Tag Archives: christian counseling

May 4, 2012 · 5:48 am

Validating your client’s distrust of you


Ever had a person tell you they can’t trust you when you know they can? What was your response? if you are like most people, you notice the tendency to want to defend yourself. No, really, you can trust me. Why don’t you give me a chance? Or maybe your response isn’t one to beg but to back away and treat the person with a cool demeanor.

What should counselors do when a client doesn’t or won’t trust their intentions or motivations?Janina Fisher (see previous post) reminds us that the right responses is…acceptance validation. Especially with clients who experienced invalidation in violence and abuse. Notice that the effort to press a client to trust you or distancing from them sends the exact same message: your feelings and experiences are wrong and something to be rejected. Not surprisingly, clients feel invalidated once again.

What does validation look like?

You are right. You don’t know if you can trust me. Trusting important people meant that you got hurt in the past. So, not trusting me is understandable. So…what should we do? Validation doesn’t mean that we agree with whatever our clients say but that we find the truth and we underline it. Further, it means that we give the power back to our clients since many of them experienced being controlled.

Too often we think we know what is best for our clients and we try to indoctrinate them to our wisdom. Even when we are right, our efforts may unwittingly re-enact the stealing of power to set proper boundaries. Even when our clients want us to convince them that we are okay and worthy of trust, we ought to be careful. In everyday life we have to trust others, live with the possibility that our trust may be violated…and that we will need to respond to such violations with grace and truth. Promises to always be trustworthy perpetuate the myth that protection from all pain is possible in this life.

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April 16, 2012 · 10:48 am

In Counseling, Who is the Teacher?


Most counselors and therapists get into the field of counseling because they want to help people. This is a good thing! Imagine if they only wanted to make money or to be the center of attention. But, underneath the goal of wanting to help people lurks an insidious goal:

being seen as wise.

Being seen as wise (notice the difference between being wise and being seen as wise) tempts us to become the teacher, the teller, the obnoxious sage.  Teaching, telling, training are all activities that may happen in counseling, but only when necessary. Truth be told, we counselors resort to teaching and telling because it gives us a job to do and makes us feel good. This is especially true when we work with the most severely traumatized people. Here someone is hurting in front of us. We can see that they are stuck. Who wouldn’t want to pull them out of the mud? Now, there may well be important teaching moments–gently instructing someone on the symptoms of trauma and/or the physiology of trauma. This might be important for the client who believes that the symptoms are really signs they are sinning and that they can just choose to stop being triggered.

In Counseling, Who is the Teacher?

“The patient is the ultimate teacher about trauma, and a good therapist is a good listener.” (Boskailo, p. 81)

While the counselor has much to offer in regard to teaching, training, and goal setting, we must remember that the client is the one teaching us about their trauma experiences and how much they can deal with at a given time. For example, Boskailo reminds us (see above link for book) that while telling the trauma story is an important part of the healing process, the “how” of telling (and the “how much”) is something each client will need to teach us. One client may need to tell and re-tell the same story each week. Another may be better helped by drawing. Still another may tell once and never again.

We counselors are the student in these kinds of matters. It is our job to listen well and learn well!

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April 10, 2012 · 12:21 pm

Invite your pastor (or key leader) to attend our “abuse in the church” conference, July 20-21 2012


church should be the safest place in the world! Unfortunately, it isn’t always. Even worse, when abuse does happen, the church may not always protect the victims. While this shouldn’t surprise us since the church is full of sinners, we ought always to be working to make it a place free from abuse. Is your church working to protect the congregants from abuse? Is it ready to respond to an abuse allegation?

This summer I will be co-teaching with Boz Tchividjian (Liberty Law School prof and former prosecutor) a weekend course/conference on preventing and responding to abuse in the church. We are inviting church leaders to join our MDiv and counseling students at Branch Creek Church, Harleysville, PA. The class will run Friday night, July 20 and all day Saturday, July 21, 2012. All the details you need can be found on this Abuse Course Flyer.

Would you consider personally inviting your pastor or church leader by passing on this brochure?

For non-student registrations, click here. If you want to see a syllabus, click here.

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February 16, 2012 · 8:22 am

Is your church prepared to handle an abuse allegation?


I’ve posted a blog for our Seminary’s faculty blog this morning. You can read it here. In it I give a few initial directions for churches seeking to prepare for the nightmare of an abuse allegation against a church member or leader. While these directions are very slim, they at least get congregations moving in the right direction. When we wait to decide how to act in a crisis situation, we are less likely to make good decisions. We may make decisions based on expediency, based on utility, or even based on quieting the problem (much like how the Catholic church handled their abuse cases).

For those wanting much more advice for church communities, consider taking our summer course on the subject: Preventing and Responding to Abuse in the Church.

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February 13, 2012 · 1:45 pm

Summer counseling courses announced!


Biblical is offering 2 fantastic summer counseling courses for your consideration.  In both classes, you will walk away with practical tools! Both classes are hybrid (meaning you have both online and in person portions) and can be taken for 1 or 2 credits or for continuing education. Click the attached PDF  for more details: BIB-0112-BFINAL. The classes are:

One Session Coaching: Action Focused Change

Taught by Pam Smith, VP for Student Advancement and Coach

When? July 6-7 at Biblical Seminary: Who should take the course? Counselors and church leaders.

Abuse in the Church: Biblical, Legal, & Counseling Perspectives

Taught by my self and Boz Tchividjian (Liberty Law School, founder of GRACE, and a former child abuse prosecutor)

When? July 20-21 (at BranchCreek Church, Harleysville, PA) Who should take this course? Anyone who wants to see the church a safer place. Breakout sessions will focus on counselors and also church leaders.

Both courses are expected to fill up fast given their practical focus. Sign up ASAP by contacting either,

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February 7, 2012 · 10:27 am

The Journal of Biblical Counseling is Back!


Those of you familiar with the wider field of Biblical Counseling and of the leading role played by the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation may be interested to know that they have re-launched their popular journal after being on hiatus since 2007. the Journal of Biblical Counseling (v. 26) is available for FREE here on their website. You can download individuals articles or the entire issue for free, OR…you can order a print version for a fee if you would rather touch the pages.

I would especially point readers to Mike Emlet’s helpful essay on psychoactive medications, Julie Lowe’s essay on counseling children, or any of the book reviews. All well worth your time!

It may not be free for long so take advantage of this resource.

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January 27, 2012 · 1:34 pm

Translating EFT into Christian Psychology? Publication notice


My friend and colleague Mike McFee (Eastern University) and I recently had an article published in the latest edition of the Journal of Psychology & Christianity (v. 30, pp 317-328). In it we tried to tackle how someone from a Christian Psychology perspective might interact with Emotion-Focused Therapy, a popular treatment protocol.

Here’s how we started our paper,

Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) is a rapidly growing treatment system offering empirically based treatment for couples and families. As with many current secular theories of psychology, EFT is embedded in humanistic assumptions which propose a few challenges to the Christian practitioner…. Using the methodology of Eric Johnson…this essay explores the practices of translating EFT into a Christian Psychology.

Next we identify a problem for counselors. We say that being christian and thinking christianly is supposed to influence all that we do. But, the truth is much of what goes on in Christian counseling doesn’t look that much different from counseling from markedly different ideologies. Both are compassionate and use similar techniques. The problem isn’t always bad integration but that we haven’t defined well the various levels of translation between two languages (i.e., humanistic founded EFT and Christian psychology).

The rest of the essay explores the two languages and 3 kinds of translation possibilities depending on the context and need, rather than is a one-size-fits-all approach. We conclude with a case example and actual dialog to show one kind of translation work.

What are the 3 kinds of translation? You’ll have to read if you want to know? There has to be SOME mystery, right?

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January 12, 2012 · 5:52 am

How to evaluate a counseling model or intervention: Step four


Picking up on this series that was started last week, we come to the next-to-last step. Thus far I have suggested that whenever you are exploring the next best thing in counseling, you should

  • start with a healthy dose of suspicion about the motives and goals of the author. What are they trying to sell you?
  • Read with an open mind. Can you see what they observe about life?
  • Evaluate the author’s assumptions, worldview, etc. Be willing to be challenged!

Now we come to step four.

Step Four: Let yourself be critiqued

How might their observations and assumptions challenge your own? Sit with this a bit. Don’t worry that you will lose your faith. It never hurts to have our beliefs and values refined and challenged by our critics. Maybe some of your values are uncritically formed. How might these assumptions cause you to refine and renew your own? Can you eliminate some faulty logic?

Be willing to state some of the weaknesses within your own system of beliefs and assumptions. I wish every model builder would start with their own flaws. But, most of us are better at pointing out the speck in our brother’s eye than addressing the log in our own.

Finally, our next step will be to possibly adopt some portion of the model or intervention into our own repertoire.

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January 6, 2012 · 9:42 am

How to evaluate a counseling model or technique: Step three


In my two previous posts I suggested that the best way to evaluate “the next best thing” in counseling models or techniques is to start with a healthy dose of suspicion and then to read with an open mind as you try to enter their world and see what they see. Now, moving on to step three, I recommend that you take a look under the hood.

Step Three: Evaluate Assumptions

Whether you are considering adopting a whole model of counseling or merely a technique, you want to step back a bit and assess what assumptions and presuppositions color the author’s view of the world. If you adopt any portion of the model, you will be likely to adopt some portion of their assumptions. In evaluating assumptions, I find it best to ask yourself a few questions,

1. What presuppositiong, worldview, beliefs, etc. bleed through on their pages? Do they focus most on nature? Nurture? Individualist? Communitarian?

2. What ideas and values seem to be most prominent for this author, especially about human nature, health, healing, struggle, etc.

For some authors (especially model builders) assumptions are handed to you on a platter. When Carl Rogers said that he believed that humans had a drive to find health and wholeness, he made his assumptions quite well known. However, during the 80s and 90s, many psychologists stopped trying to build models. They hid behind “eclectic” and focused on “what works.” Well, “what works” (aka utilitarianism) is an assumption that we ought to be aware of. Many current authors have returned to try to build a better explanatory model for human flourishing. For example, Mark McMinn has penned an integrative psychotherapy model (reviewed here in past years) attempting to bring together cognitive and affective and spiritual models. Despite the return to model building, most popular trade book authors rarely discuss their own assumptions.

Still sound fuzzy? Just what are we looking for and what do we do with it once we find it? Consider these made up examples.

Author one: “…her problem? Her love tank was empty, had a huge hole in it from the way she was treated by her father.” Assumptions? You can see a little Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and a statement that present problems are the result of victimization from the past. This will surely impact the author’s ideas for treatment.

Author two: “…her problem? She struggles to connect her whole brain when processing emotions. Neural networks need to be developed and used to cool down her hypothalamus. she…” You can see here that the focus is on neural networks, possibly brain chemistry issues, and an overactive hypothalamus. You might not hear anything about will, choice, right thinking or experiencing. This client is a product of her brain. This will surely impact the author’s ideas for treatment.

Now, a word of caution. Just because we discover assumptions that we don’t agree with, it doesn’t mean we have to chuck the model or technique. Rather, we are merely trying to understand some of the straggler assumptions that might cling to the parts we buy into. I used to start all of my model evaluations with this step. However, I found that I was more likely to wholesale reject their observations if they were wrong in their assumptions. But everyone sees—even if poorly. And observations can be very helpful—even if fixated on one small aspect of life.

In our next step we will seek to let their assumptions challenge, correct, or refine our own (rather than just believing what we have always believed is airtight correct).

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January 4, 2012 · 5:01 am

How to evaluate a counseling model or technique: Step two


In my last post, I discussed the importance of evaluating the next “great” counseling method or technique with a good dose of suspicion. What is the author (or disciple) trying to sell us? Why? What is the basis of their model?

However, I do not want you to think that we ought to dispatch every counseling intervention with a snooty once-over. Rather, I want you to immediately follow-up your suspicion with an opening of your mind!

Step Two: Read with an Open Mind

Even the shakiest of ideas, models and techniques provide opportunities for us to grow. No matter our wisdom and intellect, we will always see life (reality) from a particular vantage point. Every human vantage point contains bias. This is why we should read outside our own disciplines and family groups. I especially encourage readers to listen to their loudest critics. They will have a point or two that we ought to take to heart.

So, find the originators of the model or technique you want to explore (often, original authors praise their ideas a bit less than their disciples do). As you read, ask these questions,

  1. What does this author observe about their world, the way it works (or doesn’t)?
  2. How do they envision the purpose and goal of life?
  3. What human problems are most significant to them?
  4. What solutions do they seek? What techniques or interventions are most prominent?

While you may disagree with their interpretations (save that for a later step), work hard to view the world through their eyes. Can you see what they see? You want to make this effort because you recognize you do not see the world entirely as it is. You see in part. Your humility here will help raise to your mind questions that you mint not thought were all that important.

Let me give you an example. In my first semester at Wheaton College (PsyD program) fresh out of the biblical counseling world of CCEF, I wrote a paper for Stanton Jones defending/critiquing a model of biblical counseling. At the end of the paper, Dr. Jones asked me to conduct a thought experiment,

Would [this] model urge medical research forward? After all, if worship is our primary end, and we can give glory to God with a serene death, why try to eradicate disease? If suffering is a human trial that gives us opportunity to glorify, should the concrete contributions to the suffering be addressed? I know this can be answered, but oh the subtleness of emphasis!

I have to tell you that these words were powerful to me at the time (and still are!). He knew I would say, “of course we should eradicate suffering.” But, in promoting the human end of enjoying God, even in suffering, I had emphasized suffering well to the point of de-emphasizing concrete helps that often come through psychological and medical research.

The goal of step two is to challenge our own assumptions to see if they need tweaking. Once we have concluded exploring the observations of the model builder, next we move to evaluating interpretations and assumptions.

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