Category Archives: biblical counseling

December 18, 2006 · 11:17 am

Science Monday: Meds for kids and the counselor’s role


Recently read a NY Times article on the issue of giving children multiple psychiatric medications to manage mood, behavior, and concentration. You can read the article here. The article states that 1.6 million children (280,000 under the age of 10) were given multiple psychiatric meds last year. There is a little graphic that lists the number of people (ages 0 to 19) taking each class of medication in 2005 (with the percentage in parenthesis of those taking that class who ALSO take another class of psychiatric medication):

Stimulants

3,600,000

 28%
Anticonvulsants

830,000

 62%
Antidepressants

1,980,000

 56%
Antipsychotics

540,000

 86%
Anxiolytics

475,000

 36%
Sleeping aids

190,000

 45%

As you read the article and the parents’ stories of trying and suffering with and without the medications, you have to feel their pain. No parent wants to have to put their kids on medications but some feel they will lose their children if they do not. Continue reading →

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November 29, 2006 · 6:22 am

Do you see a river of life (creation) or only a river of death (sin)?


People of Reformed theological persuasion tend to be quite passionate in describing sin patterns–at least in theory. We feel at home with concepts such as Total Depravity (thank you Calvin. Some day I’ll share my friend Doug’s bible study: “Why total depravity leads to joy”). We know that even our best isn’t very good. Yes, we have been already adopted, but we are not yet glorified, and so we are still sinners in need of God’s daily grace.

However, I’ve noticed that some attracted to Reformed theology and biblical counseling are very much focused on the fall, on the broken world. Continue reading →

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Filed under biblical counseling, Doctrine/Theology, sin

November 14, 2006 · 7:01 am

Living Faith bombshell: Honest wrestling with mental illness and divorce


I’ve blogged a few times about the CCEF Living Faith conference last weekend. One of the speakers was Carl Ellis, a author who is well known in speaking on issues such as Islam, Black and Reformed theologies, racial reconciliation, and similar topics. Since the topic of the conference was about broken relationships, I expected him to talk about broken relationships in the church and between black/white communities.

Here’s the bombshell. He gave his personal story of living with a wife with bipolar disorder. And further it wasn’t a story with a happy ending. Yes, he could say that God was good and kind in the midst of his suffering. God protected him from allowing his “brute beast” (a la Psalm 73) from carrying out tempting violent thoughts. Yes, God protected his children and they are walking with the Lord. But, no, Christian counseling didn’t solve the manic-depression and his marriage ended in divorce. An no, he isn’t now happily married. Here’s the amazing thing. At a biblical counseling conference, a man gets up and talks about how christian counseling failed to understand the depth of what was going on; it had no name for for what he was experiencing. Instead it frequently offered him cliches from Ephesians 5. It was a psychiatrist, after 12 years, who gave him a name for it. Second, divorce, not reconciliation, was honestly discussed. Carl was honest about how he was handling it and how he was relieved when the marriage was over. He was honest how he nearly committed violence to try to get out of the craziness of his marriage.

He concluded with somewhat humorous words regarding the fact that he revealed his “skid marks” and that he hoped that no one would look at him as having it all together. He also reminded us that we have our “skid marks” that we try to hide. He wanted us to know we are not alone. he connected this honesty to integrity. Amazing. A well-known speaker talking about such brokenness and not covering it up.   2 years ago, he told me pieces of this story over breakfast. I saw both that the christian community had done much damage and yet I also saw that God had used these things to shape a man for real life ministry.

No one could probably hold a conference where all the speakers talk about such brokenness and failure. Who would pay to come? We like stuff all tied up with bows. We like the “happily ever after” stories. But what Carl shared with us was the real living faith: that God is in and among our failures and protecting our souls (Psalm 121–thanks Diane for reminding me of that Psalm) in the midst of our walk through the valley of the Shadow of death. While he does provide a feast (Ps 23), it may not look the way we want. The reality is that we counselors often believe that if we just try a little harder, find the right tool, we can solve every problem our clients face. What a dangerous and damaging lie we believe. Lord, come quickly and rescue us from our selves!

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November 11, 2006 · 10:01 am

Conference on Broken Relationships: Empty relationships


Blogging from CCEF’s annual conference (theme: broken relationships). Paul Tripp led off this am talking about the mess of relationships we all find ourselves in. He likened us to be living in a broken down house and because of our tendency towards self-sufficiency, we tend to not remember this truth. He detailed broken world, broken people, broken angel turned temptor, and yet the only hope in the world: a broken savior as well who walks with us through the darkness. 

David Powlison gave a talk entitled: Relationship in an empty marriage. He gave some reasons there is distance and loss of emptiness (e.g., focused on self, self-protection, boredom, double life, low level warfare, busyness, beaten down by life’s problems). He said that there are usually two parties in a distant marriage: The first party is preoccupied elsewhere, the second is often obsessed with closeness (which creates the pull-away/chase after dance). He talked about the parable of the sower as examples of how soil problems impact horizontal relationships (not just the vertical). Then he talked about anxiety as part of the problem with the person obsessed with closeness and intimacy.  His antidote is thoughtfulness which flows from a commitment to steadfast love.

Some reactions. Helpful in thinking about our tendency. Are we primarily focused on things outside the marriage? Or are we constantly focused on trying to feel close? Good points for us to consider. But what of those who come into relationships with what appears to be less than conscious anxiety or defensiveness about relationships. From a psychological perspective, we call that attachment problems. When people have fairly stable (and negative) relational interaction styles, it is very difficult to help them see themselves and their interactions.

I find that many presentations like this are very helpful in pointing out the underlying issues but not particularly helpful in teaching us how to walk with someone in the process of seeing themselves more clearly. Personality factors must be addressed. 

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November 2, 2006 · 7:24 am

Overheard at Society for Christian Psychology conf.


Sam Williams of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary likened the differences between Integrationist Christian Psychology and Biblical Counseling as the differences between Microsoft and Apple operating systems:

 Apple doesn’t get infected with viruses but doesn’t communicate well with the rest of the world (reads other things fine but keeps pure and to itself). Microsoft communicates (interacts) well with the world but catches a lot of viruses.

Probably more truth here than we admit. Neither comes off smelling too great in my estimation.

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October 13, 2006 · 10:55 am

Anxiety and the non-use of Scripture in Counseling


During our day long faculty meeting, moderated by Pat Keifert from Luther Seminary, he mentioned an interesting bit of research he had done in the early 90s. His research on the use of the Bible in mainline churches found that when anxiety and distress rise, the positive use of the Scriptures decreases. Does that strike you as a little odd? Wouldn’t we find ourselves running to the Scriptures for comfort during times of anxiety?

Here’s an exerpt of his that describes the results of not having a positive use of the Scriptures during difficult times. You  can find the whole chapter here: http://www.luthersem.edu/word&world/Archives/20-4_Congregation/20-4_Keifert.pdf 

Within many mainline Protestant congregations this defensive stance toward fundamentalism and evangelicalism ends with little positive use of the Bible in the exercise of day-to-day Christian practices. This lack of a positive use of Scripturethreatens the existence of congregations when the anxiety within the congregational system rises. When tough issues relating to congregational life or ethics arise,the positive habits for the use of Scripture that remain in atrophied forms disappear and very dysfunctional patterns arise.

Many Christian counselors also fear looking like a fundamentalist who might use the bible to exhort or beat down someone with the “truth” (e.g., Its sin, stop it; Don’t be afraid). But our lack of using the Scriptures will cripple us and lead us to some distructive responses when we face troubles with our clients (e.g., being overly critical of church leadership, encouraging an easier way out of some kinds of troubles).

In our Christian psychology world, we do not do enough to argue for a better and more God-honoring use of Scripture in the face of trouble. We cannot allow the misuse of it by some to cause us to avoid it alltogether. If we do, we withhold comfort, hope, and direct connection to God from our clients.

 I’ve tried to give some examples of that in my how to use Scripture essay (link found on the bar to the right of this blog).

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October 6, 2006 · 11:32 am

Seeing through the glass darkly


I’ve been thinking about how frequently counseling is conversations about the problem of distorted judgment. Its not surprising. Adam and Eve, prior to the fall, were dependent on God for instructions on how to live. Their sin was to reject that dependence and seek independent knowledge of good and evil. The result? We really have tendencies toward two extremes: Either we underestimate our own impact on others (our actions, flaws, character, etc.) or we overestimate our impact and character defects). 

Those who underestimate their flaws tend to correspondingly place blame on others for problems in their life. And while others do cause us problems, some of us have excellent deflecting capacity to present themselves as innocent of all guilt (or if they have any, its only just because someone else is making them act that way).
Those that overestimate their flaws tend to accept blame that is not their own. They feel guilty for other people’s negative feelings and experiences. And while there times when we hurt others and we ought to feel guilty for that, some folk feel guilty for any bad experience of another.

As a counselor, I too am infected with the same problem. Counselors can easily feel self-righteous, that we have objectivity when our poor counselors do not. My job is to attack my own distortions while desperately seeking the Spirit’s guide to help me help my clients discern what is real and true in their own lives.

What makes it hard is that our distortions are hard to challenge. We “know” what we know pretty firmly. Just like a client I had who swore his green van was purple (color-blindness), we tend to believe what we feel, regardless of the facts and opinions of many others.

God help us counselors–the blind trying to teach the blind to see.

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September 13, 2006 · 12:20 pm

The art of counseling: Why interpersonal process is (almost) everything


Counseling is both art and science, relationship and action. Academic programs want to focus on both aspects, but the nature of academics leads to a greater emphasis on knowledge and less on interpersonal process. Frankly, its easier to grade tests of knowledge and harder to grade interpersonal process. Further, we outsource the practice part of the program to supervisors that may not be capable of providing the same kind of detailed assessment that we do in our classes.

Most students seeking to learn the art of counseling focus on knowledge and interventions. It makes sense to do so: If I know more then won’t I be able to understand my clients and their problems? (Probably.) If I understand how these problems develop, won’t I be able to help at risk individuals avoid bigger problems? (Probably.) If I learn and practice tried and true interventions won’t I be a more successful counselor?

But the art of counseling trumps knowledge and intervention. Knowing what to do is of little value if trust hasn’t been fully formed. There’s no substitute from having repeated interactions with another and getting detailed feedback related to one’s relational habits and idiosyncrasies. Jay Adams once told me that teaching counseling should be like teaching art. You don’t have a lecture on colors and shades and expect them to know how to use them well. Instead, you give them a brush and you expect them to do trial and error while providing good feedback. This means we really have to focus not just on what we counselors intend to communicate when respond to client content, but what they actually hear and take away from us.

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September 12, 2006 · 8:48 am

What kind of counseling do you teach?


Thought I’d take a crack at answering (briefly) the question regarding what model of counseling we follow here at Biblical Seminary. Want the short answer? Part Biblical Counseling, part Christian psychology, part interpersonal process (or said another way: biblical anthropology plus skills plus the art of discipleship). Or for a bit longer see what follows below.

Every counselor and professor has his or her theory of change—stated or otherwise. I happen to live between two such grand schemes: biblical counseling and Christian psychology. These two ways of looking at people’s problems and the best solutions have been quite disparate over the years. Biblical Counseling tends to be distinguished by the following marks: Continue reading →

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August 30, 2006 · 4:12 pm

The Power of a Label


We humans have powerful tendencies to label and categorize. It may even be something that Adam passed on to us. Notice that Adam got to name the animals as he saw fit. Does part of being in the image of God mean that we have an innate drive to name things as they are?  

But what happens when things don’t fit our categories? We either have to expand our definitions or shove square pegs into round holes. 

The color line comes to mind. Those who are biracial face the repeated question, “What are you?” And the “one drop” rule still is holds power (one drop of Black blood makes you black).
How about those who don’t fit gender stereotypes. I’ve heard the pain of many who were accused of being gay because they didn’t fit the image of a man or a woman. These labels were so powerful that they caused confusion that other’s beliefs must be true. “If being a man means…(fill in the blank), then I must not be one. Maybe I’m gay.” 

Why belabor this point? Counselors have tremendous power to label. Biblical Counselors have even more. We label right and wrong, righteous and unrighteous. We label idols of the heart. We should do so and be in the habit of helping our counselees have the right labels for what is happening in their lives.  

But, HOW and WHEN we label are very important, maybe even more important than whether our labels are actually correct. The temptation for counselors is to label too quickly, before the counselee is ready. If that happens, the counselee is passive and the counselor’s label is just one more among a chorus of opinionated acquaintances.  

Take a look at how Jesus interacts with sinners and self-proclaimed holy men. Who is he more likely to label quickly. Who does he engage with deep questions? What is his means for helping others see themselves? Notice how the Pharisees were quick to label what was authentically Jewish and what was not. Notice that the Lord seems less interested in that and more interested connecting to others. He was not neutral about sin. However, he engages others in novel ways to show them the righteous path and their need for a savior.  

I’ve been enamored with the late Paulo Freire, a liberation theologian from Brazil. He describes how unthinking, impoverished, people becoming empowered to name things as they are. They do not, he says (in Cultural Action for Freedom), learn by being filled up with words and labels by dominant culture individuals. If this were the case, then counseling would only be a matter of memorizing the right words and phrases. No, counseling is a dialogue where the counselee is an active, creative subject in the process of change.

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