A couple of recent incidents have me thinking about how we handle our hurts, especially within the church. Yesterday, the news media carried the story of Michael Richard’s (Kramer from Seinfeld) racist verbal attack of two African American hecklers during his standup routine. Here’s the storyin case you missed it. After getting riled up by their comments, he used profane words and then delivered the N word as a final blow. He has since apologized and said he’s not a racist. Let’s assume he isn’t (and we probably shouldn’t since words come from the heart and not thin air). What would make him say these things? What makes us say the most hurtful words that we really don’t mean? The desire to hurt as much as we feel hurt. We go for the jugular. We go for the word that will do the most damage possible. In a fight have you said or had said to you, “I never loved you!” or “I hate you” or “I’m going to kill myself and then you’ll see how it is.” Well, maybe you’ve never said these things but you might have thought them.
It seems that when we are hurt we reserve the right to take the gloves off and wound in return. I’m going to write more tomorrow on when a christian leader makes offensive statements or when we talk about the various opinions of Christian leaders (that we disagree with). It seems in these cases we feel free to tell the stories of related hurts. I actually think this is a good thing. And yet we may use these stories to villify and slander in order to hurt back. In preparation for tomorrow’s post you might like to read these two posts and comments, (here) and (here), on Scot McKnight’s blog, www.jesuscreed.org. The first discusses some of the feelings about Brian McLaren, one of the public faces of the church emerging. The second is about some offensive comments made by Mark Driscoll. There is a third day where Driscoll’s explanation/apology is discussed as well. Read it here. Read the responses to the post and the dialogue among the responders. What themes do you see? What attitudes, what reactions?
Musings on Faith and Psychology 
Dear Whom this concerns? I have not got the answer satisfactorally for when someone talks grumpilly to me or just has an odd attitude to me. And it is constant. Yet they are family and close to me and show love in what they do. However, I really would like to nip in the bud this “thing!” I just can’t put my finger on and it just wont go away. I have recovered from a Lumpectomy cancer operation last December and I don’t want to continue in ways that I felt led up to that time. Has anyone just got a simple answer to this? I am a Christian and I am Senior so I have heard “it all”, but I want to get out from this bind these ones seem to have me in.I want close relationship with them obviously. But I don’t want to die for it with the way it attempts to negatively pull me down. I have done so much soul searching I know it is not in me to warrant the responses I get. I wondered if modern psychology is so different as I do notice something different in the modern mind set that is not relevant to my passed way of understanding of love and things of that nature! I am modern so I don’t tie anyone down in trappings having come from a family of trappings myself as a girl. I wonder if a common mind set governs their thinking as they share with one another and being the same age set. Keep it simple I just would like a happier disposition with those I love and am naturally bonded to in family life and wondered if you could take the time to just give me what you think along the way. I am a confident person and have respect and value myself so it is a mistery to me.
Thankyou,
Anne
I also come from a very loving family who I now realise were disfuntional at the time of my concern. I have come to understand that the daily stresses of life were banging away at my family which prevented any time for heart felt pleasantries. Of course, they are alot stronger than me and therefore were able to continue without what they would quote my “drama queen attitude”. I can relate to your pain but your situation will eventually make you stonger and more understanding of less virtuous human beings……which is exactly what we are. “Water of a ducks back”!
I have wrestled with how to respond to this action as well. I often got hurt by meanspirited comments and teasing when i was in jr high, tried to just ignore it or let it pass. I experience it at times now even as an adult. Some people just like to try and get under your skin or attack you for some reason. I try to laugh it off, reason with them or tell them i’ve had enough and to back off. Sometimes nothing works and they just continue, which shows me the problem is inside them. i would like to hear more from anyone how you deal with this if it happens to you. On the one side i see how i should not let it bother me and turn the other cheek. On the other hand I don’t want to just be a punching bag they can verbally hit anytime they want. Any thoughts???
Thanks for the post Phil.