Tag Archives: aging

Of foxholes and diners

Men in foxholes and diners change.

Old men hobble to the diner this morning tapping their knotty canes along the walk; their faces tired and haggard. No joy.

But at their table they become young boys, teenagers really, but with deeper laughs, knowing looks, wise insights and experience lines on their faces. They eat their toast and jive ’bout “II” and “Korea.”

White and Black, brothers all. Foxholes will make men brothers and differences recede. Diners keep them together and inject vitality.

Crazy stories: showers once a week, using teletype, warming food on a truck engine.

“Remember when…we fooled that teacher…his sister got killed…we hung out on the corner…we could buy a whole bag of candy with a quarter…we hopped the train…”

Sprinkled between these stories are remembrances of friends no longer with him,”He’s dead, she’s sick, he’s lost his mind.”

The coffee’s drunk, the bill paid. On the street now they’re just some old forgotten men, a retiree, a social security check, a grandfather making due with a fixed income. But at the diner they are brothers, men of wisdom and power–a generation of courage who gave for our freedoms.

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Most common sexual dysfunction?

I’m doing some prep for a November talk at CCEF‘s annual conference which I am entitling, “When sex in marriage doesn’t work.” I’ll be giving a brief overview of how counselors can be a help to couples facing sexual dysfunction (whether biological, psychological, or relational). But in my prep today I ran across this little telephone survey result from 2002 where callers asked married men and women between the ages of 40 and 80 about their most frequently experienced sexual problem.

Any guesses yet?

For men, 26.2% reported problems with “early” ejaculation. [No definition given for “early.” Usually early or premature means earlier than he wanted.] Another 22% said the problem was ED. It is interesting that we are bombarded with ED commercials but I can’t say that I’ve ever seen PE treatments advertised in mainstream media. This is probably due to the number of baby boomers with cash seeking to turn back the hands of time.

For women? No surprises. 33% report problems with interest/desire and nearly 22% report problems with lubrication.

Did the respondents seek help? 75% had not.  Another study of men after prostate surgery reveals that those who do seek help quit soon after. Seems that while there are a number of medical and psychological interventions that can help to a degree, nothing turns back the clock to one’s twenties.

A caveat. The researchers only got a 9% response rate for their random calls. Why didn’t more participate? Did those who participated have more or less problems than those who refused?

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