Me time? Why are men inclined to distrust their women?

These thoughts came to me while listening to a song on radio on the way from class last night. Bear with me, it takes a bit for me to get to the point. Oh, and don’t miss my little swipe at Maslow at the very bottom.

Last night I was teaching on sex dysfunctions and therapy. Though some couples struggle with physical problems (e.g., exposed vaginal nerves, hormones, prostate problems, diabetes, medication-related, etc.), many have problems that find their initial roots in (a) knowledge, (b) expectations, (c) fear/trust/control. Despite the fact that we live in a sex-crazed world, many couples have distorted knowledge and expectations about sex (how it should happen and what it should be like) that lead to hurt, disappointment, fear, and withdrawal. One of the bigger problems is the differences between men and women in level of sexual desire. Now I’m stereotyping here and not every man and woman fit, but frequently men have great desires for sex and women find it more like work, even when they enjoy it. Here’s the problem for some men. When their wife isn’t interested in sex, they tend to take it personally as if the wife is saying, “I don’t want YOU; I’d rather be with someone else!” While I’m sure that is true somewhere, I think men, at heart, tend to believe that sexual desire has got to be there in their wife.”So if its not with me, who is it with?”     

So, back to the song I was listening to on my way home. Its by Heather Headley and here are some excerpts of her song, “Me time”. Here’s the question: could you imagine a male singing a song like this where he feels that he is not given the benefit of the doubt. Why is it that some of us men are so inclined to fear our wife’s commitment to us? From a counselor’s perspective, I see way more men who are paranoid about their wife then vice versa.

Verse 1
All things being equal
I always put you first
You know that I’ve been down for you
Through better and through worse…
So it seems only natural
To expect the same of you…
But there won’t be nothing to stop
If you keep sweatin’ me
Sometimes a girl just needs her space
No different than her man…
Why can’t you deal with this?

Chorus
I need some me time
Not some you and some I
Just some me time, oh—
I need some she time
Not some him and some her
Just some free time, oh—
…
Boy you ain’t gotta worry
There ain’t nothin’ goin’ on
I need some me time
That’s all, and that’s all

Bridge
You’re the most important thing in the world to me
Can’t you get it through your head
I ain’t never gonna leave you, I ain’t about to
Baby don’t you understand how much I love you
I’m not deserving of your doubt and lack of trust for me
Boy it’s disturbing you would ever think that low of me
I’ve told you everything and anything that’s going on
That’s why I want you to know

My thoughts hit a brick wall when the DJ came on and told listeners that everybody needs to have me time, “because you can’t love someone unless you have loved yourself first.” Thank you Maslow for that piece of baloney!