Category Archives: Christianity: Leaders and Leadership

March 29, 2011 · 5:42 am

Abuse and Trafficking Conference: Day 2b


I attended Pearl Kim’s presentation in the afternoon. Pearl is the assistant DA in Delaware county. She works on SVU cases. I did not take notes during this presentation due to her excellent PPT and visuals (video clips, case materials). Sadly, she did not want her talk recorded so I cannot forward anything to readers. But, here are some important takeaways:

1. Abusers almost always “find Jesus” while awaiting sentencing. Pearl believes one of her many cases was in fact true. How does she know? This person asked her to give him the maximum sentence so he could get help and so he would not be able to abuse others. She commented on another convicted offender (rapist, attempted murder) who claimed to have found Jesus and even acknowledged that if it hadn’t been for Pearl’s work, he might not have stopped his behavior. However, this offender continued to violate an order of protection by mailing letters to the victim from jail. His refusal to obey a protection order suggests he is less than repentant.

2. Churches are too gullible. Repentance is not in a few words and tears (also mentioned by Diane). Recognize that the average! number of abuse victims for an offender before first arrest is about 50 with about 150 before incarceration.

3. Allow the legal system to do its job. While not perfect, the legal system is designed to work with victims and offenders. When churches try to determine truth (rather than reporting the possible abuse), they may make it impossible for an offender to be convicted. It is easy to contaminate a case, especially when child victims are involved.

4. Churches can do some good things: background checks for all childcare workers, policies for ministry leaders and their time with vulnerable parishioners, making the church a safe place.

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March 15, 2011 · 5:45 am

Where do pastors go to talk about ministry failures?


I’ve run across a conference topic that is so important I want to pass it on to the rest of you. I have not been asked to hype this and I don’t really know the people doing it (know them by name, not by person).

If you are a pastor…especially if you are a church planter…where do you go to talk about failure? Ask a pastor if he or she talks about failure at pastor’s conferences. Nope, not usually. Most just keep quiet about it.

Enter Epic Fail Pastor’s Conference. Check out their plans and times. Hey, it only costs about 80 bucks. Cheaper than going to 1 hour of therapy and you get the benefit of not being by yourself.

 

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February 7, 2011 · 5:51 am

Sex offender resources for the church


Last week I received a blog comment asking about counseling helps for sex offenders who wish to leave behind their offending behaviors. You can see the question and my answer here. I would add my thoughts from this short essay gives an overview of the kind of growth we want to see in reforming abusers.

This week I was shown some materials designed specifically for churches in order to protect victims (and potential victims) and aid the recovery of sex offenders–whether prosecuted or not.

These materials are published by an English organization, Churches’ Child Protection Advisory Service (CCPAS). They have a number resources relating to the protection of children and describe themselves as,

a professional safeguarding charity providing training, resources, support and advice in all areas of safeguarding and a 24 hour helpline. CCPAS is also an umbrella organisation appointed by the Criminal Records Bureau to process criminal records checks.

The great thing about this organization (yes, I spell it with a z) is that their pamphlets are available for FREE downloads. Their “Help” series covers issues from sex offending and church attendance, sex trafficking, domestic violence, responding to allegations of abuse, etc.

The organization also encourages every church to have a volunteer safe-guarding coordinator.

Also, they have a host of DVDs as well. One I have in my hand is entitled, The Supervision and Pastoral Care of Sex Offenders. It is a 2 DVD set with victim and perpetrator accounts and reviews offender behaviors and helpful assessment, treatment and church supervision plans. You can purchase it on the above websites for about 25 US dollars.

I wasn’t able to review one other item sold by them: Walk the Walk: A Treatment Supplement for Sex Offenders with Christian Beliefs. Authored by Tim Horton and 80 pages in length, it is available on an American site (along with two other titles, one for helping sex offending clergy and for individuals with developmental disabilities.

Finally, a recent Christianity Today article covered the topic of working with sex offenders after prison. It did a good job as far as it went. But too often we concern ourselves with issues such as forgiveness, church attendance, and restoration. These issues are indeed important and ought not be neglected. However, focus for offenders should be on treatment, accountability, and willingness to support the well-being of others over their own supposed rights and freedoms. Diane Langberg and I wrote a letter to the editor that was published in a subsequent edition that might peak your interest.

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December 20, 2010 · 1:43 pm

Consider a gift for your pastor: A retreat!


Want to bless your pastor family this year? Consider giving the gift of a renewal retreat. If you can’t afford to cover the whole costs (see below), consider going in on the gift together with some of your friends.

Here’s what I’m talking about. A group of like-minded individuals meet on a regular basis to consider how to promote pastor renewal. Last year, we developed and ran a pastoral renewal retreat for pastors and spouses. It was successful and so we are planning a second retreat for April 26-28, 2011 (the week after Easter). The retreat runs 3 days and 2 nights in the Poconos  at the Haft. During the retreat couples will meet together, alone with a ministry mentor, and have time alone as they consider how to grow spiritually in the face of ministry challenges. We will cover issues such as discouragers, marriage enrichment, and renewal practices.

The cost to the ministry couple is $250. for room, board, and retreat. We’ll be posting registration materials but if you know think this is something you want to do or you know some couples who are interested, email me [pmonroeATbiblicalDOTedu] to get on a first ask list. There are only 7 couple slots available.

 

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November 29, 2010 · 10:14 am

“Niceness is a decision”?


Cover of "Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists,...

Cover via Amazon

For “light” reading over the break, I decided to read Anna Salter’s book, Predators, Pedophiles, Rapists, and other Sex Offenders (Basic Books, 2003). I’ve known of this book for some time and viewed her DVDs which cover a chunk of the book’s topic. **I don’t recommend you read this book at night or at all if you have any history of sexual abuse.**

The book reviews research on those who commit these kinds of crimes. What I found most helpful is her treatment of the problem of deception, common techniques, and how both the average person AND expert clinicians are easily seduced by the presentation and lies of offenders. She closes out the book with chapters on detecting deception and protecting children from abusers.

But one particular paragraph caught my eye. The context of what you read below is her discussion of the necessity of a double life (appearances of sincerity, likeability, honest, etc.) in order to gain access to children. As she says, “a surly and obnoxious person would have little access…” (p. 38)

“Niceness is a decision,” writer Gavin De Becker wrote in the The Gift of Fear. It is “a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character train.” There are days I want to tattoo this on my forehead. De Becker is right, but who believes him? (ibid)

Do you agree? Niceness is a decision not a character trait?

Niceness is an action, a behavior. Frankly, any of the fruits of the Spirit may be short-term behaviors as well. I can choose to be gentle or patient for a time. But true fruits come from Holy Spirit induced character change. But what bubbles up in us when no one is looking tells a bit more about who we really are.

We ought to be just a bit more suspicious about ourselves and be wary of the tendency to pat ourselves on the back for being nice–especially if we find ourselves doing calculations on the benefits we might receive for our good behavior.

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November 23, 2010 · 10:37 am

Pastoral Narcissism | LeadershipJournal.net


A friend recently sent me this Leadership article link  (below) on the topic of pastoral narcissism. He wondered if those two words were oxymoronic. Yes, he’s right…but no, we do often seek out self-promoting leaders. It makes us feel good.

I encourage you to read the essay–but not so you can point your finger at some TV personality pastor. Read the essay and consider how you might be tempted to promote yourself in a conversation this holiday week. Or, check to see if you ever dream about your own “brand.”

Pastoral Narcissism | LeadershipJournal.net.

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Filed under Biblical Reflection, Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, Psychology

August 12, 2010 · 5:24 am

Are congregants at fault for pastor burnout?


I’ve written here several times on the topic of pastoral burnout and the need for prevention and renewal for ministry leaders. I came across this opinion piece in the NY Times suggesting that congregants may be a big part of the problem. Consider some of the following quotes by the author (a pastor who may have had problems in his own congregation that bias him a bit). Emphases are mine.

The pastoral vocation is to help people grow spiritually, resist their lowest impulses and adopt higher, more compassionate ways. But churchgoers increasingly want pastors to soothe and entertain them. It’s apparent in the theater-style seating and giant projection screens in churches and in mission trips that involve more sightseeing than listening to the local people.

As a result, pastors are constantly forced to choose, as they work through congregants’ daily wish lists in their e-mail and voice mail, between paths of personal integrity and those that portend greater job security. As religion becomes a consumer experience, the clergy become more unhappy and unhealthy.

Ouch. His words about the demand for experiential highs are pointed, especially the ones about missions trips as sightseeing events.

The unspoken message in such instructions is clear: give us the comforting, amusing fare we want or we’ll get our spiritual leadership from someone else.

I suspect this is one part of the pie. But let us not blame the congregants too much. They want to be part of something great and most pastors want to be something great. The two sides mutually support this kind of problem.

If you read the full-text you will see a link for another recently published editorial about clergy burnout. You can read that one here. There are a number of other resources you can find as hot links embedded in that essay. One factoid is a recent study of North Carolinian Methodist pastors are found to be significantly more obese than the general population of the state. Makes you go hmmm.

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March 24, 2010 · 5:33 am

Andy Crouch Coming to Biblical–FREE event


Andy Crouch will be here at Biblical Seminary on May 26 as our next speaker in our lecture series: Conversations on Christianity & Culture. His presentation is entitled: Playing God: Christian Reflections on the Use and Misuse of Power. I highly recommend you signing up  here for this free event. Andy is easy to listen to and careful in his presentations. The previous link will tell you more about him and about Biblical if you need more info.

The topic of power is very apropos whether you are thinking about church politics, abortion issues, healthcare reform or abuse of authority in the church.

Sign up for it since we have limited space. You will want to reserve your spot so you don’t have to watch a simulcast screen in an overflow room.

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March 23, 2010 · 11:19 am

Pastoral sexual abuse a conspiracy?


Heard a radio personality discussing the Pope’s letter to Irish Catholics. He was unhappy with the content of the letter, specifically the Pope’s failure to accept responsibility for abuse by Irish priests. He commented that given the sexual abuse scandal around the world in the Church, there had to be a specific conspiracy, going to the top, to keep covering these matters up; to keep transferring offender priests to new locations.

Given the authority lines in the Catholic church, a planned conspiracy is possible. But, what do we make of these same problems in Protestant churches? Especially in independent churches where there is no authority beyond the local body? Sadly, we see the same cover-up, the same attempts to move someone on without blowing the whistle.

Why? Is it a conspiracy? Yes, but not like the radio host was thinking.

The most obvious answer to the why question has to do with the fact that all, since Adam, are inclined to hide sin; to cover up and deny the truth. SO, it stands to reason that we see this as a universal phenomenon. People, especially those with power, want to look good and deny problems. Even more so when the truth might remove them from power.

But there are some other reasons as well. Worries about defaming Christ, causing “unnecessary” anxiety, “wasting” a gifted person’s ministry just because of one problem. These kinds of reasons are secondary. They make it easier to swallow the denial and deception. Like the parable of the talents, we find excuse for why we bury things. But they are not the primary reason.

I think the radio host wanted to be able to accuse the leadership of the Catholic church. Popes had to know and agree with these cover-ups that allowed abuse to continue. They may well have. But, a far more insidious conspiracy lies in each of our hearts; one that will destroy us if we turn a blind eye to it.

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March 5, 2010 · 11:38 am

Pastors and burnout


Just returned from a wonderful time with a group of pastors on retreat in the Poconos. I was invited to speak to them about burnout, the stress of ministry, and the need to be preventive in caring for their own souls (and their family as well). What makes for a good retreat? Competitive volleyball, good meals, laughter, singing, and open sharing of struggles as well as ideas for maintaining one’s emotional and spiritual health.

Singing. My first experience at Westminster Seminary (as a student) was in a chapel. I thoroughly enjoyed the hearty singing of hymns and songs in a male dominated environment. No weak and lame sounds. It was the same at this retreat. What good treatment for the soul. They sang before meals as well as at each session.

One of the challenges they addressed was the finding of regular and frequent support/accountability/discipleship. While they like each other they are all too busy to be regularly connected to each other in a deep way (beyond retreats and other business meetings).

What if churches and their boards really took seriously the need to care for (directly or indirectly) the spiritual needs of the pastor family? How might that change the dynamics of church life?

I have to say the highlight for me was the surprise laying on of hands to pray for myself and my family. Utterly moving.

And if there are those of you who have grown suspicious that pastors refuse to be human, and are frauds…I can tell you this bunch is a healthy, albeit worn out, set of pastors. And they love Jesus to boot 🙂

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