I’m a semi-regular listener to Harry Shearer’s Le Show on NPR (also one of my favorite voices on the Simpsons). Each week he reports various “apologies” given by news-makers in a segment aptly titled: “apologies of the week.” Ironically, and why it can be quite funny, the apologies are almost never that. They are defenses, excuses, and convoluted explanations. What are some of the typical non-apologies you might hear? Continue reading
Category Archives: Repentance
True Apologies prove the existence of God
Filed under Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, conflicts, Repentance, sin
You hurt me! How do you respond to hurtful words?
A couple of recent incidents have me thinking about how we handle our hurts, especially within the church. Yesterday, the news media carried the story of Michael Richard’s (Kramer from Seinfeld) racist verbal attack of two African American hecklers during his standup routine. Here’s the storyin case you missed it. After getting riled up by their comments, he used profane words and then delivered the N word as a final blow. He has since apologized and said he’s not a racist. Let’s assume he isn’t (and we probably shouldn’t since words come from the heart and not thin air). What would make him say these things? What makes us say the most hurtful words that we really don’t mean? The desire to hurt as much as we feel hurt. We go for the jugular. We go for the word that will do the most damage possible. In a fight have you said or had said to you, “I never loved you!” or “I hate you” or “I’m going to kill myself and then you’ll see how it is.” Well, maybe you’ve never said these things but you might have thought them.
It seems that when we are hurt we reserve the right to take the gloves off and wound in return. I’m going to write more tomorrow on when a christian leader makes offensive statements or when we talk about the various opinions of Christian leaders (that we disagree with). It seems in these cases we feel free to tell the stories of related hurts. I actually think this is a good thing. And yet we may use these stories to villify and slander in order to hurt back. In preparation for tomorrow’s post you might like to read these two posts and comments, (here) and (here), on Scot McKnight’s blog, www.jesuscreed.org. The first discusses some of the feelings about Brian McLaren, one of the public faces of the church emerging. The second is about some offensive comments made by Mark Driscoll. There is a third day where Driscoll’s explanation/apology is discussed as well. Read it here. Read the responses to the post and the dialogue among the responders. What themes do you see? What attitudes, what reactions?
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Filed under conflicts, Repentance, sin
Read the Haggards’ letters to New Life Church
Check out http://tallskinnykiwi.typepad.com/ to see a pdf version of both Ted and Gayle Haggard’s letters to their church. I thought they were both exceptionally well written. Unlike many “apologies”, Ted actually takes ownership and doesn’t defend anything he’s done or get too focused on the parts in the media that might not be true. He also makes it clear that he’s not going to be coming back to New Life church as a pastor. That will help the followers not engage in the fantasy that he’ll come back and everything will go back to the way it was. Gayle Haggard’s letter is poignant as well. They both list prayers that we ought to be willing to undertake.
Its unfortunate but true that in the light of Truth, we see and grieve the destructive nature of our sins. Now if only we would remember that agony before we deceive ourselves the next time…I guess that is some of the difference between repentence and mere confession. If only I could remember!
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Should leaders confess sins to followers?
Just came from a conference with pastors where we were talking about rethinking leadership in light of the cultural changes that force us back the biblical images rather than those pervasive in the church growth models. I’ll summarize a few take-aways tomorrow but wanted to highlight part of our discussion of humble leadership. I made some comments regarding the need to be leading by example in the area of repentance. I stole someone else’s line: Why is it that those who love the Reformed doctrine of depravity aren’t commonly willing to share their own depravity (and repentance!) with their sheep. One person asked the common question regarding the health of having pastors and christian leaders confess their sins. Couldn’t it harm other’s faith? Here’s some of my thoughts.
1. Sure, having the pastor confess on Sunday am that he just masturbated the night before isn’t a good idea. However, sometimes raising the obvious problem with leader confession causes us to avoid doing much at all in our present life. We might confess our old sins, but less likely our recent ones.
2. The motive for leader’s confession must be more than his/her own benefit. Leader communication should be pastoral to the hearers. This excludes narcissistic, “look at me” confession.
3. If leaders have sins that are too big to confess to their followers, its probable that they either failed to confess and be accountable to more appropriate audiences (mentors, supervisors, colleagues, etc.). We get to the bigger sins because we let the littler ones slide or we deny their presence to self and other.
4. Leaders should begin to confess the sins that everyone knows they have and not get caught up in whether or not to confess the more hidden ones. Your followers can see your failings. Did you promise something and yet fail to deliver (and then blame others for the failure)? Did you show defensiveness in the leadership meeting? Arrogance? Knee-jerk assessment or pastoral care? Did you write off a follower as unteachable without enough time? Did you neglect a follower’s gifts because they threatened yours?
5. These kind of confessions may cause some who want perfect leaders to lose heart. But, I would argue that if not this, something else will cause them to lose heart. The vast majority will feel they have a leader who understands their weaknesses and will be more ready to accept the care offered in the future.
6. Some confessions will lead to being removed from ministry for a season. There is grace in forgiveness and not having a mountain made out of a molehill AND their is grace in forgiveness and being held accountable. We leaders need to exemplify both to others and pray that others will do the same for us.
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Filed under Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, ethics, Repentance, sin
Ponder this: Volf on forgiveness of abuse
I’ve probably beaten this topic of leader abuse to death. Its good to remember this topic isn’t about others but about myself too. All are capable of violating another with our power. Power is that thing we wield but don’t really see from others’ points of view. I can feel powerless but still control others just the same (those who project a martyr complex can have great power to manipulate others. While we may not violate another in a grotesque way (e.g., sexual abuse), our violation may still damage others in its subtler forms. For example, when I stand over others in judgment I may act as if I am God Himself passing judgment and so do damage to their soul.
So, a good reminder from Miroslav Volf in his Exclusion and Embrace that our self-righteousness about others’ sins can cause tremendous division and pain among us. When we fail to :
“Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans even as I exclude myself from the community of sinners.” (p. 124).
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Filed under Abuse, Repentance
Ponder this: Chambers on fighting our besetting sin
I’m in an all day faculty meeting discussing the nature of the Gospel. Looking particularly at the issue of the relationship between justification and sanctification–a topic in many seminaries these days as “the new perspective” gets lots of attention, both positive and negative.
But here’s a quote from Chambers reminding me how best to fight besetting sin:
Never give way to reverie, imaginations or thinking over which you have no control; to do so is the surest way to slip into a relapse. Few of us realize the power God has given us to grip on the threshold of the mind as in a vice the things that ought not to be there.
Oswald Chambers, Notes on Jeremiah, p. 1396 (Jer. 4:14)
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Filed under Repentance
Confessing our sins: Some Thoughts on Repentance
A bit ago I wrote a short essay on the signs of true repentance for abusive individuals. The AACC published it in their Christian Counseling Today magazine (v. 13:3). In that essay I suggested that true repentance requires, honest in-depth admission, sacrificial efforts to repair the damage, and acceptance of helpful discipline and accountability. This Sunday, my pastor preached from Nehemiah 9 about repentance. Here’s a couple of points that Pastor Traylor made:
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Filed under Repentance, Uncategorized
Musings on Faith and Psychology 