Category Archives: pastors and pastoring

The real damage done in abuse?


I’ve written before on the damage done when a community fails to respond to abuse in a justice oriented way. But here is a more succinct and apt quote by Miroslav Volf:

If no one remembers a misdeed or names it publically, it remains invisible. To the observer, its victim is not a victim and its perpetrator is not a perpetrator; both are misperceived because the suffering of the one and the violence of the other go unseen. A double injustice occurs—the first when the original deed is done and the second when it disappears. (italics mine)

Abuse victims sometimes tell us that the most significant damage to them is when community members (family, leaders, peers) fail to “see” or act justly when they hear of the abuse. It was bad enough to be sexually abused (yes, that is real damage too) but far worse to be told it didn’t happen or be told to take it for the sake of the larger community (e.g., you wouldn’t want to harm his reputation, destroy the family, cause others to fall away from Christ, etc.).

I saw this quote in the first pages of The Long Journey Home: Understanding and Ministering to the Sexually Abused, to be released soon by Resource Publications, an imprint of Wipf & Stock. I have the typeset PDF and the editor, Andrew Schmutzer, says the book will be released in August. This book (over 500 pages!) may become the place to turn for Christians seeking to understand the scourge of sexual abuse in all its ugly forms. Chapters are written by those who are expert in the social sciences, theology, and pastoral care. The line up is phenomenal. You can see the title page/table of contents (TOC Long Journey Home) to see the gamut of chapters and authors.

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Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, counseling, counseling science, pastors and pastoring, Psychology, ptsd, Uncategorized

Where do pastors go to talk about ministry failures?


I’ve run across a conference topic that is so important I want to pass it on to the rest of you. I have not been asked to hype this and I don’t really know the people doing it (know them by name, not by person).

If you are a pastor…especially if you are a church planter…where do you go to talk about failure? Ask a pastor if he or she talks about failure at pastor’s conferences. Nope, not usually. Most just keep quiet about it.

Enter Epic Fail Pastor’s Conference. Check out their plans and times. Hey, it only costs about 80 bucks. Cheaper than going to 1 hour of therapy and you get the benefit of not being by yourself.

 

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Filed under Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, pastoral renewal, pastors and pastoring

New information site for pastors and ministry leaders


I’m just beginning to build a new blog/info site for ministry leaders at: http://pastorrenewal.wordpress.com. While I am building the site, I am looking for others to provide me links and information we can post there. I want it to contain free stuff and links to services that might be helpful for those in ministry who are feeling burned out.

This blog (Musings) will still be my main focus but I want to have a site that will be more attractive to pastors, missionaries, and their families.

 

 

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Consider a gift for your pastor: A retreat!


Want to bless your pastor family this year? Consider giving the gift of a renewal retreat. If you can’t afford to cover the whole costs (see below), consider going in on the gift together with some of your friends.

Here’s what I’m talking about. A group of like-minded individuals meet on a regular basis to consider how to promote pastor renewal. Last year, we developed and ran a pastoral renewal retreat for pastors and spouses. It was successful and so we are planning a second retreat for April 26-28, 2011 (the week after Easter). The retreat runs 3 days and 2 nights in the Poconos  at the Haft. During the retreat couples will meet together, alone with a ministry mentor, and have time alone as they consider how to grow spiritually in the face of ministry challenges. We will cover issues such as discouragers, marriage enrichment, and renewal practices.

The cost to the ministry couple is $250. for room, board, and retreat. We’ll be posting registration materials but if you know think this is something you want to do or you know some couples who are interested, email me [pmonroeATbiblicalDOTedu] to get on a first ask list. There are only 7 couple slots available.

 

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Filed under Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, pastoral renewal, pastors and pastoring

Are congregants at fault for pastor burnout?


I’ve written here several times on the topic of pastoral burnout and the need for prevention and renewal for ministry leaders. I came across this opinion piece in the NY Times suggesting that congregants may be a big part of the problem. Consider some of the following quotes by the author (a pastor who may have had problems in his own congregation that bias him a bit). Emphases are mine.

The pastoral vocation is to help people grow spiritually, resist their lowest impulses and adopt higher, more compassionate ways. But churchgoers increasingly want pastors to soothe and entertain them. It’s apparent in the theater-style seating and giant projection screens in churches and in mission trips that involve more sightseeing than listening to the local people.

As a result, pastors are constantly forced to choose, as they work through congregants’ daily wish lists in their e-mail and voice mail, between paths of personal integrity and those that portend greater job security. As religion becomes a consumer experience, the clergy become more unhappy and unhealthy.

Ouch. His words about the demand for experiential highs are pointed, especially the ones about missions trips as sightseeing events.

The unspoken message in such instructions is clear: give us the comforting, amusing fare we want or we’ll get our spiritual leadership from someone else.

I suspect this is one part of the pie. But let us not blame the congregants too much. They want to be part of something great and most pastors want to be something great. The two sides mutually support this kind of problem.

If you read the full-text you will see a link for another recently published editorial about clergy burnout. You can read that one here. There are a number of other resources you can find as hot links embedded in that essay. One factoid is a recent study of North Carolinian Methodist pastors are found to be significantly more obese than the general population of the state. Makes you go hmmm.

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Filed under Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, Depression, Evangelicals, pastoral renewal, pastors and pastoring

Life as a preacher’s wife? book notes


I received a free copy of You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes: And Other Unlikely Great Advice from An Unlikely Preacher’s Wife from the publisher (David C Cook, 2010). The author is Lisa McKay. You can find her at http://www.apreacherswife.com.

Since there are few books out there for pastor’s wives, I decide to check it out. Right out of the starting blocks, Lisa addresses two common concerns:

1. Is his calling my calling too? I’ve heard a number of pastor’s wives who appreciate their husband’s ministry calling but do not own it for themselves. Others do. Is this essential?

2. Appearances. What are the pressures for appearing as a pastor’s wife? Can I be me?

To the first issue, she says one of the reasons is this (quoting another pastor’s wife): “The hardest thing for me is everyone wanting a piece of my husband and not acknowledging me in the least…I feel like the person in the background who is here only to take care of the kids so he can be free to take care of everyone else.” (p. 24). Lisa goes on to articulate through story and verse that the wife is called too. Don’t get hung up in the how but that the calling, at a minimum includes trust, obedience to Christ, and hope. To the second issue, no you don’t have to wear doilies. Be more concerned with cultivating Godly character.

The books won’t knock your socks off with new ideas. However, Lisa does a great job identifying the key challenges pastor’s wives face, pointing them to Scripture, focusing on simple truthes and being wary of the stuff that can build up inside her heart. She covers everything from parenting to having friends in the church to not defending pastor husbands (not having hissy fits in the church). This is an easy read and a good reminder for all on how to live under pressure.

Her final chapter is written for the pastor. My only disappointment in this book is that she didn’t triple the length of this chapter and really speak boldly to pastors about their care of their wives.

One great aspect of the book is that she includes so many quotes from other wives and application questions at the end of each chapter for the reader to consider.  On top of that, she’s quite humorous. No bitter pastor’s wife here!

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Filed under Christianity, church and culture, pastoral renewal, pastors and pastoring, Uncategorized

Counseling skills help pastors cope?


A couple of people sent me links to a recent news item out of Britain concerning the value of teaching counseling skills to pastors. Researchers there found that pastors who do a lot of emotion laden work with parishioners bear a heavy load (pretty obvious so it is nice to see that research doesn’t say otherwise). Those pastors with counseling skills training seem to cope better with the distress. I’ve not seen any in-depth description of the study so I can’t comment on why this might be the case. It could be that pastors with counseling training are more self-aware. It could be they are more positive on the benefits of talk therapy and so utilize it for themselves. It could be they feel more effective in their counseling work and therefore feel less helpless.

Whatever the case, I’m happy that it supports my coursework teaching counseling skills to pastors.

Read about the research:  CT’s news blurb, Medical News blurb

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Filed under christian counseling, counseling, counseling science, pastoral renewal, pastors and pastoring

Prevention services for pastors?


Ran across a new set of stats about pastor health in the last few weeks. Nothing surprising, just more confirmation of the same story. A Cheryl Shireman reports on data from over a thousand pastors who attended 2 conferences. Some of her stats…

  • 57% of pastors would leave if they had a better place to go–including secular work
  • 77% report not having a good marriage
  • 72% felt they were unqualified or poorly trained by seminaries to lead the church or counsel others
  • Only 38% report personal devotions outside of sermon prep
  • 38% are divorced or going through one
  • 30% admitted a sexual encounter with a parishioner

Let’s assume that most pastors enter the ministry fit (false assumption!) for the trials and tribulations and spiritually mature. What can a church do to maintain that pastor’s health (and his/her family as well)? We surely don’t give them combat pay. While most get vacation and health benefits, few report getting ongoing discipleship or training beyond the annual preaching conference.

Here’s an idea I’ve surfaced here before. What if pastors were required to have a mentor? What if churches provided $1000 a year for use in preventative counseling or confidential spiritual direction? What if pastors had to complete a confidential “check-up” each year? On this last item, I suspect that I could provide an assessment (cheap, easy to complete questionnaires for pastor and spouse plus 3 hours of follow-up interview and goal setting) for under $400.

If these recommendations came before your congregation, what would the reaction be? Would there be resistance? Worry about expenses? Openness? I’m curious…

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Filed under christian counseling, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, church and culture, counseling, pastoral renewal, pastors and pastoring

Workers’ Comp for Pastors?


The concept behind workers’ compensation (WC) insurance is that employees have coverage for injuries sustained on the job (and secondarily that if they get the compensation that they won’t sue their employer). Nowadays all US states have WC laws.

But, what if churches provided or paid into a fund to provide spiritual workers’ comp? While I suppose pastors could fall out of the pulpit on the job, strain their vocal chords, get a typing injury, most won’t. But, I would contend that most pastors suffer under the weight of the pastoral care needs of their congregation. Being exposed repeatedly to crises, conflict, attack, and other weighty matters, pastors may become broken themselves. Imagine if churches or denominations provided recovery care for these matters. Just as in worker’s comp, there might be requirements that the pastor go to a specific specialist.

Wouldn’t this be novel? Of course WC doesn’t do prevention work–which is what pastors need. But, it might get a congregation to admit that exposing a pastor to endless supplies of brokenness is going to create brokenness in the pastor.

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Filed under christian counseling, christian psychology, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, church and culture, pastoral renewal, pastors and pastoring

NPR takes up the issue of Pastors who abuse


Check out the following story (including audio) about abuse by pastors. They report 1:33 women have experienced a sexual advance by pastor:

Key elements found in the researcher’s survey?

  1. Dual relationships or conflicting roles (where pastor is counselor and highest authority)
  2. Holding leaders in too much awe and that leader’s lack of accountability
  3. Isolation of communication (pastor alone in church without much oversight)
  4. Unrepresentative language that treats clergy sexual abuse as affairs rather than abuses of power

I would have liked to have heard more detail on the survey results. If anyone finds more data out there, let me know.

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Filed under Abuse, christian counseling, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, counseling, pastors and pastoring