The danger within the professor’s office


No, I’m not talking about the danger of dying from a collapsing pile of clutter. Consider this quote:

The desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world.

I read this quote from John le Carré in Larry Michael’s Spurgeon on Leadership(p. 29; Kregel, 2003) and thought it applied nicely to counselors and professors as well as to pastors. We need to be out there interacting in the real world if we want to be effective in our teaching, pastoring, and counseling. While the desk provides some distance that may help objectivity, sitting too long leads to arrogance, listening to our own kind, and the loss of realism.

4 Comments

Filed under Great Quotes, teaching counseling

Divorce & Remarriage 7: Am I still married even though I was divorced?


We come to chapter 7 of Instone-Brewer’s Divorce and Remarriage in the Church. In this chapter he tackles the question of what ends a marriage. After a couple of lame jokes to make his next point, he asks if a woman who is betrayed and cheated on and then involuntarily divorced by her husband is still married to him. Is she single? Divorced? Still married? I-B says many biblical scholars erroneously say, “married–because only death can end a marriage.” (p. 82) This chapter is designed to debunk the “forever married” doctrine.

People commit adultery or become cruel or abusive, and their marriages start to break down. What happens then? Most marriages can be healed with effort from both partners, but like cancer, if it is left untreated too long, broken vows are terminal because they kill a marriage. (p. 83)

  What to do? I-B suggests 3 options are available at the terminal stage: remain together and suffer (hoping it will get better), separate without divorce, get divorced.

But what does the Bible have to say about these options? Doesn’t the bible suggest lifelong marriage? He reminds the reader that “let no one separate” doesn’t mean it can’t but it is “undesirable”. Beyond this passage, he explores 3 more: Mt 19:9, 1 Cor. 6:15f, and Eph. 5:32. The Matt passage is against any cause divorce and not against all divorce. Paul in 1 Cor 6 says that one flesh relationships are very intimate but not necessarily permanent because if that were the case, those that had been fornicators would have to be warned to stay single. Finally, in Ephesians 5 marriage is referred to as a mystery. Some have treated this as a sacrament (something that can’t be broken) but he and most evangelicals reject this translation/meaning.

I-B then goes on to talk about silence in the NT about divorce in two passages: Rom 7:2 and 1 Cor 7:39. Is it surprising the silence about divorce in these passages? The Romans passage seems on the surface to be about not being able to remarry while a husband is still alive. But I-B says it is really about the relationship we have with the law and with Christ. Just as the parable of the sower isn’t about farming, this one isn’t really about divorce law in that it doesn’t state all the options one might be able to have about divorce–only the part that is appropriate for making Paul’s point about belonging to Christ through death. Divorce is used to illustrate a point, not to teach about divorce here.

This can be summarized thus: People are tied to the law of Moses till they die, just as a wife is tied to her husband till death. If she went with another man this would be adultery, unless her husband died. Therefore God lets you die with Christ, in order to set you free to marry Christ. (p. 89)

1 Cor 7:39 is about what happens to a spouse when the other spouse dies. It is not teaching about divorce here, but is silent on the matter.  What it is teaching on, says I-B is freeing widows from the levirate marriage which would require them to marry their brother-in-law.

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whome she wishes, only in the Lord.

SO I-B ends the chapter with these findings

1. Jesus commands those who have been joined through marriage vows that they should never separate, but a sinner who disregards Jesus’ commands can still break up the marriage [even if they don’t initiate the divorce]

2. “one flesh” is descriptive not prescriptive; “not necessarily permanent.”

3. Some passages may mention marriage and divorce but since the passages aren’t about that, we shouldn’t squeeze meanings unintended from them or try to make much of the silence on the issues. The next chapter will look at when divorce is possible.

So, what do you think of his re-reading of these texts? Do you agree that divorce isn’t really the topic and so therefore we can’t use these texts to try to make them speak to our questions about when it is possible or not possible to divorce or remarry?

1 Comment

Filed under book reviews, divorce, Doctrine/Theology, marriage

Pastor revealed


Probably several of you guessed it. The wonderful preacher with mental health issues is…..

Charles Spurgeon. Want to read more of his thoughts, pick up any one of his good books or check out this one from Amazon that weaves together his thoughts on despair, anxiety, and other dark nights of the soul.

2 Comments

Filed under Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, pastoral renewal, pastors and pastoring

Would you hire this pastor?


Your church is looking for a new preaching pastor. You hear of a man in another state who is well-known for his preaching. You listen to several of his sermons and you concur that he is one of the finest preachers you have ever heard. He is also good at mentoring younger pastors.

As you learn more about his character you learn about some potential question marks:

1. He has several physical problems. He has both arthritis and Rheumatoid Arthritis. He has a kidney problem and some trouble with circulation in his feet. He is only 45. Last year he had to take several Sundays off, unexpectedly, due to health problems. In fact, he was gone much of the winter to a warmer climate because of his health needs.
2. His wife has health problems that limit her time out of the house. She rarely gets to church.
3. He has severe anxiety and depression. Once while preaching at an evangelistic service in a large building, someone yelled fire and started a stampede. 7 people were killed. Since then he has anxiety attacks frequently. He takes medications for depression. He struggles with dark thoughts from time to time.
4. He is markedly overweight. He admits he finds comfort in food. He also smokes cigars daily. He is not physically fit.

So, would you hire him? Could you overlook his health problems because he is such a great preacher.

Tomorrow I’ll reveal this pastor’s name.

4 Comments

Filed under Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, pastors and pastoring

Practicum/Ethics Monday: Multiple Relationships


All counseling ethics codes address the potential problem of multiple or dual relationships (when counselors have other relationships with their clients or former clients (e.g., counseling a friend or a child of a friend, having a former client as a business partner, etc.). Some codes make it appear that dual relationships are either always or likely wrong and so should be avoided. The AACC code is a bit more liberal in that it (rightly) defines the problem as increasing the problem of exploiting or harming the client. However, this code explicitly defends the biblical nature of dual relationships since we are all brothers and sisters of the same body. Other codes have recognized that it is not possible to always avoid dual relationships. But all codes remind the counselor that it is their duty to defend the healthiness of any dual relationship. In essence, it will be “guilty until proven innocent.”

There are 3 forms of dual relationships (sexual and client; nonsexual social and client; financial and client). Not every dual relationship is with the client (e.g., a counselor has a relationship with the mother of a teen client, a client is under discipline at your large church where you provide consultation to the elders). Dual relationships may happen AFTER counseling is over (begin a friendship with a former client). Finally, it is not merely harm or exploitation that may be the negative outcome of a dual relationship. A counselor may find that a dual relationship hinders or decreases her effectiveness to provide adequate care. [See Lamb et als article in the 2004 Professional Psychology: Research & Practice (35:3), pp 248-254 for a study on these issues].

This last one is the one I want to hang out with for a bit. I had a former client who I had known and highly respected before we started counseling. At the beginning we explored the potential harm that might come from this dual relationship. Both of us deemed that we could manage the slight dual relationship. And I think we did well and the client found the counseling helpful. However, there was a period in the counseling where the client became severely depressed and suicidal. I found myself less willing to hospitalize because I had an image of this client in my head that was much more stable than was actually true. Now, I never like or want to hospitalize. Most psych hospital stays provide protection but little more in the way of healing. But, I know I would have been much quicker to pull the trigger (bad pun I guess) if I hadn’t previously formed an opinion of health before starting the counseling relationship. We should not forget the possibility of reduced effectiveness in dual relationships.

Let me take this one step further. You may have a client who shares your same faith or doctrinal positions, graduated from the same school (but a different time). Any of these connections MIGHT cause you to be less effective in your work because of bias, groupthink, etc. These are not reasons to NOT counsel them but things to keep in mind. Reduced effectiveness because of dual relationships should not be neglected just because we are too busy talking about the rare counselor who decides to have sex with his clients.

2 Comments

Filed under christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling, counseling science, ethics, Psychology

Friday Photo


Enjoying this rose bush in my backyard. The blooms start dark and end up light yellow.

 

8 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Off to Dallas


Will be MIA the next few days as I’m off to Dallas, TX to Park Cities Presbyterian Church, to present to counselors on the best practices (that I know of) for working with churches facing the problem of abuse.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Race and Culture in America at the turn of the Century


My wife is working through her 3rd book on Teddy Roosevelt. This one (Theodore Rex) is about his presidency. Teddy was a many of many firsts. First president on a submarine; first on a airplane. But he was also first to dine with a black man at the White House (there had been plenty of servants in it, but not as invited guests to dinner).

Any guesses on who he had?

Booker T. Washington.

The reaction was pretty horrendous from some sectors in the South. He was called all sorts of names. The papers had headlines such as, “President has darkie to dinner” and much worse. A senator from the good ole state of SC stated that they would have to kill 1,000 Black men in order to put Blacks back in their place (the Black presses had the audacity of seeing this one event as a sign of hope). Another suggested he should invite Booker T’s son for Christmas so he could have him marry his daughter because he so much wanted the races to mingle or mongrelize.

But before we put Teddy on a pedestal. He also believed in the common view of the day that Blacks were behind whites by several hundred thousand years in the evolutionary process. While some like Booker T could ascend, most were only good for service roles. Throughout his presidency, he didn’t change this view. While he did see the need to stop lynching he didn’t think they should vote.

If it helps, he also thought the Irish were also a bit behind in the evolutionary process.

It doesn’t. While we’ve come far from the public and shameless racism and prejudice, we’ve got many miles to traverse in dealing with the subtle and pernicious forms of prejudice still active. I’m sure we’ll continue to see these come to the surface as Obama is the presumed Democratic nominee. 

1 Comment

Filed under Black and White, Civil Rights, News and politics, Race, Racial Reconciliation

Divorce & Remarriage VI: Paul in 1 Cor 7


We come to chapter 6 of Instone-Brewer’s Divorce and Remarriage where he discusses Paul’s words in 1 Cor. 7. Before he takes on the text, he surmises that Paul must have been married given that it was mandatory both for Jews (to be fruitful and multiply) and for Romans (made law by Augustus in 18 BC). He notes that Paul contradicts compulsory marriage by making it optional in this passage.

But does he speak against marriage? Well I-B suggests that at that time there was a severe famine going on and so it would be hard for people to care for family. This, he thinks, may have been the “present distress” mentioned in 7:26. Second, he believes that verse 1 of this chapter, “Now for the matters you wrote about: it is good for a man not to marry,” that the phrase “it is good…” is NOT Paul’s belief but only a repetition of what the Corinthians believed and were writing for him to clarify. The NIV study bible also raises this as a possibility since Paul speaks well of marriage elsewhere.

What about depriving each other of sex? What is this about? I-B says this,

Notice that Paul does not say that either partner can demand sexual love, because both should regard the other person as ruling over their body. Love is a matter not of taking but giving….Also, Paul does not define what this love consists of, because in some situations, a cuddle is a warmer expression of conjugal love than intercourse. (p. 73)

I-B mentions that Roman divorces were very easy. They also had no fault divorce. A person had only to leave and separate. One did not have to prove abuse or neglect. So, in verse 10, Paul (per I-B) is telling the Corinthians that they should not seek no-fault separations. If one does seek a separation, then that person should either remain unmarried or seek to reconcile. At this point he goes into some technical translation work about the word separate. Should it be translated as reflexive–separate oneself, or passive (be separated from by someone else’s act). Bottom line:

Paul’s point is that Christians should not use Roman form of divorce-by-separation because it is groundless, therefore it is too easy to divorce people against their will when they have done nothing wrong. Anybody could take it on themselves to separate, and their partner would suddenly find that they had been legally divorced whether they wanted it or not. (p. 77)

IB then asks, “But what if you have used divorce-by separation?” I-B says Paul is teaching that those who enacted separations without cause should seek to reconcile or remain unmarried. And if you are the victim of such a separation, you treat them as an unbeliever and let them go in peace.

He finishes with these concluding points:

1. Believers should never cause divorce (be the one to break the vows. He is not saying they shouldn’t seek a divorce because the other broke the vows).

2. Believers should not use groundless divorces.

3. But questions remain for later chapters: can a believer divorce a partner who breaks their vows unrepentantly; and can a believer remarry after a divorce.

I think I-B brings clarity to Paul’s seeming contradiction in this chapter. However, he may or may not be correct about the famine bit. One would think that if Paul were referring to something like a famine he might have mentioned it. Seems that he is saying something much more eternal. That is good to marry but it is also good to be single and be devoted to the Lord. I also liked what he had to say about our bodies not being our own. Sometimes that is used to demand sex from another. But if we heed this passage, we cannot demand anything at all but only seek to give kindness and love.

1 Comment

Filed under Biblical Reflection, book reviews, christian counseling, divorce, Doctrine/Theology, marriage, Relationships

Practicum and Ethics Monday: Deficient Trainees


Since both of these classes are in progress here at Biblical, I thought I’d bring up a rather touchy subject: impaired students. Ruth Palmer, Gwen White, and Walter Chung (a Biblical grad!) all of Eastern University have recently published an article in the Journal of Psychology and Christianity(2007, 27:1, 30-40) entitled, “Deficient Trainees: Gatekeeping in Christian Practitioner Programs.”

Palmer et al surveyed profs in master’s level counseling related departments at Christian colleges and universities to find out, 1. what percentages of students were perceived by the profs to be professionally deficient, to have received help or dismissal. 2. Whether or not the schools have formal gatekeeping procedures. 3. Whether senior level faculty and junior level faculty perceive the pressures of dealing with impaired students differently, and in part, 4. Whether views on grace, calling, and gifting have any effect on how faculty respond to deficient students.  Their study replicates one done on secular campuses.

Before I mention the results, it would be good to consider why this is important.

1. Because faculty are obligated to protect the public. The authors quote from the ACA code of ethics, “Counselor educators, throughout on-going evaluation and appraisal, are aware of and address the inability of some students to achieve counseling competencies” (ACA, 2005, Section F.9.b) (p. 31). This is a relatively new topic amongst programs. Previously, we merely taught our students but it was up to licensing boards to weed out incompetency. Not so any longer. And rightly so is this change. We have an obligation to remediate problems before sending folks to their fieldwork sites. When we bless a student with an internship, we are saying they are ready to work at an entry level. When we find students with significant relational, behavioral, motivational problems prior to graduation, the authors remind us that the data are “strongly linked to subsequent poor performance in clinical work. (p. 31)

2. Counseling programs tend to attract people who are working out their problems. In fact, the authors point to a study that reported first year counseling students showing more severity of problems on MMPI scales. (This may be partially explained away by the common tendency of students to think they have all the disorders of the DSM). While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing (could mean that students are more likely to be cognizant and empathetic to the trials of life), it becomes a problem when said students are either unaware of the extent of the problems, unwilling to work on these problems, or so overwhelmed in the moment as to not have the capacities to deal properly with the problem. I find most students very committed to personal growth and change. There are those, however, who are so desirous of the prestige of the position or of looking good that they cannot bear to admit their flaws. The authors point out the crux of the problem. “…there is a tendency of impaired students to resist submitting to ‘the very therapeutic process through which they wish to lead others,’… (p. 31)

3. Finally, turning a blind eye to student problems and/or mismatch in skill/profession/calling is akin to walking around the man and left to die on the side of the Jericho road (Luke 10).

Results of the study? The authors got responses only from 1/3 of the surveyed professors (the surveyees should be ashamed at their lack of cooperation with this important study! They ought to know better having all been through programs that value the research question). But from respondents they found,

  • Faculty of CCCU estimate an avg. of 10.9% of impaired students in their program (SD=9.89; I would have liked to see the modal response since the range was from 0% to 50%!! reported). This fits with the prior secular program survey.
  • Interventions with these impaired students only happens about 50% of the time (again a big SD with response rates ranging from 0% – 100% (yeah, right!)). 38% of faculty reported interventions less than 20% of the time.
  • What are some of the bigger reasons for not addressing these matters formally? Fears of lawsuits, institutional pressures (we need students to survive!), fear of poor teaching evals by junior faculty, and inadequate administrative support.
  • They suggest the need to have departments talk regularly about policies, students, and the need to follow-up with potential or actual problems.

Do we ever have impaired students at Biblical? Of course. But I am determined at dept chair to help those in need find help. I remember being a student at another seminary and seeing those that EVERYBODY knew should never be a pastor or a counselor and yet NOBODY (student or teacher) said a word. So, we have 6, 12, and 18 month evals collecting data from the student, profs of each class, peers, mentors, and supervisors to help catch a remediate problems when they exist and to encourage on-going personal growth even when they don’t exist. It still surprises me when I find counseling students balking about getting some of their own counseling. We really do want to be the one who has it together, don’t we. Me included.

3 Comments

Filed under christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling science, counseling skills, Psychology, teaching counseling, Uncategorized