August 27, 2007 · 12:23 pm

Winning the [jury duty] lottery


In Friday’s mail I got my first ever summons to show for jury duty. Immediately I had two opposing reactions. On the one hand, I was a bit excited. I’ve always taken an interest in the forensic psychology and its relationship to our legal system. How do juries really work deciding guilt/innocence? How do guilty folk defend and use their legal right to make it look like they are innocent. On the other hand, I was feeling like I couldn’t take time out of the Fall to do this. I have classes to teach…

Here’s a question: Can I be an unbiased juror? I work with victims of abuse, victims of crimes. Does that bias me against those accused of the same? Would I tend to believe the testimony of a police officer solely because of his position? (Actually, I was asked this question and the reverse as well). If a person didn’t take the stand in their own defense or even present a defense, would I hold that against them? 

On these last two questions, I had to really consider my answer. I guess I do tend to believe the police are telling the truth. I haven’t had an officer twist my words, accuse me falsely, plant evidence, stop me because of my race, etc. Part of me does believe that officers don’t have reasons to lie. Also, would an innocent person refuse to take the stand in their own defense. I know attournies might recommend this so that the person won’t be cross-examined in order to avoid other embarrassing information. But, I guess I do tend to believe that people ought to be willing to say what happened.

I decided to put aside my beliefs and say that I won’t overestimate an officer’s testimony and that I won’t hold it against a defendant if they do not testify.

Now I have to wait to see if I get chosen or rejected. Which one will be the winning ticket?  

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Filed under counseling and the law

August 24, 2007 · 5:43 am

Justifying paternalism toward clients?


Got a newsletter this week that had an article about paternalism with clients who suffer with eating disorders. The author begins with this statement:

Some clients are pressured into treatement by family, friends or physicians. Other clients enter treatment willingly because they want to make changes in their lives, but those changes may not include their eating behaviors. Still other clients profess a cincere desire to change their eating behaviors, but only if they can be assured that they will not gain a pound. Virtually all clients are ambivalent about giving up their eating disordered behaviors, and some outrightly refuse to change these self-destructive patterns.

All clinicians who work with eating disordered clients are faced with an ethical dilemma: how to attend to the well-being of clients who resist recovery from a potentially life-endagering disorder, while respecting the clients’ right to autonomy and self-determination.”

How does a counselor balance individual autonomy with protection of health and life? The author tries to distinguish between weak and strong paternalism. Weak, she says, legitimizes  interfering in with the ways a person achieves a desired goal. Strong paternalism believes that some goals are confused or mistaken and thereby require intervention.

The author does a fine job talking about the challenge of allowing clients freedom and yet strongly encouraging clients in a particular direction. Really, this raises the issue of how do we “sell” something that client yet do not know that they want? Unfortunately, little in the way of helpful answers are given.

The problem with paternalism (I know what is best for you) is that it naturally leads to coercion. Coercion, even with a smile, rarely results in positive change. Instead, we need to talk to clients about choices. We need to do so early and often. They do have choices. Sometimes many, sometimes few. However, they have them none-the-less. Our job is to help them see the consequences, the benefits, etc. Some choices made will have specific and immediate consequences. If I choose to steal a car, I may be jailed and have my rights limited for a period of time. So too with some self-harmful choices. If a client wants to kill themself, then I have the right and responsibility to stop them. This is not paternalism but momentary protectionism. I do not claim that hospitalization is what is best, but I do claim that it will extend the life of a suicidal client. By extending their life, I am providing an opportunity to return to their choices and reconsider God’s gracious hand on them rather than act impulsively to deep pain.  

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Filed under eating disorders, ethics

August 23, 2007 · 5:58 am

Langston Hughes’ “Negro Mother”


I confess that I’m not much a fan for poetry. I didn’t get much exposure to it despite my love for reading. I guess I liked stories that were fleshed out much more. However, this week, I read this beauty of Langston Hughes to my children. I share it here with apologies to the person who holds the copyright.

The Negro Mother   

Children, I come back today
To tell you a story of the long dark way
That I had to climb, that I had to know
In order that the race might live and grow.
Look at my face–dark as the night–
Yet shining like the sun with love’s true light.
I am the child they stole from the sand
Three hundred years ago in Africa’s land.
I am the dark girl who crossed the wide sea
Carrying in my body the seed of the free.
I am the woman who worked in the field
Bringing the cotton and the corn to yield.
I am the one who labored as a slave,
Beaten and mistreated for the work that I gave–
Children sold away from me, husband sold, too.
No safety, no love, no respect was I due.
Three hundred years in the deepest South:
But God put a song and a prayer in my mouth.
God put a dream like steel in my soul.
Now, through my children, I’m reaching the goal.
Now, through my children, young and free,
I realize the blessings denied to me.
I couldn’t read then. I couldn’t write.
I had nothing, back there in the night.
Sometimes, the valley was filled with tears,
But I kept trudging on through the lonely years.
Sometimes, the road was hot with sun,
But I had to keep on till my work was done:
I had to keep on! No stopping for me–
I was the seed of the coming Free.
I nourished the dream that nothing could smother
Deep in my breast–the Negro mother.
I had only hope then, but now through you,
Dark ones of today, my dreams must come true:
All you dark children in the world out there,
Remember my sweat, my pain, my despair.
Remember my years, heavy with sorrow–
And make of those years a torch for tomorrow.
Make of my past a road to the light
Out of the darkness, the ignorance, the night.
Lift high my banner out of the dust.
Stand like free men supporting my trust.
Believe in the right, let none push you back.
Remember the whip and the slaver’s track.
Remember how the strong in struggle and strife
Still bar you the way, and deny you life–
But march ever forward breaking down bars.
Look ever upward at the sun and the stars.
Oh, my dark children, may my dreams and my prayers
Impel you forever up the great stairs–
For I will be with you till no white brother
Dares keep down the children of the Negro Mother.

This poem first printed in 1931. This edition published in Dark Symphony: Negro Literature in America. Edited by J.A. Emanuel & T.L. Gross (Free Press, 1968). 

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Filed under Black and White, Black History, Civil Rights, Racial Reconciliation

August 22, 2007 · 5:16 am

What letter would you write to your former abuser?


Last night I was perusing a treasure I re-discovered on my bookshelf. Back in the dark ages my wife took a Black literature class at UConn and had the foresight to keep the books. This treasure, Dark Symphony: Negro Literature in America (Free Press, 1968) contains works from great writers such as Langston Hughes, W.E.B Dubois, Paul Laurence Dunbar, Ralph Ellison, and of course Frederick Douglass.

It is Douglass’ Letter to Thomas Auld (sometimes entitled, “To my old Master”) which first appeared September 22, 1848 in the Liberator. Thomas Auld was Douglass’ master before he escaped and gained his emancipation. Here’s a link to the whole letter but consider for a minute what you might write if you were writing to a past abuser. Continue reading →

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Filed under Abuse, Great Quotes, Racial Reconciliation, Repentance, suffering

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August 21, 2007 · 5:04 am

Restoration as Surgery


In Restoring the Fallen, chapter 7 begins this way:

Earl, we want you to cancel all your speaking engagements, resign from teaching at the seminary and suspend all your writing projects for at least two years. You are not in a position to be helping other people right now… (p. 63)

Earl Wilson recalls having this reaction: Am I willing to leave my sinful way and begin to walk in God’s light? (ibid). How would you react to someone telling you that you shouldn’t work for 2 years?

When leaders are caught in or admit their significant hidden sin patterns, they must choose between escape (or the easier path) and honesty. This kind of honesty is not just about the sin at the surface (e.g., the abuse of power, sexual sin, addictions, etc.) but about uncovering the “self-absorption, pride, disrespect of others, selfishness…and distorted view of [one’s] own spirituality.” (p. 64). The critical question is whether or not such severe honesty can happen if the person is still trying to maintain a portion of their leadership.

This chapter highlights 4 steps to consent for radical surgery: deciding to be honest, being willing to submit to the authority of God as revealed through the care team, being willing to give up secrecy, and “being willing to ‘avoid the edge‘–to break the habit of coming right up to sin and then trying to lean away just enough to keep from falling.” (p. 66)

What is the purpose of this surgery? Repentance. This chapter lists the following activities

1. Sin acknowledged as sin (no rationalizations!)
2. Bridges burned.
3. The possibility of sin must be ruled out. The authors consider, “I’m sorry Lord. Please help me” to be insufficient. Therefore, the person must go back to #2 and burn more bridges.
4. Willingness to allow other sins to be brought to light. Denial and shame have ways of so focusing on big ticket sins that the soil that allows those sins to grow are not examined and dealt with.

This chapter reminds me that I mostly prefer sin management rather than sin mortification. I prefer to not suffer the consequences of my fleshly desires rather than killing off what is not from God. We all need to face the fact that there are some sins (usually the littlest ones) that we are not willing to give up. Maybe it’s pride. Maybe it’s self-protection.

I am convicted that if I have any hope of being a successful surgeon in someones life, I must go under the knife on a regular basis.

Who in your life do you entrust your spiritual surgery to?

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Filed under Repentance, self-deception, sin, Uncategorized

August 20, 2007 · 9:56 am

Summer reading revisited


So, feeling pretty good about my summer reading (less so about my summer writing…). Here’s what I intended to read June through August:

1. Christian Counseling: An introduction(Maloney and Augsburger): Done
2. The Perfect Storm (Junger):  Done.
3. Inside Hamas (Chehab): Done.
4. Infidel (Ali). Done. (I cheated and read this in May).
5. New England White (Carter). Didn’t read as my number on the library waitlist has yet to come up. Instead, I read his prior The Emperor of Ocean Park which I really liked. It is a depressing mystery.
6. The children of Hurin (Tolkien). Done. Didn’t like.
7. Johnny Tremain (reading to the kids). Gave up. The kids really didn’t get into it. Vocabulary was a bit tough for them.
8. The family sabbatical handbook (Bernick). Done.

Also read Restoring the Fallen: A team approach to caring confronting & reconciling (Wilson’s et al). Done.

All in all it was a summer of fun reading. Now its time to buckle down and do some backlogged professional reading.

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Filed under book reviews

August 17, 2007 · 5:23 am

Restoring the fallen [victims]


I’m blogging a bit these days about the restoration process for dealing with Christian leaders that fall into serious sin. In particular I’ve been interacting with the book Restoring the Fallen written by the Wilsons, Friesens, and Paulsons (IVP). But I take a break from the issues of the fallen leader to talk about the very important issue: the restoration of the victims.

 

A few days ago, I received a private letter in response to my initial blog entries on the topic. With permission, I’ve copied a couple of this victim’s thoughts on feeling lost in the restoration process,

 As you can imagine, I have read with great interest your recent entries on “Restoring the Fallen.” I am in ABSOLUTE agreement with the fact that a team needs to be formed to walk through the restoration process for a fallen pastor, counselor, leader, etc. And, I am in ABSOLUTE agreement with you when you suggest that every leader ought to have a team like this surrounding him and holding him accountable to PREVENT him from falling. I couldn’t agree with you more on that point, and believe that we would see alot less leaders “falling” if they were surrounded by such a team.  What was so difficult for me, as a victim of a fallen Christian leader, is that when a leader falls, an incredible amount of attention often is given to him and his restoration process. In my situation there was a team committed to seeing him restored – making huge commitments of their time, energy, and more. And the victim? Where’s her team?Just because I’m not a leader doesn’t mean that I don’t need to be restored emotionally and spiritually…I wish that there would be such books [similar to Restoring the Fallen] that are as well written and give such good guidance and counsel when it comes to restoring the victim and understanding the wounds and pain for the victim and family. 

There are many victims of fallen leaders. The leader’s family (consider the agony they have to go through when the infidelities of their spouse/parent/child is made known to the public), the larger community (it often shakes the faith of many), and specifically the victims of the abuse of power. These are those who might have been vulnerable parishioners lulled by sweet words or threats into sexual activity. Maybe some believe that a leader/parishioner sexual act is mutual, but I do not. The leader’s power, gift with wordsmithing, ability to create a mood, and authority means that it is never mutual.

 

So, what becomes of the victim once the abuse has been discovered? The book that I am reviewing certainly does spend some time on the issue of what to tell the family, the spouse, the children, and the larger community. The authors recognize that victims are often branded as co-conspirators (p. 85). Rather than keep the situation secret, they believe that the truth should come out and “victims should be comforted, affirmed, and encouraged by all who know them and understand what has happened” (ibid). These authors are inclined to have the truth told so as to avoid further damage to the victim by embellishments, rumors, half-truths, etc.

 

The victim should also have his or her own spiritual care team to help them in the path of understanding, comfort, spiritual healing, forgiveness, self-evaluation (there are times that victims have made choices that put them in a place of danger; choices that come from a place of prior brokenness. This evaluation should not be misconstrued as blaming the victim but using the pain and suffering to do exploratory work that every Christian must do. It would be my opinion that while this work is necessary, it ought not happen first. Rescue and stabilization come before surgery). The authors suggest that the spiritual care team for the family of the fallen leader (and I would include the victim as well) should provide tangible security (a place to talk freely about the pain and confusion), stability (a calm reply to the inevitable anxiety and panic experienced), support (someone to stand up for them, challenge poor thought patterns in the victim), and spiritual challenge (to look for God’s handiwork in the midst of suffering). 

 

While care and healing for fallen leaders (and prevention in the first place) are important works that I am burdened about, let us not forget the victims (both the abused and the families of the offender) and let us make sure we give them seats of honor and a double portion of our mercy and kindness. Let us never forget that justice is an essential ingredient of the Gospel (Micah 6:8).

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Filed under Abuse, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership

August 16, 2007 · 5:43 am

What is restoration for leaders who abuse power?


Been blogging on Restoring the Fallen  and some of its ideas. Chapter 5 of the book is entitled, “What is restoration?” This is a key question we counselors face. The book really addresses this topic through many chapters but I want to highlight some of the points in this chapter:

1. “An effective restoration process must deal not only with the ruin of the disaster, but also with the internal weaknesses that caused it.” (p. 42). “…major lifestyle adjustments can be readily identified by team members as desirable goals, and these often become the focal point of restoration. They are not, however, what restoration is all about. If they are all that is addressed, the real work will not get done.” (p. 43)
2. “The foundation for restoration is reconciliation with God…For someone to desire restoration, he or she needs a renews view of God’s mercy and his demand for personal holiness.” (p. 44-5).
3. Restoration (healing, strengthening, rebuilding) is a choice. Either the person will choose not to repent, feign repentance, or repent and chose restoration.  
4. They do a nice job of describing pseudo-restoration

a. “lets just get this behind us” mentality
b. excuse making and justifying by pointing to circumstances
c. ignoring the impact on the family; ignoring the devastation to others
d. stopping with confession; then focusing on getting forgiven

Choosing restoration means,

a. confession of all secrets (a process NOT an event)
b. shunning denial and defensiveness
c. submitting to the care of others; giving up control for decisions

Of course, restoration in this context means restoration to God and to the people of God. It does not necessarily refer to restoration to former positions, careers, etc.

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Filed under Abuse, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, pastoral renewal, Uncategorized

August 15, 2007 · 9:47 am

What do you do when sleep doesn’t come…


I couldn’t sleep last night and so I got up to read some Scripture. Also found a book on Galatians on my shelf that I’ve had for quite some time but never read. Checked it out and found it helpfful. But I digress.

Anyway, I found comfort in Psalm 77. The Psalmist here is crying out to God but wondering if God has forgotten to be gracious, has ended his promises to care for him. One of the Psalmist’s griefs is that he remembers the days of old when he was always in worship and easily meditated on God’s character. But now he is feeling empty, weary, disturbed. Maybe he, like me, was pondering the struggle to pray and worship.

But what does the Psalmist do about this problem? He decides to remember the deeds of the Lord. Verses 11f:

I shall remember the deeds of the Lord; Surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate on all thy work, and muse on thy deeds. Thy way, O God, is holy; What god is great like our God? Thou art the God who workest wonders; thou has made known thy strength among the peoples. Thou hast by thy power redeemed thy people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph.  (NASB)

The Psalmist goes on to give specific instances of the Lord’s powerful acts in leading the Israelites with a pillar of fire through the Red Sea.

Here’s my question: Do you think the Psalmist felt instantly better? Do you imagine that he is comforted right away? Do you think you should be? Did what he was feeling in the first verses (rejected, forgotten, weary, unable to sleep or speak) immediately get replaced with joy and lightness? Sometimes this happens. But likely, he decided to recall the wonders of God’s power toward the people of God (and thus to himself) in spite of what he felt. In this way, he would not merely listen to himself and his feelings since God is bigger than the passing feelings of a creature.

I was comforted. But I wasn’t on any cloud nine. It was helpful to recall several blessings the Lord has given me the past 17 years (my anniversary is coming up this week so memories of blessings have been on my mind).

And so I went back to bed deciding to rest in God’s power and a prayer of blessing on my lips for my wife.

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Filed under Biblical Reflection

August 14, 2007 · 6:26 am

Choosing wisely your Spiritual Care Team


In Restoring the Fallen, (blogged first 8/13 on this book), the authors list qualities a spiritual care team member ought to have, using Acts 6 (full of the spirit and wisdom” as their foundation) (37f):

emotionally and spiritually mature, compassionate, committed to confidentiality, humble, trustworthy, cooperative, not easily intimidated/willing to confront hard issues, strongly committed to truth, willing to engage in self examination, willing to commit time, willing to commit finances if necessary, and more.

Interestingly, they suggest that pastors not sit on this team for other christian leaders due to the time commitments.
—

A friend of my sent me this article from Christianity Today that listed questions you might ask to discern whether a potential leader is wise:

1. Does this person live a life of grace?
2. Do others seek this person’s counsel?
3. Does this person live a consistent life?
4. Does this person show depth of thought?
5. Does this person show breadth of thought?
6. Does this person make judgments impartially?
7. Does this person understand suffering?

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Filed under Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, pastoral renewal