Category Archives: christian counseling

October 2, 2009 · 5:32 am

Workers’ Comp for Pastors?


The concept behind workers’ compensation (WC) insurance is that employees have coverage for injuries sustained on the job (and secondarily that if they get the compensation that they won’t sue their employer). Nowadays all US states have WC laws.

But, what if churches provided or paid into a fund to provide spiritual workers’ comp? While I suppose pastors could fall out of the pulpit on the job, strain their vocal chords, get a typing injury, most won’t. But, I would contend that most pastors suffer under the weight of the pastoral care needs of their congregation. Being exposed repeatedly to crises, conflict, attack, and other weighty matters, pastors may become broken themselves. Imagine if churches or denominations provided recovery care for these matters. Just as in worker’s comp, there might be requirements that the pastor go to a specific specialist.

Wouldn’t this be novel? Of course WC doesn’t do prevention work–which is what pastors need. But, it might get a congregation to admit that exposing a pastor to endless supplies of brokenness is going to create brokenness in the pastor.

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Filed under christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, church and culture, pastoral renewal, pastors and pastoring

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September 28, 2009 · 3:01 pm

NPR takes up the issue of Pastors who abuse


Check out the following story (including audio) about abuse by pastors. They report 1:33 women have experienced a sexual advance by pastor:

Key elements found in the researcher’s survey?

  1. Dual relationships or conflicting roles (where pastor is counselor and highest authority)
  2. Holding leaders in too much awe and that leader’s lack of accountability
  3. Isolation of communication (pastor alone in church without much oversight)
  4. Unrepresentative language that treats clergy sexual abuse as affairs rather than abuses of power

I would have liked to have heard more detail on the survey results. If anyone finds more data out there, let me know.

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September 23, 2009 · 5:58 am

Teaching style and outcomes


My seminary, Biblical Seminary, focuses on teaching excellence when choosing new professors. We want teachers who are experts in their field but who can also teach. Hence, we had a daylong seminar yesterday about teaching adult learners. We discussed and explored a number of things (e.g., what do adult learners want, how do they best learn, the uses and limits of PowerPoint, etc.). But this one line stuck with me that I have re-written to apply to my own field:

Does how you teach counseling courses model the kind of counseling you wish your students to emulate?

For example. If humility and dialogical/interpersonal factors are big in counseling, do we teach that way or do we just do straight lecture and/or get defensive when others disagree with us?

I think we do a pretty good job with the attitudinal side of things. We try hard to model listening and humility. However, I think I still struggle with the interactive side of teaching. And here’s my defense for that struggle 🙂

1. Classes I teach tend to be higher order with complex and very specialized content (e.g., psychological testing, psychopathology, reliability, validity, research, ethics, etc. ). Some information has to be delivered by me via lecture.

2. Several of these courses last just 6 weeks. There is no time to meander and muse in these classes.

3. The emphasis on PowerPoint leads to spending inordinate time building quality slides and away from contemplating more interactive learnings.
Despite these complications I’m going to try to pay more attention to hands on learning. I want us to emulate our kind of psychological practice.

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Filed under Biblical Seminary, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling skills, Psychology

September 22, 2009 · 5:22 am

Just don’t blow it


Having spoken last week on the topics of trauma and pastoral sexual abuse (and the resulting conversations with attendees at both sessions), I keep thinking this thought: Just don’t blow it.

Let me explain. Both sessions are filled with examples of Christian leaders abusing vulnerable people. It is common that attendees want to come up and chat with me about something similar that has happened to them or a loved one. During my trauma session, an individual commented to the whole group about a recent serious (and very public) allegation about a camp counselor and a decade of abuse to young boys. What would I tell these boys who were (allegedly) abused by someone they should have trusted?

Even when the problem is not abuse but moral failings, I note the massive, rippling fallout (fear, anger, anxiety, crushing heartbreak) in those in the know.

After the second session I got to go have a wonderful dinner with my wife. During it I was having double consciousness. I was with her and enjoying her company but having intruding thoughts about my own capacity to fail her, my kids, my parents, my colleagues, my students, etc. These vignettes I heard of “blowing it” can’t be all stupid of course. They too must have known how much destruction their choices would bring. I cannot rest on the fact that since I’m in the know, it won’t happen to me. Why? Because we are all prone to forget.

So, I spoke to myself, Just don’t blow it Phil. Remember that glowing face of your wife in the dinner light.

I’ll need a bit more than that I suppose…regular reminders and lots of prayer! It is easy to be ensnared and deceived by desires for comfort, glory, etc.

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September 21, 2009 · 12:02 pm

AACC revisited


Not much time today for any significant posting on psychological assessment and/or the AACC world conference I’ve just returned from. 5 Days away from home leaves way too much other stuff to do!

However, here’s one small reaction question I pondered on the plane ride home: Which is better: a conference where I agree with most speakers, OR, one where there is wide diversity and quality of work (and some work that is downright bogus)?

I attend two different counseling conferences. One really scrutinizes speakers and makes sure they are in agreement with the organizing agency. The other seems to let any counselor teach if they can write a decent proposal and outcomes statement. The first one protects from outrageous presentations but most likely limits new voices and/or progressive ideas. The second one gives many ideas an opportunity but the listener bears the responsibility to figure out whether the speaker has any basis for their opinion.

Now, I don’t know this for sure, but I’m guessing the first one suffers from highly critical followers who make sure that no speaker ventures too far from home. And I also guessing that the second group has a large following that does not discern truth from simplistic pop psychology.

So, which is better? The first one rarely ruffles my feathers. The second one has speakers that make me want to scream but also  exposes me to new ideas and research.

As I said, I’m not sure which I prefer. Both tempt me to have arrogant thoughts…which reveals more about me I suppose.

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September 18, 2009 · 5:13 am

Engaging Biblical Texts in Trauma Therapy


Today I present my 1 hour CE training at the AACC conference. In this presentation I briefly review (a) complex PTSD and its typical symptom presentation, (b) material from my recently published work on best practices for using Scripture in counseling. Then I consider the particular application to therapy with trauma survivors. The goal is not get individuals to believe the truth but to experience it via the interpersonal relationship of therapy.

If you are interested in more, see the pptx slides I have up on my page “Articles, Slides, Etc.” (# 15 on the list).

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Filed under biblical counseling, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, counseling science, counseling skills, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychology

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September 16, 2009 · 5:11 am

Pastoral sexual abuse training


Today, Diane Langberg and I provide a 3 hour presentation entitled: Pastoral Sexual Abuse: Trends, Challenges, Issues & Treatment. Click here (#14 on the list) for presentation slides (ppt format). The presentation covers issues such as “the setup” that leads some pastors to abuse parishioners, the impact on the various parties, victim related interventions, offender related interventions, as well as focus on the kind of issues counselors run into when either counseling various parties or consulting with the local church going through such sufferings.

Along with the slides, we will also pass out a tiny print decision tree for those who like to have a visual for what needs to be done (see link above for that item as well). I’m still playing around with this and could add things like communication with media, interactions with legal team and notification to law enforcement if abuse of minors has taken place.

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Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, church and culture, pastors and pastoring, self-deception, Uncategorized

September 15, 2009 · 5:19 am

AACC World Conference


the 2009 AACC World Conference begins tomorrow at the Opryland Hotel, Nashville, TN. On Wednesday, I’ll be presenting a 3 hour pre-conference workshop with Dr. Diane Langberg where we explore the counselor’s role in addressing pastoral sexual abuse. The conference proper begins Wednesday night and runs to Saturday evening. During that time I’ll be attending various presentations, meeting with colleagues, attending a meeting about next steps in Rwanda and presenting my own hour long training (Friday afternoon) entitled, “Engaging Biblical Texts in Trauma Therapy”. Check out my articles, slides, etc. page for PPT slides.

If possible, I’ll blog a few extra entries to give you a flavor of what the conference is like. I’m hoping to be able to link you all to the special video to be shown regarding Rwanda and our “ask” card where we will be asking attendees to consider donating to the Rwanda project. I hear they are selling coffee there to benefit our work as well. Can’t wait to buy some more Rwandan coffee.

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September 11, 2009 · 9:36 am

Debating the truth with oneself when mad


Listened last night to a Tim Keller sermon on CD on Habakkuk 2:1-5. In it he quoted from Jane Eyre where Jane is in dialogue with Mr. Rochester and herself after discovering that he had deceived her in thinking he was single (if you read the novel you will recall they had fallen in love and were to be married but then she discovers that he was married to an insane woman. In grieve, she is leaving him and he is trying to convince her to stay). Here are a few pieces of her dialog with him and with herself. I find it similar to the kinds of debates hurting people have with themselves–trying to debate with the truth and with their pain. You can get the full text on-line. This is from http://www.gutenberg.com site; chapter 27 for you with hard copies.

“Oh, Jane, this is bitter! This–this is wicked. It would not be wicked to love me.”
“It would to obey you.”
A wild look raised his brows–crossed his features: he rose; but he forebore yet. I laid my hand on the back of a chair for support: I shook, I feared–but I resolved.
“One instant, Jane. Give one glance to my horrible life when you are gone. All happiness will be torn away with you. What then is left? For a wife I have but the maniac upstairs: as well might you refer me to some
corpse in yonder churchyard. What shall I do, Jane? Where turn for a companion and for some hope?”
“Do as I do: trust in God and yourself. Believe in heaven. Hope to meet again there.”
“Then you will not yield?”
“No.”
“Then you condemn me to live wretched and to die accursed?” His voice rose.
“I advise you to live sinless, and I wish you to die tranquil.”
“Then you snatch love and innocence from me? You fling me back on lust for a passion–vice for an occupation?”
“Mr. Rochester, I no more assign this fate to you than I grasp at it for myself. We were born to strive and endure–you as well as I: do so. You will forget me before I forget you.”

And then this…

Is it better to drive a fellow-creature to despair than to transgress a mere human law, no man being injured by the breach? for you have neither relatives nor acquaintances whom you need fear to offend by living with me?”
This was true: and while he spoke my very conscience and reason turned traitors against me, and charged me with crime in resisting him. They spoke almost as loud as Feeling: and that clamoured wildly. “Oh, comply!” it said. “Think of his misery; think of his danger–look at his state when left alone; remember his headlong nature; consider the recklessness following on despair–soothe him; save him; love him; tell him you love him and will be his. Who in the world cares for _you_? or who will be injured by what you do?”
Still indomitable was the reply–“_I_ care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself. I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane, and not mad–as I am now. Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have a worth–so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane–quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.”

Note the way she talked to herself. Note how she reckoned with powerful impulses and yet recalled what was truth for her during sane times. Sadly, most of us do not bother to get to this point in our thinking but continue to listen to our longings and so convince ourself of the truth we wish to believe in.

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Filed under christian counseling, counseling, counseling skills, Relationships

August 28, 2009 · 5:18 am

The danger of “why” questions


Most thoughtful counselees want to ask “why” questions. Why do I do what I do? Why did she do what she did? Why am I the way I am? Why am I so depressed? Why isn’t my life going the way it should or seems to go for others? Counselors too ask “why” questions. Why did you blow up at her? Why is this child afraid of going to school? And closer to home, why did my client drop out of therapy?

On the surface why questions seem to want to get to the bottom of things. We assume that if we understand the nature of the problem, we’ll know how best to respond. And there is much truth in this assumption. 

But consider their danger. Some answers to the “why” are so complex that the answer to the “why” doesn’t really point to any one answer. Further, we frequently prejudge the question with implicit answers (e.g., it is because something is wrong with me…I’m a loser…God doesn’t want me to be happy…I can’t help it that I’m this way…).

Why questions also make us passive. We look for answers; we mull over the “facts.” We are less likely to become active to do something about our situation when we are in a “why…” mode.

Let me suggest a better kind of question: What questions

What is happening? What am I feeling/thinking/doing? What is it that I want? What do others want? What am I doing about my situation? What goals do my behaviors emphasize? (this is a why question that forces us to look at our behaviors and see if they match up with our stated desires) What options are before me? Be descriptive rather than interpretive. Notice that why questions jump to interpretation but seldom activate a person to do what is in their power to do.

Frequently, by asking descriptive “what” questions, we find it easier to activate the will and begin doing something about our situation. In addition, we often come to posthoc understanding of the “why” when we have some distance from the situation.

So, the next time you find yourself stuck in the “why” set of questions, stop and try to ask yourself some what questions instead. Observe the impact of distancing from the passive whys? Does it help?

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