Category Archives: Christianity: Leaders and Leadership

July 7, 2008 · 7:27 am

On Churches and sex offenders


It seems to be an increasing question these days: What should the church do when a sex offender finishes their sentence and wishes to return to church or join anew? I’ve written here on this before but want to return to the subject because it is controversial. Of the questions I get relating to this are,

  • Shouldn’t the church be a place where all sinners are welcome? 
  • If a sex offender is disallowed in church aren’t we removing the one thing they need (Christian community?)
  • Should victims of abuse have so much power as to say who can and cannot attend church?

Instead of answering this questions, I think churches need to have frank conversations about the following areas:

  1. Repentance. What is it? What are the fruits of it? What are signs of either inadequate or false repentance?
  2. Protection. There are more than 60 commands in the Old and New Testaments about protecting vulnerable members of society (widows, orphans, aliens, etc. ). True Religion, James says, is one that looks after the vulnerable. What does it mean to protect them. Is it enough to tell them that they are safe even though they do not feel so? Do we ever consider giving them power and some ability to say what they can tolerate?  
  3. Forgiveness/Restoration/Redemption/Reconciliation. These terms are sometimes used synonymously. They should not be. What does it mean to forgive? Does it mean I should act as if it never happened? Where does this idea come from? Restoration to God? The Body?
  4. The Church and access to it. As Christians we are called to meet together for worship and the teaching of the Word? What are the options we might think about that meet this calling but value that same calling for everyone? Can the “church” come to the sex offender? Is he willing to not demand rights to be in church but find ways to worship with other believers while also being concerned about the welfare of others?

That’s a start. If churches would be willing to explore these issues and delay answering the questions I noted at the beginning, I think they will have a better chance of ministering to all. And if either victims or sex offenders are so impatient that they will not allow the body to study the matter, then that probably says something about the interest to care well for all the sheep. If the offender becomes impatient and demanding, whining and complaining, then we have to question his/her interest in being ministered to. There may be other reasons they want in the church. As Anna Salter discovered in her interviewing many many offenders, some offenders see the church as a place of protection from scrutiny due to naivete.

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Filed under Abuse, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, church and culture, Repentance, Sex

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June 30, 2008 · 5:05 am

When our attempts to love our neighbor actually increase harm


Christians from time immemorial place great value in bring the “cup of cold water” mercy to those in need. Contrary to the human tendency to care first for self, Christians are called to take up their cross and follow Christ to love their neighbor as theirself.  At this point in the summer, American Christians are going in droves for short and longer missions trips to their near and far neighbors. My own church has groups in Guatemala, London, North Philly, and several other regions in Africa. Sometimes the project is physical and other times the project is relational and spiritual.

But have you thought about some of the potential dangers in going to our far neighbors? Here’s some potential problems:

1. The wrong help. People who go on missions trips have a high desire to serve and help the other. But if the group going does not fully understand the problem, need, and solution to the problem, it could lead the locals to try dangerous solutions or discourage them from trying since previous group activities weren’t helpful. We need to do our homework first rather than assume we know what they need.  

2. Stereotyping. The helper and helpee tend to play particular roles. One active with power, the other passive and waiting. Even when the helpee knows they need to be active they can become passive because they haven’t been allowed to be part of the decision-making process. Or, the helpee can become suspicious that the primary reason for the outsider is for their own benefit. They can add up the massive amounts of money spent on flying folks there and putting them up and imagine that that sum of money might be better spent if it were just sent without people.

Don’t mistake my raising these two problems as my opinion that we shouldn’t go on foreign missions trips. My life was changed on a summer missions trip in 1983. Lord willing, I hope to be going to Rwanda next May to explore the current needs of that country in regards to the genocide trauma. But, if we aren’t careful we do more damage than good. Our good intentions are not enough. We must learn as much as possible about the life and needs of the other (from their point of view!) and recognize that we do not yet know enough to help without that learning. Further, we must find locals who have dreams and desires for healing that can carry it out and can benefit from what we can offer. Otherwise, it may be better not to go than to go and raise hopes or offer superficial help that only serves to harden hearts from needed help.

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Filed under Christianity, Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, Missional Church

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June 11, 2008 · 5:08 am

Pastor revealed


Probably several of you guessed it. The wonderful preacher with mental health issues is…..

Charles Spurgeon. Want to read more of his thoughts, pick up any one of his good books or check out this one from Amazon that weaves together his thoughts on despair, anxiety, and other dark nights of the soul.

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June 10, 2008 · 5:04 am

Would you hire this pastor?


Your church is looking for a new preaching pastor. You hear of a man in another state who is well-known for his preaching. You listen to several of his sermons and you concur that he is one of the finest preachers you have ever heard. He is also good at mentoring younger pastors.

As you learn more about his character you learn about some potential question marks:

1. He has several physical problems. He has both arthritis and Rheumatoid Arthritis. He has a kidney problem and some trouble with circulation in his feet. He is only 45. Last year he had to take several Sundays off, unexpectedly, due to health problems. In fact, he was gone much of the winter to a warmer climate because of his health needs.
2. His wife has health problems that limit her time out of the house. She rarely gets to church.
3. He has severe anxiety and depression. Once while preaching at an evangelistic service in a large building, someone yelled fire and started a stampede. 7 people were killed. Since then he has anxiety attacks frequently. He takes medications for depression. He struggles with dark thoughts from time to time.
4. He is markedly overweight. He admits he finds comfort in food. He also smokes cigars daily. He is not physically fit.

So, would you hire him? Could you overlook his health problems because he is such a great preacher.

Tomorrow I’ll reveal this pastor’s name.

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May 8, 2008 · 5:31 am

Risk factors for pastoral infidelity


Today, I listened to a CD of Dave Carder at last year’s AACC convention. He is the author of Torn Asunder, a book about affairs. I’ve not seen his newest book, just out in April, is entitled Close Calls. Both available on Amazon.

He presented a talk entitled, “Emerging Trends in Pastoral Infidelity.” He summarized data gleaned from 5 studies between 1987-1998. He continues to collect information that will be out this year.

Here’s some surprises in his data and risk factors:

1. suspected rate of sexual impropriety: about 40% (though this is perceived because of underreporting. Actual reporting number is 21%, though 15% admitted to lying on the surveys)
2. pastors affair partners are now more likely to be outside the church
3. 90% of pastors report being blindsided by the affair–they didn’t see it coming
4. The vast majority of improprieties are never discovered
5. Risk factors increase with:

  • History of sexual molestation, family history of infidelity, adolescent promiscuity, learning disabilities/ADHD, female friends with private conversations, conjoint ministry with opposite sex, lingering outside of ministry to share personal matters
  • Lower age in conversion to Christianity increases risks
  • Higher education increases risks as does increased bible education
  • both ministry exhausted and ministry connected pastors 

Any of these surprise you?

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Filed under Christianity: Leaders and Leadership, church and culture, Evangelicals, pastors and pastoring, Sex

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April 4, 2008 · 9:02 am

Pastors dealing with infatuated parishioners


Yesterday I was interviewed by a local newspaper reporter regarding the problem of pastors dealing with parishioners who become infatuated with them. She was interested in what seminaries do to help train divinity students to handle such a problem. The impetus is a situation where a woman was killed in her church allegedly by another woman who thought that the murder victim was trying to steal the pastor away. All allegations thus far. **Update 4/8/08: Here’s the reporter’s article. You’ll see that I’m not the most eloquent interviewee.**

I’m not the clearest or most formal speaker when it comes to interviews (I talked about warm fuzzies instead of attraction).  But, I tried to convey this.

1. Lots of folks feel warm and attracted to their pastors because their pastors listen, care, pray for, and encourage them. That’s pretty normal.

2. Some people (a small minority I believe) mistake these “warm fuzzies” for romantic feelings based on prior history.

3. An even smaller subset are willing to act on their sexual attractions.

4. Finally, the smallest subset become or were already delusional about the reciprocity.

What do pastors need to do? Build solid, clear boundaries. When boundaries are violated, they need to address those violations and involve other leaders or appropriate people–including the legal system should the person persist (stalk?) the pastor.

In reality, we spend far more time making sure that pastors understand their power and do not abuse it. We don’t spend a whole lot of time helping them protect themselves. But, we do try to help them normalize #1-2 above without freaking out or assuming the parishioner will move to #3-4. 

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March 14, 2008 · 12:15 pm

John Freeman’s story of God’s mercy


Several of the folks at HarvestUSA (see my sidebar for their site) have written pieces for the Philadelphia Daily News. My friend John’s piece was published most recently so click the link and read and rejoice in God’s redemptive power.

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February 21, 2008 · 12:01 pm

Every city needs a Bill Krispin


On Tuesday night I attended a talk given by Bill Krispin entitled, “How the World has Changed in my Years of Ministry Service (1966-2008). Bill is recently retired as executive director of Citynet. Before that he was longtime leader of the Center for Urban Theological Studies (CUTS). Functionally, he is part pastor and part sociologist. He knows Philadelphia streets, neighborhoods, and churches like no other. He keeps us up to date with what is happening now instead of focusing on what happened five years ago.

He covered the shift in demographics (world, US, and Philly population shifts; how suburbs and urban areas changed; the loss of the intergenerational church), the emerging generation (18-34 year olds), changes in bible translations (and the effect of dividing the church), how charismatic movements changed the ministry from professionals to laity, changes in thinking about mission (e.g., how a small Dominican church here plants multiple churches in the DR at extremely low cost), rediscovery of a wholistic gospel (reuniting word and deed), and the decline of denominationalism. Oh, he also talked about the changes in theological education (that individuals come for training not for credentials) and that an apprenticeship model makes more sense now.

I recommend you check back with the link above to find the audio/video since they said it would be up on the site soon.

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January 22, 2008 · 10:59 am

Thinking about the shepherd’s perspective in Psalm 23


Since I am counseling a number of pastors, missionaries, and other christian leaders I have been thinking a lot about the life of shepherds of God’s flock. Shepherds spend their life in and among sheep. They worry over the health of the flock, finding the best food, protecting from dangers. They risk their own lives (and reputations), They consider how to comfort and correct. Good shepherds know and value their flock.

The sheep, on the other hand, rarely think about the shepherds; rarely concern themselves with the well-being of the shepherds. And so the life of the shepherd is a lonely life–if not in close community with other shepherds.

So, yesterday I had a thought. What does Psalm 23 read like from the human Shepherd’s perspective? Yes, this Psalm is about the Lord. But we have our human shepherds to guide us as well.

  • The shepherd guides the sheep on the right path? Who guides the shepherd?  
  • The shepherd leads through the valley of the shadow of death. Who calms the fears of the shepherd?
  • The shepherd prepares an overflowing table in front of enemies. Who protects the shepherd?
  • The shepherd anoints the sheep. Who binds up the Shepherd?  

We know from the prophets that there are many dangers for the Shepherds. They can abandon the sheep out of their own fear. They can speak “peace, peace” to avoid conflict. They use the sheep, feed on the sheep to satisfy their own desires.

So, where do the shepherds receive their care? From each other and the Lord. Here’s where the analogy breaks down (and good that it does!). In our case, our shepherds are also sheep like us. So, we can care for our shepherd/sheep when sheep cannot care for their shepherd.

I’m reminded of Isaiah 40 of the example of God as Shepherd. He comforts Israel despite her sin and punishment. He reminds Israel that he is greater than all of Creation and that the sheep should look at his incomparable majesty and be comforted. And while human shepherd grow weary (v. 30f), the Lord renews those who put their hope in him in order to run and not weary, to walk and not faint.

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November 20, 2007 · 1:38 pm

Ask your pastor this question: Who disciples you?


Recently I’ve taken to asking my pastor clients this question: Who disciples you?

Typical responses? “Hmmm. I’ll have to think about that…don’t know…nobody, I guess…does —– count (nationally-known preacher they listen to or read on a regular basis)” I used to ask, “Where do you feed spiritually?” However, the discipleship question moves beyond that of being fed to being discipled and mentored.

Our shepherds are also sheep like us. They need discipleship and mentoring. One wonders if ministeriums could be resuscitated to provide true discipleship.

I’m writing a piece about pastors and their need for care. One study found that while a goodly number of pastors would be open to getting counseling, most do not think their stresses and needs reach a level where counseling is needed (It could be useful but I don’t think my problems are that big). Another study found that most pastors do not have close relationships with others outside their spouse.

If this is true, then most of our pastors are without any discipleship. Is it any wonder then that problems like pornography and other misconduct are frequent among pastors?

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