Monthly Archives: August 2007

August 31, 2007 · 7:27 am

Looking for love in Harvard Magazine


Our house gets the mag 6 times a year since my wife is an alum of one of their grad schools. One of my little pleasures is to read and laugh through the personals in the classifieds. First the descriptions of the person. Men (and their aren’t many of them advertising this month) are vigorous, financially secure, tall, handsome, fun, active, and romantic activities. Women (and these are most of the personals) describe themselves as leggy, petite, slim, stunning, strikingly pretty, toned, sparkling eyes, active, having the eyes of this actress (reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn, only a little more French), the body type of another, and the face of another.

Then I love reading their descriptions of their tastes and interests. There are secret words in some that rule out all but the most snooty of tastes. I would have to google the word to figure out what this person likes. But then, I’m not a Harvard grad…

Here’s one:

“Profoundly warm, great teamp player with high fun quotient. Upbeat and flexible, addicted to social justice, solution-oriented….Lives big and courageously yet enjoys downtime….Drawn to documentaries, stories of people’s lives, hardware stores, supermarkets, storytelling music (rock, Jazz, Blues, Cuban)…”

Or, another that likes both coasts, Paris, some place in South America, the Hamptons and the Cape, Skiing in Vermont, Kayaking the London Canals, and opera in New York. Yeah, me too (except the opera). Hence why it ends with…seeks financially secure 55 to 75 year old… 

Okay, I have my laugh. Now I can feel sorry too. Where else would an MD, Harvard grad, intellectual and refined tasted woman find love? I’m sure its not easy.

Can you imagine an honest ad? “Tired, crabby professor with a paunch seeks young thing to bring excitement into his life. Not that into commitments other than to self…”

Leave a comment

Filed under Cultural Anthropology

August 30, 2007 · 5:10 am

Take this psychological test…


Okay, I have testing and assessment on the brain as I am preparing for a course on the topic. I forgot my lunch today and so went to find some paltry substitute from the candy vending machine. I looked over my choices and noticed one item was hanging and just about to fall. If I chose that item I just might get two items for the price of one. Clearly, someone had chosen the item but didn’t get what they paid for. But I was now in the position of deciding whether I would take my chances and benefit from the sad situation of some previous vending user. So, here are two forced choice personality questions for you (no, you can’t choose, it depends!):

1. Would you buy an item in order to get a “2 for 1” deal even if the item wasn’t what you would usually buy. Yes or No?

2. Would you select an item where a “2 for 1” deal was possible solely for the thrill/challenge of the risk involved? Yes or No? 

As for me? I’m more inclined to answer yes for #2 because of the challenge. But, I’m not really a gambler and when it comes to food, some things are much more important than deals. The item in question was beef jerky. I’m sorry, that isn’t food. Who eats that stuff? Now, maybe if it was a chocolate bar I don’t normally eat…

6 Comments

Filed under personality

August 29, 2007 · 11:15 am

The state and future of biblical counseling, Part 2


Let me first make two caveats about this posts before I talk about some of the weaknesses of the movement. I should first say that this and yesterday’s posts are not exhaustive evaluations of biblical counseling. Yesterday, I tried to describe what I think are the key features of biblical counseling–the features that I find very compelling. Second, remember these have to be stereotypes. Biblical counselors come in all shapes and sizes and skill level. So, try not to be offended if I paint biblical counseling too nice or not nice enough…

As I said yesterday, biblical counseling has spent much time considering how to disciple broken and sinful people through life in a broken and sinful world. Biblical counseling focuses on how to live faithfully, to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly in the circumstances we find ourselves in. And yes, a key component is taking one self to task to put off the old self and put on the new.

What are some of the weaknesses?

1. Isolationist. Whether forced or by choice, biblical counselors have done less collaboration with other mental health theorists and professionals. This may lead to suspicion of other models and less interest in learning from the skills of others.  Frankly, sometimes it leads to dishonesty. Biblical counselors have benefitted from the insights or other christian and nonChristian authors. You do see evidences of cognitive/behavioral theory, evidences of particular ways of handling certain disorders. And yet, not many footnotes acknowledging those influences.

2. Individualist. Counselors recognize that counselees have little power to change circumstances or others. What they do have the power to do is to be responsible for their own attitudes and actions. However, moving to responsibility sometimes happens too quickly by biblical counselors. “Yes, your spouse’s critical spirit is a difficult thing…let’s look at how your response to her…Yes, your abuse as a child was sin, but now lets look at your unwillingness to…” We do need to get to how the counselee will choose to respond to their world and yet we also need to understand and name the impact of the community. Many false names (from within and without) have been given to these kinds of situations. Therefore, the person needs time to explore what names and stories they use to define themselves first. They need someone to hear their story even if it is full of misperceptions. Biblical counseling tends to deal primarily with individual change without looking at the impact of the larger system on that change.

3. Justice seeking; suffering reduction. If as in #2, the focus of biblical counseling has been on individual sanctification, then it may be that less focus has been on how to seek justice when sinned against and less focus on finding specific ways to counter the physical/psychological effects of the fall. Biblical counseling loving people need to advance our understanding of how the body impacts human responses to trouble. Some biblical counselors are beginning to do this. I think of my friend, Mike Emlet (CCEF), who has taught about how to think and respond to difficult, impulsive, and emotionally labile children.  He has helped me think about the role of the body in rebellious children. Why is it that children (and us adults) are more irritable when tired or hungry? While biblical counselors have rightly said that we ought not excuse our behaviors with circumstances. We shouldn’t say, “I’m sorry I blew up at you. I was tired.” It sounds blameshifting, right? And yet, some do have less control when tired and hungry. Can we be as careful in developing help as we are in developing accurate diagnosis of sin?

4. Exhortational and goal oriented. Despite progress, I think most biblical counseling is about telling and exhortation toward good goals. In reality, most of my clients know what goal they should be working towards and can name their sin. But they are still stuck. Biblical counselors need much more work (at least in their writings) on the nature of incarnational relationships and the change that takes place in counseling processes that include validation, choice, silence, reflection, etc. I think a deeper understanding of emotion and interpersonal processes might help here.

Leave a comment

Filed under biblical counseling, Uncategorized

August 28, 2007 · 11:47 am

The state and future of biblical counseling, Part 1


Tonight I’ll be speaking to a local church board on the topic of counseling models and the church. In particular, I’ll be exploring the strengths and weaknesses of biblical counseling and christian psychology. As a refresher, I looked at a draft of a review/critique of biblical counseling I once wrote but never published. Today I’ll give a summary of the finer points of biblical counseling. Tomorrow, I’ll mention some weaknesses that I would like to see addressed.

First, there is no one biblical counseling model. But, I do think most models are modern-day version of the Puritan pastoral care tradition best resurrected by Jay Adams and then a couple of generations of Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation faculty. Here are some key characteristics:

1. Its all about God’s glory and our perfection.
Since all of life is to be about the worship of God and enjoying the covenant blessings of being God’s people, then biblical counseling strives to be a combination of reorienting worship, mercy ministry, discipleship, and an aid in the process of sanctification. John Piper (2001 Living Faith Conference) offered this passionate definition that captures much of that sentiment—that biblical counseling is to be, “God-centered, Bible-saturated, emotionally-in-touch use of language to help people become God-besotted, Christ-exalting, joyfully self-forgetting lovers of people.”

Don’t mistake biblical counseling as ONLY sin focused. Like the Puritans, biblical counseling sees suffering as an opportunity to suffer faithfully and explore how we respond to suffering and sickness (either God or self oriented). Our responses to the difficulties of life do reveal what we worship and seek in this life: God? Comfort? Escape? Pleasure? Perfection? Being significant? Being Safe?

2. Sola Scriptura.
If you couldn’t tell yet, much of biblical counseling is Reformed. Scripture is central to everything post Luther and Calvin. The Bible isn’t a textbook on counseling and yet it is also more than a pointer to God. It reveals deep riches for every situation we find ourselves in. It offers rebuke, hope, comfort, training, insight, direction, and God himself.

3. Critical Evaluations of humanistic change models.
Biblical Counseling formed as a reaction to humanistic models of change that neutered the church as an agent of change. These models had lost the godward, motivational nature of human behavior. Thus the movement is quite adept at pointing out where models of change treat humans as only victims, as if they have all the power they need to change, etc.

4. Nonproprietary.
Biblical Counseling is based on the idea that every believer functions as a counselor to other believers. There is no need for secret knowledge, no guild, no professional credentials. While wisdom and Christian maturity may enable some to deal with more complex issues and people, the treatment will be the same for all: Seek the face of God, love God and others in the moment, trust God for things you cannot change and when things seem dark and dismal, repent and trust God all over again each day.

Notice this model is not particularly focused on ending suffering nor on teaching skills (but the model doesn’t oppose these either). Rather, one works with broken and sinful people in a broken and sinful world live faithfully and in daily trust of God for all things. The biblical counselor hopes to help the client respond in faith when angry, fearful, grieving, confused, etc. And when that happens, the client may experience more joy and peace and less self-induced turmoil.

But what happens when one is dealing with a bi-polar spouse? Or the relentless intrusion of disgusting and sexual imagery into the mind? Or the anxiety after sexual assault? Do biblical counselors have the tools to help end suffering where it is possible?

We’ll look at some of these questions tomorrow.  But, ponder a variant of a question I was asked a number of years ago. “Does Biblical counseling work to end suffering? Does anyone who loves biblical counseling work to advance our understanding of how the body works in the finest details? Would they pursue the best forms of teaching autistic children? Would they work to understand the way the brain processes trauma? If not, why not? Why aren’t their biblical counseling scientists?”

10 Comments

Filed under biblical counseling

August 27, 2007 · 12:23 pm

Winning the [jury duty] lottery


In Friday’s mail I got my first ever summons to show for jury duty. Immediately I had two opposing reactions. On the one hand, I was a bit excited. I’ve always taken an interest in the forensic psychology and its relationship to our legal system. How do juries really work deciding guilt/innocence? How do guilty folk defend and use their legal right to make it look like they are innocent. On the other hand, I was feeling like I couldn’t take time out of the Fall to do this. I have classes to teach…

Here’s a question: Can I be an unbiased juror? I work with victims of abuse, victims of crimes. Does that bias me against those accused of the same? Would I tend to believe the testimony of a police officer solely because of his position? (Actually, I was asked this question and the reverse as well). If a person didn’t take the stand in their own defense or even present a defense, would I hold that against them? 

On these last two questions, I had to really consider my answer. I guess I do tend to believe the police are telling the truth. I haven’t had an officer twist my words, accuse me falsely, plant evidence, stop me because of my race, etc. Part of me does believe that officers don’t have reasons to lie. Also, would an innocent person refuse to take the stand in their own defense. I know attournies might recommend this so that the person won’t be cross-examined in order to avoid other embarrassing information. But, I guess I do tend to believe that people ought to be willing to say what happened.

I decided to put aside my beliefs and say that I won’t overestimate an officer’s testimony and that I won’t hold it against a defendant if they do not testify.

Now I have to wait to see if I get chosen or rejected. Which one will be the winning ticket?  

4 Comments

Filed under counseling and the law

August 24, 2007 · 5:43 am

Justifying paternalism toward clients?


Got a newsletter this week that had an article about paternalism with clients who suffer with eating disorders. The author begins with this statement:

Some clients are pressured into treatement by family, friends or physicians. Other clients enter treatment willingly because they want to make changes in their lives, but those changes may not include their eating behaviors. Still other clients profess a cincere desire to change their eating behaviors, but only if they can be assured that they will not gain a pound. Virtually all clients are ambivalent about giving up their eating disordered behaviors, and some outrightly refuse to change these self-destructive patterns.

All clinicians who work with eating disordered clients are faced with an ethical dilemma: how to attend to the well-being of clients who resist recovery from a potentially life-endagering disorder, while respecting the clients’ right to autonomy and self-determination.”

How does a counselor balance individual autonomy with protection of health and life? The author tries to distinguish between weak and strong paternalism. Weak, she says, legitimizes  interfering in with the ways a person achieves a desired goal. Strong paternalism believes that some goals are confused or mistaken and thereby require intervention.

The author does a fine job talking about the challenge of allowing clients freedom and yet strongly encouraging clients in a particular direction. Really, this raises the issue of how do we “sell” something that client yet do not know that they want? Unfortunately, little in the way of helpful answers are given.

The problem with paternalism (I know what is best for you) is that it naturally leads to coercion. Coercion, even with a smile, rarely results in positive change. Instead, we need to talk to clients about choices. We need to do so early and often. They do have choices. Sometimes many, sometimes few. However, they have them none-the-less. Our job is to help them see the consequences, the benefits, etc. Some choices made will have specific and immediate consequences. If I choose to steal a car, I may be jailed and have my rights limited for a period of time. So too with some self-harmful choices. If a client wants to kill themself, then I have the right and responsibility to stop them. This is not paternalism but momentary protectionism. I do not claim that hospitalization is what is best, but I do claim that it will extend the life of a suicidal client. By extending their life, I am providing an opportunity to return to their choices and reconsider God’s gracious hand on them rather than act impulsively to deep pain.  

3 Comments

Filed under eating disorders, ethics

August 23, 2007 · 5:58 am

Langston Hughes’ “Negro Mother”


I confess that I’m not much a fan for poetry. I didn’t get much exposure to it despite my love for reading. I guess I liked stories that were fleshed out much more. However, this week, I read this beauty of Langston Hughes to my children. I share it here with apologies to the person who holds the copyright.

The Negro Mother   

Children, I come back today
To tell you a story of the long dark way
That I had to climb, that I had to know
In order that the race might live and grow.
Look at my face–dark as the night–
Yet shining like the sun with love’s true light.
I am the child they stole from the sand
Three hundred years ago in Africa’s land.
I am the dark girl who crossed the wide sea
Carrying in my body the seed of the free.
I am the woman who worked in the field
Bringing the cotton and the corn to yield.
I am the one who labored as a slave,
Beaten and mistreated for the work that I gave–
Children sold away from me, husband sold, too.
No safety, no love, no respect was I due.
Three hundred years in the deepest South:
But God put a song and a prayer in my mouth.
God put a dream like steel in my soul.
Now, through my children, I’m reaching the goal.
Now, through my children, young and free,
I realize the blessings denied to me.
I couldn’t read then. I couldn’t write.
I had nothing, back there in the night.
Sometimes, the valley was filled with tears,
But I kept trudging on through the lonely years.
Sometimes, the road was hot with sun,
But I had to keep on till my work was done:
I had to keep on! No stopping for me–
I was the seed of the coming Free.
I nourished the dream that nothing could smother
Deep in my breast–the Negro mother.
I had only hope then, but now through you,
Dark ones of today, my dreams must come true:
All you dark children in the world out there,
Remember my sweat, my pain, my despair.
Remember my years, heavy with sorrow–
And make of those years a torch for tomorrow.
Make of my past a road to the light
Out of the darkness, the ignorance, the night.
Lift high my banner out of the dust.
Stand like free men supporting my trust.
Believe in the right, let none push you back.
Remember the whip and the slaver’s track.
Remember how the strong in struggle and strife
Still bar you the way, and deny you life–
But march ever forward breaking down bars.
Look ever upward at the sun and the stars.
Oh, my dark children, may my dreams and my prayers
Impel you forever up the great stairs–
For I will be with you till no white brother
Dares keep down the children of the Negro Mother.

This poem first printed in 1931. This edition published in Dark Symphony: Negro Literature in America. Edited by J.A. Emanuel & T.L. Gross (Free Press, 1968). 

1 Comment

Filed under Black and White, Black History, Civil Rights, Racial Reconciliation

August 22, 2007 · 5:16 am

What letter would you write to your former abuser?


Last night I was perusing a treasure I re-discovered on my bookshelf. Back in the dark ages my wife took a Black literature class at UConn and had the foresight to keep the books. This treasure, Dark Symphony: Negro Literature in America (Free Press, 1968) contains works from great writers such as Langston Hughes, W.E.B Dubois, Paul Laurence Dunbar, Ralph Ellison, and of course Frederick Douglass.

It is Douglass’ Letter to Thomas Auld (sometimes entitled, “To my old Master”) which first appeared September 22, 1848 in the Liberator. Thomas Auld was Douglass’ master before he escaped and gained his emancipation. Here’s a link to the whole letter but consider for a minute what you might write if you were writing to a past abuser. Continue reading →

4 Comments

Filed under Abuse, Great Quotes, Racial Reconciliation, Repentance, suffering

Tagged as

August 21, 2007 · 5:04 am

Restoration as Surgery


In Restoring the Fallen, chapter 7 begins this way:

Earl, we want you to cancel all your speaking engagements, resign from teaching at the seminary and suspend all your writing projects for at least two years. You are not in a position to be helping other people right now… (p. 63)

Earl Wilson recalls having this reaction: Am I willing to leave my sinful way and begin to walk in God’s light? (ibid). How would you react to someone telling you that you shouldn’t work for 2 years?

When leaders are caught in or admit their significant hidden sin patterns, they must choose between escape (or the easier path) and honesty. This kind of honesty is not just about the sin at the surface (e.g., the abuse of power, sexual sin, addictions, etc.) but about uncovering the “self-absorption, pride, disrespect of others, selfishness…and distorted view of [one’s] own spirituality.” (p. 64). The critical question is whether or not such severe honesty can happen if the person is still trying to maintain a portion of their leadership.

This chapter highlights 4 steps to consent for radical surgery: deciding to be honest, being willing to submit to the authority of God as revealed through the care team, being willing to give up secrecy, and “being willing to ‘avoid the edge‘–to break the habit of coming right up to sin and then trying to lean away just enough to keep from falling.” (p. 66)

What is the purpose of this surgery? Repentance. This chapter lists the following activities

1. Sin acknowledged as sin (no rationalizations!)
2. Bridges burned.
3. The possibility of sin must be ruled out. The authors consider, “I’m sorry Lord. Please help me” to be insufficient. Therefore, the person must go back to #2 and burn more bridges.
4. Willingness to allow other sins to be brought to light. Denial and shame have ways of so focusing on big ticket sins that the soil that allows those sins to grow are not examined and dealt with.

This chapter reminds me that I mostly prefer sin management rather than sin mortification. I prefer to not suffer the consequences of my fleshly desires rather than killing off what is not from God. We all need to face the fact that there are some sins (usually the littlest ones) that we are not willing to give up. Maybe it’s pride. Maybe it’s self-protection.

I am convicted that if I have any hope of being a successful surgeon in someones life, I must go under the knife on a regular basis.

Who in your life do you entrust your spiritual surgery to?

Leave a comment

Filed under Repentance, self-deception, sin, Uncategorized

August 20, 2007 · 9:56 am

Summer reading revisited


So, feeling pretty good about my summer reading (less so about my summer writing…). Here’s what I intended to read June through August:

1. Christian Counseling: An introduction(Maloney and Augsburger): Done
2. The Perfect Storm (Junger):  Done.
3. Inside Hamas (Chehab): Done.
4. Infidel (Ali). Done. (I cheated and read this in May).
5. New England White (Carter). Didn’t read as my number on the library waitlist has yet to come up. Instead, I read his prior The Emperor of Ocean Park which I really liked. It is a depressing mystery.
6. The children of Hurin (Tolkien). Done. Didn’t like.
7. Johnny Tremain (reading to the kids). Gave up. The kids really didn’t get into it. Vocabulary was a bit tough for them.
8. The family sabbatical handbook (Bernick). Done.

Also read Restoring the Fallen: A team approach to caring confronting & reconciling (Wilson’s et al). Done.

All in all it was a summer of fun reading. Now its time to buckle down and do some backlogged professional reading.

Leave a comment

Filed under book reviews