Blogging from CCEF’s annual conference (theme: broken relationships). Paul Tripp led off this am talking about the mess of relationships we all find ourselves in. He likened us to be living in a broken down house and because of our tendency towards self-sufficiency, we tend to not remember this truth. He detailed broken world, broken people, broken angel turned temptor, and yet the only hope in the world: a broken savior as well who walks with us through the darkness.
David Powlison gave a talk entitled: Relationship in an empty marriage. He gave some reasons there is distance and loss of emptiness (e.g., focused on self, self-protection, boredom, double life, low level warfare, busyness, beaten down by life’s problems). He said that there are usually two parties in a distant marriage: The first party is preoccupied elsewhere, the second is often obsessed with closeness (which creates the pull-away/chase after dance). He talked about the parable of the sower as examples of how soil problems impact horizontal relationships (not just the vertical). Then he talked about anxiety as part of the problem with the person obsessed with closeness and intimacy. His antidote is thoughtfulness which flows from a commitment to steadfast love.
Some reactions. Helpful in thinking about our tendency. Are we primarily focused on things outside the marriage? Or are we constantly focused on trying to feel close? Good points for us to consider. But what of those who come into relationships with what appears to be less than conscious anxiety or defensiveness about relationships. From a psychological perspective, we call that attachment problems. When people have fairly stable (and negative) relational interaction styles, it is very difficult to help them see themselves and their interactions.
I find that many presentations like this are very helpful in pointing out the underlying issues but not particularly helpful in teaching us how to walk with someone in the process of seeing themselves more clearly. Personality factors must be addressed.
Musings on Faith and Psychology 