Category Archives: self-deception

October 13, 2008 · 3:26 pm

Pastoral epistles as letter???


In talking to pastors, I’ve been taking the angle that we should look again to the pastoral epistles to see how a senior mentor talks to a junior pastor. What is important? What are the dangers? What kind of encouragement is given to these folk who labor in difficult venues?

I am afraid we have used these letters to create doctrinal positions (e.g., who should lead the church, the nature of Scripture, etc.) but have forgotten the pastoral flavor of these little books.

Take a look at 1 Timothy. Here’s my brief summation of Paul’s letter to Timothy:

1. Remember. (ch. 1) Keep at your work in loving prideful and misguided people (who probably all think they should be the leader). Remember our humble origins and calling (v. 12). The goal here? Don’t shipwreck your faith.

2. Act (ch. 2-3) Your first act? Pray for everyone and pray for peace. Your second act? Live a holy life in keeping with the position. Out of this instruct your congregation to…

3. Be Wary (ch. 4-6) Deception is happening to other teachers. It can happen to you. So, live in truth and focus on godliness. There are 2 deceptions (financial gain (and fame) and knowledge). Some see both as a path to godliness but they are not. There is an antidote: Contentment! Seek only the glory of God and not your own.

____

You might ask yourself (and your pastor) these two questions.

1. If Paul were writing to you, what would he put in your letter for you to remember, act, and be wary of?

2. Who knows you and your situation well enough to write this kind of letter to you? If no one exists, why not? And what should you do about it?

Okay, that was more than 2 questions…go ask your pastor!

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Filed under Biblical Reflection, Christianity, Doctrine/Theology, pastoral renewal, pastors and pastoring, self-deception

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August 20, 2008 · 5:53 am

Helping with one hand, hurting with the other


As humans we have the capacity to split ourselves. One minute we can help another, the next we can harm. A friend of a friend of mine recently admitted to taking advantage of another in a vulnerable position. This person seems quite wise. He has good advice when I’m stuck. He is able to see through knotty situations. People come to him for advice and counsel. And to a person they feel the better for it. But now it is evident that he manipulated someone for financial benefit. It wasn’t illegal but certainly immoral and unethical.

How is this possible. Can salt water and fresh come from the same source? It should not be possible but it is. I meditate on this in my own life. I can be gracious to my kids one minute and harsh the next. I can heal and I can kill the soul. We all have this capacity and so we must be on guard against complacency. It is easy to stand in judgment of the one who commits a heinous crime. When this person is a believer, we begin to question their honesty and integrity and disbelieve that any good done prior to the crime was of value. And while we should do that since something was clearly wrong and somehow the person has disconnected from his/her soul, we ought also to explore our own soul for the same disease.

May God help us to be unwilling to entertain or ignore self-deception.

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Filed under Abuse, Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, Cultural Anthropology, Psychology, self-deception, sin

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June 16, 2008 · 12:54 pm

Are counselors and psychologists an impaired lot?


We’re closing in on the last of the school year. Two weeks to go. Tonight in our ethics class we’ll be discussing the matter of abuse of power, impaired clinicians, and similar issues. In the world of counseling we discuss the problem of impaired counselors/students/trainees when we talk about those who,

(a) do not have the requisite skills, 
(b) have character/attitude deficits, or
(c) reactions to current crises,

AND are unwilling or unable to repair the situation.

First, we ought to be aware of those who are attracted to being counselors. Jeffery Barnett, et al, report the following data from other studies (as cited in the 2007 Professional Psychology: Research & Practice, 38(6), pp 603-612):

  • 70% of female psychologists had been either sexually or physically abused as children
  • 33% of male psychologists report the same
  • 33% of psychologists report being abused as adults
  • They feel the effects of these difficulties (and other family crises) just as non counselors
  • They may be less likely to get help due to knowledge and professional identity
    • 60% acknowledged being significantly depressed during some point of their career
    • 29% reported being suicidal at some point
    • 4% had made suicide attempts

Gizara & Forrest (2004 Professional Psychology: Research & Practice,35(1), pp 131-140) reported supervisors experiences of trainee impairment in APA accredited internships (doctoral level). Many of the supervisors had a hard time defining impairment in counseling but had sort of what I call the “I know it when I see it” mentality. What they often described were the disruptive, persistent relationalconflicts that are obvious to most. They did identify that it is hard for supervisors to address these matters because they (a) are trained to be empathic and to try to save everyone, and (b) not wanting to deal with conflict, destroy a career, or make oneself vulnerable to attack that they are holier than thou.

But, I noticed not much discussion or research regarding the one who doesn’t have obvious abrasive relational skills who is prone to using clients and others to make themselves feel good. This kind of person is dangerous not because they disrupt the counseling center but because they are so well liked that they make others overlook “minor” ethical infractions. Further, the person is rarely cognizant of their using others for their own sense of well-being.

To answer my question. No, I don’t think counselors are an impaired lot–at least any more than others. If we are aware of what drives us to be counselors (the good AND the self-serving), are willing to be counseled, discipled, held accountable, etc. (are willing to be transparent), and see our work as God’s first, then I think we are rather a safe lot.

Watch out for those of us who think we have arrived or no longer need teaching. I’m reminded of Aslan’s question to Prince Caspian at his coronation:

Aslan: Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the kingship of Narnia?

Caspian: I-I don’t think I do sir. I’m only a kid.

Aslan: Good, If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would had been a proof that you were not.     

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Filed under Abuse, biblical counseling, christian counseling, christian psychology, counseling, counseling science, counseling skills, Psychology, Relationships, self-deception, teaching counseling

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May 23, 2008 · 5:49 am

The two sides of Power


In staff meeting today we listened to a Tim Keller sermon on political power (I wonder how many private practice psychology staff meetings do something neat like this!) from the text of Jesus conversations with Pilate. In talking about political power, Keller quoted Vaclav Havel on the topic. You can find Havel’s quote herewithin a speech he made after receiving the Sonning Prize in 1991. This speech was designed to answer these two questions:

“Why is it that people long for political power, and why, when they have achieved it, are they so reluctant to give it up?” 

I don’t have it exactly as either Keller or Havel said it, but both were making this point:

1. We want to use power in the service of all that is true, good, and right. We want to use power to better the world. While some may use power from the get-go for evil purposes, most do not.

2. But we also wan to use power in the service of self. Havel talks about use of power for self-affirmation. Self-affirmation, Havel says, is not “essentially reprehensible” but human. But without suspicious self-examination, a slippage happens–something like this, it makes sense that my important work means I get special privileges in order to do my work well. But then I begin to lose the difference between being enabled to do my job better and the self-affirmation that I so desperately crave.”

Regardless of how pure his intentions may originally have been, it takes a high degree of self-awareness and critical distance for someone in power–however well-meaning at the start–to recognize that moment [when we stop caring about the state and start only caring about self-affirmation]

I see similarities outside of power. When I counsel someone long silenced through abuse and neglect, I see someone who is readily aware of the impact of abuse of power. When that person develops their voice, they begin to exert power for the sake of truth, goodness, and all that is right. They say no to further abuse; they raise their voice so as to be heard. They learn to use power to draw proper boundaries. But like all, it is easy to use the power for self-affirmation and self-protection. It is easy to argue for its goodness and rightness and to become blind to the demanding side of self-affirmation.

Power is good, but humans with power must be vigilant to avoid the corruption. Vaclav Havel recognizes the need to stay vigilant. John Adams recognized the inherent corruption of power as he designed the separation of powers for the USA. And we look to Jesus who willingly gives up his right to power but uses his power to sacrifice himself for our sake.

Good to think about in this season of elections. Pray we have leaders who will question their tendency to self-affirmation. And pray that each of us uses power for justice and not for self alone.

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Filed under Abuse, Cultural Anthropology, Great Quotes, News and politics, self-deception

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May 13, 2008 · 5:08 am

Greed, groupthink, and the housing/debt crisis


This week I heard a great program on “This American Life” (NPR) regarding the housing and mortgage crisis and how the heart of this problem is simply greed. Well, the problem is pretty complex. But, what is clear is that all involved–from the homeowner, insurance agent, Wall Street broker, to Banking Organizations looking to invest–everyone either turned a blind eye for personal gain or knowingly sought something that was too good to be true. You hear the stories of individuals choosing massive loans because they can (without any income verification), agents making 100,000 dollars per month selling loans that they knew couldn’t be repaid, large brokers who felt they HAD to satisfy larger companies desires for these bundled mortgages because they could get such a better return on investment. And everyone conspired to think that it was all going to work out. They had data on their side (unfortunately telling them about the predictions of loan worthy individuals repaying their loans but assuming that those completely unable to pay back loans would act like those who could pay them back), they had larger corporations demanding to invest and willing to offer mortgages too good to be true. A classic case of group-think!

If these kinds of situations interest you and you are wondering, “how in the world did anyone fall for this kind of thing?” then you should check out the link above and listen on-line.

As an aside, greed and group-think doesn’t just happen on a secular level. Years ago, many Christian organizations (along with some large Philadelphia organizations like the Academy of Art, UPENN, etc.) got sucked up into a ponzi scheme better known as New Era Philanthropy. It was a classic case of nonprofit greed (give .5 million dollars to Mr. Bennett and get back 1 million in 6 months). It was too good to be true but most only focused on the good part. Lots of well-meaning folk, including my own Biblical Seminary, came out quite wounded.

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Filed under Cultural Anthropology, news, News and politics, self-deception

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March 27, 2008 · 5:33 am

The problem of embellishment: Not just the work of fishermen and politicians


Many people, myself included, had a little chuckle when yet another politician is caught by good ole videotape. Senator Clinton turns her trip to Bosnia in 1996 into something designed to play up her experiences with foreign diplomacy. She made it seem that she had to dodge sniper fire on her way from the plane to a waiting car. Now, the country wasn’t a picnic at that time, but neither did she have to dodge bullets. After first defending her account she now admits mis-speaking (notice she didn’t say she mis-represented the fact). 

But Senator Clinton isn’t the only one who does this. In fact, I would suggest that we ALL embellish every day. We just don’t have video to catch us in the act. Here’s some possible examples for you to consider:

You leave for an appointment late and the “traffic was bad.” It may have been heavy traffic but the emphasis on the traffic deftly misdirects to a different (and wrong) cause and effect.  You were late because you didn’t plan well.

You tell someone that you are friends with _____ (someone you look up to and met once or twice but only on a superficial basis). You do this in order to sound more important.

You tell someone you spent all day cleaning. In actuality, you cleaned at several times during the day but you also watched a movie and surfed the web for an hour. You play up your work in order to make your point. Sadly, when we do it enough, we actually believe what we are saying.

Sometimes, embellishment just helps us make a point or tell a story. I’m not sure it is sinful. It may be that some of the OT numbers are there for story and point-making more than an exact headcount. But, of course embellishment is a problem when we do it to avoid the reality of the truth or to gain something that does not rightfully belong to us. So, let us endeavor to tell the truth and worry less about what others think of us.

Oh, did I tell you that Sen. Barack Obama sent me an email yesterday. Really, he did. 😉 

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Filed under Cognitive biases, News and politics, self-deception, sin

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March 13, 2008 · 5:21 am

Feeling judgmental about Eliot Spitzer?


Its easy to do…here’s a man who knows all the ins and outs of money laundering tactics since he used them to prosecute many criminals in his previous job. He’s also taken down several prostitution rings. He has daughters and ought to think about how he would feel if they engaged in this behavior. He has a long marriage and ought to think about she has been so violated.

He knows better and yet he spent thousands of dollars over a long period of time pursuing sex with prostitutes. And we are tempted to think judgmental thoughts. How could he… Serves him right…

But Jesus says that if you have engaged in desiring and lusting after someone not your spouse, you are just as guilty as Spitzer. That’s a hard teaching. We know secret thoughts don’t have the same consequences as actions and yet everyone starts down the path from the same place.

What his tragic story should encourage us to do is to be sober about our own deceptive thoughts and desires, pray for his family, thank God for the cross and the offer of forgiveness, and endeavor to say no to sin and yes to love of others.

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Filed under News and politics, self-deception, Sex, sin

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September 20, 2007 · 5:58 am

Famous speakers and their stories


Most speakers illustrate their points with stories. It helps the audience to use their senses, emotions, experiences, etc. in connecting at a deeper level with the concept being taught. I noticed a couple of speakers recently who told a story that nearly filled up the entire time they talked and only paid lip service to the points they were trying to make. These people had concepts in order to tell stories (of which they were the center!). On the surface, the speakers seemed very transparent and down-to-earth. It was refreshing to hear their struggles.

But something bothered me and then it hit me. I wonder if these speakers could talk for an hour on points and never tell a story about themselves. Since I’ve heard these speakers before several times, I suspect they could not.

So, here’s my question. Does becoming famous make you ego-centric? Or, does ego-centrism plus charisma lead to fame?

Here’s why I think this practice is dangerous amongst Christians. Instead of the story pointing to Jesus; It has Jesus pointing to the person.

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Filed under Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, Cultural Anthropology, self-deception

August 21, 2007 · 5:04 am

Restoration as Surgery


In Restoring the Fallen, chapter 7 begins this way:

Earl, we want you to cancel all your speaking engagements, resign from teaching at the seminary and suspend all your writing projects for at least two years. You are not in a position to be helping other people right now… (p. 63)

Earl Wilson recalls having this reaction: Am I willing to leave my sinful way and begin to walk in God’s light? (ibid). How would you react to someone telling you that you shouldn’t work for 2 years?

When leaders are caught in or admit their significant hidden sin patterns, they must choose between escape (or the easier path) and honesty. This kind of honesty is not just about the sin at the surface (e.g., the abuse of power, sexual sin, addictions, etc.) but about uncovering the “self-absorption, pride, disrespect of others, selfishness…and distorted view of [one’s] own spirituality.” (p. 64). The critical question is whether or not such severe honesty can happen if the person is still trying to maintain a portion of their leadership.

This chapter highlights 4 steps to consent for radical surgery: deciding to be honest, being willing to submit to the authority of God as revealed through the care team, being willing to give up secrecy, and “being willing to ‘avoid the edge‘–to break the habit of coming right up to sin and then trying to lean away just enough to keep from falling.” (p. 66)

What is the purpose of this surgery? Repentance. This chapter lists the following activities

1. Sin acknowledged as sin (no rationalizations!)
2. Bridges burned.
3. The possibility of sin must be ruled out. The authors consider, “I’m sorry Lord. Please help me” to be insufficient. Therefore, the person must go back to #2 and burn more bridges.
4. Willingness to allow other sins to be brought to light. Denial and shame have ways of so focusing on big ticket sins that the soil that allows those sins to grow are not examined and dealt with.

This chapter reminds me that I mostly prefer sin management rather than sin mortification. I prefer to not suffer the consequences of my fleshly desires rather than killing off what is not from God. We all need to face the fact that there are some sins (usually the littlest ones) that we are not willing to give up. Maybe it’s pride. Maybe it’s self-protection.

I am convicted that if I have any hope of being a successful surgeon in someones life, I must go under the knife on a regular basis.

Who in your life do you entrust your spiritual surgery to?

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Filed under Repentance, self-deception, sin, Uncategorized

August 13, 2007 · 12:26 pm

Spiritual health of Christian leaders


Well, my vacation was wonderful but now over. I ended it with a routine trip to the dentist for a cleaning (torture). It helps (I’m kidding) cement the reality that the fun is done.

While away I read a book, Restoring the Fallen: A Team Approach to Caring, Confronting, & Reconciling (IVP, 1997). Authors: Earl and Sandy Wilson, Paul and Virginia Friesen, and Larry and Nancy Paulson. It tells the story of Earl Wilson’s infidelity with a client (he is a psychologist) and the interventions his spiritual formation team enacted to help him over a multi year period of time. In between the story, they detail the best ways for a spiritual formation team to work through the process of repentance and restoration.

Very helpful. Over the next month, I’m going to blog a few of the chapters here given that it is so close to the kind of work I have done and am doing. They have put into words some things that I have done but not written about.

But, here’s my thought. This book suggests a spiritual formation team process for after the “fall.” Why not have one of these teams before a  fall? Why not have it as required care for the Christian leader, whether pastor, elder, missionary, counselor?

Here’s what they said they did as a team. They committed to:

1. Be in regular communication with both husband and wife.
2. Pray regularly (daily?).
3. Meet as a team regularly.
4. To consult with others who had experience in particular areas
5. To hold the leader accountable for specific promises made.

The team worked toward the following ends:

1. Spiritual health (interested in ferreting out the spiritual roots of problems, and to help the person become grou8nded anew in a relationship with God)
2. Body life (the team provides spiritual gifts such as discernment, intercession, admonishment, encouragement, mercy, etc.)
3. Accountability and sensitivity (the team acts as advocate for the spouse and family members as well as holding the leader accountable)
4. Penetrating denial and clarifying reality
5. Synergy (combined wisdom and consensus of the group led by the Spirit)
6. Intercession (“Restoration ministry is divine in nature and is characterized above all by grace. It cannot be driven by anything apart from consistent intercession.” (p. 37).

Obviously, this book is focused on the restoration of an offender. However, each of these goals and purposes ought to be part of a spiritual care team for any christian leader.  I wonder how many pastors, professors, counselors, missionaries have such a team?

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Filed under Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, pastoral renewal, Repentance, self-deception