Category Archives: counseling

Desiring fame: When does it lose lustre?


When I was a kid I would sometimes fantasize about being famous or a hero. Maybe everyone does. As I became an adult, that desire shifted from being a crime fighter or sports star to being a famous intellectual, a professor somewhere. I distinctly remember a conversation with my friend Geoff. We mused that it would be cool if we could succeed the two more famous professors at our bible college. While we were thinking about future possibilities, I’m sure we were also driven by the desire to be somebody.

Fast forward to this past week. My colleague Bryan and I were sitting on his Opryland Hotel balcony and musing about the years we had been coming to the AACC World Conference, our years of presenting there and at other conferences, and how our feelings about presenting had changed. We both began presenting at conferences while at Wheaton College in the PsyD program. We both had aspirations to teach grad students. We both had looked up to a few we thought we would like to emulate. And, we both thought about books we might write one day. Some of the “highs” we experienced were,

  • Getting our paper presentation proposals accepted at CAPS and AACC
  • Getting fairly large crowds to come to these paper presentations
  • Getting published in a peer-reviewed journal
  • Getting academic jobs…moving up the ranks
  • Publishing a book (Bryan, not me)

In the early days when we first presented (as grad students) we found the cheapest ways to get to conferences and stayed in a pretty seedy motel a long walk away from the conference location. But on the balcony of a very nice hotel room, we both felt a bit melancholy and completely unimpressed with ourselves and our former aspirations. These things did not matter and were of little value. Bryan would undoubtedly trade all prior aspirations to have his wife back (she died a little over a year ago).

In many ways, we received some of the recognition we once desired: both had our ways paid to the conference and hotels comped because of our higher level work (pre-conference speakers, track leader). I even got 2 minutes to speak to the entire conference attendees.

Big deal…in light of far more important matters. 1 John 2:15-17 reminds us,

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world–the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does–comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. (NIV)

Fame is elusive, transitory, and dangerous to pursue. The desire for limelight will lead to decisions that will not honor God or benefit anyone but self. May those of us who want to be a somebody be reminded daily that the Kingdom of God is for the meek and lowly of this world. Fame here translates to nothing in heaven. Rather, our hunger must be for righteousness not fame.

So, when does fame lose lustre? When we are able to see greater things of value.

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Filed under christian counseling, Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, counseling, Evangelicals, Uncategorized

Baking Cakes in Kigali: Book Note


I have just finished Baking Cakes in Kigali, by Gaile Parkin (Bantam Books, 2010). This is BY FAR, the best book I have read this year. I would urge anyone interested in understanding life in Rwanda as well as life of women in much of the world. It is a novel but it conveys in beautiful artistic phrases and tones the experience of a woman who must overcome much adversity, who must understand her world, who must come to terms with her own difficult history and help those in your community overcome their own difficulties.

Read it if you want to see beautiful images of lay counseling, of family and relational challenges, of hope and realistic images of healing. Gaile Parkin is a counselor and it shows. She gets interpersonal relationships, trauma, and how to weave a story together.

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Filed under Abuse, counseling, Rwanda

Healing Trauma in International Settings: AACC Seminar


Today, Carol King and myself will be presenting this PowerPoint show for our 1 hour breakout at this year’s AACC World Conference. Feel free to check out what we talk about by following the link.

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Filed under AACC, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, Uncategorized

Off to Nashville!


This marks the 6th trip to the Opryland Hotel for AACC’s World Conference. It is quite the spectacle. I love meeting up with old and new friends. I love the opportunities to teach and learn. I don’t love the Opryland. It is behemoth (though good for exercise) and feels fake after a day or two in the climate controlled indoor bubble. Nice greenery and all but still a bit stifling for my taste.

This year I will be present at the following

  1. 9/27
    1. Speaking to Salvation Army Officers on ministry challenges and spiritual renewal (slides on slides page)
    2. Speaking to golfers at the Project Tuza Golf fund-raiser and dinner about Rwanda and the work we will do there in a few weeks.
  2. 9/28
    1. Presenting with Diane Langberg on Complex Trauma (3 hour pre-conference seminar)
    2. Meeting with the American Bible Society, AACC, and others about supporting global trauma recovery
    3. Meeting with those going to Rwanda to make final plans on our 3 day training of World Vision workers
  3. 9/29 Conference opens!
    1. Attending as many plenary and breakouts as possible
    2. Representing Christian Psychology to counseling students at “Awakenings” event
    3. Pizza with Langberg & Associates staff who will be there!
  4. 9/30
    1. Presenting a 1 hour breakout with Carol King on international trauma recovery (slides on slides page)
  5. 10/1
    1. Making a pitch from the main stage to all attendees during the “ask” for support for Project Tuza.

I think I will be plenty busy. This doesn’t count all the interactions with friends and colleagues I often have. So, I look forward to it and look forward to it being over and returning home to family. Feel free to pray for their stamina as well!

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Filed under AACC, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, counseling, counseling skills

Sneak preview: Healing Trauma in International Settings (AACC seminar)


Cascade Atrium, Gaylord Opryland Resort & Conv...

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Just completed preparing my breakout seminar for this year’s AACC World Conference at the beautiful but outlandishly expansive Opryland Hotel in Nashville (Sept 28-Oct 2). This time around I presenting with my colleague Carol King on “Healing Trauma in International Settings: Best Practices.” Carol has had some experience in Rwanda and Goma, DRC and will be with our group in October when we do trauma recovery training in Kigali. Come back to the blog on the 30th and you can see and download the slideshow we will do.

What will we be talking about? 3 main points:

  • Listen…don’t assume you already know trauma or treatment practices
  • Train…don’t do the interventions yourself (train local leaders)
  • Utilize…don’t reinvent the wheel (use existing models)

Now obviously we will be fleshing those points out. Our goal is to help prepare interested counselors to develop short and long-range intervention strategies that utilize the cultural and human resources of the people they will serve. The only way to do this well is to have a listening and collaborative/support role approach. To that end I will talk about hoe to build an effective area case map.  We end by reviewing a few models for trauma recovery (both Christian and secular).

Check back on the 30th for the full set of slides.

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Filed under AACC, Abuse, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Good Read: Is addiction a disease of the brain?


Over on the NPR website Alva Noe (Philosopher, UC Berkeley) writes an interesting opinion blog (aren’t they all?) about why we shouldn’t call addiction a disease of the brain. As you will see from the hundreds of comments, he surely riled a bunch of people up. Some of the comments are quite clear, others just humorous. But I commend his blog for you to read. It makes you think about how some of our language regarding addiction unhelpfully narrows down the problem, thereby making it more difficult to pinpoint all that needs to change when fighting addiction.

Is addiction a disease of the brain? Following his logic, no. Is it a disease that involves the brain? Yes. We must recognize that we are not mere machines and as a result mental illness and addiction both must be viewed from socio-cultural-biological-relational-experiential-spitual-will perspective. A lot goes into creating an addiction. We ought not single out neural structures and activity as if that says all we need to know.

However, on the flip side, to suggest the that addiction isn’t a disease or a biological problem may also send the wrong message. In fact, addicts rarely can “just say no.” By the time they seek help their bodies are working against whatever little will power they have left.

So, addiction is a disease of the person. It may not qualify as a disease that we can identify on a specific cell, but the addicted person is no longer functioning properly and thus their entire person is diseased.

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Filed under counseling, counseling science

When some help isn’t better than none


When is some help worse than none? When it creates more problems than might have been there without it. While that is easy to say, determining the line between helpful and harmful is less clear.

If your help saves a life, that seems good. If your help saves lives but creates or supports a system that destroys others, when do you decide to stop helping or to change the help you offer?

This is what Linda Polman raises and a key issue in her The Crisis Caravan: What’s Wrong with Humanitarian Aid? (2010, Metropolitan Books; first published in 2008 in Dutch by the title, De Crisiskaravaan).

Linda tells of a huge problem in the humanitarian aid industry (yes, it is one even if its primary purpose is to provide care for traumatized and displaced peoples). She puts the challenge this way in regard to providing humanitarian aid for those in warzones,

You do what you can for the victims, but soldiers exploit your efforts. They demand money for ever well yo dig and levy sky-high taxes, imposed on the spot, on all the sacks of rice and tents and medicines you arrange to have flown in. They consume a slice of your aid supplies and sell another slice. Among the items they buy with the proceeds are weapons, which they use to drive yet more people into your refugee camps or even to their deaths.

What do you do? Do you conclude that it is no longer possible to cling to the principles of the Red Cross, pack your bags, and leave to help war victims elsewhere? Or do you remain true to your convictions, believing that even if you save only one human life, some relief is better than none? (p. 1-2)

The first 2 chapters detail the problems of the international aid provided to Goma, DRC between July/August 1994 and 1996 when the Rwandan government used their soldiers to force the mass of Hutu refugees and former genocidaires back into Rwanda rather than allow the camps be locations for regrouping of the militias that would try to return to fight the new Rwandan government.

A couple of her observations

1. Not all refugees are the same. Some are truly in need. But a large number of the refugees in Goma brought a treasure trove of materials looted from their own country. Thus, they were less likely pushed there and more likely going there to reconstitute a machine against the RPF in a safe place.

2. The international community came in droves, almost seeming to try to make up for the failures in Rwanda for the past several months. But they didn’t understand that many of these folks were either perpetrators or related to them.

3. Not all of the deaths reported as due to cholera were in fact illness related. There were many that were killed for failing to be loyal enough to the Hutu extremist groups

4. NGOs have to market themselves and thus spend lots of money to get contracts to help more

5. NGOs hide the fact that many of their stuffs were taken by Hutu leaders so the NGOs would raise the number of people they were helping in order cover up that they lost a large percentage of materials/food to theft and corruption

6. Journalists are more likely to get their way paid to cover a crisis by an NGO, thus raising questions about the images they send back. Likely not going to be as objective.

Now, none of this suggests we shouldn’t provide humanitarian aid to refugees in warzones. But it does remind us that our help can also hurt others. Being wise as serpents and harmless as doves is a lot harder than we might expect.

Given our trip to the region next month, I have to remember that our good intentions are not always enough. I’m not sure how our help can hurt but if we don’t ask the questions, we won’t know either. Here are some open questions

1. Does short-term trauma recovery efforts start a healing process but fail to keep it going thus encouraging more hope than discouragement?

2. Does bringing people together to talk about trauma unintentionally trigger trauma or feelings of rage (we won’t know if some people are considered the “wrong kind of people”)?

3. How does taking pictures or filming any part influence the “data” we think we are collecting?

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Filed under conflicts, Congo, counseling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Rwanda, Uncategorized

Trauma Recovery Work in the DRC and Rwanda


Location map of Rwanda

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It is official. Diane Langberg and I have our tickets for our upcoming trip to the Congo (DRC) and Rwanda where we will be interacting with trauma victims, pastors (who are also trauma victims), Bible Society and World Vision workers, and probably medical and education officials as well.

We leave on October 10 and arrive in Uganda on the 11th. We will be traveling into the DRC in the northeast quadrant (picture tiny plane!) near Bunia and also to Goma, on the shores of Lake Kivu and under the shadow of a large and active volcano. There we will be observing the work of the American Bible Society and She’s My Sister as well as meeting with rape and trauma survivors.

On the 17th, Lord willing, we’ll drive from Goma into Rwanda to Kigali. There we will be joined by colleague Carol King (Langberg & Associates therapist) and Josh Straub of the AACC and our Rwandan compatriots Josephine (WV) and Baraka (IJM) and will lead a  three-day training seminar re: trauma recovery resources and best practices. The plan is to return home via Kenyatta airport and Brussels on the 22nd.

Prepping for the trip includes everything from shots to planning who does what training segments. Those of you inclined to do so, pray for the logistics there as World Vision Rwanda puts the final touches on the location of training and invitees. A lot of work must happen for this to go smoothly. Also, there is an effort to raise funds for this (Project Tuza) at the AACC World Conference in Nashville the last week of September. Pray that attendees will catch a vision and support us as they can.

Anyone wishing to donate can here.

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Filed under Congo, counseling, counseling science, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Rwanda, trauma, Uncategorized

Narrative Therapy and Emotion: Meaning Making


Continuing with our summary of Working with Narrative in Emotion-Focused Therapy (by Angus and Greenberg) we come to chapter 2. Here the authors attempt to lay out how we make meaning. But before we try to describe their model, consider how you make events and feelings mean something to you.

What data do you use to make something mean something? You use your body, your culture, your emotion, your reason, your previous meaning making (and the messages you receive from others). Consider this example. You pull up to a light and you glance over and see a person in the car waiting in the next lane. They wave a finger towards you. What does it mean? Well, it depends on your culture and your previous experience with that finger way. Is it a curse or a point to something else? The answer depends on where you live and what your lived experience of that finger wave.

The authors slow this process of meaning making (and meaning changing) down by considering facets:

1.   Bodily sensations. These do not exist by themselves but are connected to a sequencing of events. So, you have a feeling and then you immediately put it into a sequence. “I feel this way because…” The goal of therapy is to work to accept, tolerate, and “explain” or narrative emotions in a healthier way.

2. Words. Putting feelings into words tends to “[diminish] the response of the amygdala and other limbic regions to negative emotional images.” (p. 21). Thus, as they say, “…the person is having the emotion rather than the emotions having the person.” (ibid). “…naming an emotion integrates action, emotion, and meaning and provides access to the story in which it is embedded.” (ibid).

3. Naming is construction. “Conscious experience is not simply ‘in’ us and fully formed but instead emerges from a dialectical dance” (p. 22). Thus clients can learn how their own construal of emotions (the words, the meanings) shapes ongoing feelings

…understanding how a condemning self-critical voice leads to feelings of shame and helplessness helps clients to recognize the role they themselves play in maintaining their feelings of depression. (p. 22)

Thus, the goal is to encourage reflection of one’s common interpretative themes to see how they tend to organize and categorize their lived experiences.

4. Change the story. How does a person go about changing narrative themes (e.g., challenge and re-write feelings of shame)? How does one re-interpret shame feelings as sadness? Note the that goal is not to deny the feeling or reject it in any way. Rather, the goal is to interpret the feeling in a more constructive way. Consider this example:

I offer my son some advice. He does not take it but goes on to do the opposite. I might feel rejected? Further, I might go on to remind myself that no one ever respects me and listens to my ideas. I might feel insignificant and unloved. With the help of a counselor, I might re-name the feelings as sadness rather than rejection (e.g., I feel sad that he didn’t take my advice and recognize he might face certain consequences that he might have avoided if he had listened to me). Part of the transformation requires that I live with limitations. I am not capable of making my son choose what I want. I suspect that part of what leads us away from sadness and towards anger and feelings of rejection is our unwillingness to live with feelings such as sadness and grief. These things shouldn’t be this way if  others would just treat us right!

5. Reconstruct identity. Its one thing to re-write a narrative of a single event. It is yet another to write a new narrative about our self or about others. The authors say this, “Constructing a sense of self involves an ongoing process both of identifying with and symbolizing emotions and actions as one’s own and constructing an embodied narrative that offers temporal stability and coherence.” (p. 25)

What might a counselor do to facilitate reconstruction? The authors go on to give a brief overview of 4 phases of “narrative-informed EFT.” I will cover them in the next post.

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Narrative therapy and emotion 1


This month, Richard Smith and I are teaching an on-line class entitled, Christian Counseling in Postmodern Culture. Dr. Smith is managing the culture side of things in this class and has students thinking about the impact of consumerism, the “empty” self of the modern era, and “infantilist ethos” (from Barber’s 2008 Consumed)

This week Dr. Smith gave the class this quote:

At heart postmodernity [is] the same anthropology: both see humans as primarily units of consumption for whom choice is the defining characteristic… The difference between modernity and postmodernity is not that great looked at in this way: The cult of the autonomous ego, an endlessly acquisitive conqueror and pioneer devolved into a commodious individualism characterized by an unencumbered enjoyment of consumption goods and commodities.  (Brian Walsh and Sylvia Keesmaat).

A mouthful? Boil it down to this…postmodernist philosophy is very much concerned about the self. Not all that new. Now, postmodernism is much more than that and NOT all bad. But my point here is this: a counselor working in this culture must be able to connect with the client and help them construct/reconstruct their story rather than just give them lists of universal truisms to apprehend. Not that there isn’t universal truth but that the approach to them must  done in a dialogical and storying manner.

Enter narrative therapy.

Thus, I intend to blog a bit on this topic during the rest of August by summarizing and commenting on Working with Narrative in Emotion-Focused Therapy: Changing Stories, Healing Lives, by Lynne E Angus and Leslie S. Greenberg (APA, 2011).

Chapter one begins with this statement:

Being human involves creating meaning and using language to shape personal experiences into stories, or narratives. (p 3)

Do you agree? I would argue there is much truth in this. We shape our sense of self from our retelling of our experiences (both in words and in unspoken thoughts/emotions). But, we do not re-tell all of our experiences. Rather, we collect some and ignore others. Part of counseling is to dialog with the clients about how they shape their own narrative.

The authors then make this statement about the work of counseling,

As therapists, it is when we listen carefully to our clients’ most important stories that we gain access to how people are attempting to make sense of themselves in the context of their social worlds. In this way, psychotherapy is a specialized discursive activity designed to help clients shape a desired future and reconstruct a more compassionate and sustaining narrative account of the past. (p. 3-4)

Here they are telling us that our stories we tell are shaped by our emotions and at the same time make sense of our emotions.

What is EFT? It is a therapy that sees emotions as “centrally important in the experience of the self.” (p. 6). It was developed (principally by Les Greenberg) out of humanistic and Rogerian ideas of self-actualization and of counselor activities of being with, following the client and guiding. Throw in some F. Perl’s empty chair techniques as well. EFT focuses on emotions. Adaptive emotions are “the most fundamental, direct, initial, and rapid reactions to a situation…” (p. 7). Maladaptive emotions “…usually involve overlearned responses based on previous, often traumatic, experiences.” By this they mean emotions such as shame and abandonment sadness. They define secondary emotions as those reactions that are intended to protect the primary or most vulnerable emotions. Finally, they define instrumental emotions as those expressed for a motivation to achieve an aim.

Why the focus on emotion? Because they seek the goal of being emotionally congruent and adaptive. In this book, they focus on empathic attunement and changing client narratives.

How? Clients identify, experience, explore, story, make sense of, and flexibly manage their emotions (their words). Therapists notice “meaning markers” that reveal client confusion or conflict with the self.

This book will explore the narrative approach to EFT. “Critical life events must be described, reexperiences emotionally, and restoried before the trauma or damaged relationship can heal. New meanings must emerge that coherently account for the circumstances of what happened and how the narrator experienced it…” (p. 11)

Finally, they say,

…no form of psychotherapy is likely to have a big impact on basic temperament traits, but a client’s specific strategies, adaptations, and their internalized life narratives (i.e., macronarratives) have as much impact on behavior as do dispositional traits. (p. 13)

That is an interesting quote and puts the act of storying as more important than disposition.

So, what we will look at in the remaining 7 chapters is how the authors help facilitate new meanings and change their own narrative. The question for us is whether or not the narrative or re-storying approach to therapy is (a) effective in remediating problems, and (b) fits with Christian faith.

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Filed under christian counseling, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, Psychology, Uncategorized