Tag Archives: monogamy

What is your reaction to 20 years of marriage?


Just heard a story-teller talking about his transformation from disregard of marriage to wanting to marry his longtime girlfriend. Looking back to the time when he thought marriage offered him nothing he said his private reaction to the question, “When are you two going to get married?” was something like this,

How come you never hear someone say, “ooh, I can’t wait to get a piece of that (meaning long-time monogamous relationships).” No, we only see them as portrayed as a ball and chain.

We all are aware of the negative connotations to monogamy in our current culture. This particular person couldn’t see any benefits and only drawbacks to marriage. It took a life-threatening crisis to bring him to another perspective.

Closing in on 20 years of marriage, I can attest that it isn’t glamorous but it is good. Marriage isn’t really about ecstasy (well, there IS some of that) it is about commitment. And commitment doesn’t give highs, it moderates the highs and the lows into something far more long-lasting pleasurable than a momentary mountaintop experience.

As I said in my recent talk on this topic, lust may begin a relationship, romance may continue it, but something more (unity, IMHO) provides the motivation to finish the race.

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