Category Archives: Christianity: Leaders and Leadership

July 22, 2012 · 7:52 pm

Reflections of the Conference at biblical.edu


I’ve posted over at www.biblical.edu some reflections and encouraging thoughts (at least to me) from our recent conference/course on the issue of abuse in the church. Direct link is here: http://www.biblical.edu/index.php/faculty-blog/96-regular-content/561-stopping-abuse-is-like-encouraging-reflections-from-the-weekend-conference.

Let me take my supposition in that post just a bit further. If our conference protected 500 children from being sexually victimized (just 10 (or 10% of the churches represented) were able to have robust child abuse prevention programs and thus could deny a predator access to their 50 plus victims) then such a conference might in fact save millions of dollars in therapy (assuming 20k in therapy over a lifetime).

Okay, I know, my numbers assume a predator in every one of these churches, that all victims were in the church and that every victim would get therapy. Not likely. But just sayin’…that just one safe church can have an outrageously positive impact on an individual and community in regards to unity, flourishing, and finances!

Yes, the sins of “fathers” travel down generations. So too, the righteous acts of fathers and mothers will bless future generations in some very tangible ways.

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October 5, 2011 · 1:56 pm

Desiring fame: When does it lose lustre?


When I was a kid I would sometimes fantasize about being famous or a hero. Maybe everyone does. As I became an adult, that desire shifted from being a crime fighter or sports star to being a famous intellectual, a professor somewhere. I distinctly remember a conversation with my friend Geoff. We mused that it would be cool if we could succeed the two more famous professors at our bible college. While we were thinking about future possibilities, I’m sure we were also driven by the desire to be somebody.

Fast forward to this past week. My colleague Bryan and I were sitting on his Opryland Hotel balcony and musing about the years we had been coming to the AACC World Conference, our years of presenting there and at other conferences, and how our feelings about presenting had changed. We both began presenting at conferences while at Wheaton College in the PsyD program. We both had aspirations to teach grad students. We both had looked up to a few we thought we would like to emulate. And, we both thought about books we might write one day. Some of the “highs” we experienced were,

  • Getting our paper presentation proposals accepted at CAPS and AACC
  • Getting fairly large crowds to come to these paper presentations
  • Getting published in a peer-reviewed journal
  • Getting academic jobs…moving up the ranks
  • Publishing a book (Bryan, not me)

In the early days when we first presented (as grad students) we found the cheapest ways to get to conferences and stayed in a pretty seedy motel a long walk away from the conference location. But on the balcony of a very nice hotel room, we both felt a bit melancholy and completely unimpressed with ourselves and our former aspirations. These things did not matter and were of little value. Bryan would undoubtedly trade all prior aspirations to have his wife back (she died a little over a year ago).

In many ways, we received some of the recognition we once desired: both had our ways paid to the conference and hotels comped because of our higher level work (pre-conference speakers, track leader). I even got 2 minutes to speak to the entire conference attendees.

Big deal…in light of far more important matters. 1 John 2:15-17 reminds us,

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world–the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does–comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. (NIV)

Fame is elusive, transitory, and dangerous to pursue. The desire for limelight will lead to decisions that will not honor God or benefit anyone but self. May those of us who want to be a somebody be reminded daily that the Kingdom of God is for the meek and lowly of this world. Fame here translates to nothing in heaven. Rather, our hunger must be for righteousness not fame.

So, when does fame lose lustre? When we are able to see greater things of value.

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October 3, 2011 · 12:48 pm

Causes of Pastor Struggles?


I’ve spoken on this topic for the past several years and have shared thoughts on this blog about the unique stresses of being a pastor or being in a pastor’s family. During the AACC conference I was able to attend Michael and Kari MacKenzie’s presentation (Marble Retreat counselors). Here’s what they had to say…very much mirroring what I had just taught on several days ago.

Michael’s dissertation research on the topic resulted in the following list as the “top 6” most significant struggles in ministry

1. Stress, 2. Burnout, 3. Marital Problems, 4. Sexual Problems (infidelity, porn, etc.), 5. Depression, 6. Conflict (family or ministry). Interestingly, if you are on a missionary team, #6 is really #1.

What are the prime causes, according to their research?

1. Isolation, 2. Unrealistic Expectations, 3. Poor Boundaries.

I would comment here that these are not really causes but deeper layers may need to be discovered. Just why does the ministry leader have unrealistic expectations, poor boundaries, etc.? What is driving these issues? Some of those reasons can be found in the culture as well as in the desires of the pastor/leader. For example, a refusal to be vulnerable may be causal…as well as a congregation’s expectation that pastors never need help.

What helps protect pastors from massive stress? According to Mark McMinn: 1. a Personal Devotion to Christ (outside of sermon prep), 2. Hobbies, 3. Exercise, 4. Regular Time Away, 5. a Good Marriage.

The 64,000 question:

Why don’t pastors (why don’t we all) do the most basic things we know are good for them? Why don’t we exercise and eat well? Why don’t we take time away? Why don’t we get enough sleep? Why don’t we maintain a healthy devotional life? Rarely is it a matter of not knowing how to do these things. If you find yourself not doing basic self-care, ask yourself this: what other motives take priority in my life? Some other goal/motivation is getting in the way. What is it? When you can answer that question then you have a greater chance to decide what you are going to do about it.

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September 7, 2011 · 9:20 pm

Churches taking abuse prevention seriously? YES


We counselors rarely note, in public, the positive actions of churches who take seriously the call to care for the least of these. All too often we hear and repeat the news of churches who fail to enact prevention efforts or who botch responses to abuse within the church community.

So, this short blog is to remind us that many churches do work to prevent child and adult abuse and who respond well to abuse confessions or allegations. Today I participated in a phone call where one such church was looking for ways to take their existing practices and policies and make them even better. It won’t make the 6 pm news or the next Christianity Today because there is no scandal to report.

In honor of this church, let me give a couple of suggestions to others who might like to enact their own policies and practices

  • Determine the organization’s foundations and values for policies and responses to alleged abuse

You might think this a strange place to start but it is my experience that if a church/org doesn’t name their controlling values, another set of values will rule the day–and often without anyone knowing it. I have seen churches who make decisions on the basis of limiting liability. I would suggest a better value is protecting the vulnerable from abuse and standing for truth, justice and righteousness. I have also witnessed unspoken values of “fairness.” Since everyone is a sinner, then no sinner can be called out and restricted in their access. Since both victim and offender are sinners, then the blame is to be equally shared, even if the offender is a pastor.

  • Begin with some key theological principles. Study them. Engage in churchwide discussions

Key topics to consider: nature of evil, abuse, impact of sexual abuse; theology of reconciliation, restoration, forgiveness, and repentance (these topics are all different and not to be confused); theology of the state (too many churches see the State as evil and thus they do not begin to think about reporting child abuse)

  • Identify a team to develop policies and to handle abuse allegations and to identify potential risks
  • Craft policies for lay counselors, pastoral staff, child care workers, those who have been accused or found to have committed abuse (e.g., can they attend church; do they need a care team to bring church to them?)
  • Staff to explore how to make the church friendly to current and past abuse victims; consider sermon and Sunday School topics to set agenda and tone
  • Make clear abuse reporting policies to the church (even if not required by local jurisdiction) because of the moral call to protect the weak
  • Background checks for all staff, including pastoral staff
  • Finally, locate capable individuals who can assess, consult, and treat specific individuals in need of help (offenders or victims)

There is more to be done but this is a good start and will take some time to do it. Of course I can’t end without suggesting that churches seek out GRACE for help on either the prevention or response side of things.

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July 20, 2011 · 5:35 am

Book for pastors at risk


Over the last couple of years I have gotten to know Dr. Charles Wickman. He is the founder of Pastor-in-Residence, a ministry to exited and at-risk pastors. He has a huge desire to see pastors flourish in their called locations. Currently, Rev. Ed Lochmoeller is PIR’s national director. This is a wonderful ministry for pastors who may have been forced out of their churches or are about to leave. The ministry places these pastor families in churches where they are “in residence” and being cared for while regaining their ministry footing.

What are the two main reasons for being “at risk” of being forced out? Vision conflict with leadership and burnout.

I tell you all this because Dr. Wickman has just published Pastors At Risk: Protecting Your Future, Guarding Your Present (Peoria, AZ: Intermedia Publishing Group, 2011).

This is a perfect, simple book. It is a simple read for those who are confused. And most pastors I know who meet the definition of being burned out are easily confused by complex details. They get bogged down into rights/wrongs, second-guessing their calling, angry, depressed, embittered. Dr. Wickman puts the issues on the table and then gives some good directions for both the pastor and spouse. I think most will find this small book clear and to the point on the main issues. Interspersed among the chapters are small vignettes of pastors and pastor’s spouses in their own words.

If you are a pastor, it is worth the 13 dollars for a read and hopefully some new directions for preventing a crash and burn. If you are an elder or deacon, I recommend you read it as you can learn much about the special pressures of pastoring. Don’t assume that somehow you or your church is different. That would be like knowing there is an epidemic of the flu and thinking that your constitution is somehow stronger than the rest thus negating your need for a flu shot.

Get the book. Read the book. Take the survey (p. 135). Talk to someone about the results. Make a plan for prevention.

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July 19, 2011 · 9:30 am

The real damage done in abuse?


I’ve written before on the damage done when a community fails to respond to abuse in a justice oriented way. But here is a more succinct and apt quote by Miroslav Volf:

If no one remembers a misdeed or names it publically, it remains invisible. To the observer, its victim is not a victim and its perpetrator is not a perpetrator; both are misperceived because the suffering of the one and the violence of the other go unseen. A double injustice occurs—the first when the original deed is done and the second when it disappears. (italics mine)

Abuse victims sometimes tell us that the most significant damage to them is when community members (family, leaders, peers) fail to “see” or act justly when they hear of the abuse. It was bad enough to be sexually abused (yes, that is real damage too) but far worse to be told it didn’t happen or be told to take it for the sake of the larger community (e.g., you wouldn’t want to harm his reputation, destroy the family, cause others to fall away from Christ, etc.).

I saw this quote in the first pages of The Long Journey Home: Understanding and Ministering to the Sexually Abused, to be released soon by Resource Publications, an imprint of Wipf & Stock. I have the typeset PDF and the editor, Andrew Schmutzer, says the book will be released in August. This book (over 500 pages!) may become the place to turn for Christians seeking to understand the scourge of sexual abuse in all its ugly forms. Chapters are written by those who are expert in the social sciences, theology, and pastoral care. The line up is phenomenal. You can see the title page/table of contents (TOC Long Journey Home) to see the gamut of chapters and authors.

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June 1, 2011 · 5:56 am

G.R.A.C.E.: A org you should know about


Yesterday, I accepted an invitation to join the Board of Directors of G.R.A.C.E. (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment).  I first met Boz Tchividjian, Executive Director of GRACE and a law professor at Liberty University, and other board members some years ago when they held a board meeting in Philadelphia. A very impressive group–prosecutors, former prosecutors, pastors, thinkers, and a lonely psychologist (Diane Langberg). I suspect I can thank her for this invitation.

If you have been following the news about abuse in protestant organizations then you may know that GRACE board members were involved in producing an investigatory review of child abuse at a New Tribes Mission boarding school (commissioned by the executive board of NTM).

Having sat with the GRACE board members last Friday night, I can tell you this is a sharp bunch who love Jesus and have a wealth of information for seminaries, churches, and other Christian organizations on how to prevent and respond to abuse in a Godly fashion.

I’m excited to join them in the work of educating the church (and counselors, lawyers, and anyone else who will listen) about how to handle abuse allegations. I’m hoping to get involved in web and print publications on topics related to the aftermath of pastoral abuse.

If this is a burden on your heart. Feel free to donate using PayPal on the link for GRACE above. It is a non-profit and donations are tax-deductible.

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May 13, 2011 · 10:54 am

Ascertaining adult victim culpability


In a recent training on the topic of pastoral sexual misconduct, I was asked a question about the culpability of an adult victim. The question went something like this:

I know that a pastor who engages in sexual activity with a parishioner carries the bulk of responsibility for the immoral conduct. But doesn’t the woman that he had an affair with have some responsibility as well? Isn’t she culpable for something?

It is a question I have been asked many times–and a very good one. It is good because it causes us to think through how to respond to such individuals caught in a tragic situation. It is also good because it causes us to examine our own beliefs and impressions about justice.

Now, let me give you all some context on that question I received. This kind of question usually arises when discussing how we think about sex between a pastor and an adult parishioner that appears to be consensual. It usually is asked after I have made the case that the ONLY proper term for sex between someone with authority (legal, spiritual, work, etc.) and someone who is under authority is…sexual abuse. In this case, it is pastoral sexual abuse. Consequently, we ought NOT use the word affair to describe the relationship. The reaction behind the question about culpability has to do, I think, with the perception of choice, freedom to say no, signs of pursuit of a sexual relationship, etc. It doesn’t seem fair or just to let the person (woman in this example) off the hook.

The world recognizes that sex between teacher and student, pastor and parishioner, prison guard and prisoner, adult and child are wrong. Sex in these “forbidden zones” is abuse. But of course some power differentials don’t seem so large as others. We get that a prisoner has little choice to say no to a prison guard. But what about a friendly pastor and a lonely woman who enjoy each other’s personalities and then end up engaging in an affair? Is it really abuse? Is it abuse if she sought the relationship or sought to continue it after the first line crossing?

Here’s how I tend to try to respond. Stick with me as the matter is complex.

1. No matter what efforts the woman makes, the pastor is ultimately responsible to protect the integrity of the relationship. Thus, the pastor bears all the culpability for crossing the line.

2. The woman may bear some culpability for decisions and choices that set her up for this relationship. Maybe she fantasized about being loved, maybe she have desired power and found that sex is the ultimate power move. But just as likely she may have VERY LITTLE culpability. I’ll explain why next. But even if she does bear some…here’s a question I want you to pause on:

Why do we jump to this question right away? What drives us to want to settle questions of responsibility? What do we fear will happen if we treat her as a victim right now and leave culpability questions for a later time?

3. Not only does the pastor bear the blame for the sexual relationship, the pastor is likely to have used any number of techniques (in a knowing way or a self-deceived way). What are most pastors good at? Words. Words with emotion. Setting a tone. A pastor is usually quite gifted in convincing others that what they think, say, feel is right. Thus, their words shape, manipulate, coerce, groom the other into being open to a sexual relationship.

4. How do most cases of pastoral sex with adult parishioners begin? In the pastoral counseling office. A needy person feels desirous of pastoral care, seeks out the pastor and within that context, the pastor begins shaping the relationship which leads to sex. Now, it is possible that the parishioner is also a leader in the church, either paid or volunteer. Would such a person have greater culpability. Likely. But again, I could not answer this question until after evaluating the techniques of deception used by the pastor.

Conclusion? Culpability lies so heavily with the  person in power–the pastor–that victim culpability cannot be ascertained until (a) the pastor’s techniques of deception are better understood, (b) the victim has received help for the damage done to him/her by the pastor, and (c) opportunity for spiritual healing is present. Finally, this set of values I have laid out here do not require that we treat the pastor harshly. We also want to help the pastor understand what brought him/her to this point in life. And yet, we do not need to spend much time, at first, trying to determine guilt.

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April 30, 2011 · 11:32 am

Sensible Evangelical Worship?


In the upcoming week I will be meeting with DMin students to talk about renewal. These students are all active in ministry as leaders and thus are in the habit of leading others by discipleship, counseling, teaching, mentoring, preaching, worship leading, etc. Leaders tend to be servers rather than takers. This is why many ministry leaders find themselves spiritually dry and lonely. Put a leader in a conflictual relationship with those he or she serves and dryness becomes major depression.

One of the important tasks of ministry leaders is making their own relationship with God a priority. Too often their spiritual disciplines exist only in the preparation for ministry activity. In other words, as they consider what to say or do with others, they may apply what they are studying to themselves. While this is a great benefit of teaching–teaching self first!–it ought not be the only form of renewal for the leader.

One of the best ways to pursue renewal is to use all of the human senses, hence the title of this blog. Too often we evangelicals use our head and think about worship. But what if we were in the habit of following our orthodox or Anglican brothers and sisters? What if we were more inclined to use silence, visuals, smells, and bells?

Consider your last worship time. What did you do? Read? Sing? Imagine? Listen? Move? Which of your senses do you commonly leave out of the worship experience? Which do you commonly use most of the time? How might using less used senses add to the experience?

I’m especially interested in the experiences of those who were raised in the 3 hymns and a sermon mode of Sunday worship or the 1 Psalm, 1 Proverb, 1 NT reading and 1 OT reading for daily quiet time. How have you begun to use more of your senses?

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March 30, 2011 · 5:01 am

Abuse and Trafficking Conference: Final Plenary


The abuse and trafficking conference hosted by Biblical concluded by hearing from Dr. Diane Langberg about the problem of sexual abuse in Christian communities and a panel discussion of the speakers.You may order DVDs here for a ridiculously low price.

Diane began her talk by acknowledged that the very title of her talk, abuse in christian communities ought to be “the king” of oxymorons, something that makes no sense to us. But sadly, abuse does happen in our midst. She provided several examples, from missionary kids being abused, to pastors abusing counselees and camp counselors their children.

While the abuse is horrific, what is even more problematic is the way the Christian community often covers up and protects the “head” or their reputation at the cost of the victim’s right to justice and protection.

People in power are protected because they are gifted, important, and successful or considered necessary to the furtherance of the work of the kingdom of God.  Vulnerable sheep, who have not found it safe to graze, have been thrown out, silenced, slandered and frankly, abused yet again by the power structure of the body that is not following its Head

How does this happen? Diane listed several contributing factors

1. a culture of systems.While systems are not inherently bad, they do have a tendency to be self-preserving over against rooting out sickness. Families have ways of tolerating great sicknesses via denial:

No system – family, church, community or institution – is God’s work unless it is full of truth and love.  Toleration of sin, pretense, disease, crookedness or deviation from the truth means the system is in fact not the work of God, no matter the words used to describe it. We have a tendency as humans to submit ourselves to some command or idea of men, of the past, of tradition, of a systemic culture and in so doing, refuse to listen to and obey the living and ever present God.

2. Deception. “Sexual abuse requires both deception and coercion or an abuse of power.  The deception must first be of the self and then of the victim and the community.” Diane pointed out that a significant problem happens in the Church when abusers use spiritual language to deceive.

3. Power. There are various types: positional, verbal, theological, emotional, etc. We have the power to speak up for those who have been silenced. Our failure to do so is complicity with the crime of abuse.

4. Misunderstanding of repentance. Quoting a convicted abuser, Diane told us that many see Christians as easy to dupe…with a few tears and emotions. But repentance must take time and bear the fruit of acceptance restrictions, seeking the welfare of others (not the end of punishment). Anyone who asks for trust and believes he/she is worthy of it (after abuse) does not understand the Scripture’s teaching on deception and is therefore at risk for further abuse.

Finally, She ended with some principles to remember. Some of them included remembering that sexual offenses against minors are crimes and therefore we are to utilize the criminal justice system. Sex between a leader and a parishioner is NOT an affair but an abuse of power. Systems are not to be protected but the weak and God’s name. God is glorified by truth, not lies and cover-ups.

May we, who are already in positions of power and influence, lead the way by falling down on our faces, imploring God to make us like Himself no matter the cost to our positions, our programs, our organizations, our ministries, or our traditions so that His precious sheep may safely graze.

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