint slides for our recent Abuse in the Church: Biblical, Legal, & Counseling Perspectives are now available. In the future, we will also make available the audios and video…but that will take a bit of time since we are doing the editing in-house.

The slides from my talk can be found separately on this site. Click the “Articles, Slides…” link at the top of the page and then scroll to the bottom for one file containing all 4 slide sets. Boz Tchividjian’s are made available here (PLEASE NOTE: DO NOT alter or disseminate these slides without Boz’ permission–contact www.netgrace.org):

Plenary One: Offenders in the Church BT

Plenary Two: Minimizing the Opportunities BT

Breakout: When Faith Hurts BT

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse, biblical counseling, Christianity, counseling, Psychology

Tagged as , , , ,

June 22, 2012 · 3:52 pm

Abuse Reporting: What you DON’T do can get you into trouble


As I write this Monsignor William Lynn has just been convicted of child endangerment for not adequately protecting children by removing priests he had evidence had abused children. No one accused Lynn of perpetrating abuse by his own actions. But now he stands convicted for what he failed to do and is looking at some years behind bars.

Bottom line: if church leaders knowingly cover up sexual abuse allegations or allow other leaders to remain in ministry when they have abused children, there is now a track record of prosecuting those who didn’t take action to protect children–either those who have been abused or those who could be abused.

Frankly, it shouldn’t take the threat of prosecution to get us to do the right thing. For the sake of the purity of the Church and the care for the least of these, we should always protect children over the organizational reputation. If you or someone you know wants to know more about how to deal with abuse allegations in the church, join us on July 20-21 for our seminar on the topic. For only $50 dollars for 9 hours of training, you can walk away with some great ways to protect your church and care for victims and offenders. (FYI, the $50 rate is for anyone not wanting graduate credit…you don’t need to be a church official to get that rate!)

2 Comments

Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, church and culture, News and politics, pastors and pastoring

Tagged as , , ,

June 20, 2012 · 5:44 am

Refusing to report abuse and its consequences


As many Americans know, The Jerry Sandusky trial is well underway. Mr. Sandusky is charged with 52 counts of child sex abuse during his era (and following) as assistant football coach at Penn State University. But equally on trial–at least in the media, the court of public opinion, and most likely civil and criminal courts in the near future–are Penn State officials. Chief among those under scrutiny is former PSU president, Graham Spanier. It appears that Mr. Spanier, along with other important University employees knew of accusations and eyewitness accounts of abuse and failed to report the matter.

I have written here about the reasons why we fail to report. We fail to report because we are protecting our own. We fail to report because we worry about backlash, bad press, and we don’t want to get involved in messy situations. But consider now the consequences of not reporting.

1. Protecting the wrong person or entity. allegedly, one email from Spanier states that he wouldn’t report Sandusky for “humane” reasons. Spanier appears to have made the calculation of negative consequences for reporting Sandusky to law enforcement but failed to do the same calculation for probable victims.

2. Destroying trust for future leaders. Ask the general public how they feel about the trustworthiness of leaders within the Catholic church? Ask if they feel that the church’s response (verbal and in legal settings) has helped improve or continue to erode trust? Sadly, future leaders of organizations (those that failed to report child abuse) likely face unmerited suspicion on the basis of the predecessor’s behaviors. Further, such failure to instill trust does not just impact general trust within a community. Victims who were not protected and helped are much less likely to be willing to report abuse that happens in the future.

3. Increasing PTSD symptoms. Many abuse and interpersonal trauma victims report that something traumatized them even more than the original abuse–the failure of those who knew about the events to do something about it. When those you think should protect you do not, you are more likely to experience PTSD.

4. Having no answer for Matthew 25:31-46. You may remember that this passage tells what will happen on the day of judgment. For those who did not do for the “least of these” (care for, protect, serve), tremendous judgment awaits. Strong words.

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life. ”

Strong words indeed.

2 Comments

Filed under Abuse, Biblical Reflection, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, ptsd, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , ,

April 17, 2012 · 10:11 am

3 important goals for trauma recovery


In the last week we have been discussing the best words used to describe the process of trauma recovery (see related post below). While words are important and carry much meaning, it may be more helpful to consider what recovery goals are in order for trauma victims. While we know recovery road can be long and arduous, it helps to know when we make progress and a general sense of the direction we are headed. In the days before GPS, if you went on a long car trip you probably consulted a map on several occasions in order to make sure you were headed in the right direction. So also, when you are working to get better after a traumatic experience, you want some sense you are still working on good goals. This need is especially great if the traumatic symptoms are complex and the treatment not brief (think war, genocide, child sexual abuse, etc.)

What three goals?

Esad Boskailo, as noted on p. 94 in his memoir (written and reported by Julie Lieblich) works toward these three goals that in turn support the ultimate goal: thriving (notice that the goal is not being free of symptoms, free of triggers, or back to life as if the trauma did not happen).

  • Acknowledge losses
  • Foster resiliency (i.e., build the capacity to use current coping resources)
  • Find meaning in life again

I think these do function well as helpful signposts or intermediate goals in the process of recovery from traumatic experiences. Now, I don’t believe these goals are necessarily in sequence. For some clients, they stumble on something that gives new meaning to life and thus are better able to acknowledge losses. Others get to work on building better coping mechanisms (e.g., a vet puts away items that cause him or her to dissociate, an adult victim of CSA stops cutting and develops acceptance strategies, etc.) and then can acknowledge losses.

So, in the murky water of therapy (and it surely is murky!), the trauma victim can find some comfort in activities pointing to these intermediate goals. Each day they reject self-condemnation for not being who they used to be before the trauma, they are moving toward thriving. Each day they embrace available coping resources (e.g., a friend who will call or pray), they are moving toward thriving. Each day they find one meaningful experience, they are moving toward thriving.

the how we meet these goals is, of course, the 64,000 dollar question…and not something we can set in stone. I will write on some general activities that are common in most treatment modalities in the coming days.

Related articles

2 Comments

Filed under christian counseling, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, Psychology

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 13, 2012 · 11:11 am

Male Child Sexual Abuse: A Survivor Speaks Out


Most books and stories about child sexual abuse are about female victims. Given the lack of material highlighting the problem of male child sexual abuse, many victims can feel doubly isolated since it seems that no other males experienced abuse. Those looking for a story about male child abuse and rescue might find R.A. Dickey‘s new memoir a good starting point: Wherever I Wind Up: My Quest for Truth, Authenticity, and the Perfect Knuckleball (Blue Rider Press, 2012).

R.A. Dickey is on the pitching staff of the NY Mets and in this book details abuse he suffered at age 8 at the hands of a teenage female babysitter and by another neighbor, a 17 year old male. The story is about his struggles growing up, his conversion to Christianity, and his struggles to reach the big leagues after being a very promising first round draft pick. What I like about this book is that it is not a happily ever after story. Yes, many wonderful and good things happen…but so do difficult things. Losing an 800,000 dollar first contract due to an anomaly in his pitching arm, repeated attempts to make it in the big leagues, a miscarriage, the loss of his fastball. Furthermore, he tells the story in such a way that does not promote himself. He doesn’t take himself too seriously and is more than willing to admit his insecurities.

Very little is about the actual abuse. He tells a bit about the abuse and how he felt, the smells, the experience (written in the present tense), etc. He also tells about his encounter with the teen girl some years later and the experience he had trying to confront her. If you know someone who would like a realistic read on the struggles of growing up with abuse and other family heartaches and finding one’s way, this might be a good toe in the water  kind of book.

3 Comments

Filed under Abuse, Good Books, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , ,

March 5, 2012 · 12:15 pm

Helpful teacher responses to adult reports of their child abuse


Nearly every week we are hearing new stories of long hidden child abuse from adult survivors. When teachers and counselors hear of abuse of those who are minors, our first thoughts ought to go to the question of mandated reporting. Those who come into contact with children in some professional capacity (doctor, teacher, counselor, pastor, etc.) are required to report that abuse to the proper child protection authorities.

But what should teachers and pastors (non-counselors) do when an adult comes and reveals long-hidden victimization as a child? After receiving two similar questions in a week on this topic I posed the question to my colleague, Jenn Zuck. Jenn has a background in victim advocacy and is a counselor and teacher. Here were some of her recommendations (with a few changed by me):

  • Do:  Listen – Let the person tell their story without getting caught up in the details. It may seem scattered and fragmented. That is normal
  • Don’t: Judge – You are not the investigator, prosecutor, or judge. You do not need to make final judgments about what is being told to you. Do not assign any blame to the victim as nothing they did as a child excuses the abuse they experienced
  • Do: Know your responsibility
    • Reporting. Are faculty considered mandated reporters (child abuse, elder abuse, suicidal & homicidal expressions? If a 21-year-old reveals child sexual abuse and suggests another minor is in imminent danger from the abuser, do you have obligations to report
    • What are the school’s policies? Learn them
    • What are the best resources for the person? For example, police dept. numbers, child line numbers, counseling resources, victim service agencies info.
  • Don’t: Offer false promises. For example, “I will take care of it,” “It will all work out/be ok,” “You have nothing to worry about,” etc.
  • Do: Feel empathy, compassion, and care.
  • Don’t: Feel like you have to fix it/solve it, or have an immediate answer on what to do next. Instead, coach the person to seek appropriate help and to manage symptoms in classes. Also, don’t force the person to disclose the abuse to others.
  • Do:Listen for evidence of resilience, adaptation, and other strengths so that abuse is not the only defining feature of the person

1 Comment

Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, Uncategorized

Tagged as ,

December 31, 2011 · 12:38 pm

2011 the year of abuse and trauma? Or the year of speaking out?


In our 24/7 news saturated world, we are kept apprised of the traumas around the world: earthquakes, famines, nuclear catastrophes, mass murder, ethnic cleansing, rape as a tool of war. Of recent months, we have heard much about child sexual abuse. Most of what we hear has to do with abuse having taken place years before, sometimes decades ago.

Nonetheless, we could easily label 2011 as the year of abuse allegations against those who were thought to be respectful citizens. This year, the ones that got the most attention were male child sexual abuse allegations.

But I prefer to think about 2011 as the year where child sexual abuse reporting broke through the veil of secrecy. Abuse has been happening ever since our loss of Eden. And cover-ups are the norm. Maybe this year we saw a bit more willingness to speak out about past abuse. That would be a good thing if this continues.

Does it seem to you that we are having more abuse reports? Well, you are not alone in that opinion. Check out this recent Reuters reporting on the uptick of abuse calls to organizations like RAINN and the national Childhelp hotline after the Penn State and Syracuse abuse cases. RAINN reports a 54% increase in contacts and the Childhelp line reports a 20% increase.

Could there be an increase in false allegations? Sure. And every false allegation hurts not just the one being falsely accused but also every abuse victim who may not be believed. However, let us remember that when child abuse was first discussed in psychology (think Freud), it was treated as hysteria. Most allegations are true. It requires too much sacrifice of public dignity, too much loss of family relationships to have many false negatives.

An idea for 2012

How about this year we commit to child safety and prevention of abuse? 2012 as the year the church takes the lead in wholistic  care for abuse victims? This means we speak up when we see inappropriate behavior. We develop appropriate policies (and then carry them out) for all in the church, including pastors. This means we preach and teach on child protection. This means we assess our own attitudes and actions that might support child abuse (e.g., use of porn, failing to hold each other accountable, etc.). Finally, this means talking about restorative justice for victims, hope-building for victims, and care for those who abuse.

2 Comments

Filed under Abuse, Christianity, church and culture, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , ,

December 21, 2011 · 12:20 pm

Sex Offenders v. Sex Abusers: Is there a difference?


Justin Smith (Phoenix Seminary) has written a helpful chapter in The Long Journey Home: Understanding and Ministering to the Sexually Abused where he discusses the characteristics and types of sexual offenders. While we tend to lump everyone who commits a sexual offense into one (despised) category, it is better to differentiate between types of offenses and those who might commit them. More differentiation helps us (a) understand causes of abuse, and (b) treat those who commit them with more competent and compassionate care.

He believes we need to distinguish between those who have abused and those who are sexual offenders. Why? Because if 20-25% of females report abuse along with 10-20% of males, then our current stats that offenders make up 1-2% of the population cannot be accurate. The number (given that abuse is often not reported) must be higher.

If the number of perpetrators of sexual abuse is 20-50 percent of the male population, as opposed to 1-2 percent, then sexually abusive behavior is not that unusual and neither is the sexual abuser. (p. 44)

Not sure I would venture the 50% number in the above quote but the point about abusive behavior isn’t as unusual as we would like to believe.

Before we look at the differences between offenders and abusers, let Dr. Smith set the stage:

If all persons have sexual impulses and the capacity to be manipulative and potentially violent, perhaps the question should be: “Why don’t people offend”? instead of, “Why do people Offend?” “What constrains some people and fails to constrain others?” (p. 45)

Smith suggests 3 main requirements for those who abuse. First, they must disregard boundaries. They disregard social and moral prohibitions, turn off empathy and compassion for the victim, change meanings of words (to coerce), etc. Second, they disregard or deny the distress of the victim. Third, the person must struggle to regulate internal impulses.

Now to our question. Is there a useful way to differentiate offenders from abusers? Is there any value to those of us who work with those who have committed sex crimes?

Having established that sexual abuse covers a wide range of behaviors and undoubtedly involves a significant portion of the population, what can be said about sex offenders? Offenders are a subset of sexual abusers. They have not only committed sexual abuse but they have committed a specific sexual crime as defined by society.  (p. 47)

So, his primary differentiation is this: offenders are those who are caught. Abusers are those who did an offense but weren’t caught.

Now to the question: is this helpful? My answer is yes and no. Yes. When we describe the research on offenders (as Smith does) we are able to differentiate offenders in subsets: those who rape, those who are sadistic, those who offend against family members, children, or strangers. These differences do matter when considering incarceration and treatment. And likely those who get caught are different from the many who may abuse one person or who have more self-control or other factors that keep them from continuing the abusive behavior.

But the answer is also no. Because so many sexual abusers do not get caught, we can’t really say that there is much difference between an offender (one who is caught) and an abuser (one who did not get caught). I doubt it would be possible to gather a population of individuals to study them in comparison to the offenders. Who would sign up for that study?

That said, this chapter and the entire book is a great resource for those wanting more help in their quest to minister and treat survivors of sexual abuse. I am especially pleased with chapter 13 (mine!).

4 Comments

Filed under Abuse, counseling science, Psychology

Tagged as , , ,

November 14, 2011 · 3:22 pm

Another reason why we don’t report abuse


In the wake of the Penn State scandal I wrote this post about some of the reasons we fail to report abuse. My wife reminded me of one more that I think we have to consider. Beyond our denial, beyond our fear of begin exposed, beyond our desire to protect beloved institutions, beyond our gullibility when winsome abusers confess to little crimes in order to assuage our concerns…there is another reason: guilt.

What guilt, you ask? The guilt in being “the cause” of destroying someone’s career. We know that founded sexual abuse will (should) end someone’s people-helping career. In this regard, sexual abuse is a capital crime. A person might not hang for it but if they now are a convicted sex offender, they probably won’t be able to find employment as a pastor, teacher, counselor, etc.

Notice I put the cause in the previous paragraph in quotes. If we are in the position of reporting a sex offense, we have done nothing to destroy that person’s career. If the offense has been committed, the offender has destroyed their own career and family.

And yet, when we report someone we know, we feel guilty. We may feel as if we are the cause of their loss of their reputation and career. We worry about what will become of their family. How will they ever be able to support their loved ones? What will become of their children? Sometimes the guilt is enough to cause us to waffle. Maybe we can just move them along to a new venue. Maybe starting over will help them put this awful chapter behind them. Maybe they have repented and won’t do it again. Maybe they will make better choices and avoid prior temptations.

In addition, many of us have heard of those who were falsely accused. We have seen or heard of the devastating impact of a lie. And we wonder, what if we are wrong? What if there is another explanation?

So we hesitate. And once we let some time pass, we rarely activate to do the right thing.

4 Comments

Filed under Abuse

Tagged as , , , ,