Category Archives: Abuse

Science Monday: Child PTSD


Today’s psychopathology class focuses on child related problems. Given the societal focus on ADHD and Asperger’s, our class will hang out there. However, I want to bring to your attention some work in the area of family violence and childhood trauma reactions. Gayla Margolin and Katrina Vickerman (of USC) published 2 articles in a 2007 (38:6) issue of Professional Psychology: Research and Practiceon the topic of PTSD in children exposed to family violence.

Article one (pp 613-619) provides an overview. First, they recognize that some kids have PTSD without a single discrete precipitating and/or life-threatening event. It appears that prolonged exposure to violence (e.g., domestic violence, physical abuse, sexual abuse, community violence) likely has a deleterious impact on children. Some 30% of kids living with both parents experience domestic violence. Some 5-10% of kids experience severe physical abuse. One article summarizing a number of studies suggested that somewhere between 13 and 50% of kids exposed to family violence qualify for a PTSD diagnosis. In foster home and clinic studies, the number with PTSD seems higher, especially in girls. Not every child who experiences violence shows signs of PTSD. Severity and frequency of exposure to violence probably matters most. What makes family violence so troubling is that the child is faced with the constant threat of additional episodes.

What are the common domains of impairment related to complex trauma exposure? Affect regulation (inability to modulate anger, chronic flooding of negative affect), information processing (concentration, learning difficulties, missing subtle environmental nuances, overestimation of danger, preoccupied with worry about safety), self-concept (shame, guilt), behavioral control (aggression, proactive defenses, and substance abuse), interpersonal relationships (trust), and biological processes(delayed sensorimotor development (p. 615).

The authors repeat a previous suggestion of a new diagnosis: Developmental Trauma Disorder(DTD) to adequately capture the picture of youth trauma reactions to family violence. Criteria include: repeated exposure to adverse interpersonal trauma, triggered pattern of repeated dysregulation of affect, persistently altered attributions and expectancies about self and other, and evidence of functional impairment.

In their second article (pp. 620-628), the authors summarize typical treatments for children: reexposure interventions(to help the child understand and gain mastery over their past experiences that intrude. This is done primarily by a trauma interview where therapists work directively to bring fragments of the story together into a coherent whole and meaning and safety are explored), cognitive restructuring and education about violence exposure (goal to undo lessons learned, practice thought stopping, and to normalize reactions), emotional recognition and expression (to attend to and understand connections between emotions, thoughts, and behaviors), social problems solving, safety planning for those not able to be out of potentially violent environments, and parenting interventions.

Do any of these treatments work? It appears several do. I’ll mention just one here:Trauma-focused CBT for child abuse victims (by Cohen, Mannarino, and Deblinger. That intervention is published in their 2006 Guilford Press book, Treating trauma and traumatic grief in child and adolescents.   

We should not underestimate the impact of family and community violence on children. There are many kids labeled bi-polar, ADHD, personality disordered, oppositional (and worse) who carry within their body the impact of violence. They might look like a gang-banger or a thug who’d kill you because you scuffed his shoes, but they likely are hypervigilant and only read part of the environmental cues to determine if they are in danger.

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Characteristics of an on-line predator and victim


The February edition of the American Psychologist (63:2) has an article surveying the literature regarding, “Online ‘Predators’ and Their Victims.” The authors start by making this assertion, “The publicity about online “predators” who prey on naive children using trickery and violence is largely inaccurate.” (p. 111). So, what is the truth as we know it now?

1. “…Internet-initiated sex crimes–those in which sex offenders meet juvenile victims on-line–is different, more complex, and serious but less archetypically frightening than the publicity about these crimes suggests.” (p. 111-2) The on-line predators are not usually pedophiles and are rarely violent (unless you would believe that convincing a minor to have sex is by very nature a violation and therefore violent.) And yet, child porn is often found with these offenders (maybe more teen version than pre-pubescent).

2. After surveying current literature, crime stats, and law enforcement agencies, they find that most crimes, “involve men who use the Internet to meet and seduce underage adolescents into sexual encounters.” (p. 112). Generally, these men do not deceive the minors about their age. Only 5% pretended to be teens. The deceptions that are present are promises of love and romance. So, the authors suggest these crimes usually fit statutory rape (non-forced sexual contact of an adult with a minor) rather than child abuse or pedophilia. (This assumes that the latter is not as bad as the former???)

3. At the present time, it appears that Internet-initiated statutory rape accounts for 7% of all statutory rape cases. Sex crimes against youth are not increasing (based on a decrease in substantiated child sexual abuse cases and reports of sexual assaults by teens). So, the evidence of marked increase is not yet found per these authors. Of course, this does not account for the marked increase in sex exposure that is very definitely happening. Nor does it account for the increase in children being spoken to in sexual terms by other folks on-line. I would want to assume this is an offense.

4. The victims are rarely young children. Instead, they are teens (and more likely the 15-17 year olds) taking risks with personal information. What actions make these teens vulnerable? Its not so much that they post identifying information about themselves (since a very large proportion do this). Rather, they send personal information to an unknown person, chat with an unknown person (only 5% do this), have unknown persons in their “buddy” lists, use the Internet to look for sexual material, spend time on file-sharing sites, have off-line sexual abuse histories, have same-sex attraction, and/or use the Internet to make threatening comments to others (this is interesting, those willing to attack others on-line are themselves more at risk for being sexualized).

The point the authors are making is that media accounts may focus too much on the younger child victim image and miss the typical offender in his late twenties that is immature and unable to relate well to peers so he pursues younger teens to make him feel more manly. If this is the case, then they argue that our prevention plans should be to increase education regarding the nature and consequences of statutory rape, to focus more on adolescents rather than their parents. This is probably a good idea. However, having parents actually know and track their kids on-line behavior is still the best bet. There is no reason a child needs to be in a chat room. period. And just because it isn’t so much about pedophiles, lets not let our guard down. Statutory rape isn’t any better just because the victim thinks they are consenting.

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Women, victimization, & fear


Sarah Lipp (HarvestUSA, Chattanooga, TN office) gave a presentation with the above title. Her focus: What is the experience of women victimized by men; How do such women relate to God as a male being? She started us out with a review of the kinds of victimization experienced (abuse of all kinds (including nagging for sex and/or punishment for not being willing to give more), dehumanization, oppression rooted in the inherent power in masculinity, distortion of the image of God that of females (being treated as only sexual or only trouble). She gave just a couple of stats from the CDC. 18% of women are raped in their lifetime. 51% have been abused. Of those raped, 83% are raped prior to age 25 and 54% before age 18.

So, how do we help?

1. Affirmation. Permission to feel upset and victimized. What happened was wrong. She needs permission to define what happened and own it (name it for what it is). Educate about the patterns and symptoms of past abuse as they impact her life now. Educate on how abuse effects the brain (especially the amygdala’s work in generalizing emotions from the past to present situations).  Yes, the brain is plastic and can be changed but it may be that triggers remain. Teach on PTSD symptoms (re-experiencing, avoidance tendencies, increased arousal). Teach that she is not alone but 40 million others also fit these criteria.
2. Explore how this impacts her experience of her earthly father and males in general (and as a result God). What reactions does she have when she thinks of words such as man/men, daddy, father, husband, etc. What did she learn about herself and men from her family, from her community, from her church, her culture? What has she come to believe? Sarah says that the danger for counselors is to try to fix it. Tell them to think differently. Have compassion
3. Healing gender images. One of the images God gives of himself is female. Sarah isn’t arguing for a feminine God. However, she lists Mt 23:37, Is 51:12, Psalm 131; Acts 9:31; 1 Cor. 1; Isaiah 66:13 as images of the feminine side of God. God images himself in male AND female. Therefore, Sarah argues for starting with (not stopping with) some of the female images of God to see that he cares for her desires and needs as well. God does give maternal pictures of himself and these may be good places to start. To do this, you may have to explore what images she has of women, mothers, feminine. Healthy relationships with same sex members will help here. Once here, you will also need to heal the masculine images of the world and of God. Male is redeemable. This may take a lifetime of relationships with men, 1 at a time.
4. Grief & Redemption. Now that she is not living in denial, she will begin to grieve dashed or unfulfilled desires.  Sitting with the realization of the loss of love and men and women are fallen. This moves us to the possibility of redemption and the transforming power of Christ in men.
5. Dealing with the here and now. How does she discern her past from present. Begin re-writing her story and rewriting facts and feelings from her present perspective. This re-writing actually does change the brain and reduce traumatic fear. Counselor and counselee co-construct a new narrative and speak back into flashbacks. Her re-written story speaks into those flashbacks and in doing so mentally pictures something different. She is free to walk away from that flashback.
6.  Coping with past in constructive ways. Address the destructive means. Yes, repentance necessary but be aware of the body’s impact (look up info on the Endorphin Compensation Hypothesis (ECH) as why many become addicts). Work to avoid seeing destructive patterns as only sin or only body.

Healing must also include faithfully embracing Christ and her vulnerability as a woman.

Suggested reading: Brenda Hunter’s, In the Company of Women; Louis Cozolino’s, The Neuroscience of human relationships.  

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Emotionally destructive relationships 4


The final part of Leslie Vernick’s, The Emotionally Destructive Relationship is entitled “Surviving It.” In this section she explores how we heal and take care of ourselves. Chapter 10 describes the necessity of spiritual healing that must happen before relational healing will take place. She makes the point that we will must explore whether we believe that God loves us and learn to abide in Him. She ends the chapter by saying,

Healing doesn’t simply involve feeling better about who we are or who God is. True healing happens as we learn to live holy lives by growing into the identities God has already given us, which is what will make us whole.

Chapter 11 describes the necessity of letting go as a key element of gain and growth. Letting go of fears, distorted expectations, entitlements, negative mood, lies about self, etc. This is a tall order but she does give some guidance on how to let go of negative moods by asking of your feeling, “why are you here?” Leslie is right here. Many things that trap us have to do with what we hang on to. This chapter gives a broad overview. The challenge is to put it into practice. I suspect you need a good friend or therapist to put it into practice.

If chapter 11 is about putting off, chapter 12 covers what we are to put on as positive nourishment. Gather a support system, develop a sense of your strengths, and learn how to deal with conflict and a destructive person. The broad brushstrokes are here. Again, I wish she had the space for a bit more details and examples.

Finally, Leslie includes a listing of helpful books, websites and other resources. She has a chapter defining the various types of abuse. And she concludes the book with a chapter for those walking with someone who is in a destructive relationship.

All in all, a great book exploring the struggles and healthy responses to one’s destructive relationship. As is usual with her writing, Leslie urges the reader to examine the heart, deceptions, to meditate on God’s goodness, and to live out of the power of the cross.  

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Filed under Abuse, book reviews, christian counseling

Emotionally Destructive Relationships 2


Previously, I introduced Leslie Vernick’s The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing it, Stopping it, Surviving it (2007 Harvest House). Here’s some more tidbits from the rest of Part one (Seeing it):

1. Chapter two covers the typical emotional, physical, mental, relational, generational, and spiritual effects of destructive relationships. Of note, Leslie says, “Perhaps one of the most serious long-term relational effects of interpersonal sin is how it shapes our view of ourselves and others.” (p. 55). This is a good point. Those who grow up in one of these kinds of relationships are like a starving person in the corner of a banquet hall where only one person is allowed to eat, where all the food is only for one person. That starving person may then grow up and either become a demanding person who starves those in their own banquet hall (under the guise of, “I will never be treated that way again”) or remain highly dependant on others and open to continually being used.

2. Chapter 3 helps the reader to avoid seeing self only as wounded or victim but as one who, due to the fall, responds sinfully to a sinful world. Leslie does not let the reader use excuses (e.g., I was abused so I can’t help that I’m harsh with others) when confronted with one’s own destructive tendencies. She paints a picture of what a Godly response looks like when we come face to face with our own sinfulness: face our brokenness and ask for forgiveness; Take responsibility for your part of the problem; Make an effort to change. In contrast, the immature response to our brokenness: refusal to listen, defensiveness; Blindness and denial; Unwillingness to change (saying I know, I’m sorry doesn’t equal change).

This is where many couples flounder. They feel that if they agree with their spouse’s criticisms and acknowledge their own destructive patterns, the other will get off without having to admit theirs. And so we hear, “yes, I know that I shouldn’t…but you…”.

3. Chapters 4-5 explore destructive themes of the heart: pride, anger, envy, selfishness, laziness, evil, and fear. A key point is that many of the things we want and desire in relationships are not bad. The problem is that these things turn into demands. Who doesn’t want to be understood? But it is possible to make that a demand and an excuse for our own destructive patterns. We like to suggest that other people’s sins cause us to respond in kind. In fact the environment is only the trigger that exposes our heart’s demands. Finally, Leslie points out that fear may not look at controlling and destructive to relationships, “Relationally, fearful people  don’t want to be gods, like the proud person does, but they allow their lives to be ruled by others instead of God.” And fear leads to the temptation to try to protect oneself from relational pain by demanding of others, “I need!”

What I like about Leslie’s writing (this and in other books as well) is that she avoids the black/white view of victims and victimizers. It is hard to read her books and not be convicted, even if you are suffering much at the hands of others.

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Leslie Vernick’s The Emotionally Destructive Relationship


On my recent trip I began Leslie’s new book, The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing it, Stopping it, Surviving it (2007, Harvest House. Leslie is a LCSW here in PA. I first met her when I was a seminary student and she was a staff counselor/supervisor at CCEF, a local counseling center. Leslie has now authored several books, each of which shows her biblical understanding of people coupled with wonderful interpersonal skill and insights as a clinician. I often tell others that she’s a counselor I’d send any of my family members to see (including myself).

So, I’m looking forward to reviewing this new book. Let me highlight some tidbits from the first chapter:

1. In chapter 1 she defines the emotionally destructive relationship. While abuse is always destructive, destruction in relationship can be much more subtle and not always malicious as we often imagine abuse to be. Further, single episodes may be abusive but not destructive. Hence this definition: Pervasive and repetitive patterns of actions and attitudes that result in tearing someone down or inhibiting a person’s growth (p. 26).
2. Difficult relationships are not the same as destructive.
3. 5 patterns that are always destructive: abuse of any kind, overbearing/overprotectiveness, overdependency and demanding to be the center of attention, deception of the other, and chronic indifference, neglect, or disdain.
4. Lots of couples are in emotionally destructive patterns and it is easy to blame the other for one’s own behavior. She gives a great illustration of a couple (p. 29f). Neither feels loved. She attacks and demeans; he withdraws then explodes. Each wants the other to change first and justifies his/her own behavior as a “normal” response to being sinned against. Both need to take responsibility to name their own sinful reactions to the world.
5. She ends with a 30 question test to help those discern if they are in an emotionally destructive relationship.

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“Criminal Hysteria”: Should we stalk online predators?


Sunday’s Philadelphia Inquirer (Currents section) had an editorial by Mark Bowden about those who lure men via cyberspace into seeking sexual liasons with underage young women.  He believes that if you offer anything on the internet, someone, somewhere will be the sucker for it–even if it is completely outrageous and not plausible in the real world. He suggests that programs like “To catch a Predator” on NBC or other task forces (mentioned in the article) that lure men to have sex with mothers and their young children are only culling out the most idiotic of our nation–those unlikely to ever succeed in such a liason in the real world. He wonders if these programs only play on the dark thoughts that everyone has and uses media to enhance those desires that would likely never have risen to the place of an act without the anonymity of the internet. “Dangle temptation before a large enough crowd, and a few would-be sinners will step forward….New flash: There is evil in the souls of men.”

So, do these programs and the trolling efforts by police snag dangerous people or merely the foolish? Bowden seems to be suggesting that this is a fad born out of hysteria, just like the 1980s and the Satanic Ritual Abuse fad. Well, much of the SRA was hype and hysteria (not all though), but our data on child abuse and the impact of child porn is not hysteria. There are real numbers on child abuse. When 1:3 women (and 1:4 or 5 men) report unwanted sexual contact before age 18…

But, maybe we ought to have a go at trying to prosecute portals and sites that allow porn. Maybe we can learn something from China. They eliminate all sites that speak ill of the government. Even Google filters their Chinese search engine. If only Yahoo, Google, MSN, and AOL took the problem of porn and sex-filled chat rooms seriously what would become of the world? That is what it will take: individuals who want to spend their life erradicating the internet version of polio.

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What letter would you write to your former abuser?


Last night I was perusing a treasure I re-discovered on my bookshelf. Back in the dark ages my wife took a Black literature class at UConn and had the foresight to keep the books. This treasure, Dark Symphony: Negro Literature in America (Free Press, 1968) contains works from great writers such as Langston Hughes, W.E.B Dubois, Paul Laurence Dunbar, Ralph Ellison, and of course Frederick Douglass.

It is Douglass’ Letter to Thomas Auld (sometimes entitled, “To my old Master”) which first appeared September 22, 1848 in the Liberator. Thomas Auld was Douglass’ master before he escaped and gained his emancipation. Here’s a link to the whole letter but consider for a minute what you might write if you were writing to a past abuser. Continue reading

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Filed under Abuse, Great Quotes, Racial Reconciliation, Repentance, suffering

Restoring the fallen [victims]


I’m blogging a bit these days about the restoration process for dealing with Christian leaders that fall into serious sin. In particular I’ve been interacting with the book Restoring the Fallen written by the Wilsons, Friesens, and Paulsons (IVP). But I take a break from the issues of the fallen leader to talk about the very important issue: the restoration of the victims.

 

A few days ago, I received a private letter in response to my initial blog entries on the topic. With permission, I’ve copied a couple of this victim’s thoughts on feeling lost in the restoration process,

 As you can imagine, I have read with great interest your recent entries on “Restoring the Fallen.” I am in ABSOLUTE agreement with the fact that a team needs to be formed to walk through the restoration process for a fallen pastor, counselor, leader, etc. And, I am in ABSOLUTE agreement with you when you suggest that every leader ought to have a team like this surrounding him and holding him accountable to PREVENT him from falling. I couldn’t agree with you more on that point, and believe that we would see alot less leaders “falling” if they were surrounded by such a team.  What was so difficult for me, as a victim of a fallen Christian leader, is that when a leader falls, an incredible amount of attention often is given to him and his restoration process. In my situation there was a team committed to seeing him restored – making huge commitments of their time, energy, and more. And the victim? Where’s her team?Just because I’m not a leader doesn’t mean that I don’t need to be restored emotionally and spiritually…I wish that there would be such books [similar to Restoring the Fallen] that are as well written and give such good guidance and counsel when it comes to restoring the victim and understanding the wounds and pain for the victim and family. 

There are many victims of fallen leaders. The leader’s family (consider the agony they have to go through when the infidelities of their spouse/parent/child is made known to the public), the larger community (it often shakes the faith of many), and specifically the victims of the abuse of power. These are those who might have been vulnerable parishioners lulled by sweet words or threats into sexual activity. Maybe some believe that a leader/parishioner sexual act is mutual, but I do not. The leader’s power, gift with wordsmithing, ability to create a mood, and authority means that it is never mutual.

 

So, what becomes of the victim once the abuse has been discovered? The book that I am reviewing certainly does spend some time on the issue of what to tell the family, the spouse, the children, and the larger community. The authors recognize that victims are often branded as co-conspirators (p. 85). Rather than keep the situation secret, they believe that the truth should come out and “victims should be comforted, affirmed, and encouraged by all who know them and understand what has happened” (ibid). These authors are inclined to have the truth told so as to avoid further damage to the victim by embellishments, rumors, half-truths, etc.

 

The victim should also have his or her own spiritual care team to help them in the path of understanding, comfort, spiritual healing, forgiveness, self-evaluation (there are times that victims have made choices that put them in a place of danger; choices that come from a place of prior brokenness. This evaluation should not be misconstrued as blaming the victim but using the pain and suffering to do exploratory work that every Christian must do. It would be my opinion that while this work is necessary, it ought not happen first. Rescue and stabilization come before surgery). The authors suggest that the spiritual care team for the family of the fallen leader (and I would include the victim as well) should provide tangible security (a place to talk freely about the pain and confusion), stability (a calm reply to the inevitable anxiety and panic experienced), support (someone to stand up for them, challenge poor thought patterns in the victim), and spiritual challenge (to look for God’s handiwork in the midst of suffering). 

 

While care and healing for fallen leaders (and prevention in the first place) are important works that I am burdened about, let us not forget the victims (both the abused and the families of the offender) and let us make sure we give them seats of honor and a double portion of our mercy and kindness. Let us never forget that justice is an essential ingredient of the Gospel (Micah 6:8).

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What is restoration for leaders who abuse power?


Been blogging on Restoring the Fallen  and some of its ideas. Chapter 5 of the book is entitled, “What is restoration?” This is a key question we counselors face. The book really addresses this topic through many chapters but I want to highlight some of the points in this chapter:

1. “An effective restoration process must deal not only with the ruin of the disaster, but also with the internal weaknesses that caused it.” (p. 42). “…major lifestyle adjustments can be readily identified by team members as desirable goals, and these often become the focal point of restoration. They are not, however, what restoration is all about. If they are all that is addressed, the real work will not get done.” (p. 43)
2. “The foundation for restoration is reconciliation with God…For someone to desire restoration, he or she needs a renews view of God’s mercy and his demand for personal holiness.” (p. 44-5).
3. Restoration (healing, strengthening, rebuilding) is a choice. Either the person will choose not to repent, feign repentance, or repent and chose restoration.  
4. They do a nice job of describing pseudo-restoration

a. “lets just get this behind us” mentality
b. excuse making and justifying by pointing to circumstances
c. ignoring the impact on the family; ignoring the devastation to others
d. stopping with confession; then focusing on getting forgiven

Choosing restoration means,

a. confession of all secrets (a process NOT an event)
b. shunning denial and defensiveness
c. submitting to the care of others; giving up control for decisions

Of course, restoration in this context means restoration to God and to the people of God. It does not necessarily refer to restoration to former positions, careers, etc.

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