Tag Archives: happiness

Are you bringing your friends’ mood down? Why your happiness matters


Did you know that your friends’ friends’ friends can effect your happiness? So says researchers looking at the longitudinal Framingham Heart Study started in 1948.  The previous link is to a research publication on the topic. If you are happy, you likely increase the happiness of those in your social network–even if they do not have direct contact with you. You make your friends happy who in turn make their friends happier…if they live in closer proximity to each other.

Of course this study begs some questions. Does unhappiness make others more unhappy or do unhappy people merely lose their friends? The study looks at positive emotions. What are the differences between positive emotions and happiness? Would the same effect exist if studying contentment? peace? Or, are we really studying the ability of folks to buck up in social networks? Those that do not are on the periphery and therefore more unhappy. Finally, Framingham is a relatively affluent small city. Would the same effect exist in N. Philly?

But, it does raise some good challenges for us. In the midst of suffering (and there seems to be more and more of it in my social spheres!) are there ways that we need to be working to raise our positive affect? Intentionally seeking to think and talk about the good and not just the bad? Have a friend with cancer? How do you make sure to include conversations about beauty, joy, pleasure? Is your church in a funk? Are you stressed at work or school? Listen to your conversations with others. Do they dwell on the negative? Are their positives that you are neglecting to discuss and notice?

Surely you should not be a “pollyanna.” This is not an invitation to denial nor a rebuke of those who find themselves groaning under a burden. But, try laughing a little more heartily. It might cheer your friends up.

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Filed under Psychology, Relationships

The science of happiness and why we are not


My latest Monitor on Psychologyfrom the APA (December, 07) has a couple of short articles on happiness. One mentions that 1998 study that found Midwesterners predicting Californians would be happier because of their climate. Apparently not true. The author suggests that we’re not that good at predicting what makes us happy and are likely to focus on one positive or negative and neglect other factors that might be important. This sound quite true to me. We tend to point to particular anecdotes from our day/life and use those to confirm our set opinion about whether we are happy or not.

One other little tidbit on p. 38. “White Americans expect to be happy, so day-t0-day positive events have less effect on their overall mood than such events have on Asians and Asian Americans… Negative events, however, are a different story.”

It appears that it takes two positive events to offset a negative experience for White Americans. For Asian Americans, it takes only one.

Interesting. The researching author is quoted as saying, “the happier you get, the more powerful negative events become.” I suspect the truth is more like this. The happier you think you should and can be, the more powerful negative events become. I’m not sure we are more happy. But, I am sure we think we should be.   

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Filed under counseling science, Cultural Anthropology, Psychology

Do we really know what makes us happy?


My wife raised this question after listening to a local radio talk show. In the show, there was a discussion about a family with a severely developmentally disabled child. The parents would never choose to have a disabled child but talked about how their disabled child had greatly enriched the entire family, including the other siblings. They wouldn’t have it any other way at this point.

Some friends of mine told me recently that their grown child complimented them on not giving them all the toys (cell phones, cars, clothes, etc.) their peers had. In their son’s eyes, he knew something about life and about being happy that his peers knew nothing of.

What do you imagine would make you happy? Did you ever get it and did it last? Consider the lottery winners who end up destroying relationships and even end up broke. Better to be poor and content…

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