Category Archives: biblical counseling

June 16, 2008 · 12:54 pm

Are counselors and psychologists an impaired lot?


We’re closing in on the last of the school year. Two weeks to go. Tonight in our ethics class we’ll be discussing the matter of abuse of power, impaired clinicians, and similar issues. In the world of counseling we discuss the problem of impaired counselors/students/trainees when we talk about those who,

(a) do not have the requisite skills, 
(b) have character/attitude deficits, or
(c) reactions to current crises,

AND are unwilling or unable to repair the situation.

First, we ought to be aware of those who are attracted to being counselors. Jeffery Barnett, et al, report the following data from other studies (as cited in the 2007 Professional Psychology: Research & Practice, 38(6), pp 603-612):

  • 70% of female psychologists had been either sexually or physically abused as children
  • 33% of male psychologists report the same
  • 33% of psychologists report being abused as adults
  • They feel the effects of these difficulties (and other family crises) just as non counselors
  • They may be less likely to get help due to knowledge and professional identity
    • 60% acknowledged being significantly depressed during some point of their career
    • 29% reported being suicidal at some point
    • 4% had made suicide attempts

Gizara & Forrest (2004 Professional Psychology: Research & Practice,35(1), pp 131-140) reported supervisors experiences of trainee impairment in APA accredited internships (doctoral level). Many of the supervisors had a hard time defining impairment in counseling but had sort of what I call the “I know it when I see it” mentality. What they often described were the disruptive, persistent relationalconflicts that are obvious to most. They did identify that it is hard for supervisors to address these matters because they (a) are trained to be empathic and to try to save everyone, and (b) not wanting to deal with conflict, destroy a career, or make oneself vulnerable to attack that they are holier than thou.

But, I noticed not much discussion or research regarding the one who doesn’t have obvious abrasive relational skills who is prone to using clients and others to make themselves feel good. This kind of person is dangerous not because they disrupt the counseling center but because they are so well liked that they make others overlook “minor” ethical infractions. Further, the person is rarely cognizant of their using others for their own sense of well-being.

To answer my question. No, I don’t think counselors are an impaired lot–at least any more than others. If we are aware of what drives us to be counselors (the good AND the self-serving), are willing to be counseled, discipled, held accountable, etc. (are willing to be transparent), and see our work as God’s first, then I think we are rather a safe lot.

Watch out for those of us who think we have arrived or no longer need teaching. I’m reminded of Aslan’s question to Prince Caspian at his coronation:

Aslan: Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the kingship of Narnia?

Caspian: I-I don’t think I do sir. I’m only a kid.

Aslan: Good, If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would had been a proof that you were not.     

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April 23, 2008 · 5:31 am

Divorce & Remarriage I: Confusion!


What is the right biblical and pastoral answer for those with real questions concerning divorce and remarriage? David Instone-Brewer in Divorce and Remarriage in the Church (IVP, 2003/6) suggests that much of our current advice and interpretation of Scripture on these matters are not clear nor sensible (hence the need for his book 🙂 )

The trouble with most theologies of divorce is that they aren’t sensible. They may give a reasonable account of most of the texts, in a forced way, but their conclusions just aren’t practical… (p. 13)

Instone-Brewer says most interpretations today fall into 2 camps: (a) there are 2 valid reasons for divorce; remarriage is not allowed unless one person dies, and (b) no grounds for divorce or separation.

The first interpretation isn’t logical says the author. “Why would Jesus and Paul identify these two grounds for divorce but not allow divorce for physical abuse or other harmful situations?” (p. 14) The second option is more logical but no more practical.

Adding to the confusion are those who just decide the bible isn’t practical and so try to extend the texts on divorce to cover adultery, abuse, abandonment, etc. While these are more sensible, their textual support is “dubious.”

Instone-Brewer came to see the texts in new light after studying the text AND first century Judaism and so the remainder of the book will be his conclusions in 4 sections
1. God is a divorcee (OT material). ch 2-4
2. Jesus’ and Paul’s teaching on divorce and remarriage (ch 5-7)
3. How this teaching should work and a look at marriage vows (ch 8-10)
4. Church policy on divorce and what it should do now (ch 11-15)

But the author can’t bear to stop the chapter now so he launches into what he didn’t find in the Bible: the words, “Those whom God has joined, no man can separate.” What Jesus DID say is, “let no one separate.” Why the distinction here? Is Jesus saying it is not possible to separate? If God has joined, then no one can unjoin? Instone-Brewer says no. What it means is that no one SHOULD separate.

Second, who are these words to? The one who causes it? The one who starts the proceedings? You get the inkling that Instone-Brewer believes it is the one who causes vows to be broken. Why? Well, God divorces us but he is the victim.

…his warning is not to the person who finally tidies up the legal mess after the marriage has broken down but to those who would violate their marriage vows and, in so doing, cause the marriage to break up. (p. 18)

Of course people do break their vows all the time and so if they are repentant, I-B says we should forgive them. But if vows are repeatedly broken, then the marriage is, “in shreds.” (p. 19).

Again, I-B can’t wait to reveal his hand later and so concludes (a) the bible only allows victims to initiate divorce and Jesus’ problem with his hearers was that they had abandoned this idea for groundless divorce, and (b) the OT also allows divorce for abuse and neglect.

Well, what do you think? Should biblical intepretations be sensible (to us) and practical? I confess that I have never used sensible when considering whether my interpretation is good–at least knowingly. Seems much doesn’t make sense to me. But, it is an interesting way of thinking about these passages. If they are meant for us to use, they they should be practical, no?

I think he’s shortchanged us by limiting the typical camps on this topic. There are many who believe that there are a limited number of legitimate reasons and in those reasons, remarriage is possible.

For those really wanting to get into the topic, I would recommend two other writers: Jay Adams book on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Also, check out John Piper’s lengthy document. He takes a very conservative (no remarriage) position–even more conservative than the official position of his elders.

Let’s see where I-B goes as he engages the OT next.   

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January 4, 2008 · 5:09 am

In place of anxiety…


Anxiety, as I wrote about yesterday, drives us to try to control our future, conceal our flaws, perfect ourselves, just plain worry about tomorrow, and ignore the poor while we hoard good things from God. These are ideas that flow from Luke 12.

And the answer? Is it just don’t do it? What does the passage suggest in place of anxiety–or better yet: in response to anxiety since our God knows we are like sheep and need to be comforted when we are afraid.

1. Consider. Look around and consider the many good things God has and is giving us. When we are in fear mode, all we see are the potential, nay probable, dangers. We are Peter looking down at the waves and all we can see is that the water is deep. Instead, be mindful of God’s handiwork all around you.
2. Fear God. Be awed by his power and might over creation and that in his good pleasure, he created YOU.
3. Hold your goods loosely. Be generous knowing that God will outgive you (however, do not treat this as the health/wealth false prophets who suggest that God will give you what you want). Anyway, you won’t need stuff in heaven so live on the cheap and give to the poor.
4. Be watchful of the better things. Look for evidence of God’s mighty hand rather than the potential for disaster. When you see his power, rejoice.

This is not all the bible has to say about anxiety but merely some thoughts from Luke 12. Consider which response to anxiety you most need to concentrate.

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January 3, 2008 · 6:07 am

Anxiety tempts us to…


On Sunday our pastor preached from Luke 12:13-34 about end of year anxieties. I got to reading the whole passage and noticed some interesting tidbits in the larger passage of chapter 12.

Anxiety leads us to make several kinds of responses.

1. Legalism and getting religion just right (12:1-4)
2. Covering up/hiding (12:2)
3. Obsessing over our words. Did we say it just right? (12:11)
4. Demanding fairness (12:13f)
5. Hoarding (12:16f); not caring for the poor.
6. Worry about tomorrow’s daily bread; desire to control (12:22f)

Do these fit your temptations when you are anxious? Tomorrow I’ll post on some thoughts from the passage as to what we might do instead.

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December 19, 2007 · 5:48 am

Should you listen to your clients?


In chapter one of Workmen of God, Oswald Chambers has this to say about the work of curing souls (bold emphases mine):

Keep these three things in mind—reliance on the Holy Spirit of God, keeping in contact with people, and above all, keeping in contact with the revelation facts in God’s Book; live amongst them, and ask God how to apply them.

Another thing I want to mention—never believe what people tell you about themselves. There is only one person in a thousand who can actually tell you his or her symptoms; and beware of the people who can tell you where they are spiritually. I mean by that, never be guided by what people tell you; rely on the Spirit of God all the time you are probing them.

Let me read you this in regard to medical treatment—

Recent evidence in the law courts has pointed to a fact which the medical profession holds of great value—the necessity, not only of personal and private interview with a patient, but of the penetrative ability to get at the real facts and symptoms. In other words, successful diagnosis depends on the doctor’s acumen in cross-examination. “Cross-examination of a patient is almost always necessary,” says an eminent medical man. “They will give me causes, or rather what they think are causes, instead of symptoms. The rich patient is more troublesome in this respect than the poor, for he has had leisure in which to evolve a sort of scheme of his illness, based on ‘popular’ medical knowledge.

“Patients always colour facts, speaking absolutely instead of relatively. They never tell the truth about the amount of sleep they have had or as to appetite. They frequently say they have had nothing to eat. Casually you find there were two eggs at least for breakfast. A minute or two later they remember stewed steak for dinner. Perhaps the greatest need for cross-examination is that it gives an extended opportunity to the medical man to examine the patient objectively. The most important symptoms are generally those the patient never notices.”

If that is true in the medical profession which deals with men’s bodies, it is a thousandfold more true about spiritual symptoms when it comes to dealing with a man’s soul. Do beware, then, of paying too much attention to the talk of the one that is in trouble, keep your own heart and mind alert on what God is saying to you; get to the place where you will know when the Holy Spirit brings the word of God to your remembrance for that one.

If you are unacquainted with Chambers, you might think him rather harsh and condescending to those he ministers. To the contrary, he very much cares for the souls he serves. In fact, his next lines are some of my favorite. He confronts those who love to hurl bible texts at others without listening to the Spirit.

So, how might these thoughts from Chambers inform the counselor?

Listen to what is being said, even if not the actual words. It is not hard to hear the heart cry despite being dressed up in words that accuse the self or other for causing the misery presently experienced. Then, consider what the Spirit and the Word have to say to that heart cry (Chambers alludes here to John 14:25).  It is a delicate balancing act to listen to our clients describe their dream of a solution to their problems, validate that dream, and yet bring reality into that dream. Sometimes, we are called to help them see how their dream leaves themselves out of the solution? Sometimes, we are called to help them work where they have the power to make changes and let go of those areas where they do not.

So, listen, validate, and yet point to those areas where God is leading the client. Of course, this assumes that the counselor is in touch with the Spirit and not just in touch with their own mind.  

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November 6, 2007 · 2:43 pm

Good summaries of CCEF’s conference on anxiety


For those unable to attend this conference but still wanting to know what was said there, check out Jason’s blog here for excellent summaries of the main sessions and electives (with more promised). Jason directs a counseling center in NC and he and his wife are transracial adoptive parents. Together they represented Legacy Child at the conference.

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November 6, 2007 · 1:17 pm

Running Scared: the book


As a final comment on this past weekend’s CCEF conference, I want to briefly mention Ed Welch’s new book, Running Scared: Fear, worry, and the God of Rest (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2007). All conference attendees got a free copy. Here are a couple of my observations about the book:

1. It is 30 chapters. You don’t have to read them in a linear fashion although they do build on each other. They have a meditative/reflective nature to them.
2. The book is really about worry. If you struggle with panic attacks, you won’t find helpful solutions. In fact, he does a brief put down of the cognitive-behavioral techniques. On the one hand, he is right that these don’t ultimately give us peace, on the other hand–sometimes they help us get through a moment.
3. He does a nice job surveying the kinds of worries that overtake us and the common responses (control, perfectionism, anger, stress, depression, overprotection, etc.)
4. What does your fear say? Ed considers a few of the common messages (e.g., I am in danger, I am vulnerable, I need and might not get…). He also points to the overemphasis of the future in all worry. Worriers, he says, live in the future (and see it in minute gory detail). Seldom does our worry come true as we thought and so much of our worry is that of false prophets–proclaiming something as nearly already happened that only is a possibility.
5. The book is pastoral. I hear Ed’s voice in this as soft and knowing. I think this book reads like his voice more than any other of his works. He reminds us that Jesus speaks tenderly when he calls us to not fear. He talks to us like a shepherd would talk to a little lamb.
6. Yes, God tests our faith and yet he is also very generous. In order for us to be rescued from danger, there has to be danger. He is near. He hears. He tests us. He gives us grace for today. He delivers (ch. 9).
7. The rest of the book details how we deal with fears about money, what people think of us, about death, pain, and punishment, and ends with a focus on “peace be with you.”

All in all, a good read for those wanting to meditate on something other than their own fears. This is especially a good read on those feeling guilty and judged because of their fear and lack of faith. You get a picture of a very generous God who knows your fear and is near. If you are looking for very practical steps (what do I do this afternoon about…) you probably won’t get ready answers, though I think you could do the work to apply some of the principles to your daily life.

Good book Ed.

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November 3, 2007 · 10:57 am

When things don’t go as you plan


I’m not at the conference today. Just returned from taking my youngest to the doctor to see about a scratched cornea (probably not). So, missing today’s sessions. Not part of the plan. I was interested in hearing what answers Ed Welch would have for us anxious and fretting people. Also wanted to catch Winston Smith’s talk entitle, “Go away, I need you.” The good news is that these talks will be available for purchase later.

So, how long does it take you to get over a disappointment. As disappointments go, this isn’t all that significant. Yeah, I’m missing some good chats with old friends and new acquaintances. But, really, its not a big deal. But when it is a bigger deal, do you pout? This morning, my son had to come very close to missing out on a suburban train trip to take his grandmother back to Amtrak. For about 15 minutes he made groaning noises. I don’t think I do that much anymore, but I can relate to the feeling none-the-less.

How about you? Do you take long to get over a disappointment? Or are you a “lecture yourself” and move on type? Yesterday, Paul Tripp talked about how we shape our identities to our dreams. When dreams die, we sometimes lose our sense of self. Maybe this is why we hang on to them and resist other dreams that may be more attainable…

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November 2, 2007 · 2:29 pm

Women, victimization, & fear


Sarah Lipp (HarvestUSA, Chattanooga, TN office) gave a presentation with the above title. Her focus: What is the experience of women victimized by men; How do such women relate to God as a male being? She started us out with a review of the kinds of victimization experienced (abuse of all kinds (including nagging for sex and/or punishment for not being willing to give more), dehumanization, oppression rooted in the inherent power in masculinity, distortion of the image of God that of females (being treated as only sexual or only trouble). She gave just a couple of stats from the CDC. 18% of women are raped in their lifetime. 51% have been abused. Of those raped, 83% are raped prior to age 25 and 54% before age 18.

So, how do we help?

1. Affirmation. Permission to feel upset and victimized. What happened was wrong. She needs permission to define what happened and own it (name it for what it is). Educate about the patterns and symptoms of past abuse as they impact her life now. Educate on how abuse effects the brain (especially the amygdala’s work in generalizing emotions from the past to present situations).  Yes, the brain is plastic and can be changed but it may be that triggers remain. Teach on PTSD symptoms (re-experiencing, avoidance tendencies, increased arousal). Teach that she is not alone but 40 million others also fit these criteria.
2. Explore how this impacts her experience of her earthly father and males in general (and as a result God). What reactions does she have when she thinks of words such as man/men, daddy, father, husband, etc. What did she learn about herself and men from her family, from her community, from her church, her culture? What has she come to believe? Sarah says that the danger for counselors is to try to fix it. Tell them to think differently. Have compassion
3. Healing gender images. One of the images God gives of himself is female. Sarah isn’t arguing for a feminine God. However, she lists Mt 23:37, Is 51:12, Psalm 131; Acts 9:31; 1 Cor. 1; Isaiah 66:13 as images of the feminine side of God. God images himself in male AND female. Therefore, Sarah argues for starting with (not stopping with) some of the female images of God to see that he cares for her desires and needs as well. God does give maternal pictures of himself and these may be good places to start. To do this, you may have to explore what images she has of women, mothers, feminine. Healthy relationships with same sex members will help here. Once here, you will also need to heal the masculine images of the world and of God. Male is redeemable. This may take a lifetime of relationships with men, 1 at a time.
4. Grief & Redemption. Now that she is not living in denial, she will begin to grieve dashed or unfulfilled desires.  Sitting with the realization of the loss of love and men and women are fallen. This moves us to the possibility of redemption and the transforming power of Christ in men.
5. Dealing with the here and now. How does she discern her past from present. Begin re-writing her story and rewriting facts and feelings from her present perspective. This re-writing actually does change the brain and reduce traumatic fear. Counselor and counselee co-construct a new narrative and speak back into flashbacks. Her re-written story speaks into those flashbacks and in doing so mentally pictures something different. She is free to walk away from that flashback.
6.  Coping with past in constructive ways. Address the destructive means. Yes, repentance necessary but be aware of the body’s impact (look up info on the Endorphin Compensation Hypothesis (ECH) as why many become addicts). Work to avoid seeing destructive patterns as only sin or only body.

Healing must also include faithfully embracing Christ and her vulnerability as a woman.

Suggested reading: Brenda Hunter’s, In the Company of Women; Louis Cozolino’s, The Neuroscience of human relationships.  

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November 2, 2007 · 12:02 pm

Identifying Fears: Welch session 1


Ed Welch suggests that we live with so much fear that we may ignore how omnipresent fear actually is throughout our life. Books, media and friends don’t invoke our fear but express the fears we already have. Fear is universal, whether it is the fear of the bogeyman in the closet or the fear of rejection when we get older. Fear is universal.

The most prominent command in Scripture? Do not worry. We should expect that the Bible would have something to say about worry.

Is this command not to fear a holy version of, “Stop it!” No, Welch says it is a pastoral encouragement and comfort and God reserves his most precious and penetrating word to our universal struggle. When you see Jesus repeatedly saying, Do not be afraid (Luke 12) don’t hear it as a nagging or threatening command but a soft and parental reminder of the truth. God is pleased to repeat himself. He, like us, takes deep joy in being trusted.

Is fear sinful? Welch says, “maybe” but that we should rather focus the question on to whom will we turn when we are afraid. We are going to be afraid. That is a fact. But, focus rather on the relationship with God. God has constructed a world based on trust and relationship.

Fear is a relational matter. Many of the treatments ignore this fact and focus solely on the cognitive side. What if we think more relationally about the healthy response to anxiety? Of course, this means the focus is on our relationship with the Sovereign God.

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